A bit of a content warning, this chapter does have some gaslighting and mentions of suicide and self harm, though the latter two are only assumptions. Feel free to skip this chapter after the first line break if it's a heavy topic for you- it's a heavy topic for me too, so I'll do a rough recap in the next chapter.

Please take care of yourself.

In the USA, you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

In the UK, you can call Samaritans at 116 123.

In Canada, you can call Crisis Services Canada at 1-833-456-4566.

In Australia, you can call Lifeline at 13 11 14.

So Gilbert had been regretting his actions for a couple of days now.

No, not regretting. Regretting would imply that he wished that it had not happened at all. There should be a better word to describe it. Thinking. Too broad. Doubting. Not quite there yet. Reconsidering. Better. Anyway, it was only a matter of time until Gilbert picked up that maybe Antonio and Francis did not appreciate the way he acted.

That opinion may be based on personal preferences but at the end of the day, Gilbert reasoned that it was just tough love, something that everyone needed. So what if he was a little rough with his actions? As long as it was helpful for Francis it was justified. And if it was too much? Francis will just remind Gilbert of it. Francis did promise that he'll do so, and so far, he had not said much. They had been friends ever since they were kids, so Francis knew what to expect with Gilbert, anyway. Unlike a certain someone who kept on forgetting that a minor disagreement can't disrupt more than a decade worth of friendship. Gilbert didn't treat Francis like Porcelain like Antonio did. No, Francis could handle him. Of course he could. Gilbert had assumed that Francis was fine. He did pick up that Francis was pushing himself harder than necessary, but at the end of the day, it was still Francis' choice to do so.

This was the mindset that Gilbert relied on during this past week, and it had been working. Was it completely foolproof? No, but then again, everything had errors. Gilbert considered their interactions to be good enough.

Mind you, all this had nothing to do with how Antonio antagonised him simply based on how he treated Francis. Did it make Gilbert reconsider his actions? Perhaps. Even though Antonio should be familiar with his behaviour already. Even though Gilbert could see just how Antonio came to the solution of leaving Gilbert out, he knew that what Antonio was doing was a dick move.

So Gilbert's mindset did not change at all. Until Gilbert came across a vital piece of evidence. Francis seemed more relieved to talk to Antonio. Then Gilbert realised that maybe there needed to be changes made after all.

This was why Gilbert bought some movie tickets. They were movie tickets to a new romantic comedy that was showing in the cinemas. Watching corny romantic comedies were an activity they loved to do as teenagers, whether they picked apart the tropes, laughed at the narrative inconsistencies, cried at the heartbreaking sections while handing each other tissues, and referenced in-jokes for certain scenes. It was a time when they could all be themselves and say whatever and laugh about it and go home happy, so watching a new movie would be a great activity for them.

At the online checkout, there were two tickets in the basket, one for Francis and one for himself. Gilbert doubted that Antonio would want to come, seeing how he was not only always busy being with Roderich, but also how Antonio's animosity towards him would make it likely that he would decline Gilbert's offer. But wasn't Antonio his friend too? Was he going to take any chances? Maybe Antonio had been a little overcautious, but that wasn't who he always was. What if Antonio decided he wanted to make up to Gilbert, only to find out that Gilbert decided to purposefully leave Antonio from a night out? Gilbert growled, because he couldn't even be angry about that fact, and added another ticket to the basket.

It was afternoon. Gilbert was standing in the living room as he gazed down at Francis. Francis was looking at his phone. He had not practised for a day, probably because he was tired of practising. Gilbert reckoned it to be strange since Francis had been adamant on perfecting his playing recently. But it was fine, because that meant that Francis had more time and would be less likely to practise today if that was the case. How soon was that audition? Probably in five days or so. It would be fine if Francis took a day off. Arguably, after Francis watched the romantic comedy, he will be energised and ready enough to practise better. Gilbert cleared his throat.

"Hey." Francis did not respond. "Hey!" He glanced up at Gilbert, though his posture was focused towards his phone. "So. There's this new romantic comedy that's showing in the cinemas. I bought tickets for us to see it in half an hour. Toni should be back sometime around now, anyway. So? What do you think?"

Gilbert expected Francis to at least be a little thrilled or pleased. But Francis' eyebrows were furrowed together. "What do you mean?"

"I… meant that I bought tickets for that new roman-"

"No no. About it showing in half an hour."

"Yeah? Well-"

Francis rubbed his temple. "I can't come. I need to practise."

"Practise! But I thought you weren't practising today-"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm just saying, you haven't practised for an entire day. And you didn't even practise this morning or afternoon, so-"

"I had a lot of things going on, okay!"

"What sort of things!"

Francis furrowed his eyebrows and glanced to the ground. "It's private. But-"

Gilbert scrunched up his nose. "I don't know. We've lived under the same roof for four years yet whatever stuff you have going on is too confidential? Unless it's that you're secretly a hitman."

Francis was furrowing his eyebrows. His eyes closed and then he took a deep breath in through the nostrils. "I'm sorry, Gil, but I'm not going today, and that's final."

