"Behind you."
Dipper tensed up at the Echo Flower's message. The sound of metal footsteps grows closer.
"Don't tell me she's right behind us," said Dipper.
"Okay," said Mabel.
"Seven," said Undyne. "Seven human souls. With the power of seven human souls, our king, King Asgore Dreemurr, will become a god. With that power, Asgore can finally shatter the Barrier. He will finally take the surface back from humanity, and give them back the suffering and pain we have endured. I suppose…he will have a use for two. But first, however, as is customary for those who have travelled this far, I will tell you the story of our people. It all started long ago…
"You know what? SCREW IT! WHY SHOULD I TELL YOU THAT STORY? WHEN YOU'RE ABOUT TO DIE? NGHAAAAHH!"
In a fluid motion, Undyne ripped off her helmet. One eye glinted in the low lights of the Waterfall.
"You two!" said Undyne. "You're standing in the way of everybody's hopes and dreams! Alphys's history books made me think humans were cool…with their giant robots and flowery swordswomen. But you? You're just cowards. Your life is all that stands between us and our freedom! Right now, I feel everyone's hearts pounding together! Everyone's been waiting their whole lives for this moment! When everyone puts their hearts together, they can't lose! I'll show you how determined monsters can be!"
Undyne summoned her spear. Dipper's Soul leaped out of his chest, and turned a bright green color.
"Wait, what does the green do?" Dipper asked.
"Unless you learn to face danger head-on, you won't last a second against me!" said Undyne.
Undyne attacks.
A set of bullets in the shape of arrows fly past Dipper. A few break apart as they collide with Dipper's Soul, bouncing off some sort of shield. Most don't.
"When I said face danger head-on, I MEANT DODGE THE BULLETS!"
"The Kingdom of Monsters resides in these mountains, within the caverns of Mount Ebott," said one of the heads of the Multibear. "There is a path in this cavern that connects this cavern from this one, but know this: there is no way to exit once you enter."
With everything else that had been going on, Frisk had nearly forgotten about the Barrier. It was just going to be something else that they did, they decided.
"We will find a way around that," said the Cat.
"You are determined, then," said the Multibear. "It will serve you well. We creatures of the forest have long forgotten about Mt. Ebott. The Barrier has shielded us from our brethren for centuries. It would be relieving to be reunited, don't you agree?"
Frisk nodded again. The Cat squirmed, but they could not tell why.
"I can take you as far as the Barrier, but no farther," said the Multibear. "And I suggest you prepare in advance."
"It is quite late," said the Cat. "If nothing else, I would like the chance to rest."
"Then I await your return," said the Multibear.
She disappeared into the shadows again. After a few moments, Frisk heard the sound of an Icelandic pop song in the distance.
They hardly paid attention to the Manutaur's chorus of boos as they left the cavern. The Cat climbed up onto their shoulders.
"We should head back into town," said the Cat. "We both need food and rest, and it would not hurt for you to find something you can defend yourself with."
Frisk nodded. To be honest, the humans scared them more than the Multibear.
"HEY! WHAT'S UP?! I WAS JUST THINKING…YOU, ME, THE OTHER HUMAN, AND UNDYNE SHOULD ALL HANG OUT SOMETIME! I THINK YOU WOULD MAKE GREAT PALS!
"Papyrus this is not a good time for that!" Mabel shouted into the phone as she dodged arrow bullets flying towards it.
"COME BACK HERE YOU LITTLE PUNKS!" Undyne shouted. She was right behind them.
"OKAY! LET'S MEET UP AT HER HOUSE LATER!"
The Waterfall area ended, as suddenly as if Mabel had stepped into another room. The new area was hot and dry, and the dark cave walls became a heavy shade of red. Mabel looked just below her the cliff sides and saw pools of magma.
Undyne was still behind her.
Mabel looked back up and fought the sudden urge or vertigo. She ducked around the corner, and came face to face with a familiar skeleton.
"SANS!" Mabel cried. "sans, help us out!"
sans did not stir from his sleep.
"Come on!" Dipper shouted as he caught up with her.
Undyne was right behind them.
Mabel ran, and the sounds of metal footsteps became more distant. The sounds of Undyne screaming at sans replaced it. There was a sound of a rimshot from…somewhere, and then the metal footsteps increased.
