Ch 12: Dining on Starlight
"Why are you following me?" a harsh but familiar voice demanded as she raised her head to meet Evan's shocked green gaze, "Ellie?"
"Sorry for the scare," she murmured weakly and tried to ignore her stinging wrist as his grip loosened, "I just didn't know how else to find you."
His face softened for a moment before slipping into a harsh mask, "You can't be here. The dungeons aren't for meek little badgers like you."
"Well I'm sorry I just wanted to check up on my only brother seeing as I hadn't seen you for weeks and when I finally see you again it's with a black eye!" it felt like her chest would burst with the elation of seeing him again and pain that he didn't want her there.
He stiffened at the mention of his eye and let out an exasperated sigh, "I'm sorry, Ellie, it's just not safe for you to be here."
"Well, clearly you're so safe!" she retorted still clearly referencing his glaringly obvious injury.
"Look, I'm ok, I promise," he relented as he caught sight of the bandage poking out of her sleeve, "Are you?"
She roughly tore her wrist out of his grip, mildly delighting in the burning sting it caused, "I'm fine."
"I'm sorry Ellie, I wish I could be there for you more, it's just," he sighed and roughly ran his hands over his face, "There are things you wouldn't understand. You know I love you though, don't you?"
"Of course," her voice was a hoarse whisper and she refused to meet his eyes, instead suddenly finding the cobblestone floor very interesting.
He felt like the lowest of the low when he did this, made her retreat into herself like this. It wasn't supposed to be like this. When they were kids, they'd been inseparable. He'd been the proud overprotective brother who watched over his sisters while they scaled trees in their aunt's backyard. He missed patching up their scraped knees and joining in their ridiculous giggles. But Mother had come back into the picture, and 'freak' was practically emblazed on Elsa's skin. Now, here he was, making her feel the entire brunt of that title. It was his job to protect her, wasn't it? Which is exactly why she couldn't be here. He had to be the perfect son and perfect Slytherin and perfect whatever bloody thing Lucius requires so he could become powerful enough to protect her.
He reached for her hand, attempting to bring her out of the staring contest with the cobblestones, but she lept back quickly as her eyes went wild and dark with panic.
She quickly regained herself and turned an adorable bubble gum pink, hair and all, "I'm so sorry Evan, I didn't- I wasn't-"
He mentally cursed their mother while she trailed off, where had his little sister with play-scraped knees and too wide smile gone. Moving slowly enough for here to see it coming he pulled her into a tight hug, "I'm here if you need me, Ellie, if you really need me, find me. I don't care what anyone says. I'm your brother and I'm here if you need me."
She heard the undercurrent of his statement though. It was a reminder that even her siblings were warned to steer clear of the freak. It was a reminder that even away from the chill of their house, she wasn't truly welcome in their lives. She was a freak and she'd always be alone.
She let a few tears squeeze through as she buried her face in his chest, "I love you, Evan, please be careful."
"Well, isn't this a charming family reunion, why wasn't I invited?" Elsa jumped away instinctively at the all-too-familiar voice that interrupted them.
"Dahlia," her voice shook despite her best efforts, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"
"You shouldn't be here at all, freak," Dahlia laced the last barb with enough venom to drive straight to Elsa's core.
Elsa was beginning to shake all over when Evan laced his fingers in hers, making her jump slightly, but sending a wave of warm reassurance up her arm. He hated to watch her bend over backward trying to appease their sister in some unnecessary reparations for the guilt she carried even after all these years.
"Merlin, Dahli, she's your sister," he shook his head at her, "Can't you ease up a bit?"
Dahlia's picture-perfect features arranged themselves into a spiteful smile, "Evan, she's a freak. She shouldn't be here, and she knows it."
Before he could speak again, Elsa squeezed his hand quickly then released it, "No, she's right, I'll go."
"See?" Dahlia's voice is acrid with vindictive triumph, "Come on Evan, Lucius is waiting for us in the common room."
The younger blonde brushed past Elsa, knocking her shoulder hard, and led the way to the common room. Elsa hated it. She hated watching them go where she couldn't follow. She hated that they were reporting to Lucius, the treacherous snake who would as soon turn on either one of them as offer them a hand up in their perilous pure-blood society. She would give anything to stop the path they seemed locked into now, or at least tell Dahlia she was too young for the games she was playing. Elsa had overheard enough of the Lady of the House's secretive meetings to know no good could come of what was being planned. All she had to do was look at Evan's face to see painful proof of that.
He met her gaze almost mournfully, "I'm sorry Ellie, I really need to go. I meant what I said though."
The words were a hollow afterthought as he followed Dahlia further into the dungeons. She would never be part of their world again. Her heart was heavy as she wandered up the many flights of stairs back to her room. She should have gone to dinner, or gotten ahead on homework, or really done anything that mattered. But there was a heaviness in all her limbs she couldn't seem to shake, and it felt like a black tar pit of foulness and freakishness had opened in her chest. She dragged her slowly numbing limbs into bed and drew the thick curtains with a flick of her wand. It felt like she was slowly freezing over as she hid in her bed for the rest of the evening, not that anyone was likely to notice.
