Chapter 12: Brightest Miracle in Darkest Depths

The silence that hung oppressively over the apartment was finally broken by a long and drawn out sigh. Kyou once again found herself in her futon, staring at the ceiling as her mind searched for a reason to get out of bed. She was pretty sure it was Sunday so she didn't have to go into work today. Was it actually Sunday though? Kyou tried to think on what day of the week it was but her mind felt cloudy, unable to think without much effort. That sort of effort required energy that she just didn't seem to have.

'I'm sure Tomoyo will be by if it's a work day,' Kyou thought to herself. She rolled her body in bed, shifting her blank gaze from the ceiling to a wall. What was even the point in getting up this morning? There was nothing for her to do today, nothing that gave her purpose. No, that wasn't quite true. She needed to go outside and take care of Botan. If she didn't then that rambunctious boar would probably try and break into the apartment. The daily visit to Kale needed to be done as well so she had at least two reasons to get up. That could all be done later though, none of it was urgent enough to require her to get out of bed right now so why should she?

The unspoken rhetorical question was unexpectedly answered when there was a soft knocking on the door. Another sigh escaped Kyou as she turned herself in bed to look at the apartment door. It appeared it wasn't Sunday after all. Slowly she got up and made her way to the door. Despite the lack of urgency in Kyou's actions no other knocks could be heard.

'At least she is more patient today,' thought Kyou. That thought was about the full extent of her goodwill this morning. Although normally Kyou tried to at least put on a false smile she couldn't manage even that. Once Kyou reached the door she opened it, ready to give a half-baked apology to her coworker. The insincere words died in her throat though, never having the chance to be uttered.

"Good morning Kyou-chan." The greeting was from the person at the door but it hadn't been who Kyou was expecting. Instead of her cool and composed coworker it was a woman with a soft expression and childish hair decorations that adorned indigo-colored hair, making her appear younger despite the fact that she was the same age as Kyou.

"K-Kotomi?" stammered Kyou in disbelief. "What are you doing here? I thought you had gone back to America to continue your studies after New Years."

"I did," said Kotomi. Kyou waited a few moments for Kotomi to elaborate more, give an explanation as to why she was here in Japan again so unexpectedly. Kotomi just stood there though, simply looking at Kyou in silence as if her two words were enough explanation. A frustrated sigh escaped from Kyou. Kotomi was a dear friend of Kyou's and one she had known for years now. Despite that though Kotomi's mind still seemed to Kyou as if it operated on an entirely different plane of existence and at times that made conversation a task that required patience to work through. Patience was not something that Kyou had an abundance of right now.

"If you want we can visit later today," flatly said Kyou. "You should probably go back to wherever it is you are staying for now and come back later." Much to Kyou's frustration Kotomi shook her head at the suggestion.

"I'm sorry but I can't do that," replied Kotomi. "I'm not staying anywhere. As soon as I landed I came straight here. Once I'm done with what I need to do I will be headed to the nearest airport to go back to America."

"You...You flew all the way here just to fly right back?" Kyou's previous annoyance was temporarily overcome with surprise. The idea of going on such a long flight and not even staying a single night before flying again seemed absolutely insane. "Well...that's just crazy. Whatever it is you need to do must be really important so why are you coming here to visit me?" The question had seemed completely valid to Kyou so it came as even more of a surprise when Kotomi looked back in confusion.

"You are why I came here," said Kotomi.

"No, I don't mean why did you come to my apartment," growled Kyou, the surprise shifting back into annoyance. "If you only have a small amount of time you shouldn't be wasting it. You need to go away and take care of whatever it is you need to do."

"But Kyou-chan, I came back to Japan to visit you."

Silence now filled the air, words no longer spoken by Kotomi who looked to Kyou with a perplexed face, nor did any conversation come from Kyou who stared back in disbelief. Slowed by the early morning and her inner turmoil, Kyou's mind struggled to process just what Kotomi had said. This friend of hers had sacrificed considerable amounts of time, energy, and money just to come and visit her. Kyou knew that such a gesture should be appreciated and valued. It should be something that touched her heart and brought happiness to her soul. Despite knowing all that though she didn't feel such positive emotions. There was only one emotion that she felt in response to Kotomi's efforts, only one mood now could be felt by Kyou:

Anger

It was illogical, stupid even, to have such a response. Deep down Kyou knew this and could almost feel her mind trying to tell itself that anger was not the proper reaction. Despite not knowing where it came from or why she was feeling it Kyou couldn't push the anger fully away. The only thing that held it back even a little bit were the social rules and niceties that had been burned into her by her parents during her childhood.

