Ch 6: If looks could kill

"I'm sure more than a few of you have heard the whispers of dark goings-on beyond these castle walls," Dumbledore continued as the warm flickering candlelight of the Great Hall danced across his ancient features, "I want to assure you that this school has been and will remain a sanctuary from any such hate and violence. We will not tolerate any such darkness in these bright halls."

Elsa hoped he was right, lately, every new guest at the house had brought darker and uglier talk. There was a new Dark Lord, someone all too often likened to Grindelwald, the dark wizard who had sought to and nearly succeeded in conquering the wizarding world when her mother was young. In fact, he would have succeeded if it hadn't been for the man addressing the school now. This new Dark Lord sounded nearly as evil and driven. To make matters worse, from what she'd overheard in hushed and whispered conversations, her mother supported him as did many other family friends. She hoped the Headmaster was right about keeping Hogwarts a sanctuary, but she knew too many families with children there who seemed to herald the rise of such a wizard, eager to join his ranks and stop the reforms that had been spewing forth from the Ministry over the past decade. Sudden applause drew her from her thoughts and she looked up quickly to find the feast had begun.

The long Great Hall tables overflowed with every dish imaginable. She should be starving. She realized she hadn't eaten a decent meal since her last stint in the room, but with all the thoughts of darkness swirling and the heady activity of the train and carriage rides, she was left jittery and nauseated. She found herself only able to slowly sip a goblet of pumpkin juice while she waited for the feast to end. The table around her filled with chatter, as kindly Hufflepuffs informed their Muggle-born friends off all the goings-on they'd missed in the wizarding world, friends catching up after a long summer, and of course, everyone congratulating the new first years. No one talked to her. Her house was full of kind witches and wizards who would surely politely converse with her if prompted, but she'd never really belonged there. She'd been too shy and withdrawn her first year, to the point that rumors flew that she couldn't even speak. Of course, waking up screaming several times in the dorms hadn't helped her case either. The nightmares had been bad enough that first year, that she'd been relegated to sleeping the hospital wing her entire first month of school. By the time she was well enough to return to the dormitory, her status as an outcast had already been firmly cemented. It was for the best she supposed, getting close to people never turned out well for them.

She sighed into her goblet and began absently scanning the Great Hall, at the Slytherin table she quickly spotted her younger sisters silky platinum hair. She was surrounded by friends and happily chatting away, while leaning ever so slightly into Daniel Fawley, of "we're going to be late to Diagon Alley" fame. Farther up the length of the table, she spotted her brother's honey blonde hair as he talked animatedly with a group of Slytherin boys, which just happened to include a certain Black brother. Just as she realized she was staring, he glanced up, and she met those now-familiar grey eyes once again. Regulus smirked at her then nudged her brother, who looked up. It was the first time she'd seen Evan's face in weeks and she nearly yelped in surprise. His left eye was completely swollen shut and a pale scar stood out on his cheek. Whatever had been occupying her brother's time was hardly gentle. He waved sheepishly before returning his attention to the crowd of boys around him. What in Merlin's beard was going on?

"So, how's my favorite little mouse?" she jumped and turned to find Sirius pulling himself up from under the table to sit on the bench next to her, "I have to say, Hufflepuff does always seem to have the best spread at these things. Must be something to do with living so close to the kitchens."

"You can't be here," she hissed and swatted the pasty he'd grabbed out of his hand, "This isn't your table."

"Love, I promise no one will notice. Besides, even if they did, who could resist this charming face?" he smiled roguishly at her and grabbed two more pasties.

She watched in astonishment as he piled a plate with more than one person could possibly eat, before she finally found her voice again, "Seriously Sirius, why are you here?"

"Oh! That's a clever one," he giggled, "Siriusly Sirius, at your service."

There was something off about him, something far different from the playful Sirius she had begrudging rode to the castle with. Then she caught a whiff of cinnamon and something else on his breath. Her eyes went wide as she placed it, fire whiskey.

She was going to kill him, "Are you drunk? At the feast?"

"Just a bit tipsy, love," he admitted and scooted ever so slightly closer to her, "Had to get my confidence up somehow, seeing as my little mouse loves to take cuts at my ego."

There was more than just playfulness in his slightly glazed eyes and she was suspicious it wasn't just from the alcohol. Something about the way he was regarding her more carefully before, almost as if he knew something about her she didn't. There was also something there that she recognized instantly. He was running. She shook her head agitatedly, the great Sirius Black running? She must just be projecting.

"I am not your little mouse and you are being ridiculous," she put more space between them and set her goblet down heavily.

"You're not eating, it's a feast," he remarked, undeterred and set his far too full plate in front of her, "We can't have that."

Her stomach growled at the sight of all the food in front of her, but she forced herself to push it away, "I'm serious, you can't be here, especially not drunk like this."

"No, love, I'm Sirius," he clarified, giggled at his own joke, then stopped to stare her deeply in the eyes, "Your eyes are going all crimson-y. Does that mean you're a Gryffindor at heart?"

She felt like crying in frustration, as she rubbed her eyes silently begging for them to return to blue, "I'm giving you to the count of three before I call a prefect over."

"That won't be necessary," Remus' disappointed voice came from above and he latched onto the back of Sirius' robed, tugging him off the bench, "Sorry you had to see this."

She nodded in acceptance of Remus' apology, "It's fine, just make sure he's alright yeah?"

Remus sighed heavily and nodded, his sharp gold eyes betraying not disappointment, but sympathy. Somehow, she knew it extended to her as well. She shivered unhappily, the pale bookish boy was far too observant, who knows what conclusions he'd drawn. Her façade of normalcy seemed to have failed around him too often already. She half expected him to say something else, but instead, he just dragged his squirming friend away with only a final apology tossed over his shoulder, while Sirius rambled on about mice.

She had never been so glad to make it back to her dorm room. Most years she was excited about the sanctuary away from her mother, but she'd never been quite so exhausted by just a train and carriage ride. She found her trunk at the foot of the bed in the farthest corner of the room, an arrangement that suited her just fine and had her mentally thanking the house elves. The four-poster bed was made of familiar dark mahogany and hung with heavy yellow curtains for privacy. After changing quickly out of her school robes and into pajamas, she sank into the yellow and black striped cotton sheets gratefully. She was finally back at Hogwarts, far far away from the Lady of the House. With a well-practiced flick of her wand, she swept the curtains closed and sent a small light shooting to the top of the covered bed. Most fifth years didn't still use nightlights, but then again most fifth years hadn't spent time locked in the room without any light for days on end. Her dormmates had learned long ago the small light was worth the tradeoff of sleep uninterrupted by her screams when she woke up in the dark. Still, she did her best to be unobtrusive. After checking that it had settled itself to be as invisible as possible to the rest of the room, she settled into a fitful sleep, finally home.