LOST AND FOUND - PART 2

A HURT SO DEEP

CHAPTER 15

Thea had retreated to Matt's office again a few days later to be alone. She had been doing this every day she had the chance. Sitting at his desk with her head in her hands she was looking down at the large envelope again when a single tear dropped onto it and she quickly wiped it away. Her attention was so focused she didn't hear the first, faint scream. But the second one she did.

She stood, alarmed, and went to the front window looking out at the saloon across and up the street. As she watched, someone rushed out and ran down the sidewalk toward the sheriff's office. She heard the scream again and the sound pulled her out the door and to the edge of the sidewalk.

Stepping down into the street she had only gone a short way when a woman with blood on her face and a torn dress staggered out the door of the saloon, spotted her, and came toward her in a stumbling run. Thea rushed forward, but the woman collapsed before she could reach her.

She knelt in the dust next to the prone form and when she looked into the woman's blood-covered face she recognized Maisy. A man's voice shouting something caused her to look up to see a huge, shambling figure come out of the saloon. He spotted the two women in the street and began to lurch slowly toward them.

Thea went cold with anger, pulled her knife, and stood concealing it in the folds of her skirt. She took one step toward the approaching man and shouted at him. "Stop! Don't come any closer." He stopped for a moment and blinked at her swaying on his feet. "Drunken fool," Thea said to herself.

The man grinned a nasty grin then shook his big head as he came toward them again. Thea showed him the knife in her hand. He just laughed and kept coming, so she flipped the knife over and held it by the blade, preparing to throw it if necessary. He laughed again and kept coming.

Her stomach was tying itself into knots until she looked behind him and saw Mike, Jerry, John, Roy and two other men quietly, but quickly, moving up behind the drunken man. To keep his attention on her she shouted, "Don't make me hurt you! I don't want to, but I will if you come any closer!"

He stopped and stood there, unsteady on his feet, blinking and scowling at her, until the six men jumped on him from behind. They all went crashing to the ground in a tangle of arms and legs.

Thea sighed in relief as she turned and dropped to her knees next to Maisy, but one look told her it was too late. The woman was dead. She bowed her head as anger burst into fury in her heart. When she opened her eyes, everything looked as though she was seeing it from a distance through a red mist. She slowly rose to her feet and turned around looking at the monster responsible.

He had managed somehow to get to his knees, still struggling to throw the six men off and get to his feet. Her eyes fastened on him and a scream of rage stayed frozen in her throat as she started toward him with an odd stiff-legged gait, her hand tightly gripping her knife. She didn't see Adam come out of the Post Office, or heard him shout a warning to Jerry as he came running toward her at top speed.

She dropped her knife when he grabbed her around the waist and pulled her away and she began to kick back at his legs and to claw at his hands, trying to get free. He gave her a shake and shouted, "Theadora, stop it!" Her head whipped to the side and she looked over her shoulder at him with confused eyes. Then she looked down at the bloody trails her nails had gouged into his hands and she gasped, horrified.

Adam set her down, took her by the arm in a firm grip and quickly pulled her toward Matt's office, pushed her in the door, and slammed it shut behind them.

"What the HELL did you think you were doing? Do you have any idea what would have happened if that man had gotten his hands on you?" He stopped the next shout from leaving his throat and rubbed a hand across his forehead while trying to get a grip on his anger.

She winced when she saw blood trickle down his hand from the deepest gouge. Turning away, she moved over to the side window behind the desk and stood there with a blank face, not seeing anything at all.

When he thought he had calmed down enough, Adam took a deep breath and looked at his wife, noting she had her back to him.

"What is it, Thea?" he said quietly, "Something has been bothering you for days now and I have to know. What is wrong?"

She didn't move or speak.

"Theadora, answer me!" he insisted.

Without turning around she said, "Isn't that just like an all-powerful male. You think that just because you demand a woman has to deliver...you men are all alike."

That floored Adam and he bit back another surge of anger. "I was under the impression when we married that we became partners and what you just said was a low blow. I have always treated you with respect."

"You've never shouted at me like that before."

Her husband sighed in exasperation, "I've never had REASON to before. You scared the life out of me."

She nodded, "I know, and I'm sorry."

He stared at her back, at a loss as to what to say next when Ben burst through the office door. His eyes went to Thea and he looked relieved, as she seemed fine, at least from the back. When she didn't turn toward him he looked at his son with a puzzled expression. "Is she alright?"

