You Are in Love
Chapter One
I never thought I would find someone who could love me even when I couldn't love myself.
~Flashback to May 2018~
I haven't heard from Brandon in a while. I wonder what he is up to.
Brandon was a guy that I had a crush on when I was 14 and it wasn't until our senior year of high school when we actually became friends. I mean, we had an ongoing joke for all of those years prior and we were friends on Facebook, but we never actually talked until we had Anatomy together. We talked everyday together whilst we were in class and occasionally on Kik, but he had no idea how I felt about him. I took his side when he hung out with his ex-girlfriend and Connie got all jealous because of it. Because I liked him. A lot.
I told Brandon how I felt about him after we graduated, and it didn't really go any where until I moved back home with my parents after I dropped out of college. I was 19 and couldn't afford to stay another semester but it opened as many doors as it closed.
Coming back home made for more time to come back to more contact with him. We started talked almost every day and before I knew it, my parents were going out of town for a week and I invited him over to stay the night and that was the night I lost my virginity.
It took almost a year for him to ask me to be his girlfriend.
Of course, I was freaking out. The guy who I liked for so long, finally asked me out! I mean, regarding the fact that he was the first and only guy that I have ever done stuff with.
It's almost our one-year anniversary and although being in a relationship with someone who you've liked for so long sounds like a dream, the true honesty is that it feels…fake. Everything feels like I'm the only one trying in the relationship. I text him first. I bought him gifts for Christmas while receiving nothing. I try to figure out times for us to hangout. And I get from him is…nothing. He rarely texts back anymore. I feel so confused and hurt but why do I feel like its all in my head?
I texted him a couple of hours ago before I started watching the Billboard Music Awards show and he still hasn't responded. Maybe he is still at work? He has a weird job.
I decided to go on Facebook while I watch the show and I see that Brandon updated his profile picture. I have him marked as a favorite, so I'll see when he posts something- and what? What the fuck is this?! Who is this girl all cuddled up to him in this picture? Why am I no longer listed as his girlfriend? What the fuck what the fuck. I can't stop panicking. I text Charlotte with shaking hands and almost immediately she is looking this girl up and has found pictures of them kissing and everything.
I can barely breathe. I have tears pouring out of my eyes, I'm shaking, oh dear God, I am having a panic attack. It's been a year since I had one.
Through all of this, I am still texting him. Asking what the hell is going on, asking him how could he do this to me. And he finally texts back. Acting all innocent and trying to say that we broke up months ago. I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was excluded from this one-way decision.
After this, I black out. I don't remember what all I said and what all he said. But I remember telling him to get rid of everything I gave him and to delete me out of his life and then I blocked him.
I cried the entire night.