Past

Chapter Eleven: A Fear Come True

Kill after kill, countless bodies laid still behind him, drenched in their own blood. Countless figures, all unfamiliar faces.

Kakashi hoped it would stay that way.

Somewhere to his right, his commander was shouting orders at them to break through the Senju's ranks. Exchanging a glance with his Uchiha comrade, the two of them rushed forward. One Senju shinobi staggered forward, swaying on his feet. Despite his grievously injured state, a look of determination was plastered on his face as he engaged in battle with the Uchiha.

Spinning around, Kakashi swerved around the battling duo and continued full speed at the Senju's gates. The injured Senju shinobi shouted after him. A glance over his shoulder, Kakashi noted that the Senju had tried to come after him, but his momentary lapse of concentration earned him another fatal wound.

Facing forward once more, Kakashi joined the others in scaling the wall. A few enemies were waiting for them at the top, but Kakashi left his comrades to take care of them. Kakashi met his commander's eyes. With a determined nod, he jumped down from the top of the wall, landing deftly on his feet.

After regaining his balance, his eyes swept both sides before he took off sprinting at all full speed through the village.

Kakashi knew the layout of the village like the back of his hand; it was clear that not much had changed in the decade since he last been in the village.

Two chakra signatures up ahead. Kakashi ducked into a nearby alleyway. Not bothering to wait for them to pass, Kakashi took off through the maze of the back alleys, with his sharp memory as his guide.

Turn left. Second right. Third left. Another left. Straight ahead until the dead end.

Much to his surprise, Kakashi felt a chakra signature on his tail. A glance over his shoulder informed him that there was no one in sight, but the chakra signature was rapidly getting closer.

Pressing his right foot against the wall, Kakashi channelled chakra to the soles of his feet and sprinted up the wall. Grabbing the rail at the top, Kakashi used his momentum to flip his body over the railing. Landing on his feet, he took off across the rooftop.

As he reached the other side of the building, he only had time to lift one foot over the railing before he was forced to jerk his head to the right, narrowly avoiding a senbon in the back of his neck. The senbon flew past him, nicking the tip of his ear.

Kakashi whirled around, kunai raised to knock the second senbon off its trajectory. The senbon clattered to the ground at his feet.

"So it is you, Kakashi." The figure approached him. For the first time, Kakashi was finally able to get a good look at the man's face.

Genma. A grown up version. No longer was he the brown haired boy with baby fat that Kakashi remembered from the Academy nor was he the boy that hung his headband around his neck during Minato's inauguration. Instead, the metal plate was attached to the bandana that he wore on his head, proudly displaying the symbol of his allegiance on his forehead.

Some things didn't change, like the senbon that was always in his mouth.

But some things did change: they were no longer facing each other as comrades, but as enemies.

"I won't let you get any further into the village," Genma stated. Three senbons were already wedged between the fingers of his right hand.

"Unfortunately, I have a mission to complete. If you don't get out of my way, I have no choice but to kill you."

Genma's eyes narrowed at his threat, but his stance didn't falter.

Both of them moved at the same time. Kakashi dodged to the left, avoiding Genma's first senbon. Dropping to the ground, Kakashi avoided the second and third senbon. In an instant, he was back onto his feet.

They met in the middle, his kunai clashing against Genma's senbon. Kakashi put more pressure, but Genma's arm never wavered. Their eyes met.

Determination shone in Genma's brown eyes, but Kakashi could see a flicker of reluctance hiding behind the determination.

Genma's hesitation made him weak.

The sole of Kakashi's left foot rammed into Genma's knee, forcing him to stumble backwards. Taking advantage of his momentary imbalance, Kakashi knocked the senbon out of his hand, striking forward to elbow Genma in the stomach. Genma coughed, bending forward as his hand cradled his stomach.

He gave Kakashi the perfect opportunity. A clear opening to ram the kunai into his neck.

His own hesitation caused him to miss the opportunity. Right as he raised his hand, ready to slam the kunai into his neck, Genma recovered. His hand shot upward, grasping around Kakashi's wrist and stopping its descendant. His other hand held a senbon, the sharp tip breaking through the fabric of his mask and digging into the skin of his neck.