Remus was pretty sure he was justified in being concerned now. This would be the fifth meal in a row that Elsa has missed and the day before the streak of missed meals he was pretty sure she'd only eaten the chocolate he'd given her. He mentally ran through the two days' worth of meals once more and realized the situation was looking dire. He could understand wanting to avoid the crowds of the Great Hall, especially being as mouse-ily shy as she was, but this was too much. She was rail-thin, to begin with, and he remembered how frail she'd seemed when he'd triaged her after the potions incident. Her pulse had been so high and fluttery, like a little mouse, he smirked to himself, then sobered. Something was wrong and they needed to fix it.
"Elsa?" a high hesitant voice interrupted her self-pity session and pulled her back into reality.
She parted the curtains about her bed just enough to see a young brunette wandering into the dorm room, a first-year by the looks of it. Who would be looking for her at this hour? She quickly straightened her clothes and pulled the curtains fully aside.
"Elsa?" the young girl turned, and her eyes went wide with surprise, "Oh sorry, I'm looking for a blonde girl."
Of course. Of course, her hair was probably a deep blue by now with all the sulking she was doing. She shook her head and concentrated but didn't have a mirror at hand to check if she'd pulled it off.
Hoping this wasn't some bizarre hazing ritual, seeing as Hufflepuffs usually aren't fond of such things, she jumped out of bed, "Wait, that's me, I'm Elsa."
The younger Hufflepuff eyed her uncertainly before decided to trust her seeing as their house wasn't exactly known for deception, "There's a bunch of Gryffindor's outside, they asked me to give you this."
She slipped a torn piece of parchment into Elsa's hand before fleeing, evidentially too weirded out by the blonde girl who was not blonde. Elsa did her best to shrug it off despite the heavy weight of the night's self-loathing still weighing on her and looked at the note.
Picnic by the lake
Meet us in the hallway
It had to be the boys, but why? Had they noticed she missed dinner? Questions swirled as she contemplated her options. She could stay here. They couldn't get in and bother her, and her bed was quite comfortable. Her stomach growled as if in protest. Maybe eating dinner for once would be nice. Studying in the library had been nice, so maybe a picnic by the lake would be nice too. She took a quick detour to the bathroom to check her hair was completely blonde again (it was) and grabbed her cloak decisively. Besides, Dahlia was too busy with Lucius tonight to be watching the lake. With that in mind, she headed out the door and towards the hallway.
The boys were overjoyed to see her. The second she left her common room she was assaulted with a barrage of James' rambling about how it was the perfect time for a picnic, Peter listing the food they had, and Remus trying to stammer out a friendly greeting through the mess. Only Sirius was silent, watching her reaction to their boisterous greeting and meeting her eyes with a wry smile. She returned it and fell in step as they headed outside to the grounds.
"I'm glad you decided to join us, little mouse," he murmured as he walked close enough that their hands brushed as they moved.
She felt her ears warm and was sure her hair was slowly edging towards pink, "I figured you would have kept sending first years 'til I showed."
"Probably would have even sent some second years if you were being really stubborn," he joked back easily, enjoying the small smile it earned him.
When they arrived by the lake, Remus spread out a thick blanket with a flourish and set down a basket she had somehow overlooked early. Peter began excitedly pulling out all the food he'd been rambling about. Despite the damp September air, she found herself thinking it really was a lovely night. The mist curled gently off the lake and seemed suffused with starlight. By the time it was all set up, it rivaled the beginning of the year feast. The moonlight glinted off the food making it almost ethereal in the cool evening air.
She surveyed the spread and laughed in amazement, "How on earth did you guys manage this?"
"I may have made friends with the kitchen elves and promised a few favors. I was planning on using it to woo Evans, but…" James explained as he ruffled his hair awkwardly and Elsa could have sworn, he was blushing, "This seemed more important."
Her heart skipped at his admission, was this what it meant to have friends? She glanced around at the spread again, he was going to do all this for Lily? That girl didn't know what she was missing.
"Lily would be lucky to have you, James," she assured him without thinking.
Had she just said that aloud? She felt her face heat at the boldness of her comment, but James beamed at the compliment. He slipped back into his cocky persona, easily shedding the awkward shyness he'd acquired the second before.
"Of course, she would, any girl would be," he winked, and she was sure she was entirely pink now.
She laughed, half out of the shock of it all and half out of genuine joy, "I won't argue with that."
They began to eat and with every passing moment, she felt lighter and lighter as if she were filling herself with starlight rather than food. It seemed so easy to laugh and joke with them out here in the misty dark where no one else could see. Their good spirits buoyed her up and she could almost forget about her disastrous detour to the dungeons. She looked at each of their smiling faces closely, tying to imprint their moonlit laughs in her memory.
She suddenly realized she wasn't the only one staring, Sirius seemed to be watching her intently, "What're you looking at?"
He held his gaze level, "Don't worry about it, mouse, just enjoying the picnic."
She shook her head at his antics, but for once she wasn't blushing. It was almost starting to feel normal, drawing attention like that. Despite the chilly evening, she was warm all the way through. There was something there she hadn't thought she'd experience with anyone other than her brother and Madame Thécaire. It felt so good not to be alone for once, and she felt genuinely cared for. Was this what it really meant to have friends? She would make this work because she's wasn't giving up this feeling for anyone.