"Fine, whatever," Kyou grunted. "Come on in then." Without waiting for any response Kyou turned on her foot and walked away from the front door. Behind her she could hear Kotomi slowly enter the apartment, close the front door, and then beginning to take off her shoes. At this point in a visit Kyou would normally ask her guest if they wanted tea and would already be on her way to the small kitchen to make some. This time though Kyou didn't think about making such an offer. Instead she simply walked to where she had laid out her futon and roughly sat down on it, crossing her legs as she glared at Kotomi.

For a moment Kotomi paused in her motions of following Kyou. Her gaze had met Kyou's and a bit of fear could be seen in Kotomi's eyes. Kyou half-expected Kotomi to stay standing there in fright, held back by the angry stare. After a brief moment though Kotomi resumed her pursuit and closed more of the distance between them. This made the unexpected anger only grow more. Why did Kotomi have to come here? All Kyou wanted was to be left alone, to not have to worry about controlling her emotions. When she had to control her emotions she had to think about them, and when she had to think about her emotions she could feel that all too familiar pain she tried so hard to deny even existed.

"So why did you bother coming all the way back to Japan just to visit me?" huffed Kyou. At this point Kotomi had now knelt on the ground, close enough to hold a conversation but far enough away to respect personal boundaries. It still seemed to be too close for Kotomi's comfort though. She squirmed underneath Kyou's piercing gaze, acting as if she was sitting on something uncomfortable. Although she wavered a little at times Kotomi otherwise maintained eye contact with Kyou.

"I came here to talk with you...To help you..." quietly mumbled Kotomi.

"Help me?" scoffed Kyou with a derisive snort. "What makes you think I need any help? I don't need any help."

"But Kyou-chan does need help," replied Kotomi. "Ryou-chan told me so."

'So she was the one that must have contacted Kotomi,' Kyou thought to herself. She really should have guessed that, Ryou had been constantly trying to talk to her whenever she was at the hospital, trying to help her. It seemed that her sister had now spread to another the idea that she needed help. She didn't need help though, she just needed to be left alone. Why couldn't anyone seem to understand that?! Kyou decide to voice this to Kotomi. "Well my sister is wrong. She, along with everyone else, seems to think that I'm broken and that they need to fix me. Well guess what, I'm not broken and I don't need help, I just need to be left alone. So if you really want to 'help' me just leave. Get out of here and leave me alone." Kyou hurled the words out as an attack she hoped would deter further conversation. She never raised her voice to a yell but instead gave it firmness and let the anger she felt boiling in her mind shine through. For Kotomi, a person nearly as timid as Ryou, surely such venom would be enough to chase her away.

The expectation Kyou had for solitude went unfulfilled. Although tears had started to form in Kotomi's eyes and her body trembled with fright she continued to kneel there. Unlike before where she would occasionally break eye contact Kotomi now maintained it constantly. Kyou growled at seeing how her words produced the effect opposite of her intention.

"I don't get it, why aren't you running away and leaving me alone? Aren't you scared of bullies?" huffed Kyou. "Why don't you run away from me, I'm obviously a bully."

"K-Kyou-chan isn't a bully," stammered Kotomi, her voice wavering as she held back tears. "Kyou-chan isn't a bully because she doesn't mean what she says." At this Kyou felt more of her self-control snap, more social rules being burned away in her mind.

"Don't mean what I say?!" Kyou was yelling now, having risen to her feet as she glared down at Kotomi with absolute fury. "I am the one talking! I know what I say and I mean every single word! Don't you dare try to tell me I don't mean what I say!"

"You don't though..." meekly replied Kotomi. Her trembling had increase in intensity and a few tears now fell down her cheeks. Despite all this she still maintained eye contact with Kyou, not even breaking it as she was yelled at. "You don't mean what you say. You just think that by being left alone you won't feel the pain because no one will be around to touch the wound that is on your soul."

Kyou froze at these words. Kotomi had put into words what Kyou felt yet never told anyone. To have those inner thoughts so suddenly and expertly dissected extinguished the rage that had been a roaring fire until now. With the false warmth provided by that burning emotion now gone Kyou could feel the cold tendrils of the pain she had fought so hard to bury already creeping its way around her heart.