A trickle of blood flowed down from his neck.

"You wouldn't have hesitated if you didn't care about us."

Kakashi remained silent.

"If you still cared about us, then why did you leave in the first place? Why did you join the Uchihas? Answer me!"

Kakashi felt anger building up within him, igniting all of his nerves.

"You wouldn't understand even if I told you." He yanked his wrist out of Genma's hold and knocked the senbon away from him.

"And no one ever will if you never say anything!"

Kakashi didn't have time for a confrontation with a former comrade. The clock was still ticking; he still had a mission to complete. He was already a disappointment to his former comrades...he couldn't let down his current ones.

He turned around to leave, the administration building was only five roofs away. Genma stood in front of him, blocking his way.

"I won't let you past me. You'll have to kill me first."

And that was exactly what Kakashi did.

The details were a bit hazy, but Kakashi could clearly remember he never had the intention to kill him. All he wanted was to incapacitate him so that he couldn't interfere anymore. As Kakashi had fired up his signature jutsu, the Chidori, he only wanted to intimidate Genma into retreating. What he hadn't expected was that Genma had been so close to him when he turned around. The momentum propelled him forward, driving his jutsu right through his former comrade's heart.

Kakashi's eyes widened as he watched Genma's eyes dim. Yanking his arm out of Genma's body, he watched as his lifeless body fell with a loud thump. Blood began to pool around him, staining the concrete rooftop.

Bile rose to his throat, but years of shinobi training forced him to move. Yet his years of shinobi training couldn't stop his hand from shaking. Clutching his wrist with his left hand as he hopped across the rooftops, Kakashi willed for his hand to stop shaking.

It wouldn't.

Kakashi glanced down at his hand. Droplets of blood dripped down from his fingertips, splattering onto the rooftops. His pale skin was no longer visible, completely coated by the sticky, red substance. His fingers twitched.

Tears fell. Wetness dampened his mask. Even through his tear stained eyes, he pushed himself forward.

You killed him. You killed him. You killed him, killed him, killed him, killed him!

The stupid voice inside of his head wouldn't go away. Both of his hands reached up, pressing tightly against the side of his head as he shook his head rapidly. The voice wouldn't go away. It wouldn't go away.

YOU KILLED HIM.

Kakashi awoke with a start, chest heaving heavily. After blinking twice, the remnants of sleepiness went away, eyes adjusting to the darkness around him. Sweat dripped down from his forehead. Grabbing a nearby towel, Kakashi wiped off the sweat on his palms, then his neck. His hands shook during the process, so much that he had dropped the towel as he moved to wipe his forehead.

He simply stared at the white cloth before his hand shakily moved to grab the cloth.

It was a split second decision. Tossing the towel over his shoulder and snatching his water flask from his backpack, Kakashi stood up. Carefully stepping around his sleeping comrades, he slowly unzipped the tent flap. Pushing the flap outwards, Kakashi stepped outside, then zipped it back up.

None of his comrades stirred.

Taking a breath of fresh air, he immediately felt infinitely better.

To his right, the campfire crackled. One shinobi sat on the log next to the fire, absently throwing more sticks into the pile. Their eyes met for a brief second and Kakashi gave him a nod in greeting. The other shinobi went back to tending the fire as Kakashi walked off towards the edge of the camp.

Toshiro spotted him. Jogging over to Kakashi, Toshiro had a confused look plastered all over his face.

"You finished your guard shift an hour ago. What are you doing here?"

Kakashi sighed. "Couldn't sleep, so I figured I would go for a walk to clear my head."

Toshiro nodded in understanding. Nightmares plagued all of them in their sleep; it was an unspoken rule that no one pried into it. Some things weren't meant to be said out loud.

Toshiro handed him three kunais. "Be careful. Our scouts spotted a Senju camp not too far from here."

Kakashi nodded, silently thanking him for his warning.

