Ch 7: A nose is a nose
The early morning was uneventful, or at least uneventful beyond the usual. She woke up with a start, her eyes flying open and a scream just caught in her throat. But the room was bright with morning sun, which helped to quell the panic. Thank Merlin she was back at Hogwarts, where the panic subsided in the morning instead of growing until her chest exploded. She locked her eyes on her bright little nightlight high above her, observing how it fit just so between the folds of the heavy yellow curtains. If she focused hard enough on the light and counted her breaths, the panic would be manageable in five minutes. The night's terrors hung heavy on her chest as she focused on this thought and continued to count until it didn't hurt to breathe. They were just nightmares here, nothing tangible and nothing to actually be afraid of. She got out of bed, slipping out between the heavy curtains with only the barest rustle. No one else was awake, which really wasn't surprising seeing as it was only 6 am. She preferred her mornings solitary anyways. Keeping as quiet as she could, as quiet as a mouse really, she slipped into a steaming shower. It was hot, nearly scalding. The drastic change in temperature helped keep her mind off the dark. After a nearly 30-minute shower, she stepped out all pink and steaming clean. She could almost believe she'd washed the horrors off with just a scrub as she wrapped herself in a fluffy yellow and black towel. She padded over to the mirror, wiped away the thick fog that had built up, and observed her face. It was only some mornings she could bear to scrutinize herself like this, but it was always important. There weren't too many other ways to monitor her eyes and hair color. After observing her crystal clear blue eyes and pin-straight pale blonde hair a thought came unbidden to her head.
Remus had said something about a metamorphagus who was able to change into the likeness of other people. Could she do that? Maybe she could just try a little bit. She focused on her nose, it was small and straight and unremarkable. It was her mother's nose, but what if it wasn't? She thought of her brother's nose. It was bigger, with a small hump near the bridge and just slightly crooked from a Quidditch accident his third year. Picturing it as hard as she could, she stared at her own nose, trying to feel the same feeling changing her hair gave her. Nothing happened. She wrinkled her nose unhappily and a smattering of freckles appeared across her nose and cheeks. That was new. She leaned in close and contemplated trying to make them disappear but changed her mind. She looked less her mother now, that was hardly a tragedy. After slipping into her school robes she scurried down to get breakfast and her new schedule, feeling somehow lighter.
Of course, the lighter mood couldn't last, she sighed heavily while contemplating her time table. Potions with Gryffindor. Somehow those four simple words managed to strike fear in Elsa's heart. Well, anyone in their right mind would have at least a little fear of potions, as it meant nearly an hour and a half of stirring bubbling cauldrons in the dungeons. Of course, that wasn't really the part that scared her, it was the fact that the one class where partners were assigned just happened to be with Sirius Black. Never mind, that the odds of him being her partner were around 1 in 20, which was still more than enough to be anxious about. Which might explain why she hadn't been able to stop staring at her schedule since receiving it at the breakfast table in the Great Hall that morning.
Once again, faced with the astonishing spread the house elves had whipped up, Elsa found herself nursing a pumpkin juice as her stomach did nervous somersaults. If she'd thought anyone was watching she probably would have gone through the effort of dishing up some eggs to chase around her plate absently or some toast at the very least. However, after first year she had carefully cultivated the talent of being completely unremarkable to her fellow students. Her status as an outcast meant there was rarely ever anyone around to rile up any emotions and cause any color changes. She definitely preferred only having to keep the blue at bay, rather than the whole riot of colors that being around too many people seemed to unleash. Besides her color-changing hair, there wasn't much else to draw attention to her, so as long as she kept quiet she could fly entirely under the radar. All this was to say, no one noticed whether she had food on her plate or not at any given meal. Not that it was all that important whether she did or not, or that she made such a huge habit of skipping meals. Still, it was nice not to be pestered when her stomach was already playing jump rope with her intestines. Of course, thinking that thought was as good as jinxing herself.
"They say breakfast is the most important meal of the day," she looked up quickly to find James standing above her, one hand awkwardly ruffling his masses of dark curls.
"I had too much at the feast last night," she lied as he took a seat next to her at the bench, "Do any of you have any regard for house conventions?"
James laughed her off as he piled a plate high, "How else I am supposed to find you?"
"We have potions together today," she handed over her time table without thinking and immediately regretted it. Wasn't she supposed to be finding a way to distance herself from these oddly confident boys, not encouraging them?
He scrutinized the parchment unhappily, "Potions on our first day? Before lunch? Merlin, who did we piss off?"
"Look was there something you wanted or have you all just taken it upon yourselves to interrupt all my meals?" she took the parchment back and tried desperately not to let her irritation show in her eyes.
"Look, sorry about Sirius last night," his hand was back to ruffling his unruly hair, "And thanks, for not telling any else you know. He's a good guy at heart and I know he means well."
