I promise it'll eventually get better?
Even though Soul had called upwards of fifteen times, the apartment was empty when Maka returned. He's probably back with her, getting what you didn't give him, came as a bitter scream in the back of her mind. The tears sprung easily again and she shut herself away in her room, staining her pillow as she gulped for air. She awoke like that in the pitch darkness, the sound of the door and stumbling in the hallway pulling her from a sleep only kept by emotional exhaustion. Regardless of the warnings in her mind, she rushed from her bed, opening her door just in time to find him standing in the frame.
"You're here." His lip was bruised, his hair slicked back from one too many fingers run through it.
Maka clutched the door to stop herself from moving forward.
When she gave him only silence and frozen feet, a sick, warbling laugh left his throat. "Damnit, Maka, you know you're the best little actress."
"What?" A chill ran down her spine as he took a step closer, his head tilting to catch her eyes.
"The sweet little girl-next-door," he hissed as one of his hands grabbed her wrist from the doorframe. "Had me totally fucking fooled that you gave a shit. But you're scared of me, right? I'm a fucking monster." As his fingers tightened he pulled her closer, the lingering whiff of alcohol hitting her in the face.
"You were out drinking," Maka warbled.
"And what do you fucking care?" Instead of another tug, he threw her wrist out of his grip, turning to show her his back as he took a step towards his room.
"I care," the spell of it all finally broke like the words from her lips. "But you sure as hell don't. I trusted you!" Her hand grasped the back of his shirt as her fist knocked against his spine. "How could you?" came as a rough scream, scraping her throat like sandpaper. "How could you come to me after being with someone else?"
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Soul turned too quickly, sending him stumbling back to the floor in his stupor. His teeth clattered together at the hard seat on his ass and he barely avoided adding to his bloody lip with a bitten tongue. "Cheating on you? That's the excuse you come up with? As if I've ever even looked at someone the same way I look at you!"
"You're a liar," she screamed.
"How?" His scream back was gut-wrenching and tears sprung from her eyes just at the sound. Maka's lip trembled and she was about to unleash all his transgressions when Soul rolled over, getting to his knees before letting the words grate against the back of his throat. "Forget it. It doesn't matter. I'll be a goddamn liar, I'll be a cheat, I don't give a shit, just stay away from me. You decided to leave, so keep it that way."
"I didn't leave you, I just couldn't-"
"You slunk out of bed and fucked off, that's leaving," he spat as he finally got back to his feet, taking another trembling step into his room as his hand came to the door.
"You hurt me," Maka urged back, finding the words lame to describe the crumpling feeling in her chest.
"So we're even." Soul slammed the door in her face, but it hadn't latched for a second before she turned the knob. "Don't fucking come in here!" he bellowed.
"Soul, stop-"
"You fucking stop!" His hand was up and slipping to her neck, just perfectly cupping under her chin. Her eyes went wide as she expected the stranglehold but instead his fingers were limp and his eyes just as white as hers. Both let out an agonizingly slow breath but it was Soul's who came out choked. His fingers drifted away, just running along the fabric of her shirt to her sternum, giving a lifeless push. "Please just leave me alone." There was no vigor to his voice, no biting but begging as he turned away from her.
Being silent was his forte but Soul had taken it to an all-new level, grunts and emails suddenly being the only way he communicated. To rub salt in the wounds it was only her, his voice moving freely in guarded whispers with Black Star and the usual playful complaints with Liz. It left a gaping emptiness in her work, in her day, in her heart.
Even meeting with Death, Soul seemed to take on the same old demeanor with hands jammed in his pockets and a smirk. "Good news, both of you! Eibon's agreed to a deal. There'll be some negotiation, but the two of you should consider yourselves hired. I'll be dialing down any other possible work since I'm sure Eibon will keep you busy."
Maka could only manage a mumble of something close to congratulatory, the victory feeling empty in the face of the wall between them. It should be our win, but nothing is ours anymore.
Soul's reaction made it worse as a saccharine smile graced his lips. "Great, sir. Thank you for the opportunity." With just a short nod he was practically halfway out of the room.
Death had watched Soul carefully as he moved while his eyes started to narrow. "Maka, could you stay for a moment."