Kakashi slumbered along the path, basking in the glory of the silence that surrounded him. Though he had a destination in mind, he had chosen to take the longer route, one that would take him through the forest. The wind blew, the chilly air making contact with his bare arms and sending goosebumps all over his arms. The leaves stirred, a few breaking free from the branch, fluttering to the ground. The shadows from the branches danced around him.

A leaf brushed against his forehead. Reaching up, Kakashi grabbed the leaf, holding it between his pointer finger and thumb. Raising it up in the direct path of the moonlight, Kakashi examined it. There was a small hole in the middle of the leaf, allowing a tiny sliver of moonlight to shine on him.

Konoha, Kakashi mused. That would be a fitting name for a village. Briefly, he wondered if the Senjus and Uchihas made peace with each other, would they still live as two different villages? Would they become one? Perhaps, the village would have been called Konoha.

He scoffed. What was he thinking? The feud had already spanned over a century long; peace wouldn't be that easy to achieve. In fact, he would be lucky if he lived long enough to see it.

Releasing the leaf and allowing it to flutter to the ground, Kakashi trudged forward, covering the remaining distance to the river. Exiting the darkness of the trees, Kakashi stepped onto the grassy bank. Settling himself onto a rock, Kakashi leaned forward, hands pressed against his head on both sides.

He stared at his reflection in the water, illuminated by the full moon. Even with more than half of his face covered, the water reflected his lifelessness. His eyes said it all.
What was his purpose in life? To become one of the many nameless and faceless soldiers for the Uchihas? To kill anyone who tried to kill him first or got in his way? To protect a village that he hardly cared about?

His ten year old self had the notion of revenge implanted in his mind, but the feeling had slowly waned over the years until the mere thought of revenge left a bitter taste in his mouth. Revenge only served to remind him of the events of the past. Revenge wouldn't accomplish a single thing.

Kakashi knew his heart wasn't hardened enough for revenge anyways.

A familiar chakra signature was approaching the river. Every instinct in his body urged him to flee, but his mind forced himself to remain rooted to the spot. Besides, it wasn't like he didn't already sense Kakashi was there; he had purposely let his chakra signature be known.

"So it is you, Kakashi." Those words were hauntingly familiar.

Kakashi raised his head slowly. "Minato sensei." It had been over a decade since he uttered those words, yet it didn't feel foreign coming from his mouth. In fact, it almost felt normal, except for the glaring fact that they were no longer who they used to be.

Teacher and student? They were enemies now.

Minato took a seat in the grass on the other side of the river.

"How have you been?"

"I finally finished my jutsu, the Chidori. I based it off of your Rasengan and added my lightning chakra nature to it; however, I can't really use it in battle because…" Out of sheer habit, Kakashi had begun detailing the progress he made with his training like he always did, only to be harshly reminded that they weren't comrades any longer.

He had rambled, but inwardly he knew that those were words that he always wanted to tell his sensei. To share his excitement of having created a new jutsu.

They weren't teacher and student anymore. Minato wouldn't care.

"It must be an amazing jutsu," Minato commented softly. "I would ask you to show it to me, but I'm sure you won't want to reveal your skills to the enemy."

And there was that reminder again.

Kakashi scoffed. "It wouldn't make a difference. Whether I show you or not, I still won't be able to defeat you."

"You don't give yourself enough credit. I'm sure you have progressed tremendously during these years. Even when you were a kid, you always caught me by surprise by how skilled you were. Everytime we sparred, you would have a new jutsu up your sleeve."

Kakashi shook his head lightly. "It's a pity that I am no longer the kid that you used to know."

Minato's eyes softened. "What happened to you?"

A lot of things had happened, but what did Minato want to know? What made him leave the village? How has he been over the years? What changed about him?

Truthfully, Kakashi wasn't even sure he knew the answers to any of these questions himself.

"Does it even matter?"

Kakashi could see it, the natural "of course it does" answer was at the tip of his sensei's tongue, but something held him back from saying those words aloud.

"If…" Minato began. It was so strange to see his sensei struggling to find words, when Minato had always been the one to fill the silence between them. Perhaps, this was truly a testament that everything had changed.

"If…" Minato tried again. "You ever want to come back…" Minato faltered upon seeing the displeased expression on his former student's face.

