Disclaimer: I own nothing.

CH 21

BPOV

Edward's face was frozen in a shocked expression. I was seated before him, smiling, thinking about his ridiculous excuse for leaving me. In my mind, I had come up with endless scenarios regarding his departure. I'd finally settled on something that was a mixture of him saving me in the first place and disgust at my loss of control that day. What other explanation could there have been?

And yet, here he was, telling me he left for my protection. My protection! What an idiotic thing to do. Didn't he know what he had just described feeling for me was also what I was feeling for him? Did he think it was completely one sided?

Regardless of my confusion, I couldn't help the smile that had spread across my face. I was so relieved to hear his explanation. Beyond that, I was also feeling elated at the declaration he had made.

"Why are you smiling?" he questioned seriously.

I schooled my face back to match the tone of our conversation.

"Sorry—its just that I can't decide whether I'm confused or relieved."

Edward's expression told me he that I had completely lost him. I continued, "I am relieved because I had been telling myself, all this time, that you leaving was my fault. You have no idea how much it has tortured me thinking of how much you regretted your decision to intervene the day of the car crash. I thought maybe you had acted impulsively and were disgusted by what I did to that man in the woods."

His brows creased together as a look of concern spread across his features. I held up my hand in a gesture, asking him to give me another moment to explain before he responded.

"I'm also more than grateful you were honest about how you feel about me…or felt about me," I paused, unsure of where we stood. I took a cleansing breath and said, "Don't get me wrong—I do not understand your reasoning. In fact, I think it is completely ridiculous. I can't tell you how much weight has been lifted off me know that it's not me. It's you."

I smiled at him again, to let him know that last part was a joke. He returned the smile briefly before worry etched his features once more.

He paused for a moment and then responded to my statements, "I am so sorry that I ever made you question yourself, or your worth. I never intended for that to happen. Between the car accident and what happened that day, I convinced myself that I was the cause of it all. I still feel that way and part of me, despite what you've said, doesn't think being around you is a good idea." He raked his hands through his hair, seeming to wrestle with himself to find the words. His eyes locked on mine once again and put out his hand in offering. I moved towards him on the couch and took his hand. The sensation of his skin was distracting but I forced myself to concentrate of his words.

Edward continued, "I made this decision for you—you had no input on whether or not you wanted to be like us. I failed to think about the consequences of hunting alone, just the two of us, with the strength of your thirst. I have made so many mistakes. I don't feel like I deserve your forgiveness. All I can do is apologize, Bella. I would do anything to go back to that day and save your life—your human life—so you never would have had to deal with any of this."

"I don't begrudge you for the decision you made, Edward." He looked down and attempted to pull his hand away but I was still within my first year of life as a vampire, and I was a lot stronger than he was. I held firm and explained, "the hardest part of all of this was doing it without you. I love the strength and confidence this life has given me. I love running. I love the possibilities. I feel sad at times thinking of Charlie and Renee, but that feeling is mingled with my human emotions and feels far from me. In truth, I have never felt more supported and loved in my whole life than I have with your family. By everyone but you."

At that, I did pull my hand away. I couldn't help the bitter resentment that washed over me again. His delusional thinking had caused so many problems that could have been so easily avoided if he has just talked to me—bothered to get my opinion before reacting. I was mad again.

Edward picked up on the shift in my emotions, wincing at the way I pulled back. I felt a petty satisfaction about that.

He looked at me and replied in a repentant tone, "I know. Again, I'm sorry. I suppose I really have been an idiot. I've always had a bad habit of over-reacting."

I guffawed loudly at that statement and rolled my eyes. He broke into his crooked grin and my heart stopped. I was overcome by the desire to close the distance between us and get as close as possible, breathe in his scent, touch his face, and bask in his presence. It was challenging to shut down that impulse, but there were still too many unknowns. Though we had both admitted to feeling strongly, we still barely knew one another. And I was quite sure where to go next.

"What do we do now?" I asked.

"Why don't we start over?" he replied softly. By the look on his face, I could tell her also felt unsure. "You want me around, right? I just need to be sure that is want you want."

I leveled a deadpan look directly at him again, "Yes. I think I've made that clear."

"Okay. So we'll start over. We can take things day by day. What do you think? I'll do whatever you want, Bella."

Hearing him say that brought another wave of relief to me. He was going to stay. He was letting me lead and I felt grateful he had come to his senses. That being said, I didn't know how to respond. If I was thinking logically, he was right. We should definitely start over. We hadn't even been friends prior to the day he saved my life. What did we even have in common? What was he truly like when he let his guard down and was just enjoying life? I had so much to learn about him, and he had so much to learn about me.

I knew all of this, and yet, my heart couldn't bear to be apart from him. I didn't want to leave this house to go live in some tiny dorm room with Alice and Rose, though I loved them, to constantly wonder where he was or what he was doing. I wanted to be near him, to touch him, to revel in his presence by my side. This part of my desires felt overwhelming and slightly embarrassing. I assumed, if Alice's predictions were correct, that Edward was my mate and that all these feelings ultimately led us there. What was the point in fighting it if he felt the same? And yet, I didn't feel comfortable voicing these thoughts aloud.

By now, I had taken more than a minute to myself and still not given Edward a response. He was looking more and more nervous.

"Yes, that sounds good. Sorry—I have a habit of overthinking, as well," I replied sheepishly.

Edward smiled back at me, nodding in understanding. His smile grew wide as he moved closer to me and held out his hand. I hesitantly took his hand. As he started a handshaking motion he said, "Hello, my name is Edward Cullen. It's a pleasure to meet you, Isabella Swan."

My eyebrows shot up in surprise before I collapsed with laughter.