Undyne was right behind them.
Mabel and Dipper spun around and faced her. Mabel looked at Dipper for any indication he had a plan. It was clear he did not.
Undyne took one step towards them. Then another. Then she fell over.
"Oh," said Dipper. "Well that was anticlimactic."
The smell of sushi wafted in the air, reminding Mabel of Mermando. And then she realized.
"Wait, she's a fish! She's drying out in her armor!" Mabel turned to Dipper. "We have to help her! Do your reverse CPR!"
Dipper glared at her.
"I'M SERIOUS THIS TIME!"
"Okay, fine, I'll…" Dipper trailed off as he looked for his plan. He settled on a water cooler tucked into the corner. "Fine!"
The water cooler was naturally rather slow, but that was the only part of the plan that was. Dipper raced to and fro as he filled his cup and propped Undyne up in a position needed for CPR. He threw the water into his mouth, and sealed his lips with Undyne.
Once Undyne regained consciousness, she was not very happy about the situation. But she did not say anything. She did not attack them again. She took one long look at them, and left.
"That was awkward," said Dipper. "Promise me you won't hold that against me."
"Of course not!" said Mabel. "But what should I tell Papyrus when we go on our date with Undyne?"
Dipper froze.
"You did not."
"It was Papyrus's idea!"
There was a pie sitting out on the windowsill by the diner. Frisk vaguely recalled that was a good way to cool it. The only person she had ever seen bake was Toriel, but she never put her pies out because there was no wind that could have cooled it.
The thought of stealing made their stomach flip. They remembered the monster candy in the Ruins, and how they never stopped feeling bad about it until the bad runs. But the flipping in their stomach would be much worse if they didn't steal.
The gnomes beat them to it.
"Hey, kid, this is our stash!" said one of the gnomes. Frisk vaguely recalled them as the one the Cat had chased.
The Cat hissed. Most of the gnomes stiffened, but did not otherwise move. The leader reached for another gnome by the beard, and held the sharp point of their hat out like a knife.
Frisk made a motion for the Cat to stand down. It was not worth a fight.
"Good," said the gnome as he put the other gnome down. "And while we're at it, can you…um…"
He made a few vague motions for Frisk to grab the pie. They obliged, and handed it down to them.
"Thanks kid!" He called as the gnomes scampered off.
"Really?" said the Cat. "We're going to have to find our own food now."
Frisk shrugged.
"Hey kid!"
The Mystery Man stood behind them. He shifted uncomfortably as Frisk looked at him, and avoided eye contact.
"You uh…wouldn't happen to be looking for someplace to eat, are you?"
Frisk nodded.
The Mystery Man folded his arms over his chest. "Don't suppose you would want to come with me then?"
Frisk nodded again, this time more enthusiastically.
"Fine. But you're paying!"
Frisk stuck their tongue out playfully. It reminded them of sans, and of good times.
"OHO! THE HUMANS ARRIVE!" said Papyrus. "READY TO BECOME TOTALLY BEST FRIENDS WITH UNDYNE?!"
"Yeah, Papyrus, I don't think—" Dipper started.
"You bet!" Mabel said.
"GREAT! WE ARE GOING TO BE THE BEST OF FRIENDS!"
"I don't think she's going to want to be friends with us," said Dipper, to nobody but himself.
"Hey Papyrus," said Undyne as the door opened. "Ready for your extra special one-on-one training?"
Undyne looked differently than when they had last seen her. She was out of her armor, and into a casual outfit of sweat pants and a tank top. Her scales were much more visible than before, as were the muscles they covered. Her hair was still tied back, but it was much looser than before. She did not look like the kind of person that would have chased two kids to their death.
"YOU BET I AM! AND I BROUGHT SOME FRIENDS!"
"Hi, I don't think we've—" Undyne stopped as she got a good look at her guests. She spoke through gritted teeth. "Why don't. You come. Inside?"
Papyrus gave the twins a look, danced on the welcome mat as he tried to clean his boots, and walked inside. Mabel gave him a look and followed suit.
Undyne's house was ordinary as well. In fact, it was rather cute for someone who was the head of the Royal Guard. Yet the air was thick with tension.