Kakashi scoffed. "If they didn't like me while I was in the village, they would hate me if I returned, especially as a traitor."

"You're not a traitor," Minato insisted.

"I am! I wear the Uchiha crest on my arm when I am on the battlefield. My hands have spilt Senju blood. Look!" Kakashi waved his hand wildly in the air, unable to unsee Genma's blood coating the length of his arm. Emitting a disgruntled noise from the back of his throat, Kakashi submerged his hand into the water. Even through his tear soaked vision, the blood clung fiercely to his skin. His left hand dipped underwater, rubbing harshly against his skin.

The blood wouldn't come off.

It wouldn't come off.

A hand grabbed his left wrist, forcing him to stop. "Kakashi, stop hurting yourself."

Kakashi looked up, meeting his sensei's eyes, shimmering with concern. He retracted his hand out of the water, lightly brushing Minato's hand off of him. Minato conceded without a fight, quietly retreating to his side of the river, where he belonged.

Even their current situation served as such a stark reminder that they were on opposing sides.

"You should kill me." The wind carried Kakashi's whisper to Minato's ear.

"What? No! Listen to me Kakashi, you are still young and you have an entire life ahead of you-"

Kakashi cut him off. "Don't make the same mistake my father did."

Minato fell eerily silent.

"Before he died, he told me that he hesitated," Kakashi began softly. "During that ambush, he met a scout and he hesitated to kill him. All because the scout was a young child and my father saw too much of me in him. Don't make the same mistake, sensei. One of us has to die here tonight; I think you already knew that from the moment that you picked up on my chakra signature."

"Both of us can walk away alive tonight," Minato countered. "I know you don't have the heart to kill me and quite frankly, neither do I."

"Perhaps," Kakashi whispered. "Then on the battlefield tomorrow, I will kill your comrades and you'll regret letting me go in the first place. And if they find out, you'll be condemned like my father was."

An indescribable emotion flickered in Minato's eyes. "I can see it in your eyes that you don't want to kill anyone. You long for peace as much as I do, don't you?"

"Peace?" Kakashi murmured. "A fool's dream."

"Do you remember what I said many years ago at my inauguration?"

"You promised to maintain peace."

"Your dreams will only remain dreams-"

"If you don't strive for them to become reality," Kakashi finished. Even over a decade later, that statement remained fresh on his mind, just like he heard it yesterday.

"A fool's dream it may be, but it happened once, even if it was short lived. Still, I won't ever give up on my dream for as long as I live. After all, I want my son to grow up in an era of peace."

"Your son?"

Minato smiled wistfully. "His name is Naruto. I told him about you, you know. One of Naruto's biggest dreams is to be able to meet his niisan in person."

"I can't go back."

"Not yet, but you can help me end the war."

Kakashi's eyes flickered to meet Minato's.

"How?"

Kakashi sat cross legged in the corner in his tent on top of his sleeping bag. In the dark, he could make out the outlines of his sleeping comrades' silhouettes. Kakashi sighed; how he envied them for being able to fall asleep.

He tried to fall asleep after his late night run in with his sensei, but after an hour of tossing and turning, Kakashi eventually gave up. How could he sleep with such a heavy burden weighing on the forefront of his mind?

Minato had given him a scroll before they parted ways, instructing him to open it when Kakashi finally had an answer for him. He wasn't sure of the contents in the scroll; all he knew was that the scroll was the source of all of his frustrations.

His mind replayed the conversation over and over again until he could practically recite every word in his sleep. While he mulled over the decision, his fingers played with the tie on the scroll, lightly tugging it but never tugging it completely loose.

By the time the sun rose in the sky, the scroll remained unopened.

Kakashi didn't have the courage to open it.

He almost lost his left eye. There was a particularly nasty gash that went through his eyebrow, extending to parts of his forehead. Just a few millimeters lower and his eye would have been gone.

Kakashi had gotten lucky. The medics even told him that much. Yet five minutes after the healing, with a half healed wound and messy bandage work, Kakashi was ushered out of the medical tent as more wounded continued to be carried inside. Joining the ranks of his less critically wounded comrades, Kakashi assisted in searching for survivors on the field.