Adam raised his hands, spread wide in a helpless gesture. "Your guess is as good as mine, I can't get a straight answer out of her. Or any answer at all."

Ben glanced at his daughter-in-law's stiff back again, "Do you want me to leave you two alone?" he asked Adam, but Thea answered him.

"No, please stay. You're my family now and you have a right to hear this too. After all, it affects your grandchildren."

She turned around slowly and Adam saw her glance at Ben with yearning in her eyes. Then she looked away as a spasm of pain crossed her face and picked up the envelope still sitting on the desk. "Here," she said as she held it out to her husband and he came forward to take it. He opened the envelope and took out a sheaf of papers and leafed through them quickly as she sat down behind the desk.

"These are from Doc's solicitors in London."

Thea nodded. "Don't try to read them right now, even you couldn't go through them in less than an hour."

Adam slapped them against this thigh, "So what could possibly be in these to cause you this much anguish?"

She propped her elbows on the desk and put her head in her hands, "Doc really WAS my father."

A strained silence filled the room as the two Cartwright men looked at each other with appalled expressions. "Dear God," Adam said softly and Thea gave a short, bitter laugh.

"Everything, every single thing in my life up until I met you was a lie. I thought he was the most wonderful man in the world. Imagine, a nobleman taking in a poor little orphan girl," she started to laugh again, but it died in her throat.

"But why? Why did he lie?" her husband asked gently.

"To keep his dirty little secret," she said. "I know what you're thinking, that he lied because I was illegitimate, but you're wrong. They were married - Sir Richard Westwood and Sarah Lightfoot." She lifted her head and looked at Adam with a tightly controlled, devastated expression. "He was too ashamed to claim me because my mother was Shawnee."

Adam's face tightened in anger for her pain and he took a step toward her.

"Don't," she raised a hand to warn him off. "Don't touch me."

"Why?"

"Because it would not be a good idea for any man to touch me right now."

She looked at him, her eyes dark with pain and anger; "He buried her, his wife, my MOTHER, under a tombstone that had nothing on it but her death date." Two thin tears slid down her cheeks and she angrily dashed them away. Looking at her husband and father-in-law she struggled to get herself under control. "I ask you, both of you, as men - how could he do that to her? To me - how could he?"

"He was a coward." Ben answered, furious with a man he had never met.

Thea gave him a small smile, "I'm sure you're right."

Adam's heart was breaking for his wife and he started to take another step toward her, but stopped. He knew he would have to let her come to him.

"What do they claim as proof of this?"

"There's a letter in the file in Doc's handwriting. He claims that my mother never told him until right before she died, right before I was born."

"Thea, why didn't you tell me this? Why were you trying to carry this burden by yourself? We agreed we would always work problems out together. Didn't you trust me?"

When she looked up and saw that her husband was hurt she stood and ran to him. "I'm so sorry! I kept telling myself that this wouldn't make any difference, that I could trust you. But then I kept thinking how I trusted Doc, how I believed everything he told me too and I was terrified. I just couldn't face it, even though I knew it wouldn't matter to you."

She was standing in front of him with her head bowed so he reached out, pulled her into his arms and held her tightly. "That's what you've been worried about? It doesn't mean a damn thing," he said and looked at his father over her bowed head. Ben came up behind her, and Adam let go and turned her around to face him, giving her a gentle push.

As soon as she was in Ben's arms the storm broke and she cried out, "How could he Pa, how could he?" One father had cruelly betrayed her, but this one never would.

Later that evening Thea had gone to bed early, worn out and still dazed by the depths of her father's heartlessness compounded by Maisy's senseless death. Adam and his brothers had put the twins to bed, making a game out of it so they wouldn't think something was wrong and worry about their mother.

Hoss and Joe went down to join Ben, and Adam took few minutes to check on Thea. He lit a candle before he went in and stood next to the bed looking down at his sleeping wife. Reaching down to gently touch her cheek, he softly said, "I'm so sorry, love - I wish I could protect you from this."

He shook his head as he turned away and didn't see her eyes open as he left the room. Thea thought about what he had just said and a few stray tears escaped. Then she wiped them away and set her jaw, determined that she would follow her husband's example. He had been forced to give up his past for six years, but she would choose to let go of her own. Her past may have been one long, continuous lie, but she had a wonderful present and a promising future to concentrate on.

