Good morning. Today a new and long chapter (compared to others). This one is a Mergana one, so I'm sorry for the ones who don't like this couple. Also, if you look presciently, you'll see that this chapter is important. Enjoy it.

I'm not own from Merlin.

"He was the man who raised Balinor, the man we are looking for."

Those words were concentrated on Morgana's head, without wanting to come out or disappear. It had simply been embedded and nailed into his mind so that he could not get rid of those words that Merlin had whispered minutes earlier.

She knew that with what he had finished saying it solved everything: why Merlin had been so concerned, why according to Arthur he had gone to that waterfall that he had been commenting on ever since, and why Merlin was so at the time. He'd been looking for a way to find out where Balinor lived. Yes, that was. At that time Morgana would have been relieved, but she was surprised and uneasy when she did not. In fact, there was something that kept eating her stomach and didn't stop.

It was that same feeling that made her get closer to Merlin as if it knew Merlin was hiding something. And he'd been hiding it, hasn't he? But they had found out, so it was supposed (and only supposed) that that feeling in the stomach and chest should go away. But instead, that feeling had intensified.

Didn't Merlin say everything? Wasn't that all Merlin kept? Morgana wasn't sure about that anymore. She didn't know what was going on with him.

She realized that he had very quickly assumed that that feeling, which was increasing every time, as a snowball widens as it moves through the snowy layer, was something about Merlin's secrets. But he had never stopped to think that maybe it was not Merlin's secrets but only Merlin.

But no, in any case it would be that what had been unveiled from Merlin and his great friend the bear of the cabin that called himself Telvar, also now known as the Cursed Man, was only a small part of what actually all this mystery enclosed. Or that was her feeling. And she wondered how many of these secrets had to do with Balinor or Telvar, and how many with Merlin.

The point was that it didn't matter, in the future, if far or near she didn't know it, everything would be revealed, or that she sincerely expected. In the meantime, she tried not to think of her thoughts and feelings that the stomach-eating worm was growing more and more about Merlin. And she hoped that it would be only his secrets that made her approach him.

And, apparently, fate wanted to lure her to Merlin minutes after the conversation in the basement. Merlin's last words kept bouncing off the walls of her head and fluttered even more when she met Merlin on the wooden bench located on the back porch of the shed.

Merlin had his gaze lost among the trees and beyond the mountains, where the light of dawn glowed orange in its foothills and summits, while in the clouds that hovered above the peaks glowed a purple-pink tone. He was probably thinking about the previous conversation, Telvar's true identity, and his life. Morgana didn't know what to do, whether to get carried away by her desires and urges to sit next to him and talk to him in the soft light of dawn or do what her brain deemed appropriate, which was to go back inside the shed and make a hot chocolate to better pass the cold outside.

Following her impulses and without much thought, she sat next to him, without planning to be as close to him as she had ever been. Merlin smelled of peppermint and some lavender, not considered a sweet smell but rather wild, an enchanted forest dream, as she would call it. His aromas of the forest reminded her of when she left the city as a child to spend her free time between vegetation and forest, letting she break her favorite dress and let herself be stained with mud and the pigment of flowers. Freedom and joy. That's what she remembered feeling. And what she now felt next to Merlin, she said to her with a smile.

Merlin seemed unfazed by her presence: he kept staring at nothingness. He seemed wise at the time, like the time he had seen those eyes in the fire the first night. Yes, Merlin was not a simple servant like many and even he assured. Merlin was much more than that, and if no one had repaired it yet, she had been the first to do so. Without a doubt, there was something special about Merlin that made it interesting.

She shivered when a gust of cold wind came and pierced her like a thousand ice daggers. For a moment, she thought of approaching Merlin and hugging him, to feel the warmth of his body and his safety that had so often made her feel. The protection he gave in her. Protection that not thousands of Knights of Camelot, armed to the core, could have given her.

Luckily, she did not slan at him or hug him, as her impulses in her heart shouted at her. She only approached him faintly, making sure Merlin did not realize even the slightest and was able to appreciate his heat that he expanded. A pleasant warmth that was added to his wild smell.