Her mind went blank. James Potter was apologizing to her on behalf of Sirius Black. Had the entire world gone mad? She stared at the abashed boy for probably too long before realizing he wouldn't leave until she'd at least replied.
"It's fine, just maybe reel it in a little? Isn't being drunk at the feast a little much even for you guys?" she didn't care, she wasn't trying to get more involved with this confusing crowd that wouldn't leave her be, but she couldn't help but worry over the look she'd seen in Sirius' eyes.
James sighed heavily, "Summers are always rough for him, and he was just letting off a little steam. I doubt it'll happen again."
There was something so sad and un-James like about him. She and the rest of the school knew him to be loud and confident to a fault. In every class, she'd ever had with Gryffindor, he'd been sent from the room at least once. Yet here he was, seriously trying to explain Sirius. Merlin, she needed to reign in the unintentional Sirius puns. She turned her attention back to the manner at hand, sad James and drunk Sirius. Things weren't a clear cut as they had seemed before she'd been swept up by all of them.
"It's fine James, everything is fine," she took a hasty sip from her goblet and softened her tone, "Really, I don't mind. We're good, you can go back to your friends and everything again."
"Now what fun would that be?" James laughed and waved at someone behind her.
She turned to find Sirius, Remus, and Peter all headed her way, "This isn't even your house table!"
Her complaint fell on deaf ears as the other three settled in, surrounding her with boisterous chatter once more. She sipped her pumpkin juice and failed to suppress a small smile. They were growing on her, she had to admit that. She'd go back to being alone after breakfast. She hadn't seen Dahlia around yet and with the Lady of the House was miles and miles away, she didn't have too much else to worry about. She could afford just one meal with something close to friends. For his part, Sirius did a fantastic job of pretending the last night had never happened. He was full of laughter and teasing remarks and didn't give her a single strange look. She could almost forget she was a freak for the time being.
Despite the joviality, she found a creeping bit of worry and guilt tugging at the back of her mind. It had been growing since the feast. After not seeing Evan all summer, his new look had been a bit of a shock, to say the least. How could something like that happen to her brother with her having the slightest clue? She guiltily scanned the Slytherin table hoping for a glimpse of her brother and some clue to his appearance. Instead, she found the table was still suspiciously absent of either of her siblings.
"Looking for Reggie again?" Sirius leaned in to question her quietly.
"Way off the mark," she scoffed, "Just checking for my brother."
"Sure," Sirius nodded unconvinced, "And I'm the Chief Warlock of Wizengamot."
"I have to say headmaster you're looking quite young for your age, what's your secret?" she replied with a small smirk.
A peel of laughter interrupted their banter. She knew it anywhere, Dahlia. Just when she thought she was safe, she looked up to find her sister and entourage gliding through the doors looking every bit the perfect pureblood Slytherin.
"Nevermind, I have to go," she quickly gathered her book bag and hurried out of the Great Hall, just briefly locking eyes with her sister as she left.
The last thing she needed reported back home was that she was spending time with blood traitors and half-bloods. Not that spending time with pure-bloods was really an option for her either. She counted the stones in the floor, then the stairs as she climbed. By the time she reached the third floor her heart rate was almost normal, well as normal as it could be after nearly jogging up three flights of stairs. She slowed her pace and continued counting each step up to the sixth floor. She focused closely on counting and banishing all thoughts of home from her mind.
What James said was weighing on her though. It didn't take much to put the pieces together. The rebellious Black brother hung out with blood-traitors and half-bloods if being an outcast among pure-bloods had taught her anything it was that punishment for such crimes against your own was fierce. She felt so stupid for not considering it earlier, but the carefree bravado he wore had tricked her too. Suddenly, his glances on the train and in the carriage felt a lot more dangerous. People finding out was dangerous, if anyone was kind-hearted enough to try to take her away, it would all fall apart. As much as she would love to never return to the Lady of the House again, she knew the Lady better than that. She could never escape. If by some miracle she did, the Lady's cruelty would have to be funneled somewhere else. She had sworn long ago that Dahlia would never again be the focus of such fury. Besides, it's not like anyone would really want to help her anyway. She was a freak after all. She shook her head in an attempt to dislodge such thoughts and went back to counting the stairs.
When she slunk into the empty Ancient Runes classroom her hands were just barely still shaking from adrenaline. The classroom was silent and still. She was at least half an hour early and Ancient Runes was hardly a popular subject. Of course, that was why she chose it as an elective in the first place, the fewer classmates the better. She pulled out her textbook and began reviewing the readings she'd been assigned over the summer. Something about Runes almost hypnotized her. It just stopped a lot of the whirling and chatter in her brain and filled her mind with simply Runes. By the time the professor walked in, she had thoroughly forgotten the morning's events.
Of course, the reprieve of her favorite class couldn't last forever, and all too soon she found herself packing up her school supplies once again. She sighed and stood to leave only to have the entire classroom dissolve before her eyes.