"It's not true though," continued Kotomi. "If you leave such a wound alone it won't heal. All that will happen is it will fester without notice."

Kyou visibly winced as each of Kotomi's words cut straight through all the meager layers of defense she had put up in an effort to not feel the all consuming pain. The words reached into the depths of her heart and grabbed onto those dark emotions. The only other emotion Kyou felt now other than pain was fear. It was an intense fear of the crushing mental pain that now was being slowly dragged to the forefront of her thoughts. Both the fear and the pain robbed her of physical strength, bringing Kyou figuratively and literally to her knees.

"I know that the pain is horrible. It feels as if it will devour your very existence," said Kotomi. She had now stopped trembling, seeing that Kyou no longer was lashing out in anger. Tears still adorned her face as she continued to maintain eye contact with Kyou. "The pain that comes from the sadness and anger, it hurts so much you aren't sure if you can even remember what happiness feels like anymore. It just hurts so bad that you don't even want to be happy, you just don't want to feel the pain."

"Please...Please don't..." quietly begged Kyou, wrapping her arms around herself. She set her gaze downwards as tears began to pour out of her eyes. Every word rang harshly true in Kyou's mind. It described what she felt so accurately that that it made denial of the dark emotions impossible. No longer could she run from it, now the pain was being pulled into undeniable reality.

"If you try to deny it exists, try to run from it, then what you fear will come to pass; it will consume you, either slowly or all at once." grimly said Kotomi. She looked at Kyou with a heavy heart, hearing the sobbing that forced their way out of Kyou as she tried to hold it back. Kotomi hated saying these things. Talking about such things did make Kyou face her own inner thoughts but it also helped remind Kotomi of the time she had faced very similar emotions. It scared her but Kotomi was comforted by the knowledge she knew she had of how to handle the scar on her own soul. Now it was time to try and help teach Kyou the same thing.

"That is what will happen if you face it alone. It is impossible to fight alone against depression." That last word of Kotomi's grabbed Kyou's full attention. It was enough to cause Kyou to lift her head and look at Kotomi with widened eyes.

"Depression?" simply said Kyou, the stunned tone of voice making it into a question.

"Yes, depression. That is what Kyou-chan is fighting against," confirmed Kotomi with a slow nod. All became silent as Kyou's mind became fixated upon that word. Depression, it was a concept that for most of her life seemed rather alien, something she that always affected others outside of her social circles. It was always heard about but never seen or experienced. Quickly though she realized that wasn't true. There was at least one person she knew about and cared for deeply that struggled with it.

"How-" Kyou's words temporarily failed her, stifled by the effort it took to sniff back the tears and to process these new thoughts. "How do you know? How do you know so well what I'm feeling and describe it so perfectly when I didn't even realize it myself?"

"It's because I have faced it myself," replied Kotomi. "For years after my parents' death I fought against depression. I tried to shut everyone out so I couldn't be hurt anymore. Being alone though...it only made it worse. I became numb to emotions but they were still there, buried deep within. It was only when Tomoya-kun, Nagisa-chan, Ryou-chan, and Kyou-chan came into my life I was able to feel happiness again. I didn't feel just happiness though..." Kotomi stopped speaking and brought a hand up to her chest. For a few moments all that could be heard were the sounds that came from Kotomi as she slowly and steadily breathed, calming the emotions that stirred within herself.

"I had to deal with the depression that I had tried to lock away," said Kotomi once she was ready. "Becoming close to you and the others...It reminded me of how I was close with my parents before they died. It reminded me of the pain I felt when they were suddenly gone."

'Like the pain I have right now,' Kyou thought to herself. As pondered upon her dark emotions Kyou felt a sharp pain in her chest. She clutched at it, wondering for a brief moment if she was experiencing a heart problem. The more she focused on it the stranger the pain in her chest felt. She could feel the pain so it was real but it didn't feel like an injury of the body. As her very soul ached with sorrow so too do the pain in her chest throb. This depression, it truly was frightening to Kyou. It had such a profound effect on her mind that it produced physical symptoms. "How did you deal with it, the depression I mean?" asked Kyou, seeking for answers to ease the mental anguish that plagued her. Maybe if she knew how Kotomi had battled her depression maybe she could do the same thing.