She noticed her heart starting to beat faster when she could see how close he was to him. She had never felt him so close to her, listening to his gentle, melodic breathing and fresh breath. She had never felt him so hers.

She dared to look at him and could see that he still did not look at her, although she knew that, in reality, he had noticed her presence. In fact, she seemed to see his pulse of his neck accelerate, not knowing if what she thought she saw was true or what she would like to see.

At the time, she knew it was time to talk.

"You've been looking for a way to find him all this time, haven't you?" she asked.

Merlin sighed through his nose and looked down. His eyes seemed more tired than she would have imagined. It seemed as if the weight of the world, of many lives, rested on his shoulders and the burden weighed on him. Yes, his eyes told everything about him, there was no more.

"More or less," he replied, looking at the wooden floor of the porch.

"And is it true? Is it true that Telvar was the one who raised Balinor?"

"I think so. At least that's what he told me. I sincerely hope it's true."

"That's why you wanted to get here?"

Merlin sketched a cheeky smile on his lips. That smile shed a tremendous light that warmed her heart without knowing exactly how. She was simply better by his side than next to anyone else. Not only did she feel protected and comfortable with him, but she was also happy. The happiness that had been so difficult to achieve for her, she had achieved it with Arthur's servant.

"Well, he's supposed to catch us passing by to go to Ealdor."

Morgana laughed, not knowing if by a mere joke Merlin had made or just to see Merlin smiling.

"And what else has Telvar told you?" asked Morgana more seriously.

"Little else. He became angry soon after," said Merlin with pain in his eyes.

"Yes, I could already observe it. What happened?"

Morgana saw that Merlin didn't feel like it and didn't want to push him.

"It was my fault."

And with those few words, the matter was settled. Apparently, Morgana thought, Merlin had the power of words. With a few he could make the ambiance different: tense, happy, worried, sad... and until a conversation is over without even saying it. Another thing she didn't understand about Merlin. And he seemed sometimes to have as much lip as a wise old man. He knew when and how to talk.

Morgana knew she had to ask one last question before she left.

"Merlin, why did you faint before you went to the basement?" she asked, trying to hide the concern in her voice.

Merlin smiled.

"I didn't exactly "faint." It was just... a low blood sugar. I should eat more to prevent that."

Morgana knew full well that Merlin was lying. He could have a lot of lip sometimes, but his lies didn't go too far.

"Ah, well, I thought Telvar did something to you."

"Telvar?" said Merlin, raising an eyebrow. "He's a childhood friend of mine."

"From childhood? How long have you known him?"

"It's been a while. I and my friends used to go to visit him in his caves and there he would tell us stories and advice. I learned a lot about him. He was like a father to me, almost like Gaius."

"You've never told me much about your friends in Ealdor, or your father," Morgana said, pretending not to seem very accusing.

"There is not much to tell."

For the first time in everything they had sat down, Merlin looked at her. Those blue eyes, in the light of dawn, like shiny stones embedded in a white sea, which seemed to pierce her soul and see her interior, the interior that even she did not know. But apparently, he had felt ashamed. She wondered why until she saw how close they were to each other. She hadn't even noticed. His thighs rubbed and his hands almost caught.

Morgana felt a shocking desire and eager to draw closer to him than she had ever done before. She felt a tremendous desire to live by his side until eternity. She felt a desire she had never felt towards others. Morgana sought her lips and came slowly, feeling something she could not describe or explain. A burning desire to kiss him burned all over her skin and eating her more and more through her stomach. And there she realized that the worm was not looking for Merlin's secrets.

When she thought kissing him was inevitable, Merlin turned and got up.

"I have... things to do inside. Soon we'll leave." he babbled as he slipped out the door, without even looking at her.

And so, Morgana felt that desire burning on her lips. A bitter feeling. A sense of defeat.

And so it is. A long chapter (I feel generous today: it is Saturday) I'm sorry, in the end, it has not happened. Why do you think so? If you think and if you are perceptive, you could reveal why Merlin didn't want to.

What do you think? Was it good? As always, you can tell me, and I will answer happily.

I hope you liked it.

Next Chapter: Merlin's perspective. Back to the trip. Some from the past of Balinor and Telvar, with a little conversation of Tlevar-Merlin before going.

LegolasHV