Danny: I have this thing I use on people called "The 3 Bs". Bribing, Begging, and Blackmail. You skipped right to begging...and it totally worked. Lol.
WrongObsession: Glad you liked it. The shower scene was probably the hardest to write.
Nameless: How else am I supposed to procrastinate with finals in like...2 weeks? And plus...I'm a review addict. I won't get reviews if I don't write. I don't think there will be a potential "relationship" in this fic. If there is, it won't be for a very very long time. It seems kinda...I don't know. It wouldn't sound right being all, "Oh...now Cameron's been scarred by a guy so she's gonna fall in love with Remy." Definitely a deep friendship tho.
Wonderous: I'm glad that you liked this one. Yayyy.
Kirei28: Well, it's not a oneshot anymore. xD
Dominus: Glad you liked it...and that the 2nd person pov is working.
Angel's: I'm glad you like my writing. I plan on continuing to write Cam/13 until y'all chase me away. Haha.
Quirkykirky: Thank you so much for the review. I do now plan on continuing it.
Amazon: I'm glad you like it. Thanks for reviewing!
Roronoa: I'm glad you like it. I think my sadistic-ness attracts people. Baha. And wouldn't Camteenly be an adverb? xD -is a grammar nazi- We Americans do eat weird food. I alone eat weird food. Lol. And pumpkin roll is amazinggg! Though...nearly anything pumpkin flavored is amazing.
Ina: I'm glad you liked it.
BattleKitten: I'm glad you liked it and that I was able to draw you into it.
Vanamo: I already talked to you, but...! Hopefully this won't get too unrealistic and I have no plans to graphically focus on the actual rape. I do love dark, but I have lines drawn for myself that I contently stay behind. Hopefully I can manage to keep them in character...'cause sometimes I forget and don't think. Heh.
Jess: Well, thank you very very much for the review! I'm glad you liked it and how I portrayed the characters. It's hard to imagine them in such a situation, which makes it a bit hard to write.
YourDepressed: H/C is like a guilty pleasure. Baha. Glad you liked it.
SIGNAL FIRE
CHAPTER TWO
Uncertainty
I'm holding on until there's nothing left.
Cameron's POV:
Sunlight is streaming through the cracks between the window and curtain when you open your eyes. You don't remember falling asleep but you're still completely exhausted. It feels like something has literally sucked all the energy right out of your aching body. You try to breathe in through your nose but it's all stuffy and breathing through your mouth makes you think someone has shoved cotton down your throat.
Thirteen is still beside you with her arms around you. Her chest is rising and falling at a steady pace, letting you know she's fast asleep. You snuggle closer against her and soak in the feeling of security she's providing for you. Never in your life have you considered yourself to be a clingy person, but you're suddenly scared to be away from her. Covering your mouth with your hand, you painfully cough a few times. Her hand rubs your back and you jump at the movement, your heart rate suddenly ten times faster.
"Mm." Thirteen shifts and traces a few designs on your back. "You're okay," she mumbles. Her hand slowly stops moving and she begins snoring quietly. You now vaguely remember waking her up multiple times throughout the night because you'd panic every time she moved.
Wrapping an arm around her, you cling to her sleeve up near her shoulder and rest your head just under her collarbone. It's impossible to go back to sleep because you really need to use the bathroom. You end up having a lengthy mental debate over how long you can stay like that and you determine a few hours. In reality, your bladder feels like it's going to burst five minutes later and you're forced to get up.
The floor is ice cold under your feet and you realize you never even put your shoes back on after taking a shower. They're probably still there unless someone moved them. Shifting repeatedly from one foot to the other, you hover by the bed and consider waking Thirteen. The thought you actually want her to get up and walk you to a bathroom that's probably less than five feet away is mortifying as soon as it sinks in. After one last glance at her, you let her sleep and walk hastily to the bathroom then shut the door behind you and lock it.
You're in there at least ten minutes because your reflection in the mirror distracts you just as you're about to leave. You look completely awful. Your hair is a mess and 'white as a sheet' really is a correct description of how pale your face is, minus the dark circles under your red, puffy eyes. Covering your mouth with your arm, you cough several times then turn on the sink water.
You think about Thirteen as you wait for the water to become a comfortable temperature. She probably hates you, you decide. The thought actually makes tears spring in to your eyes. Before yesterday, you may have spoken to her once a week, if that. Now, you're suddenly attached to her. You use your hands to cup the lukewarm water and rinse your face off. It honestly doesn't make you feel any better. There's no towel on the rack so you dry your face with your sleeve. Thirteen's hoodie smells just like her and you keep your arm by your face for a moment. It's hard to breathe in through your nose, but you try your best because even just her scent is comforting.
You suddenly want to be close to her again. You leave the bathroom and glance over at her. She's still sleeping and you wonder what time it is. You note that she's dangerously close to the edge of the bed but turn your back to her and face the clock. It's going on one in the afternoon. You can't believe you slept that long.