While Kakashi squatted down to check the pulse of one of his comrades, he heard his commander let out a sigh. Shaking his head, the commander's pen moved against the paper before he moved on to the next body.

Jotting down names to be etched on the memorial stone.

Kakashi couldn't help but feel a queasy feeling in his stomach at the notion that the list was growing longer and would continue to grow longer for as long as the war continued. Everyday, tens, if not hundreds, of names to be the stone's latest addition. Each name carrying a story to the grave. Each name leaving behind family and friends. Each name sacrificing themself for the sake of a pointless war.

He could be next. To go down as just a number of victims in the history books detailing the rivalry between the Uchihas and Senjus.

All of this was pointless.

Toshiro came to join him, squatting down on the other side of the nameless fallen comrade. Like Kakashi, Toshiro pressed two fingers against the man's neck, slowly shaking his head when his fingers didn't register a pulse. His hand moved to close the dead man's eyes.

The two of them continued in somber silence, moving from body to the next. By their twentieth, both of them knew in their hearts that there wasn't anyone that was still alive on the field, yet their bleeding hearts couldn't help but hold onto the tiny shred of hope that existed.

"The war is cruel, isn't it?" Toshiro murmured softly as he laid another one of his kins to rest. Although Kakashi didn't know that particular Uchiha, his heart ached for Toshiro, who had to witness at least five clansmen die. At least Kakashi didn't have any family that he could watch die in front of him.

"Ah. If there was a way to end the war, would you do it?"

Toshiro didn't hesitate. "At any cost."

"At any cost," Kakashi echoed.

"For the older generation of Uchihas, it would take nothing less than a crushing defeat for them to concede. Most of the younger generation longs for peace. I'm sure you do too, having to fight your friends must be difficult."

"We are enemies now," was Kakashi's response. Toshiro didn't press on the subject matter any further and silence overtook them once more.

Yet Toshiro's words continued to ring loudly in Kakashi's head.

At any cost.

Kakashi thought about the scroll tucked in one of the many pockets of his backpack, stashed away at his tent. He thought about the plan that his sensei shared with him last night.

A crushing defeat.

Even though the Uchiha force had smaller numbers than the Senjus, they weren't easy opponents. A crushing defeat almost seemed impossible.

Memories flooded his mind, of the many nights that he spent at home in solitude because his father was on the battlefield, of the many times he and Asuma caught the third leader asleep on his desk, face sticking to a map of the battlefields, of the times when he saw a classmate crying because their parent had died.

Peace. Seemingly unattainable, yet he would never know if he didn't try. At the very least, he could die trying. At least he had a purpose in life. He would try, if not for himself, but for the future.

The next generation doesn't deserve this, Kakashi thought as his eyes swept the bloody battlefield. His hand moved to touch his left eye, his touch lingering as he thought of the "what could have been."

When his eye slid open, he knew what he had to do.

Kakashi finally found his resolve.

A/N: Hi again!

This is the final "past" chapter! I briefly mentioned "conversation at the river" in a few chapters and this was what that was referring to. I think I covered everything relevant in the past chapters...anything in their history that you wished that I wrote about?

Question for you:

-Favorite scene or particular arc? I wrote the story, so obviously I like most of it, but I enjoyed writing the past chapters a lot more than present for some reason. My favorite scene in the present plotline is actually in the next chapter!

-Thoughts or wishes for the ending? It's already written, so nothing will change based on what you say, but I'm curious to know.

Thanks for the feedback! I'm glad that some of you are interested in reading the sequel. Disclaimer: I think the sequel is not as good as this story, but I'm willing to post it for the world to see anyways. Hopefully it'll be entertaining enough to keep your attention since I think the general consensus is that you prefer reading the Senju side vs the Uchiha side lol. I'll work on posting that once this one is finished. I'll try to keep my Friday schedule for that story too, but the story isn't finished and the chapters are longer, so it's taking me a lot longer to finish a chapter.

Thanks for reading. Until next time!

-MM