"You should know the answer since you were part of it," replied Kotomi, a gentle smile now adorning her lips. "It was because of you, Ryou-chan, Nagisa-chan, and Tomoya-kun. You all stood by me, helping me however you could and I was able to come to you for help."

"But...I can't do that..." meekly replied Kyou, her voice barely above a whisper. She felt the cold relentless grip of depression on her heart tighten upon hearing Kotomi's answer to her question. "I don't have anyone who can help me...I've pushed everyone away, even my own sister... I was so mean and cruel as I pushed everyone away, I don't even deserve their love or help..." Tears yet again began to flow from Kyou's eyes as she began to shiver, her body feeling the cold void of loneliness that depression had cursed her soul with. It was as if all the darkness in the world had been gathered up and was now crushing her underneath their collective weight.

As the tidal wave of anguish threatened to destroy her a small ray of warmth pierced through the darkness, gently resting upon her hand. Kyou's eyes snapped open, she not even realizing she clenched them shut as she cried. Since her head was already tilted downwards she was greeted with the sight of a pair of delicate hands gently gripping her own hands. Looking up she saw Kotomi leaning forward, having closed the distance between the two of them almost entirely now.

"That's not true..." corrected Kotomi with a cracking voice. Although tears were pushing to escape from her eyes Kotomi still maintained that soft and comforting smile of hers. "We all still love you. What you said, what you did... You didn't mean any of it and we know that. Sometimes when a person is hurt they will say things or act a certain way because they are afraid and just want the pain to go away and Kyou-chan is experiencing a pain that is one of the worst imaginable. You don't have to face it alone though, we are all here for you and you are always deserving of our love and help."

"K-Kotomi..." stammered Kyou. Looking at Kotomi all that Kyou could see was love and acceptance in her eyes. She had acted so terrible to her friend, yelled at her and tried to chase her away. Despite that though she still felt a warm and comforting love being offered to her. Kyou suddenly hugged Kotomi tightly, burying her face into one of Kotomi's shoulders as she wept heavily.

'I'm sorry...I'm so so sorry," she cried, choking out the words between sobs. Kotomi simply responded by returning the embrace, one of her hands gently stroking Kyou's head. It remained like this for a few minutes, Kotomi giving what comfort she could and Kyou crying as she faced her dark emotions, protected in the warm embrace of her friend. After Kyou's sobbing finally died down Kotomi broke out of the embrace but maintained contact by leaving her hands on Kyou's shoulders.

"Does Kyou-chan feel a little better now?" asked Kotomi. Kyou responded by gently nodding her head. "That's good. Now remember, please don't face this on your own. Everyone is here to help you so please reach out to us when you need. Although it may be hard sometimes just talking can help a lot. Can you promise me you will try talking to us more?"

"I will," said Kyou softly, nodding once again. Kyou fully intended to keep that promise and not just out of obligation. The warmth and love she felt from Kotomi had done so much to help her process the pain that came from her depression. The way she felt now, although still terrible, was far better in comparison to how she felt when she tried to push everyone away. Never again did she want to face it alone. Kyou would reach out for help more by talking with those that loved her and that she loved. There was one person in particular she already decided she'd talk to the first chance she got, one person she had put off talking to for far too long.

Kotomi had stayed for an hour or so more after the initial and more emotional part of the conversation. Kyou had struggled to find much to talk about so most of the conversational void was filled by Kotomi. Much of what she talked about was about her research and thus was esoteric in nature, far above anything Kyou understood. Although at other times it would have annoyed Kyou to be part of a conversation she couldn't contribute to, much less even understand, the conversation that was more lecture actually provided a subtle sense of comfort. It took Kyou a few minutes to figure out why but she eventually understood that it was the sensation of socializing, connecting with another person that brought her this comfort. She had starved herself of it and hadn't realized how much she had missed it.

Eventually Kotomi had to leave and rush back to the nearest airport so she could fly back to America. It saddened Kyou to see her go. Kotomi had done so much for her in such a short space of time without asking for anything in return. It gave Kyou a greater appreciation for her friendship with the incredible genius.

Before heading off for her daily visit to the hospital Kyou spent some time with Botan. Compared to others Botan hadn't been pushed away like Kyou's human friends. Thinking back on it though Kyou had to admit she had spent far less time than usual with her precious pet. In a initial attempt at redemption for this minor neglect Kyou spent some time talking and playing with Botan who was all too eager to accept the attention. Time passed faster then Kyou realized and the only thing that eventually brought realization to her mind was the sight of the sun starting to set on the horizon.