A heavy weight was sinking down Gilbert's stomach. "But, but I've already bought the tickets, so…"

"You… bought tickets without telling me?"

"You and Antonio like surprises, don't you?"

"Not always!"

Gilbert looked at the clock and chewed his bottom lip. Fuck, where was Toni? "Well, either way, we should go watch it like old times."

Francis sat down and rubbed his neck. "It's true. We haven't seen a movie for a while."

"So-"

"No," Francis spat out. Then he stood up.

"Where are you going?" Gilbert got his answer once Francis grabbed his saxophone case, placed it onto the coffee table and unclicked a buckle. Gilbert dived in and grabbed Francis' hand before he could unclick the other one. "Come on! The audition's several days away! So why won't you agree?"

"It's still next week, I don't want to go watch a movie now!"

"A couple of days! Oh, and where was that when you were lounging-"

"I know, I know! I know that I'm wasting my time. I still want to practise this evening! If I can work hard enough I can pass the audition. You won't understand-"

Gilbert narrowed his eyes. "I won't understand? Francis, we've been together ever since we were kids. What is there that I don't know about? I mean, it's not like I know less about you than your other friend Arthur."

Gilbert chuckled at the small joke. But Francis only responded with a blank look, then he looked away.

"You've… only known him for a year, after all…" Francis' defiant glare said everything. "Oh. Oh, so this guy you've known for a year or so is a better friend? Am I not worthy enough? Does he understand you better than me?"

"What are you-"

"Does he!"

"Yes. Yes he does!"

Gilbert had not expected an answer that direct. That couldn't be true, could it? But Francis' glare said everything. "Then why? Why do you trust him more, why can't you just talk to me, Francis! I'm right here! Why-!"

PING!

Francis and Gilbert whipped their heads towards the front door. It sounded like something had been dropped onto the concrete outside. Something small and metallic, like a coin.

The door rattled and then Antonio came into the apartment. His hand was deep inside his coat pocket. He probably dropped a coin (though there was something off about how Antonio stuffed it into his pocket with a nervous glance that looked like he was trying to hide something). After Antonio hung his coat onto the coat rack, he strode towards Francis, not even sparing a glance towards Gilbert. Gilbert crossed his arms and tilted his head down.

Same old, same old. This was the new standard now. Francis and Gilbert quarrel, Antonio intervenes, Antonio counsels Francis while leaving Gilbert in the dust, they become hostile, Antonio leaves for Roderich's, Gilbert and Francis attempt to talk and it begins again. All of this lead to this. Antonio facing away from Gilbert as he talked with Francis while Gilbert sulked. This was the new standard, and Gilbert hated it.

Stay rational, stay calm, he told himself. Fine, maybe there truly was something Gilbert did that warranted him to be ignored by Francis and Antonio. Fine. It was fine.

Why? Why were they doing this?

Gilbert steered clear of that train of thought. He counted down numbers inside his head until he was calm again. Not much time had passed since Antonio was still counselling Francis.

Gilbert thought about the ringing sound he had heard. It sounded like a coin that Antonio had dropped. However, Antonio did not carry coins. He did not carry cash, for that matter. Since Antonio had always been the forgetful type and was often slow at math, he usually paid for his things by credit card. Furthermore, when considering that he had been in an outing with Roderich, wouldn't it be more likely that Antonio would use credit?

Gilbert turned towards the coat that hung on the coat rack. The pocket's opening was sticking out towards him as if tempting him to peek inside. And he thought: what did Antonio put into his pocket?

It would be just a quick check, Gilbert convinced himself. A quick squeeze even to see what it was, maybe a peek too would be enough to quench his curiosity. Maybe it was a coin after all, one Antonio had found on the pavement. Maybe it was something else. His inquiry was further supported when he turned his head around. Antonio and Francis were still busy talking. And Antonio and Francis would never know that he searched. So Gilbert stepped towards the coat.

There was a grave feeling within his chest that this item was not just an ordinary coin, but something else. Why was Antonio trying to hide it? There was a gravity around the object in the pocket, something that caused Gilbert to be restless.

Gilbert drew a deep breath in and squeezed.

It was a circular object made of metal. However, the circumference was too wide to be that of a coin. Gilbert used his thumb to feel around the object.

He widened his eyes once he realised that the centre was hollow.

Could it be what it was? No. But curiosity and desperation got the better of him. Gilbert's hand snaked down into the pocket. Once he tightened his hand around the object, a spike of shock chorused throughout Gilbert's entire being.

The golden ring glimmered in the apartment light as Gilbert drew it out.

Gilbert's heart was hammering. He could not believe it. Antonio was getting engaged. Antonio was engaged, and he was engaged to Roderich. Was he planning on moving away? When? Why? Why did Antonio shove this ring into his pocket, was Antonio going to talk about this, how are they going to-

"GIVE THAT BACK!" Antonio clasped his hand around the ring and tried to wrestle it back. Gilbert remained steadfast.

