Ch 10: A bargain is struck
Elsa was on her way to dinner when she heard them, their voices booming down the corridor ahead of them. She winced. She'd been so close, just outside the doors to the Great Hall now, the last thing she needed was to run into them before another meal. She turned to scan for them, hoping she'd escape their notice before she ended up trapped with them again. Did they ever eat at their own table?
"All I'm saying is if you were willing to trade partners with Elsa, you should be willing to trade partners with me," James' whining voice carried just enough to warn her before four boys turned the corner and came into view, "It's unfair for you and Evans to be partners anyways. You're first and second in our class, that's stacking teams."
"Give it a rest Prongs, besides you know I'm rubbish at potions," Remus sighed before catching sight of her, "Ellie! Just who I was hoping to run into."
She debated sprinting away for a moment but realized that would only draw more attention to her in the crowded hallway. Besides if her limited experience with the Marauders had taught her anything it was that they wouldn't hesitate to track her down. So, she stood her ground and let them catch up with her trying to find that small amount of self-assurance she'd somehow had in the garden earlier.
"You called?" she had been aiming for sassy or cocky but managed to fall just shy of squeaking, which would have to do for now.
Remus took the lead while the others looked on curiously, unsure of Remus' intentions, "I was thinking since we all have a 7-inch potions essay, thanks to someone's antics, you might like to study with us in the library tomorrow."
"We're studying tomorrow?" James whined, "But I need to figure out how to ask Evans to Hogsmeade."
Peter looked up at him, entirely confused, "The first visit isn't until October though."
"Oh, silly Pete, I'm planning a spectacle! Something so fantastic she won't be able to turn me down," he gestured grandly in the air as if sketching out the whole scene.
"I was going to go hit the pitch before try-outs," Sirius added in a whiny tone, "Do we have to study?"
"We're studying in the library tomorrow," Remus announced again, with confidence he didn't have, "Sirius and James, you are both coming seeing as it is your fault, we have an essay in the first place, and I doubt you'll do it otherwise. Pete, you're welcome too of course."
Peter squeaked his agreement while James and Sirius began to whine again.
Remus ignored them and turned back to Elsa, "I was hoping you'd join us."
The sandy-haired boy was doing his best to maintain his aura of confidence and control despite others' dismay, but he almost never stood up to James and Sirius and he'd certainly never asked a girl to come study with them before. To top it all off, he'd probably never spoken to another girl as pretty as Elsa, considering how rarely he spoke to any girls, which certainly wasn't helping his nerves. This was the right move though, he could tell they'd be good for Elsa, especially Sirius, and she seemed good for him too. Things had been getting out of hand with his rebellious friend and anything to mitigate that seemed like a good idea to him. So, for the good of the group, he had gathered up all his dubious Gryffindor bravery and asked her. However, now James and Peter were bickering behind him, and it was all up to him to convince her. She was staring at him with wide crystal blue eyes, looking like she might decide to bolt.
"We won't take no for an answer, little mouse," Sirius' confident voice sent a wave of relief through Remus.
This meant Sirius wasn't upset with him, thank Merlin. And to top it off, convincing Elsa wasn't all up to him, charming Sirius would know how to convince her. He wanted to throw his arms around the other boy in relief. Instead, he stood his ground and observed Elsa's pretty face carefully. This had to work.
"It's really alright, I'm fine writing the essay on my own," she managed, and Remus could swear her hair was slowly turning to strawberry blonde as she spoke.
"Of course, you are," Sirius acknowledged, "I'm sure you're more than capable of writing an essay on your own, but you're not going to. You're going to have a grand time working on it with us tomorrow, because honestly Ellie, Peter is heartbroken you're not partners anymore. The least you could do is to come study with us."
"I am not," Peter protested, drawn in by the mention of his name, "I like James as a partner."
Remus cleared his throat pointedly.
"Not that you weren't lovely," Peter added quickly, turning bright pink as he realized his unintentional slight.
"The point is," Sirius barreled on, "we'll be in the library tomorrow after classes and so will you."
Elsa stared at him in disbelief, he'd been self-assured in all their interactions, but this was a level of cockiness she had yet to witness. She felt like a wire pulled too tight, tense to the breaking point. What did these inane, confident boys want with her and why wouldn't they just leave her be?
Drawing in a deep breath, she contemplated her options before replying, it didn't seem like she could get out of agreeing now, but there was something else she could get out of.
"I'll come," she announced in a wavering voice, "On one condition."
Sirius nodded his approval and waited for her terms. His heart warmed at the small smile she'd developed when she realized she'd probably get her way on this at least.
"You eat at your own table for once," she almost hoped her demand would drain that self-satisfied smirk off his face, instead he broke into a broad smile.
"Silly mouse, of course, we're eating at our own table, where else would we eat?" he laughed before walking past her and into the Great Hall, "See you tomorrow, Ellie."
She rubbed her tingling eyes in frustration as the rest of the group followed him, true to his word heading towards the Gryffindor table. Only Remus paused a moment to offer her any comfort.
"The Professors catch on if they flaunt the rules too much," he explained, "Or I'd have to write them up for it, either way. Anyways, I'm really looking forward to studying with you."
His cheeks warmed as he realized how forward he sounded and hurried after the others, leaving her more than a bit mystified in the doorway. She stared after them for a minute before rousing herself. She should head into dinner, sit down, and fill a plate up with all that Hogwarts' kitchens had to offer, but her stomach was all jumbled up again. Any hunger she'd felt had fled the moment she realized she'd be confronted by the Marauders again. Instead, she turned and headed towards the dorms, anxious to get away from the populated hallways and have some time alone again to decompress.
