Chapter 14
Harry Gets (Nearly) Naked

2½ days later
Friday, 6th September; early morning
The Ravenclaw first-year boys' dormitory

"Master Harry Potter must wake up now! Miss Herminny needs Master Harry Potter!" Harry heard these words as he was shaken awake.

Harry sat up and looked about quickly. The hand of Glaze, a Potter house-elf, was pulling on Harry's pyjama top, and her worried grey eyes were staring into Harry's own.

Harry had assigned Greyclay to send either Glaze or Daisy to follow Hermione invisibly, and to let Harry know if Hermione needed rescue. This unscheduled wake-up call was the result.

"I'm awake now," Harry said. "What's wrong with Hermione?"

"Bad girls have Miss Herminny tied up in her bed and they are saying mean things," Glaze answered.

Harry jumped out of bed and rushed to dress. He was thankful that, unlike his older self at seventeen, now he did not need to spend time shaving. He tried to comb his hair, but soon gave it up as a bad job.

"Here's the plan," Harry said to Glaze as he took her hand. "Take me to where Hermione is, but we go there invisible. When I squeeze your hand twice, make us both visible again, then be ready for my orders. My wand is in my pocket, but I won't be using it. Saving Hermione will be all on you. Understand?"

Glaze stood straighter. "Glaze will not let Master Harry Potter down. Glaze will rescue Master Harry Potter's friend."

"Energise," Harry said.

In Hermione's dorm room, minutes earlier

Hermione was rudely awakened from sleep by being shaken roughly. "Wake up, mudblood!" Hermione heard.

A different girl's voice said, "Incarcerous!" Hermione felt ropes pull her arms to her side. She looked to her right and saw Cho Chang, a second-year Ravenclaw, pointing a wand at her.

"Oof!" Hermione said a second later, as another Ravenclaw second-year, Marietta Edgecombe, jumped on Hermione's bed, astride Hermione's magically roped body.

"Do we have your attention now?" Marietta asked, as she pointed Hermione's own wand (which had been on the nightstand) at the younger girl's face.

"What are you doing?" Hermione asked, resigned. She had hoped to escape bullying at her new school, but this happy state had lasted less than a week.

Marietta said, "We have a problem with you, mudblood. Every time we see Harry Potter in the common room, he's with you. Every time we see Harry at the library, he's with you."

Cho said, "And eating in the Great Hall? You're never more than three inches away from him."

"Why do you care?" Hermione asked. "You both are twelve. Has menarche hit either of you yet?"

Cho sneered, "We're not old enough to marry now, but one day we will be old enough to marry. And more importantly, one day Harry will be old enough to marry. And Harry Potter, when he marries, deserves better than a beaver-teeth mudblood with awful hair."

Pop.

"What was that?" Marietta asked nervously.

Cho answered, "It sounded like a house-elf." She looked round the room. "But I don't see any."

Hermione asked, "What's a house-elf?"

Marietta slapped Hermione's cheek with her own wand. "There you go, mudblood girl, asking ignorant questions! You don't even know what a house-elf is? Why should Harry Potter spend even one minute a day with you?"

"Bring all three wands to me, and tie those two bitches up!" an angry boy's voice said. Cho's wand in her hand, Hermione's wand in Marietta's hand, and Marietta's wand in her pocket, all flew off to Hermione's left. An instant later, Marietta and Cho were tied up with ropes.

"Unrope Hermione," the same boy's voice commanded. Hermione's restraints disappeared.

Hermione looked over to her left. Harry Potter, his face enraged and his hands holding three wands, was standing next to a three-foot-tall creature. The house-elf had huge grey eyes and an hourglass shape, and she was wearing a grey dress with a black 'P' on it.

"Potter!" said Cho. "You're not supposed to be in a girl's dorm. Leave now!" she said imperiously.

"And you're not supposed to be bullying a fellow student," Harry replied.

Then Harry spoke to the house-elf: "Increase the ropes on those two. Make them cocoons below the neck." The house-elf snapped her fingers, and the lower 80 percent of Cho's and Marietta's bodies became hidden behind rope.