Kyou hurriedly ate a quick and simple meal, only now taking notice that she hadn't eaten all day. After satisfying that basic human need Kyou made sure Botan got her meal and then left for the hospital. It wasn't a terribly long distance away but the walk still lasted long enough that by the time she got to the hospital the sky was a brilliant crimson accented with streaks of orange, the warm colors of the sunset only interrupted by a few lines of cool colored clouds. The sun was barely peeking over the horizon now and what shadows it cast were lengthened in the final minutes of the day.

Kyou stood at the base of the hospital near the main entrance, looking up to observe the full height of the building. The medical facility was definitely smaller then what could be found in a large city but it's size wasn't anything to scoff at either. Right now to Kyou it felt as if it were a colossal structure that loomed over her threateningly. Had it always felt this way to her? Kyou asked herself this, unable to look away.

When she thought about it she decided that the answer was yes. Until now she had been trying to hide from her own emotions in a effort to lessen the pain. Now that she was forcing herself to face her emotions she had to acknowledge what she feared. What Kyou for sure feared was that inside this hospital was the ever-sleeping form of Kale and every time Kyou came here she was reminded of how badly Kale had been hurt in his efforts to defend her. Now she was here, finally facing the depression that had been maintaining a crushing grip on her life. Could she do it? Could she go inside and face her fears while she made herself vulnerable by acknowledging her emotions? Did she even want to do this?

'Yes, I do,' Kyou thought firmly to herself. 'I want to do this because I won't run from my depression any longer. I want to do this because I want to be by Kale's side and talk with him.' Using those thoughts to help build up courage Kyou entered the hospital and started to make her way to Kale's room.

Since Kyou had been visiting Kale everyday for the past month most, if not all, of the hospital staff recognized her by sight now. They knew where Kyou was going and that she knew how to get there so they didn't bother to escort her to Kale's room. While Kyou was making her way down one of the hallways she saw her sister. Ryou soon saw Kyou as well though she didn't react much. There wasn't even a smile, just a worried frown as the younger sister looked at her sibling.

"Here to see Saunders-san?" Ryou simply asked.

"Yeah..." quietly replied Kyou, her eyes shifting to the side, unable to maintain eye contact.

"Very well, you know the way," said Ryou. She turned back to her work, not attempting anymore conversation. For a month she had tried to reach out to Kyou and had no success. There didn't seem to be any point in trying to talk if it would just be ignored. Ryou didn't hate her sister, she just didn't know what else to do.

"Ryou..." Kyou's voice was subdued as she called out to her sister. Despite that though it still caught Ryou by surprise and she turned back to her sister, eyes widened a little.

"What is it Onee-chan?"

"I'm sorry." The apology was short, quiet, and overly simple. To anyone else it would have only caused confusion as to what Kyou was apologizing for. Ryou though was Kyou's twin sister. They had been a part of each others' lives for so long that there was far more meaning in those few words then they would normally hold. To Ryou they spoke of how her sister was deeply sorry for how she had pushed everyone away. They were words that expressed true regret at how in her sorrow she had lashed out at others who only wished to help. Most of all though they held a feeling of reaching out but feared that she no longer deserved the love and help of others. Ryou walked over to Kyou, a soft warm smile upon her as she gently wrapped her arms around her twin in a loving embrace.

"It's okay," replied Ryou. Much like how Kyou's apology held much unspoken meaning so too did Ryou's response. Laced within her words and actions was how Ryou still and always would love her sister. She did not hold any animosity towards her sister for her actions. The only regret that Ryou had was that Kyou had to go through such pain.

The sisters lingered in the embrace for a few moments, Kyou having missed the warmth of comfort and Ryou eager to give it now that it was being accepted. Eventually though they broke the embrace and Ryou looked to her sister.

"Shall I walk you to Saunders-san's room?" she asked, still giving a warm smile. Wordlessly Kyou gave a nod as her answer. The two sisters were silent as they made their way through the hospital though no more words needed to be said. They could already feel the bond between them repairing itself. Simply being with each other was enough for them at this time.