When she made it back to her room, she found her book bag on her bed instead of on her trunk where she'd left it, its contents spread across the mattress in a jumbled mess. Her heart sunk, this was the last thing she needed after the jumbled mess of today's events. Panic caught her breath as she searched for the only irreplaceable thing and came up empty-handed. The sapphire hairpin was missing. In its stead, she found a note in a familiar scrawl.
I saw you flirting with the snake sister dearest, be careful you don't get bit
Panic slid into Elsa's veins like ice, causing her to begin shivering violently. Dahlia, it wouldn't be the first time she'd stolen something from Elsa's dorm. Every time, it was the most precious looking thing Dahlia could find, and every time it managed to tear Elsa to shreds. It was just another reminder she'd never have her sweet baby sister back, and it was all her fault. Tears pricked in her eyes and she was unsure if it was the loss or frustration at, well... everything, causing them at this point. Either way, she felt far too overwhelmed to hold them back. Had it really only been earlier today she'd sat in the garden with Regulus, feeling almost normal? Had Dahlia seen them then? Or was she only referring to Elsa and Regulus getting off the train together, that had been visible enough after all? Black spots threatened the edges of her vision again, so not wanting to involuntarily end up on the floor for a third time that day, she sank to the floor by choice.
She barely felt the cool cobblestones through the whirling mess of emotions in her head. They seemed to take over her chest too, expanding it beyond its limits, making her feel like she would burst any second. Instead, a sob tore through her, and then another followed, and then a third. She let herself cry in the way she rarely did these days, all the frustration, disappointment, and panic flowing out with her tears. Eventually, the tears ran out, and she was left shivering on the floor. She knew she should get up before any of her dormmates came back and found her like this but moving at all seemed like too much effort. Her entire body felt rubbery from… well from everything. Merlin, she was an idiot. She was a freak and always would be. Shaking her head ruefully, she laughed at the thought of joining the Gryffindor boys in the library tomorrow now that she knew for sure Dahlia was watching. What a joke, to think she thought she could even pretend to have friends. Her forearms itched with a familiar need as she contemplated her status. Worthless, freak, a waste of space. She could only hurt everyone she touched, hadn't the Lady told her so often enough?
She stood shakily and went to her trunk, falling into a familiar ritual. Carefully, she ran her fingertips around the inner edge of the lid until she found the small crack between the side and flat interior of the top. She dug her fingernail into the slot and slid the panel to the side, revealing a small towel wrapped parcel. Moving mechanically with the familiarity of it all, she pulled the parcel from its home and made sure to slide the panel back into place before closing the trunk again. She stashed the bundle in her bookbag, ignoring the rest of the contents on her bed and headed towards the third floor to find a familiar abandoned classroom.
When she returned, she hid the parcel away carefully and grabbed a small vial out of the compartment before closing everything up once more. She collapsed on her bed, still ignoring her things scattered about. They seemed inconsequential with the only thing that really mattered to her stolen. So she lay surrounded by them and held the vial up to the waning light. The turquoise liquid inside sparkled back at her invitingly, promising further relief from all the day's worries. She'd learned how to brew the Draught of Peace third year after a particularly bad bought of insomnia brought on by her night terrors.
It was a difficult potion, but studious as she was and motivated by the increasing number of comments her zombie-like appearance had been drawing from professors, she'd spent a week in the library researching it. She managed it after only one cauldron going horribly wrong and erupting into green flames. On the second attempt, she'd been rewarded with a small puff silvery vapor, signally success, albeit a weak one. At first, her weak strength draughts had been enough to help her slide into sleep on anything other than her worst days. However, she'd slowly noticed she needed to increase the strength of her potion and so began a series of continuous tweaks as she tried to overcome her increasing tolerance. The vial in her hand was not only double strength but a double dose, she really hoped it would be enough for a dreamless sleep.
When the morning light eased through the curtains, Elsa was still wide awake, but the Draught of Peace had calmed her circling thoughts enough to think clearly. She'd been tracing a ring of thoughts about all night and finally felt she might have come to a conclusion. Dahlia most likely saw her and Regulus getting off the train. Yesterday, they'd been pretty much entirely hidden from the corridor and even if they'd been in view, it was hard to miss anyone coming down that small echo-y corridor. Dahlia also hadn't mentioned any threats about blood traitors, meaning, despite what felt like the Marauders' omnipresence, Dahlia hadn't noticed them either. Maybe it was the mild deliria from not sleeping after skipping two meals yesterday, but she felt oddly daring.
Maybe, if she avoided Dahlia and didn't trust the boys too much, just maybe it would be fine. She wouldn't be friends with them per se, closer to acquaintances if anything. Besides, if Dahlia didn't know, how it would ever get back to the Lady of the House. That is if the Lady even deigned to think about Elsa while she was at school. Which come to think of, by now the Lady probably just assumed she was fine when she was away at school. Out of sight, out of mind.
She was getting ahead of herself. She would go to the library today, she would study with the boys, and then she'd see what happened from there. There was a limit to her new-found boldness though, she needed to avoid Regulus. Getting in bed with a snake, so to speak, was asking for trouble she didn't want. Feeling that the night had been productive despite her lack of sleep, she slipped out of bed and into the bathroom for a steaming hot shower.