By now, Hermione had manoeuvred out from under rope-bound Marietta and was walking towards Harry. Hermione took back her wand.

"Did they hurt you?" Harry snarled.

"Marietta slapped my cheek with my own wand," Hermione replied. "Which was more insulting than painful."

"What's going to happen to us?" Marietta replied.

Harry answered, "What do you think, Cho? You're a second-year who used a fifth-year spell, so you're smart—for an inbred. What do you think will happen?"

"Well, you could let us go, after we promise not to do it again," Cho replied. Her face was way too hopeful.

Harry's grin was evil. "You mean after you two each give a magical oath, on your magic and your life, that you won't cause harm to Hermione Granger directly or indirectly? Sure, I can go with that."

The bully-girls' faces now were white.

Harry said, "No, what I'm going to do is to have Glaze take you inside Professor Flitwick's office. Right now. And Glaze will leave your wands on the professor's desk. And in a few minutes, I'll write an entertaining note for Professor Flitwick to read—and I'll bet I can persuade Hermione to add a paragraph or two at the bottom. How's that sound?"

"We'll miss breakfast," Cho said.

"And also your first class, in a worst-case scenario. But you know what, bullies? I frankly don't care if I make you miss class. And I am also completely unbothered about you missing breakfast.

"But before Glaze takes you away, Marietta asked a question and I'm going to answer it. Why should I spend even a minute with Muggle-born Hermione? Because Hermione, alone in this entire school, looks at me and sees Harry the eleven-year-old boy, not 'the Boy Who Lived.' Also because in seven years, Hermione will know how to do magic as well as any inbred. She'll also know about maths, science, Muggle history, and all the subjects that you inbreds are proud to be ignorant of. I didn't defeat Voldemort when I was a toddler, my Muggle-born mother did. You two inbred bullies think about that, whilst your bladders get full and your stomachs growl."

Then Harry said, "Glaze, away with them! And their wands too." Glaze snapped her fingers, and two older girls, and two wooden wands, all vanished.

Hermione kissed Harry on the cheek, after she hugged the stuffing out of him. "Thank you for rescuing me, Harry. It was quite Gryffindor of you." For some reason, this made Harry laugh. "Now get out of here. I need to get ready for my day."

Harry nodded. "Don't forget that the first class for Ravenclaws and 'Puffs in flying a broom has been rescheduled for after lunch, because I'll be in court this morning."

Hermione frowned.

9 a.m.
Courtroom Seven, the Ministry of Magic

Harry, Sirius and Sirius's law-wizard Ted Tonks walked into the courtroom. Ted murmured to Sirius, "One problem I see, right now."

"What's that?" Sirius asked.

"Look who's sitting in the Chief Warlock seat," Ted replied. "The wizarding world's almost-emperor, Albus Dumbledore. But don't worry, I've a plan."

Minutes later, Dumbledore banged the gavel. "We're here this morning in regards to a petition of guardianship for Harry Ja—"

"Objection!" Ted yelled.

"Ted, what are you doing?" Dumbledore asked, his eyes twinkling merrily. "We haven't even started the trial yet."

"We are holding a trial to determine guardianship of Harry Potter. You, Albus Dumbledore, claimed guardianship of Harry Potter ten years ago—contrary to the written wishes of both parents, I add—and thus I demand that you recuse yourself during this trial."

"I'm a big boy, Ted. I'm sure I'm mature enough to hold an impartial trial, despite whatever personal interest I might take in it."

Augusta Longbottom lit her wand and stood. "I move that the question of Chief Warlock Dumbledore recusing himself be put to a vote."

"Seconded," Lucius Malfoy drawled.

The vote passed easily. Cyrus Greengrass was made Acting Chief Warlock.

Ted Tonks tried to have the wills of James and Lily Potter read into evidence. Dumbledore objected, saying that the wills were "sealed by the Chief Warlock." Ted pointed out that the wills became public record during Sirius Black's public criminal trial, in which Black was acquitted.

Both wills said, in plain text, that Sirius Black was the Potter parents' first choice as guardian.

"This was true when the wills were written," Dumbledore argued, "but ten years in Azkaban have made this wizard mentally unstable. Right now he isn't ready for the demands of guardianship."