When they arrived at Kale's room Kyou felt herself stiffen as fear and sorrow began to fill her body. She had seen Kale's sleeping form many times but now it felt different. It felt as if the wound on her soul was reopened, the pain fresh once more. In truth though Kyou knew that wasn't the case. She had simply been ignoring it before, denying that it existed. Now to be more honest with herself, to face her grief without denial, Kyou had to excise the part of the wound on her soul that had festered while it had been unattended. This meant that no matter how much she wanted to run away Kyou could not if she was ever to have hope and peace in her life again.

Had she been alone Kyou was not sure if she could have stayed there, the pain in her soul was nearly overwhelming her. The presence of her sister though helped Kyou stand her ground. Eventually the initial wave of painful grief subsided to a throb. Kyou thanked her sister and after a quick hug they went their own ways, Kyou entering Kale's room and Ryou returning to her duties as a nurse.

Upon fully entering the room and closing the door behind her Kyou stood still, looking at Kale's sleeping form. The throbbing of her grief grew stronger but Kyou pushed it back. She did not deny it was there but she also decided she would not allow it to stop her from visiting Kale. The connection she had with him was far too important and she had neglected in talking with him for far too long.

Although she stayed firm against the sorrow within herself it still was difficult. Words escaped her as she made her way closer to Kale and they evaded her still when she sat down in a chair that was by Kale's left side. Silently she would switch between looking at Kale then down to the floor. To outside observers it would look like many of her other past visits that had been devoid of activity or much emotion. In truth though Kyou was fighting a desperate war inside her own mind. To Kyou it felt as if whenever she built up any amount of courage to talk to Kale her depression would grow in strength, mocking her efforts by easily matching them.

Kyou realized that Kotomi was right, facing against depression alone was impossible. Closing her eyes Kyou breathed deeply for a few moments and turned her thoughts towards those close to her. Pain had to be endured as she dug through her memories and emotions and at times Kyou still wanted to bury it all away. Bravely though she endured it and when she was finally able to focus on what she wanted she felt a warm spark of courage flicker within. It didn't seem like much but Kyou clung to it anyways. As she held onto it she felt it grow slowly but surely.

This, Kyou realized, is what the support of her friends and family did. Their support wasn't some instant cure to her depression. It wasn't something she could solely depend on just as she couldn't solely depend on herself. What it could do was add to her own inner strength. By cherishing it instead of running from it, Kyou supplemented her strength with the love and support that was given to her. It gave her just enough strength to begin to overcome her depression. The horrible beast of depression still fought, trying to drag her back into the darkest depths of her mind but Kyou, with the support of her loved ones, was strong enough to face her pain and finally find words to say to Kale.

"So this is what depression feels like, isn't it?" Kyou asked, looking up at Kale. No answer came of course from Kale but Kyou didn't need it. She already knew the answer.

"Sorry, that was one heck of greeting after not talking for a month," said Kyou, a small chuckle of self-derisive laughter interrupting her for a moment. "I'm...I'm sorry I haven't talked till now. My mind has been occupied with something. Heh, something. I still talk as if I don't know what it is." Kyou shook her head a little as another round of uncomfortable laughter escaped her. Although it still felt very strange holding a one-sided conversation Kyou found that with each word she said to Kale it became easier for her to talk.

"I've been struggling with depression," confessed Kyou. A shudder went down her spine as she said those words. She didn't doubt it's existence but verbally acknowledging her depression produced a very unusual feeling mix of emotions. It felt wrong, almost as if she was surrendering to it but at the same time it gave a sense of relief to finally know what she was struggling against. Kyou shook her head to chase away these thoughts and continued speaking to Kale.

"I don't know how to handle it," sighed Kyou. "I have the support of my friends and family helping me but even with it...It feels as if I'm barely gaining any advantage over my depression. It feels as if I make one slip up, if I stop trying my absolute hardest for even a second, it will slam me back down to rock bottom. It's so exhausting..." Tears now started to well up but Kyou did her best to hold them back. If she allowed them to escape she felt as if they would rob her of the ability to speak anymore.

"How do you do it?" she asked, voice cracking from the effort. "You once told me you have depression, the kind where you have to deal with it throughout your life. How do you even begin to face against such a thing? I've been dealing with it for only about a month and it feels as if I could lose myself to it at any moment. But you...you face it day after day, month after month, year after year... Is it that some days are better then others? Even if that's the case how is it, knowing that your own mind could betray you at any moment, how is it that you can even smile? How could you in all the time I've known you show such kindness, love, and hope day after day? How can you be such an incredible person in the face of such pain?" Kyou looked at Kale, wishing so desperately that he would respond to her multitude of questions. It was a childish hope though, Kyou knew this. She knew that Kale was in a coma and wouldn't be able to respond. That was why when he didn't even twitch she felt no surprise. In the absence of surprise though came more sorrow and despair. Unable to fully hold back the tears they now started to run down her cheeks.

