Disclaimer: I own nothing.

CH 18

Hunting with Jasper was so very different from my previous experience with Edward. I was shocked at how easy it was. I had built up the events of that day so much in my mind that it had morphed into something frightening and unattainable.

Jasper also let me be. I knew he was sending subtle waves of emotions my way to help keep my panic in check but mostly he just let me do what came naturally.

There was also the difference in other emotions I had felt that day. In my head, hunting was entwined with all my out of control feelings I'd felt for the first time that day. I was worried I would uncover something within myself if I allowed myself to let go of my contained persona to allow my animalistic side out. Thankfully, I didn't have to worry about that with Jasper. He was an attractive guy, but only so much as I saw all of my family as attractive. It was part of what separated us from humans—part of what made us "other".

Unfortunately for me, Jasper had to bring up the things I had gone through that day. As I ran back through it all, I was hit with a powerful wave of what I can only describe as want. I thought of Edward putting his fingers to his lips as he told me to be quiet before we hunted. I remembered the way he had looked at me after I was done with my first deer—eyes dark and intense. It made my stomach swoop in a need I didn't recognize within myself. I immediately felt embarrassed, knowing Jasper could feel all of that.

Though Jasper was trying to ease my sudden anxiety, I was still ashamed. The last few months had been educational when it came to matters of love. As a human, I had never even had a boyfriend, never had a first kiss, never had even a fleeting feeling of lust. Even while I was strangely enamored with Edward while still human, I couldn't remember feeling anything close to what I had felt the day I woke up. But living with my new siblings had thrown me into all of that head first. They all kept it relatively tame around me but vampire hearing and smell can only hide things for so long. I didn't begrudge them. I loved seeing them all happy and loved. It just made me very aware of how alone I truly was.

These were the things running through my head as Jasper and I raced home to Alice. I didn't want to give myself false hope, but I was wondering if it had to do with Edward and his decision to see me or not. I had figured out that Rosalie's conversation with him was not successful, though they all tried to shield me from it. Alice had assured me that she would keep trying, which was more comforting than anything anyone else could have said. She obviously knew this and was using this to her advantage.

As we approached the house, I could make out Alice buzzing excitedly. Rose and Emmett were also there, holding onto each other. Emmett was smiling wide and Rose had a closed off look on her face. My heart lurched again, thinking it was looking even more likely that I would get my way.

Alice ran to close the distance between us, clearly unable to contain herself.

"Its happening!" she exclaimed and leveled her eyes at me. "You're welcome!"

I felt as if a huge weight had been let off my chest. He had agreed. I didn't understand what Alice had done to make this happen, but I was very thankful.

Emmett and Rosalie came over to join us, and I finally saw Rose smile as she looked at me. Though she disapproved of nearly everything regarding Edward, she clearly was happy for my relief.

"What does this mean? Is he coming here?" I asked.

Alice rattled off the plan we had been working through for a while about the five of us moving to New York and starting college in the next two weeks. She then revealed just how sneaky she truly could be when she announced that Edward was living in Ithaca already and was planning on going to Cornell in the fall as well.

The rest of my siblings looked at her with fond amusement, knowing to expect schemes of this nature but I was upset.

"You knew where he was the whole time? You were going to bring me to the same city as him without asking either of us if that was okay?"

Alice gave me a sheepish look and shrugged.

"Don't be mad at Alice, Bella," Jasper chimed in. "She knew you'd want this and is making it happen. Just accept this is how it is for this family and know you are constantly being subtly manipulated into her devious schemes." He hugged her, smirking with clear adoration at his clever soul mate.

I nodded my head at the four of them and walked into the house, up the stairs and laid down on my bed. I didn't feel physically tired, nor would I ever, but I felt mentally exhausted. The stress of facing my fears about hunting, the high of my success, the racing thoughts around Edward and finallly the realization that I would be seeing him soon was all starting to hit me at once.

I heard Rosalie call to me from downstairs to call out if I wanted to talk. I didn't respond, letting them assume what they wanted from that.

I was very thankful for all they had done to make this meeting happen, but now it was clear that I would be around him for longer than a one time confessional event. I worried that, if all went badly, I would ruin all our plans. I knew they would follow me back to Forks, or come up with some other idea of what to do to get me away from him if that is what I truly wanted, but I was hoping it wouldn't come to that.

I decided I needed an escape. I wandered from my room into the one room I had never entered since I had become a part of this family-Edward's room. I felt guilty entering his private space without permission, but I figured this was nothing compared to what he had done to me when he left.

The room was bright and open, windows lining two walls and a giant, overfilled bookcase on the other wall. There was no bed, but a chaise lounge that had a book and a remote sitting there. Clearly, Edward had not been intending to leave as it looked like he intended to be back. Though there were knickknacks and small items scattered around, it was tidy. I smiled to myself, thinking of how messy my room was. I sat down on the chaise and wrapped myself in the blanket hanging off the back.

With a deep inhale, I was instantly brought back to that day when I first work up and caught his scent with my new senses. Nothing could compare to the way Edward smelled. Though the scent was clearly faint from the lack of his presence in the last few months, it was still there. I figured this would be good for me-to desensitize myself before being assaulted by his presence when I saw him again.

I picked up the remote, seeing that it was for the ridiculously expensive sound system and hit play. Gentle classical music began to float through the air. I wrapped myself further in the blanket and allowed myself to be swept away by the music and my thoughts of him.