When Ted Tonks heard this, he grinned. "Tell me, Mr Dumbledore, when did you gain a certification as a Mind Healer?"

Ted then proceeded to show, oh so politely, that Albus Dumbledore was no more qualified to speak about Sirius Black's mental fitness than he was qualified to give opinions about different brands of shaving cream.

Cyrus Greengrass said, "Mr Potter, since it is your guardianship under discussion, and you're present in this courtroom, please share your thoughts."

Harry said, "Well, sir, the fact that I'm sitting next to Sirius Black instead of next to my headmaster, should say something to every person in this room."

"What do you especially like about Lord Black, or what do you especially dislike about Professor Dumbledore?"

"Sir, I'm not a law-wizard, but I read my parents' wills, and I think I should have been raised by the Longbottoms. Or by Madam Amelia Bones. Instead, Dumbledore put me with my mum's Muggle sister and her family—"

Lucius Malfoy blurted out, "Dumbledore made you be raised by Muggles?"

"Yes, sir," Harry said. He stared into Dumbledore's eyes and said, "Muggles who hated magic, who tried to beat it out of me. Several times, my uncle broke bones. And never once did Dumbledore check up on me."

Lucius Malfoy moved for the vote then. Sirius's guardianship over Harry was approved by a wide margin.

The eyes of Albus Dumbledore, Harry noticed, were not twinkling when the results of the vote were announced.

Ted left the courtroom immediately; Sirius told Harry he wanted to. Amelia Bones had been in the courtroom the entire time, but Sirius made no attempt to speak with her afterwards.

Before Sirius and Harry left the courtroom, Harry made a point to thank Lucius Malfoy for his help. Harry had plans how to kill Lucius Malfoy and the rest of the Death Eaters—but in the meantime, it never hurt to be polite.

"Wow, you're Sirius Black!" a woman said when Sirius and Harry stepped into a Ministry of Magic elevator.

Harry was surprised. The usual in-person reaction to Sirius, after his time in Azkaban, was fear of a mass-murderer. Indeed, everyone else moved as far away as the walls of the elevator would allow.

"Level Five, please," Sirius Black said. Then he turned around to face the woman. "Harry and I are going to grab a bite at the Executive Dining Room—"

"Harry Potter?" other voices said. "Harry Potter is here?" Harry rolled his eyes.

"—would you care to join us?" Sirius finished smoothly.

"Why yes, for a few minutes," the woman said. "I'm Heather. Miss Heather Tidwell of New House Tidwell."

"A Muggle-born," someone muttered.

"A Mundane-born," Heather corrected, her voice annoyed.

"Level Five," the elevator announced.

Sirius, Harry and Heather stepped out of the elevator. Thirtyish Heather began stroking her brunette hair as she looked at Sirius (who also was in his thirties). She said, "I can talk only for five minutes or so, then I have to get back to work—"

"Oh? Where do you work?" Sirius asked.

"Obliviator Headquarters. I wanted to be an Obliviator, but I'm only the receptionist."

"But you're the perfect receptionist for the Obliviators—your face is unforgettable."

And not only your face, Harry thought. Whilst Heather was not as bodacious as the 1998 version of Susan Bones, Heather was still an eyeful below the neck.

Meanwhile, this same Heather had smacked Sirius's arm. "Flatterer."

Then she looked Sirius up and down, and her voice became a purr: "You're quite handsome yourself, Lord Black."

Sirius's voice was a lion's purr: "Please, call me Sirius."

Harry said, "Even though 'serious' is what he never is."

Heather looked intently into Sirius's eyes and said, "I'm glad you were given a trial. I'm glad they found you innocent. I'm glad you're free now, though you should have been free the entire time."

Then Heather looked nervously at the elevator call-rune. "I'm enjoying this, more than you can know, but I guess I need to get back to work."

"No problem," Sirius said. "Tell me how to spell your name."

Harry smiled. Sirius was doing the wizarding-world equivalent of asking Heather for her telephone number.

Heather answered, "Heather Tidwell, H-E-A-T-H-E-R," pause, "T-I-D-W-E-L-L. But are you sure you want to ask out a Mundane-born?"