"What is this!" Gilbert shouted. "Are you happy now, Antonio? Are-"

"Gilbert, please, just-"

"What's the meaning of all this?" Francis asked as he intervened into the conversation.

"Antonio's engaged! That's what!"

"I am not! I am not leaving you and Francis!"

"Leaving me and Francis?" Gilbert gave a cold laugh. "Well guess what, it doesn't take a dumbass to tell that you already want to leave me!"

Antonio was silent.

"Gilbert, stop! I'm sure Antonio has his reasons!"

"Yes! My engagement is none of your business!"

"It's none of my business?" Gilbert rubbed his temples. "Humour me, Antonio. Why is that? Don't we live under the same roof, hm?"

"That's very obvious! I don't want to talk about it, I don't want to be obvious about it, is keeping secrets just too hard for you? Just because we live together doesn't mean we have to share everything."

"And if we don't have to share everything, why do you keep on interrupting me and Fran-"

"Because something serious might happen if I don't, alright!" Antonio cried out. "I'm sorry I have to say this, but you're not considerate at all, you don't think about how Francis had to see a therapist at all, you know what happens if someone like that goes too far unchecked!"

"And what is that? Hm?"

"You know what! Self h..." Antonio shook his head. Oh. Oh, they were having that conversation. "Su…" he looked uncomfortable, and rightfully so. "Francis, you tell him."

But Francis turned to Antonio. There was a betrayed look on his face. "Antonio... those aren't things that I've even thought of doing, why-"

"Well, you never know if that's true or not! By the time you admit that it is happening with you it'd probably be too late-"

"It's not happening right now. I may be somewhat depressed, but that doesn't mean I have suicidal thoughts or any urge to self harm right now, and what you're doing is-"

"You get my point! You admitted you've been depressed since we've moved to London, and that had been about two to three years at that point, so, so it's bound..."

Francis was silent. Gilbert drew a deep breath in. "Antonio. Listen to yourself. You're not even a doctor, for fuck's sake! Stop diagnosing Francis, treat him like an adult, because he fucking is one! He's fine… well, mostly."

"Mostly!" Antonio echoed. "Oh, look who's talking now? When did you ever get a master's degree, Gilbert?"

"You're losing the fucking point, Toni! You're-"

The front door's hinges creaked as they swung open.

Arthur was at the door.

Arthur. Fucking Arthur. It embarrassed Gilbert that Arthur's mere presence was making him to be so pissed.

"Francis, I, know you told me to… you get the idea, but-" Gilbert pushed out of the door and pushed Arthur away, then marched down the stairs.

He needed a breather anyway.

"Gilbert, where are you-"

"I'm leaving."

"No, wait, hey-!"

"I said, I'm leaving! What do you want?" Gilbert whipped his head back towards Francis.

"I just… I just need you as you are-"

"That is a fucking lie, Francis, and you know that! You keep on wanting me as I am but you clearly hate it! We knew each other since we were kids, you know what to expect! Why-"

"Then maybe you should have paid more attention!"

All time stopped.

Then Gilbert slammed the door.

Once he went up to the apartment, Francis sighed and sat onto the couch.

"Francis? Francis, I need to know what happened."

Francis glanced up at Arthur, who gazed down at him with worry in his eyes.

"Nothing. It's nothing you can fix." Arthur must hate him. Arthur must hate him for brushing him away all this time.

"Don't say it like that. Erhm…" Arthur sat down. "I'll talk with Antonio-"

"Fine. Sure. Go talk with him, I'm sure he has plenty of sensationalist ideas about what is going on."

"Hey-! Francis, whatever Antonio had done is probably not too bad. It wasn't like he committed arson."

Francis pinched the bridge of his nose. "Tell him, Antonio. Tell him."

And so Antonio told Arthur that he got engaged. Francis couldn't be bothered to look up. A hot, heavy emotion boiled inside of his diaphragm, like a bomb ready to explode. Everything was going badly. Arthur learnt that Lisa was dead, that Gilbert was leaving, and he had to see him like this. Today was a mess. Why was today such a mess, it shouldn't be as big of a mess as it was.

And he won't be able to have time to practise this afternoon if it went on too long. Antonio will insist for Francis to take a break again. Arthur, judging by the tone, would agree. Francis growled. He was fine. He was fit enough to practise. He just needed to clean up some sequences anyway.

Antonio started first. "Hey, Francis-"

"Don't," he snarled. If he will come to regret this, he won't care.

"I can get you some water," Arthur suggested.

"Sure, why don't you move my audition to next month while you're at it?"

"Francis! Arthur's just trying to-"

"Go ahead! Patronise me! Why don't you tell me how suicidal I am based on my horoscope too, hm?"

There was a tap on the coffee table.

Francis looked down. Arthur had poured him a glass of water anyway.

Francis sat down. He looked at the coffee, then back up at Arthur.

He rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I'm sorry." He should just apologise to Gilbert right now.

He whipped out his phone. However, there was a particular notification on the top that made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end.

The audition was, in fact, today.