Papyrus did not seem to notice.
"OH, WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT?!" Papyrus said "I HAVE TO UM…USE THE BATHROOM! I'LL BE RIGHT BACK!"
With that, Papyrus promptly flung himself out the window. It was a while until Dipper heard the landing thud outside.
"I hate it when he does that," said Undyne. Her attention turned towards them. "So why are you here?"
"We're here to become friends!" said Mabel.
"Really?" Undyne asked. "How delightful! I accept! Let's all frolick in the fields of friendship! …NOT!"
The stars that was in Mabel's eyes quickly extinguished.
"Why would I ever be friends with you?" said Undyne. "If you weren't my houseguests, I'd beat you up right now! You're the enemy of everyone's hopes and dreams! I WILL NEVER BE YOUR FRIEND. Now get out of my house!"
Papyrus' head poked back in to what was supposed to be the window.
"DANG. WHAT A SHAME. I THOUGHT YOU TWO COULD BE REALLY GOOD FRIENDS WITH UNDYNE. BUT I GUESS…I OVERESTIMATED HER. SHE'S JUST NOT UP TO THE CHALLENGE!"
He was gone as quickly as he arrived.
"CHALLENGE?" Undyne roared. "He thinks I can't be friends with you? Fuhuhu! What a joke! Listen up humans! We're not just going to become friends. We're gonna be BESTIES. Now why don't you two have a seat?"
The diner was small and cozy. It looked to be on the verge of closing, and only one waitress was still out.
"Hey Stan!" She greeted. "Care for a late night snack?"
"Hey Susan. Split me a quarter of the Number 7, and a side of ketchup for the kid," said
"You got it!"
The waitress left, and they were alone.
"So, uh…" said Stan. "Your parents around here, anywhere?"
Frisk shook their head no.
"So, summer camp or somethin'?"
Frisk shook their head no again.
"You're on your own then?"
Frisk shrugged.
Stan fell silent for a moment. He was still avoiding eye contact.
"Don't talk much, do ya?"
Frisk shrugged again. They could feel the Cat's tail flicking back and forth against their leg. He probably was not sure whether he should speak up or not.
"Well," said Stan. "Do you at least have a safe place to stay for the night?"
Frisk was not sure. The clones had offered them a camping spot, and they did have the clearing where they spent the night before. But with the Manutaurs against them, it might not be the safest place to stay.
"Well, you know where the Shack is. You might have to compete for a bed with the goat…or with Soos…but it's better than nothing, believe me," said Stan. "We were supposed to be having a party tonight, but…guess that ain't happenin'. It'd be nice to have some kind of company."
The waitress came back with the food. Stan started to stand from the table.
"Go ahead and put it on my tab, Suze," said Stan. "I gotta get goin'. Make sure Soos closes down right, and see if the kids haven't come back yet. You take care, kid."
Stan walked out, and then it was just Frisk and the Cat.
The ketchup healed quite a bit. Frisk was actually rather surprised. They guessed that was why sans drank it all the time.
With Undyne on a mission to befriend them, it was surprisingly easy to talk to her. They talked about the Underground, whether or not Papyrus would ever join the Royal Guard and how Undyne met Asgore. They talked about Gravity Falls and the Surface, what kind of weaponry humans wielded and whether or not ice cream men are preludes to terror.
(It took Dipper a while to realize that, despite everything, they have yet to have a problem with the ice cream man. This was probably a good thing.)
It was only when Undyne stood to get them more tea when the atmosphere turned tense again.
"Wait a second," said Undyne. "Papyrus' cooking lesson…he was supposed to have that right now! And if he's not here to have it...THEN YOU TWO WILL HAVE TO DO!"
Undyne jumped onto the kitchen counter. The containers of tea and hot chocolate collided to the ground.
"NOTHING has brought Papyrus and I closer than cooking!" said Undyne. "So if I give you the lesson, WE'LL BECOME CLOSER THAN YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE!"
She jumped again, and landed on the broken kitchen table. She seized the twins up by their hair and bounded towards the stovetop.
"FIRST WE'LL MAKE THE SAUCE!" said Undyne.
Mabel and Dipper were dropped onto the stovetop. She stomped on the ground, and a set of vegetables fell from the ceiling and onto the counter.