Sirius's voice turned, well, serious. "I was in the same year as Harry's mother Lily. She was the finest kind of human being, and a genius of a witch. She invented spells—seventh year, I watched her do it. Both Harry and I believe that Lily invented the spell that saved Harry's life. But Lily had never heard of the 'Sacred Twenty-Eight' till she came to Hogwarts. So to answer your question: I have no objection to dating a Mug—Mundane-born."

Heather shot Harry—and especially Sirius—a big smile as she stepped into the elevator.

Before the elevator doors closed, Sirius called out, "I'll definitely owl you."

Minutes later, in the Executive Dining Room

Harry asked Sirius if he was still a member of the Order of the Phoenix. The Order had fought Voldemort and Death Eaters, back during the (First Voldemort) Blood War.

"Yes, technically I'm still a member," Sirius answered, shrugging. Clearly Sirius thought that, because Wizarding Britain was at peace now, his membership in the Order was only boring trivia.

Harry pressed on: "And all of you Order members had to swear, on your magic, an oath of obedience to Dumbles, right?"

"Yeah?" Sirius answered, in a Where are you going with this? tone of voice.

"So I figure, the oath is still in play. If Dumbles orders you to take me to the Dursleys this Christmas and next summer, you must obey. If Dumbles orders you to fetch ten thousand galleons from my trust vault, hand it to him, and not tell me, you must obey."

Sirius choked.

Harry continued, "So what's the practical difference between before, with Dumbles being able to decide my life as my magical guardian, and now, with you deciding my life as my legal guardian except when Dumbles orders you otherwise?"

Sirius stared at Harry in horror. Then he asked Harry if he could borrow a Potter house-elf.

Within seconds, Sirius summoned Kreacher and ordered him to fetch a quill and ink bottle from home. Sirius scribbled briefly; then Sirius had Greyclay deliver Sirius's written resignation from Dumbledore's Order. (Sirius did not trust Kreacher with this job.)

Harry felt deep relief. Not only did Sirius's resignation from the Order solve a big problem about where Harry would live, but it also prevented a future item of Harry's distress. Harry of 1995 and 1996 had hated seeing Dumbledore stroll into Number 12 Grimmauld Place and in essence take it over, with Sirius soon thereafter getting disrespected by Molly Weasley in his own home. Now these things would never happen.

A half-hour later, back at Hogwarts

The Great Hall was holding lunch when Harry and Sirius, both of them grinning like loons, walked in. As soon as Dumbles saw the pair of them, he jumped off his golden throne as if his chair were on fire, murmured some words to McGonagall, then hurried towards his office.

Harry led Sirius to the Ravenclaw table. Second-year Ravenclaws Marietta Edgecombe and Cho Chang glared at Harry; he smiled cruelly back at them.

Harry had just introduced beaming Hermione and grinning Sirius to each other when McGonagall hurried up. "The headmaster wants to see you two in his office," she said.

"We'll get there when we get there," Sirius said lazily. "I waited for that man for ten years. It'll do him good for him to have to wait for me."

McGonagall's lips thinned in disapproval, then she walked away.

In the next five minutes, Harry dragged Sirius to other tables to meet his other friends, though Sirius meeting Susan Bones was clearly awkward for both. Oddly, Neville and Draco were missing.

Harry was not friends with the Weasley Twins (in this lifetime), but he introduced the Twins and Sirius, with Harry casually mentioning that "Sirius was known to his three other close friends as 'Padfoot,' and the four of them were unequaled at managing their mischief. Likewise, these two have the same uncanny ability to avoid professors at times."

George: "You were one—"

Fred: "—of the Marauders?"

Sirius: "You two have the Map?"

Harry, the Slytherin-couldabeen, knew that he had just earned himself a Gringotts vault's worth of goodwill from three pranksters. This ought to be worth something, right?

Just before Sirius and Harry walked out of the Great Hall to meet with Dumbledore, Sirius and Harry found both Potions professors, Snape and Andromeda, waiting for them.

"Lord Black," Snape said coolly.

"Professor Snape," Sirius said, just as coolly.