"Yes, sir." Maka risked a glance at Soul, but only saw his shoulder as he turned the corner and disappeared, the door slamming behind him.
"Regardless of office rumors," Death cleared his throat before continuing, "I've grown to assume that the two of you are close."
"Sir…" Maka faltered, unsure of the protocol or even how her heart could handle any admission one way or the other.
"So I assume that he's told you about who he used to be," Death waited until she nodded slowly. He leaned back against his desk, crossing his arms tightly to his chest. "We have a strict understanding that while I'm very forgiving of what he may have done, he needs to keep himself under control while he works here."
The hairs bristled on the back of Maka's neck.
"Sometimes, I fear, he toes the line. I've seen it a few times over the past few years and I think I'm seeing it again now."
No, desperately wanted to spring from her lips but she bit them closed.
Death sighed, finally not an ounce of excitement in his voice, "If he's losing control, I need to know."
"Sir, Soul would never do anything to put this job in jeopardy." Lying through her teeth was never something Maka ever put the effort into so she was unsure of how convincing she could be. So he can betray you but you'll lie for him? You'll stick your neck out when he- She swallowed the bitter ideas before continuing, "I just think this project reminded him of, well, losing someone close to him, so he might be a little off."
"Is that all?" Maka knew that was just confirmation of her lie, Death's lips still in a narrow frown.
"As far as I know," Maka murmured. "Is that all, sir? I really don't feel comfortable-"
"Yes, absolutely," Death nodded before motioning towards the door.
Maka took the exit without a second thought, rushing to the hallway like it was the only thing that held air before beelining for their desks. Soul's eyes were on her as soon as she hit the workroom floor but that didn't slow her momentum even as his brows wrinkled when she reached his side of the desk. She leaned close, what used to be just so normal to her suddenly feeling invasive as he clenched every last muscle. "I lied for you," she hissed.
"I didn't-" he started smartly but she clenched a hand into his shoulder.
"You can say whatever you want about me, about us," that warbled off her tongue but a swift breath broke the emotion. "But you wanted this job. It looks like you're giving up, so get better at faking you're happy with what you've got because I won't lie for you again."
His head turned and he did as ordered and Maka was sure nothing in the world could hurt more until the words crept from his mouth, "Who said I was faking?"
She swallowed that like liquid nitrogen, everything down to her toes freezing. "Fine, just, get it together."
He didn't offer her a reply, just turning his head away from her to focus on his computer.
Everything was squeezed to death, whether it was her heart, her lungs, her limbs as she shuffled back to her chair. No matter how long she sat there and stared at him, his eyes stayed focused and all of it was slipping away from her like sand through her fingers. The words shot hurriedly from her mouth, "I'm going to stay at my dad's tonight. I'll… I'm going to stay for the weekend, too."
"Fine," he shot back quickly but she couldn't help but see the way his breath stuck in his throat, his jaw working.
Maka couldn't keep the venom from spitting between her teeth. "You can bring whoever you want to the apartment then." There was just a second that his eyes shot back to hers, both of them oozing with hurt that only made her feel even more bitter. How dare he, how dare he be hurt when he loves someone else, he has to!
Soul just stopped himself from slamming his hands on the desk as he stood. "I'm getting fucking coffee." He cut and ran, leaving her at their desks to bite back tears.
Maka had stayed late at work, waiting until the office cleaners basically kicked her out before wasting more time on the sidewalk. Going to Papa's had been part hollow threat, part desperation, with what she was realizing now was a healthy hint of entrapment. She wanted to go back to the apartment, she wanted to find him in the act, wanted to prove all those feelings that were still riddled with lingering doubt. Because the Soul I think I know wouldn't, would never hurt me like that but there's no other explanation. Lipstick, perfume, scratches. No other rational excuse.
It was simple, she obviously hadn't packed her things to go home, so she had to stop at the apartment first. She was there to pack a bag which she explained to herself with every step back home. Except Maka couldn't deny that she'd tried her best to be quiet when opening the front door, sneaking footsteps at the entryway. Her heart leaped into her throat as she heard the voices, that was until her mind told her the undeniable truth: the other voice was Black Star. Maka slinked down the hallway, avoiding the creaks in the floorboards that she knew too well.
"So she just up and fucking left for the whole weekend?"