Having made up her mind as to how she would deal with this terrible blow to her heart, she nodded emphatically, turned over, and finally did fall asleep as her husband joined his father and brothers downstairs.

Joe spoke as soon as Adam had settled himself tiredly onto the sofa.

"What's wrong? What happened?" he asked anxiously.

Adam glanced at his father then turned back to Joe. "Thea received some documents from Doc's solicitors in London about a month ago and only got around to looking at them recently."

"Uh oh, that doesn't sound good," Hoss said as he leaned forward in his chair, his bright eyes fastened on Adam's face.

"You don't know it, but that was an understatement, Hoss. Seemingly Sir Richard really was Thea's father."

Hoss and Joe glanced at each other, but didn't speak, waiting for their brother to continue.

"Lord, it makes me sick just thinking about this. He made up that story about Thea being an orphan because he didn't want to claim her as his daughter because her mother confessed to being Shawnee right before she died."

Joe's face instantly became red with fury at her father while Hoss's filled with concern for her.

"How is she takin' it?" Hoss said quietly while Joe was too consumed by anger to get a word out.

"I don't really know. I think she's too stunned by his cruelty to know her own feelings about this yet."

"Cold cruelty," Joe finally spoke, "how could anyone treat her that way? Let alone her own father?"

"Well I think Pa said it all today when he called Doc a coward. I think the thing that hurt Thea the most was knowing he buried her mother as an unknown, with nothing on her headstone but a death date."

"Lordy," Hoss said, "and just because her mother was Shawnee?"

Adam nodded and scrubbed his hands over his face. "You may not believe this but I feel like digging his corpse up and kicking it to pieces." His father and brothers nodded and he smiled, knowing their nods meant they felt the same way.

Ben finally spoke, "Since that isn't really an option for us we need to think about how we can help Thea through this."

His eldest son looked at him gratefully. "I'm glad you feel that way, but I think the best thing you can do is to not treat her any differently than you did before. Be available to listen, but act as though nothing happened. Her biggest fear is that people will think less of her now, so be careful."

The other three men were nodding as Adam continued, "I know Thea is too stunned to realize this, but there is another problem of equal significance I'll have to deal with sometime soon. All because she is SIR Richard's legitimate daughter."

Joe and Hoss were puzzled, but Ben grasped what Adam was saying quickly and he shook his head, "Oh no."

Adam nodded then turned to Joe when the younger man spoke, "We don't get it."

"How does the name 'Sir Alexander Cartwright', sound to you?"

His youngest brother honestly did try to not laugh, but he couldn't help himself, "Alexander...an English Lord?" he managed to choke out then clamped his mouth shut and nearly strangled.

Hoss made it worse by saying, "You mean that little feller could go to the palace and meet the Queen?"

Just the idea of Alexander meeting Queen Victoria was enough to get even Adam shaking with laughter.

"Oh God," the boy's father said leaning back on the sofa, "Just think about it...Alexander...in the House of Lords. We could end up at war with England again."

At that picture they all gave up and just laughed outright until Adam managed to say, "We have to stop now, we're going to wake Thea." He turned to his father while his brothers managed to calm down.. "I'm sorry Pa, but after seeing my marriage up close like this those two will probably never get married and give you any more grandchildren."

Ben just smiled and said, "Oh, I wouldn't be too sure about that. Besides you've already given me two with another one on the way."

"True," Adam said, "And that reminds me, I'm taking Thea in to see Matt tomorrow afternoon. Just to make sure everything is alright so far."

"What time?"

"One o'clock."

"I have some things to do in town, so I might as well just ride along with you two."

Adam just smiled and nodded, knowing his father really just wanted to be there for support if there should be a problem. He looked at his brothers; "I suppose you both have things to do in town tomorrow, too."

They nodded and stood, heading for the stairs and bed. The other two followed slowly and when they reached the stairs Adam put a hand on Ben's shoulder. "Pa," he said low, "I know Thea doesn't look it, but she's tough, so don't be surprised if she also acts like nothing happened. The best thing you can do for her is to treat her like she is your daughter since now it is clear she never really had a father at all."

"What do you mean, treat her as though she is; she IS my daughter now. That cold-hearted coward never deserved or appreciated her, and if anyone tries to hurt her again, they will have me to deal with." He started up the steps and looked back at his eldest son over his shoulder. "And that includes you, too, so treat her right."

Adam laughed and followed his father up the stairs, "Yes sir," was all he said before going into the room where his wife lay sleeping and quietly shut the door.