Publishing the chapter I would've published yesterday had I not accidently deleted the first two chapters instead :)
For Kat the next few hours of her life passed in a series of disjointed flashes and distant feelings of confusion and pain. She managed to recall through a foggy haze riding in an ambulance with Amanda and sent a short fleeting wish that she hadn't humiliated herself in front of her. Before she could dwell on it though another memory crashed through her head. She had been cold, freezing even, able to move hypothetically , but with such depleted energy levels that she instead came to accept her place sprawled out on the ground, eye level with the rubbish and rodents under the dumpsters.
Before that though it was a complete blur. no faces, voices, smells, not even any memories of how she'd felt. But instead she remembered repeated relentless blows being delivered to her body without hesitation. It had hurt more than she though being hit ever could, she remembered thinking that.
Eventually though she swam through the fog back into consciousnesses, the repeated jabs to her body replaced instead by a dull aching. She briefly flickered her eyes, trying to adjust to the bright light they'd revealed to her. It had exposed as well two figures in the room, towering over her vulnerable position laid out on a bed, clutching the sheets beneath her as though they could keep her grounded to reality.
Inadvertently as she tried to process she let out a low groan from the back of her tender throat, ricocheting around the room. Before she could even open her eyes again though the figures were closing in on her.
Her senses suddenly seemed overwhelmed as she became aware of the incessant beeping of the machines around her, the distant rumble of voices, the feel of a blanket covering her, suffocating her, trapping her in.
She wanted to move, to get out, away from this.
But then a hand appeared on her shoulder, not squeezing or rubbing, just alerting her of a presence.
"Kat, Kat. can you wake up for us?" Olivia asked.
She knew that voice, knew the soft undertones that for whatever reason she still hadn't grasped made you want to share your inner demons, to confess the worst moments of your life.
"Ugh," Kat groaned as a flash of white pain ran through her and she suddenly impulsively opened her eyes, wide.
"Hey, calm down, calm down. You're okay." Amanda tried coming round to the opposite side of the bed as her captain.
"No." Kat shook her head, her logic smashed into pieces by the events of the last few hours. She shuffled in the bed, gripping the plastic sides tightly and heaving her body up into a sitting position. Ignoring the wires pulling down at her skin, and the gentle hands trying to push her back down.
"Kat, just try and stay still for us."
"What-What happened?" Kat asked as her vision came back to her, her blurry vision clearing up as she rested her head back on a pillow.
"Just give yourself a moment first Kat," Olivia requested as Amanda handed her a small plastic cup of water encouraging to have short sips of the liquid which felt like liquid gold to her dry throat and chapped lips.
"No, I, I want to know what happened, I deserve to know what happened, I mean what the hell-"
"We don't know for sure," Olivia broke to her gently. There was no way to break it to her gently, not really, and nobody knew that better than her. She couldn't make it better, couldn't make ti go away, all she could do was be there.
Kat felt her breathing pick up. She didn't like not knowing what had happened to her own body, didn't like not having the facts, not having any control.
"Amanda found you, injured, quite badly." Olivia endeavoured to give her as many of the facts as she could, aware of how freighting it could be to not remember a whole passage of your day.
"But I don't remember any of that, it's just, it's gone." Kat rubbed her forehead with her hand as though it could stimulate a memory to come to the surface.
You have a concussion, it'll come back to you, don't threat yourself about it." Amanda assured her.
"No!" Kat's shout pierced the room, a quick intake of breath through pained and laboured lungs following. "No," She repeated quitter this time, "I want to know what happened to me, I want to know what happened to me and I want to know now." She spoke.
"Kat, just take a mome-"
"No!" Kat wasn't backing down, she was furious, she was scared, she needed someone to lash out at. Unleashing her anger on someone would let her concentrate on that, let her channel her energy on them. It would let her ignore that inhibiting fear cursing through her entire being, the shiver running through her spine, the adrenaline running through her veins, waiting for someone to burst through the door, for her to be back in that position of complete vulnerability.
"Okay, okay, I'll go and I'll get your Doctor and they can explain all your injuries to you. Will that help?" Olivia tried to level with her Detective. Kat was confused, her defences were up, she just wanted to know what had happened to her, she had a right to know. Kat didn't answer verbally, didn't trust herself to open her mouth and not cry, not beg her superiors to stay there in the room with her, to keep them and the security they offered her close by, so instead she pursed her lips and nodded.
Kat rocketed awake, gasping for breath, pain echoing around her rib cage at the sudden movement urged on by a nightmare. Sweat clung to her body, soaking through the flimsy gown that did nothing to help her feel less exposed. She propped herself up against her pillow, closed her eyes, and took deep breaths in and out, willing her heart rate to slow down. Not only did it's rhythmic pumping hurt, but she could hear the machine by her side beeping, the constant noise an assault on her ears and a reason for the nurses and doctors to come busting through the doors. She fisted the sheets tight in her knuckles, the rough material against her skin grounding her down to reality. Oxygen proliferating through her body, the room slowly coming into focus.
She hadn't really known what she was wanting when she agreed to let the doctor come in and explain her injuries to her. It was like she'd woken up in the exact same mental state she'd fallen unconscious in; exposed and vulnerable.
She had wanted to regain some semblance of control and Olivia suggesting the Doctor explain her injuries to her was appealing, maybe it would jog her memory. But it hadn't. She was still clueless as to what had happened, she was useless to her squad, couldn't provide anything of use even to her own investigation.
She's strived since she met them to impress them all, especially her captain. She'd thrown herself into undercover work, studied every case file past and present, treated every case like a dog with a bone.
She needed to give them some details about this, needed to make sure they knew she wasn't completely incompetent.
She couldn't remember anything that had happened though. All that was left was a fleeting feeling of terror that sat heavy on her chest, a firm grasp around her lungs, constantly threatening to slowly choke the life out of her.
Anything would help at this point, she didn't even need the details, just to be able to give a brief recount, something more than 'I don't know'.
What must they think of her?
Let me know what you guys think! There's not been as much interest in this as there was before so if there's not to much enthusiasm about this chapter I'll probably wrap it all up in a chapter or two. So review and let me know what you think :)