There was a long, warbled sigh. "She hates me."
"Tone down the drama, dude. You had your first fight, it's not-"
"It wasn't just a fight," Soul's voice sounded raw as if it were cutting up the back of his throat to let it go. "She doesn't want to be with me. She made that pretty fucking clear."
"How? She tell you you're ugly or something?" Black Star punctuated that with a weak laugh especially when he got none in return.
"She made up some lame-ass excuse that I cheated." There was a clatter and Maka was sure he was coming out the door but instead the noise stopped until his shout broke the silence. "With who? Who the fuck am I with? It's just her fucking imagination with her dad playing on blast and I'm the one who gets punished for it. She should just be honest that she can't stomach what I am instead of coming up with some stupid excuse! All I wanted, all I goddamn wanted-!" That cut off with a groan.
"Dude, don't cry-"
"I'm not crying," he barked as his voice cracked.
Maka leaned into the wall, her knees feeling weak. He is, that's the way his voice gets husky, breaking after each note.
"I just… it's been a few days, right? And I can't stop… all I think about is holding her fucking hand or letting her clear the hair away from my face and I'd just, I think I'd trade just about anything for it. If she didn't want me to touch her, even have sex with her I'm almost fucking sure I'd agree to it if she'd just… oh, fucking Christ, am I pathetic."
Why would he… it doesn't make any sense. The dissonance was enough to make her head spin.
"A little." Maka heard the distinct sound of a hand connecting with a head before Black Star grumbled, "Then tell her that, man."
There was a pause, a shuffling before the creak of his bed again. "It's not going to make a difference and I'm… I'm just going to get over it. It wasn't going to happen for me, anyway. We both knew that. The deal with the boss, any deal with the boss, is bullshit and I was stupid to even think-"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, you're giving up?" She heard a scuffle, the sounds of batting hands. "I get being depressed over the fucking girl but your job, dude? Or even Shelley!"
"None of it's forever," Soul croaked back. "You see how little it took me to fuck up things with Maka? I'm a step away at work - Death already asked her about me - and Shelley… all I do is put that whole house in danger just to feel like somebody loves me and that's just selfish."
Maka slowly wrapped her arms around herself, clinging to her shirt. There it is, that word again. As if wanting anything for himself makes him evil.
"You try to tell Marie that?" Black Star balked.
"I sent her a letter," Soul grumbled back.
That earned Soul a healthy laugh from Black Star as he practically squealed, "Oh, shit, you're in trouble. She sees that and she's going to beat you senseless, you know that? One, for not having the guts-"
"She's not going to see me," Soul interrupted sharply. "Because I'm going back with you tonight."
"No, no way." Black Star sounded firm but the fear coursed through Maka's veins anyway as she moved back towards the front door, opening it and slamming it on its hinges.
How do I tell him no? How do I get him to stop, to take all of that back when I'm not supposed to know. "Soul?" she called out in the apartment.
"What?" he barked from his room, not bothering to come out into the doorway.
The hallway was made of quicksand and her feet didn't seem to make any headway. "I need to talk to you."
That evoked movement, but not what she expected, both Black Star and Soul exited his bedroom. "I'm busy," he murmured as he pushed past her.
"Soul, we need to talk," she fought for command of her voice, barely winning against the emotions that meant to flood it.
"And I said I'm busy." He didn't bother to turn, even though Black Star did and put on the brakes quickly.
"Give the girl a chance," Black Star snapped at Soul.
Soul paused at the doorway but still didn't give them the luxury of seeing his face. "All my chances have run out." That was the last of the hesitation before he barreled through the door, leaving Black Star and Maka in a staring contest.
Maka bit her lip before gathering up enough air to make her words practically a shout. "Where is he going?"
Black Star narrowed his eyes at her. "You know, Maka, if you're really interested… shit, why don't you ask Kim? She'll know for sure."
"Kim?" Maka blinked, losing her focus in the confusion.
"Yeah, she doesn't close that damn bakery until ten, so if you catch her, maybe she'll help you out." Black Star tossed aside that cryptic sentence before following in Soul's footsteps.
Maka was still in the throws of bewilderment, still processing the secrets she wasn't supposed to hear, but at the very least she knew one thing was true: I won't let him. I won't let him throw everything away.