"I can't stand it," Kyou moaned as more tears came out. Her arms wrapped around herself as she tried to steady her breathing, desperate to get out what she was thinking. "I can't stand this pain. It hurts, it hurts so much that I don't even want to feel happy, I just don't want to feel the pain. I'm not even sure if I can remember what happiness feels like anymore. I'm trying to remember but I can't. That scares me so much. What is my depression doing to me?!" The tears were now flowing without hindrance. They poured out of her as sobs racked her entire body. She hugged herself even tighter, eyes clenched shut as she fought to get out the last few remaining words.

"Please Kale..." she sobbed. "I can't stand this anymore...I can't stand seeing you like this. I know this is stupid and selfish thing to ask but please...If you can hear me, wake up. Please wake up." Through tear-clouded vision Kyou looked at Kale. He was still asleep. Of course he was, he had been in a coma for a whole month. Had she really expected him to hear her? Kyou wasn't sure but she didn't much care anymore. An all consuming sorrow had filled her so completely that she couldn't feel anything else. Kyou braced herself against collapsing completely by placing her arms on Kale's bed. Shortly after she buried her face in her arms, weeping uncontrollably now. The crying and her immense emotional pain quickly robbed Kyou of what little vestiges of strength she had left and she soon fell into a dark slumber.

In the endless void of her dark dreams Kyou felt a sensation of warmth. It was soft, ticklish almost, and had a steady rhythm to it. Being such a stark contrast to the cold emptiness of her sleep Kyou's mind drifted towards the warm sensation. As it did Kyou could feel consciousness slowly returning to her.

'Ah, so it's something in the real world that's waking me up.' Kyou thought to herself. It was nice, whatever it was. Perhaps it was a warm spring morning breeze that was coaxing her out of sleep. That certainly would be a nice thing to wake up to. Kyou let herself savor the sensation, allowing it to wake her up slowly as opposed to her usual rude awakenings.

It took a few minutes since the sensation was so enjoyable but eventually Kyou felt awake enough to open her eyes. On her first attempt she quickly clamped them shut again. The morning light had been much brighter and dazzling than she expected. Kyou made a second attempt to open her eyes, this time going much slower while squinting. The light was still almost blinding to her sleepy eyes but her efforts this time were successful. As her vision adjusted to the light she saw why the light had been so dazzling. The frost on the window was catching the morning light in just the right way that it seemed to amplify it while scattering it throughout the room.

'Wait, frost?' Kyou thought in a sudden realization. 'How is that possible? I was feeling a warm spring breeze.' Without breaking her focus on the window Kyou used her hands to push her upper body from the bed and out of her hunched over sleeping position. Looking intently at the window Kyou confirmed what she was seeing wasn't a figment of a half-asleep mind, there indeed was frost on the window. There wasn't just frost though, the whole ground outside was blanketed with pure white snow. 'That's right...It's still early February so it's winter,' thought Kyou. She also realized that even if it had been spring she wouldn't have been able to feel any breeze, the windows were closed completely. So where did that warm sensation that had gently woke her up come from?

Almost as if summoned by her thoughts Kyou felt it again. Now that she was fully awake Kyou could tell where exactly on her body she felt the soft and comforting warmth. On the back of one of her hands she felt a very gentle but definitely real stroking sensation. Slowly Kyou turned her head to look at her hand. There, resting on the back of her hand was another hand that wasn't her own, its trembling fingers moving in a consistent stroking motion.

Kyou's gaze moved from the hand and up the connected arm, trying to confirm who the hand belonged to. Kyou normally would be able to figure out who the hand belonged to but right now she afraid to hope. If she did hope for what she dreamed of, only to have it snatched away by cruel reality, Kyou was sure it would utterly destroy her. But she had to know, she just had to! Fearful and hopeful at the same time, her searching gaze continued. Following the arm her sight came to rest upon Kale's face. There she saw half-opened eyes that gazed back at her and a weak smile that cracked open, breathing out in a shaky and quiet voice a single word.