"Envision these vegetables as your greatest enemy," said Undyne. "Now! Pound them to dust with your fist!"
"I didn't think cooking was such an involved sport," said Dipper.
Mabel, however, couldn't be more excited. She swung her fish down and squashed the solanum.
"THERE YOU GO! NGHAAAH!" said Undyne.
She swung her spear down. The vegetables exploded.
"We'll just scrape that in a bowl later," said Undyne. "Now, we add the noodles!"
She stomped again, and two pots fell perfectly onto the stovetop. With another passionate cry, she flung something towards the twins. Mable fumbled for a second before she caught it.
"Just go ahead and put them in the pot," said Undyne.
"You got it, boss!"
Mabel ripped open the box and threw it in. It collided with the empty bottom.
"As a general rule of thumb, the more you stir the pasta, THE BETTER IT BECOMES!" said Undyne. "Ready?"
"Don't you need to add water?" Dipper asked.
"LET'S DO IT!"
Mabel stirred as fast as her arms would let her. Undyne summoned another spear and beat it until the pot was collapsing in on itself.
"Now for the final step: TURN UP THE HEAT!" said Undyne. "Let the stovetop symbolize your passion! Let your hopes and dreams turn into a burning fire! Don't hold anything back!"
Mabel turned the dial, and turned it, and turned it more. She only stopped when she noticed the pot catch on fire.
"Okay, maybe that's-"
"HOTTER, DAMNIT!" Undyne cried as she reached over the stovetop.
The flames rose.
There was no one at the Mystery Shack when Stan returned. So he did what he usually did on a late Thursday night. It was what he did most nights, and it was what he was planning on doing before the kids talked him into a party. It just so happened that tonight was a more involved process.
It won't be long now.
The vat of radioactive waste collided with Stan's toe.
"HOT BELGIAN WAFFLES!" He shouted. "Wait, if no one's here, then I can swear for real! SON OF A—"
"Excuse me," said the Cat.
The vat shook more as Stan jumped towards the source. The kid was curled up on the couch, and the Cat was perched on the armrest above them. Both of them looked as though they had been startled awake by his outburst.
He had seen the Cat talk before, when he had spotted the kid trying to steal Lazy Susan's pie. At that point, however, he was doing his best to forget the gnomes that had followed them. The fact that the Cat had spoken was shocking, but it was just more Gravity Falls weirdness.
It won't be long now.
"So, taking me up on my offer, huh?" said Stan.
The kid nodded, then pointed to the radioactive waste with a confused expression.
"Oh, just ignore that…" said Stan. "Feel free to make yourself at home. If I catch you makin' off with the register in the mornin' I'll be very impressed but I'll still hunt you down, got it?"
The kid gave a mock salute and chuckled, before they rolled back over. The Cat, however, continued to watch him as he ducked into the hidden entryway in the vending machine. He was not sure if it was trying to be menacing, but he felt his sins crawl along his back.
"Man," said Undyne. "No wonder Papyrus sucks at cooking."
Dipper was too busy trying to not catch on fire to notice.
"So what's next?" Undyne asked. "Scrapbooking? Friendship bracelets?"
"Yeah!" said Mabel. "Let's do it!"
"Oh who are we kidding? I've been defeated. My house is in shambles. And I failed to make you two my friends," said Undyne. "I guess some people aren't meant to get along. But that's okay. Because if we can't be friends…THEN I CAN DESTROY YOU WITHOUT REGRET!"
Undyne summoned her spear again.
"Wait, wait don't!" said Dipper. "We still want to be your friends! Really!"
"AN ALL OUT REMATCH ON BOTH SIDES! IT'S THE ONLY WAY FOR ME TO REGAIN MY LOST PRIDE!" said Undyne.
Mabel looked at Dipper, and the twins hatched a plan.
They lightly shoved Undyne into the counter.
"What?" said Undnye. "That's the best you can manage?"
"We still want to be your friends," said Mabel. "And friends generally don't destroy other friends!"
Undyne looked lost for a minute. Eventually, she closed her eyes and sighed. Her spear faded before it could fall to the ground.
"I don't want to hurt you, either," said Undyne. "You two remind me of someone I used to train with."