"I accept your apology," Snape said to Sirius. "I agree that we should end our," he paused, "enmity for the benefit of this remarkable young man. I apologise to you, Sirius Black, for my own excesses—which towards you four, were many."

Sirius said, "Thank you, Severus. I accept your apology."

"This is so cool!" Harry said. "I hope that one day, you two will be friends."

Snape gave Harry the "Snape look," then said, "He and I never will be friends. But I no longer will spit in my cauldron at the mention of his name."

Andromeda Tonks grabbed Sirius by his shoulders—then pulled him in for a hug. Harry was amazed; in his experience, Purebloods don't hug. Andromeda said to Sirius, "I'm so proud of you, stepping up to raise Harry. I remember you with little Nymphadora—you're going to be a brilliant almost-father to Harry."

"I hope so, Andi," Sirius replied. "I sure hope so."

In the headmaster's office

"Ah, Sirius, Harry, come in," said Dumbledore. "A sherbet lemon before we start?"

"What do you want, Albus?" demanded Sirius.

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. "Sirius, I received your resignation from the Order. I ask you to tear it up. If word of this gets out, other Order members will think that you don't trust me."

"I don't trust you, and I'm not tearing up my resignation. Harry pointed out that by resigning, I'm free of my oath of obedience to you, Albus."

Dumbledore now looked at Harry. "I'm so disappointed in you, Harry my boy, that you are spreading slanders about me. I have used that oath of obedience in the past only for the Greater Good."

Harry retorted, "Where did you hide my 107 thousand galleons? Unflattering words aren't slander if they're true."

Harry looked at Sirius. "Since we've answered his question about your Order membership, may we leave now? I know Hermione wants to pick my brain about this morning's trial, before our first flying class."

"Actually, Sirius," said Dumbledore, "I asked you here to discuss a most important matter. I want you and me to work together to keep Harry safe."

Alarm bells went off in Harry's head. "He's getting dodgy with his wording, Sirius."

To Dumbledore, Harry said, "You let there be a third-floor corridor in this school, on the right-hand side, that can cause a very painful death—"

"What?" said Sirius.

"—but you evidently consider this to be 'safe.' There is a colony of giant spiders within walking distance of the castle; this doesn't bother you either. So pray tell, what does Albus Dumbledore consider unsafe?"

Dumbledore ignored Harry's taunt. He said, "Sirius, when Harry isn't in school, when he's away from the castle during winter hols, Easter hols and the summer hols, he must be returned to the Dursleys—"

"Are you out of your mind, old man?" Sirius yelled. "During holidays, Harry will be spending time with me, at Grimmauld Place."

"Grimmauld Place is not safe for Harry! Your house doesn't have Lily's blood-protection on it. The house where Lily's sister and Lily's nephew live is safest for Harry."

" 'Safest'?" Harry repeated. "Only in the sense that 'the Leader of the Light' Albus Dumbledore claims Voldemort can't get to me there. Otherwise the Dursley house is the unsafest place on the planet."

Then Harry looked at Sirius and said, "Please magically lock the door. I don't want anyone accidentally walking in on me."

Both Sirius and Dumbledore looked puzzled, but Sirius cast the Locking Charm, Colloportus.

Harry took off his Hogwarts robes, then said, "I've been taking growth and healing potions for a bit over a month..."

Harry began removing his shirt, trousers, socks and shoes, till he stood only in his pants (underwear).

"...So imagine how I looked before I could visit the goblin healers. Vernon Dursley broke bones, and he also whipped my back with his belt. Dudley Dursley punched me in the kidneys several times; I peed red for a while. Lily's sister Petunia, who supposedly is the entire reason I've been forced to live there, once hit me with a frying pan and gave me a concussion. My magical body has healed me a lot during the last ten years—otherwise I'd be dead."

"Harry my boy—"

"I'm not your boy! Take a good look, chessmaster! Voldemort gave me only one scar, on my forehead, and no broken bones. All the other scars, and all of my broken bones? They're on you. You're worse than Voldemort!"

The headmaster's office was silent; not even the portraits spoke.