"Hey."

"Kale!" exclaimed Kyou. "Y-You are awake! Please, please tell me this isn't a dream. If it is..." She couldn't even bring herself to finish the sentence. All she did instead was look at Kale, not wanting to let him out of her sight for a second, even with a blink.

"It's not," slowly replied Kale. The words came agonizingly slow, seemingly a monumental effort required for each individual word. It took so much energy that he wasn't even stroking Kyou's hand anymore. All he could do was gaze through half-open eyes at Kyou, a weak smile on his familiar face as he remained in his reclined position. "It's not a dream...I promise."

"H-how?" simply asked Kyou. Realizing that wasn't clear enough she elaborated. "How can you be awake?"

"I heard your voice," answered Kale. "Your voice, it called out to me. The pain you are facing... I couldn't leave you alone when you are hurting so much."

Kyou felt her power of speech leave her, Kale's words weighing heavily on her mind. He had heard her voice. Her words had been able to reach him and she hadn't spoken to him for the whole month. Her own weakness had caused her to leave Kale alone in the prison of his own mind. Guilt weighed on her so much that she looked down at her hands, too ashamed to look at Kale.

"So you remember what happened around you during your coma..." said Kyou.

"Mostly."

"Can...can you also remember from before your coma?" Kyou's voice wavered. Was he all there, she wondered. Had only part of him come back or was the Kale she knew back?

"Yes," replied Kale.

"Can you remember the New Year's Eve party?" Although he had said yes Kyou had to make sure he could remember. She felt that she needed to confirm that her sincerest wish was actually coming true.

"I can," answered Kale. Although she wasn't looking at him Kyou swore that she could feel him smiling lovingly at her.

"Can you remember how when I was in trouble...You came to save me?"

"Yes."

"And do you..." Kyou couldn't speak for a moment, her emotions starting to overwhelm her. A soft sob escaped from her before the rest were temporarily silenced. "Do you remember how when you were hurt, when you were so close to death, you confessed to me?"

"Yes, I do."

Kyou was unable to hold it back any longer and tears started to pour forth. Kale was back, he was truly back! Her entire body shook as intense emotions coursed throughout her. Kyou was beginning to audibly sob when she heard Kale say something else.

"I'm sorry," he said. "If my confession made you uncomfortable..."

Kyou grew quiet and looked up at Kale. Even now he was worried only about her Kyou realized. Kale had been through so much, had come to the brink of death and yet he worried about only her feelings. He wasn't worried about the pins and brace holding together his still broken right arm, nor did he worry about what happened in the world in the month he had been comatose. The only thing he was concerned with was her feelings.

"Don't be stupid," sniffed Kyou as she wiped away some of the remaining tears. "That isn't why I am crying." Kyou looked into Kale's eyes and for the first time in a long while she wore a genuine smile that radiated warmth and love.

"I'm crying because you never gave me a chance to respond," said Kyou. Without saying anything else she leaned forward, her eyes fluttering closed as her face came closer to Kale's. Her lips lightly pressed against Kale's and for that moment the entire world stood still. Eventually though Kyou pulled her face back a little, breaking the kiss but enabling her to speak once more.

"I love you Kale," said Kyou, every word carrying the full weight of her feelings for him. "You are my new dream too." As she smiled at him Kale tried to reach up with his left hand. He still was too weak though and could only make it up halfway. Gently using her right hand Kyou held Kale's hand and pressed it against her cheek. The warmth she had felt from his lips and now was feeling from his hand, it all bore witness of a reality Kyou had once thought impossible: Kale was back.

As Kale's hand gently stroked her face Kyou felt a unexpected sob break out of her smiling mouth. She tried her best to hold back the deluge of tears she felt in her eyes but found herself unable. The emotions were too powerful and her smile broke, tears streaming down her face as she cried like a young child. Kyou buried her face into Kale's shoulder and hugged him. There, in the arms of the one she loved, Kyou wept tears that held all of the sorrow of the past month, all of her immense relief, and all of her absolute love for Kale.

a/n: This chapter is dedicated to everyone who struggles with depression. Whether you face it for but a short time or you struggle with it for your whole life this is for you. I know depression can be overwhelming, it truly is. Please don't think you are less of a person for struggling with it. You are actually an amazing person for being able to stand it for even a second. Just, please, for yourself and for everyone who cares for you, don't try to face it alone.