Sirius said calmly, "Please get dressed, Harry."

Sirius looked at Dumbledore and declared, "Harry will not set foot in the Dursley house ever again." A second's pause, then: "But I might pay them a visit." Sirius smiled.

After lunch
The first Hufflepuff/Ravenclaw flying lesson

Harry did not go flying off after anyone's Remembrall, or after anyone's anything. Harry did not perform any death-defying stunts on a broom. No overexcited Head of House press-ganged Harry onto the House Quidditch team.

Instead, Harry helped nervous Muggle-borns Hermione Granger and Justin Finch-Fletchley become more confident on a broom.

"It's just like riding a bicycle," he said to them—an analogy that no wizard-raised flying instructor would have thought to make. "When you're a little kid, the first time you get on the bike, you're scared that the bike will fall over and you'll skin your leg, right?" Both Hermione and Justin nodded. "Then soon you figure out that the bike won't fall over whilst it's moving. Neither one of you has any fear of riding a bicycle now, right?"

Hermione argued, "But a flying-broom doesn't have anything like the gyroscopic principle to keep me upright."

"True. But it does have a Sticking Charm that turns-on whenever the broom is moving. A bludger can knock you off the broom, but you won't fall off the broom."

Luckily for Harry, neither Justin nor Hermione asked Harry how he was so good at flying a broom, since supposedly this was his first time on a broom, the same as they. But Harry was sure that when Hermione was back on the ground, the question would come up. (It's Delphi knowledge would be his answer.)

Harry took the two newbie broom-flyers about on a slowly moving, gently upward-sloped, oblong helix. By the time Madam Hooch ended the class, Hermione and Justin were flying at treetop level, about thirty feet off the ground.

When the feet of Harry, Hermione and Justin were back on the grass, Madam Hooch beamed at Harry. "Ten points to Ravenclaw, for helping first-time flyers overcome their fear of flying."

"You know what?" Justin asked. "That was actually fun! Scary at the start, but fun at the end."

"Yes," said Hermione, sounding amazed, "it actually was fun."

That evening, at the end of the Ravenclaw table

The all-Houses firsties again had gathered to eat—but two boys were missing.

"Where are Neville and Draco?" asked Hannah Abbott.

"Broom accidents," Millicent Bulstrode said. Hermione gasped.

Daphne Greengrass explained, "In Gryffindor/Slytherin flying class this morning, Neville's broom shot up like mad, with him on it. Then he fell off when he was forty, fifty feet up. He broke his wrist, and was sent to the hospital wing."

Susan Bones said, "A broken wrist? Skele-Gro will fix him up. He'll be back with us tomorrow. And Draco?"

Daphne rolled her eyes. "He and Bilious, two Slytherins, had a contest to see who could be the most Gryffindor brash and thoughtless. Both boys flew into the ground at high speed. They'll both be in the hospital wing for a while, then they'll both get detentions till they're grandfathers; Professor Snape was peeved. Madam Hooch was peeved too—two school brooms were turned into kindling."

Halfway through dinner, Susan got up from her bench, and walked over to where Harry was sitting. She whispered in Harry's ear, "Look at the High Table. Notice who's missing? Professor Snape. After dinner, I'll tell you and Hermione where he is."

Then Susan walked back to her piece of bench and sat down.

After dinner had ended and all the other all-Houses firsties had left the end of the Ravenclaw table, Susan pulled Harry and Hermione aside.

"Aunt Amelia," said Susan, "is on a date, somewhere in Muggle London. She's with Professor Snape. Please don't tell anyone else for a while, and especially please don't tell Sirius Black."

"For right now, I won't," Harry said. "But at some point, I'll tell him."

Hermione asked Susan, "Why are you telling us?"

"Because you two are the only two people in the castle who like Professor Snape. Myself?" Susan made the rocking-hand gesture. "I haven't decided yet."

After dinner, Harry and Hermione walked to the hospital wing. If Hermione wondered why Harry knew the way so well, she did not ask.

Harry and Hermione sympathised with Neville's bad luck, and teased Draco for his "Gryffindorness." Ron Weasley was in the bed next to Draco, but Harry ignored Ron completely.