A loud crash behind you causes you to jump. You spin around and nearly fall over, pressing yourself back against the wall to support yourself. Your heart is suddenly racing and it's hard to breathe for a moment. After the brief second of terror passes, you stare down at Thirteen.
She swears under her breath and drapes her arm dramatically across her face as she lies sprawled out across the floor. The stand that was previously beside the bed is now just a metal bar on wheels. It's next to her and thankfully not on top of her and the wooden table part is about a foot away.
"Are you okay?" you croak. You stare at her with wide eyes and suddenly feel much more awake. Pressing your hand to your chest, you mentally try to convince your heart to slow to its normal pace.
"That really hurt," she groans and presses the palms of her hands to her eyes. "I hate these hospital beds." She sits up and rubs her lower back then glances at you and suddenly looks less annoyed than she did a moment ago. "You're not going to laugh at me?" she asks, probably noticing the scared look on your face. "I know people who would pay to watch me fall out of bed while I'm sober."
You get the feeling she's trying to make you at least smile, but you can't. "You're sure you're okay?" You wrap your arms around yourself and sink back against the wall then slide down to the floor. Throat tickling, you close your mouth to muffle a few coughs.
"I think I should be asking you that." She runs her fingers through her hair then scoots over so she's sitting beside you. "Sorry if I practically gave you a heart attack. Trust me when I say I didn't mean to just…"
You look away.
"Hey." She places her hand on your arm.
You jump before you can stop yourself. "Sorry," you whisper.
"It's okay." She moves her hand. From the corner of your eye, you can see her place her hands on her lap. She pulls her knees up slightly and places her elbow on her leg then rests her head against her hand and watches you. "I'm going to be honest with you," she says after a moment. "I don't know what to do for you, Cameron."
You swallow a lump suddenly forming in the back of your throat. Tears fill your eyes and you're not sure if it's because she's not using your first name anymore or because you were secretly wishing she could make it all better. "I - I don't know what to do either," you whisper. You try to tell yourself people overcome this but it's useless because you can't comprehend how. You shrink away when she tries to touch you again. It's not fair because you'd give anything to be that close to her.
"We'll just go step by step," she replies. "You talked to the police yesterday right when you got to the hospital, right?"
You nod slowly. You hug your knees for a moment then cross your arms over them so you can rest your aching head forward.
"We don't have to worry about that then." There's a pause. "Here."
You lift your head and glance at the thermometer as she holds it toward you. For a moment you're still but then you decide checking your temperature is probably a good idea. After taking the thermometer, you put a new cover on it then hold it in your ear and wait for the beep. Closing your eyes, you rub your forehead with the palm of your free hand.
"Do you want to move back to the bed?" she asks.
You shake your head then move the thermometer so you can read your temperature. "100.7," you mumble out loud. Placing the thermometer on the ground, you turn your head away from her and cough several times. Your throat burns and the tears in your eyes threaten to overflow down your face. Your sinuses dripping down the back of your throat makes you feel sick to your stomach and you want to lie down, but at the same time, you don't want to move.
"I can give you the same medicine I gave you last night," she tells you. "Did those help? Oh, you know what? I can get you some Tylenol Cold and Flu Tablets. Do you want those instead?"
"I don't know." You press your hands to your eyes and lean forward. "I don't know." The two simple choices she gives you suddenly seem incredibly complicated. You don't want to make decisions. You want her to make the decisions. You realize you're probably causing her enough trouble just by keeping her there with you. All of a sudden, you can practically feel her discomfort radiating throughout the room and you can't decide whether your imagining it or not.
"Tylenol will work best," she says quickly. "Let me help you to the bed. The floor is freezing."
You shake your head. The floor is freezing and you're beginning to shiver. You hate how you react when she touches you now though and you're not sure you can stand. You hear the nurse at the door and listen to Thirteen's footsteps when she gets up and walks over. The thought she might leave crosses your mind and you quickly lift your head to watch her. Bad idea. The room spins and your headache gets worse.
Thirteen glances back at you and gives you a sympathetic smile. It's almost code for 'I'm not leaving you' instead of saying it out loud in front of the nurse. "Thanks," she tells the nurse as she takes the pills and a cup of water. She shuts the door once the nurse leaves then walks over and kneels down in front of you. "Hold this."
You take the water from her and try not to spill it as she peels the silver back off the pill package. You hold out your hand for the pill. It takes several swallows of water to make it go down your throat and you almost choke some of the water back up.
"Do you want more?" she asks then takes the cup of water from you when you shake your head. She gets to her feet and places it by the sink then grabs the blanket off the bed. "If you're not going to move, at least let me cover you up." She hands you the blanket then sits down in front of you and faces you.
You wrap the blanket around yourself and hug it tightly. "Now what?" you ask quietly. After a long moment of silence, you glance up at her. The intense look of pity on her face scares you. "W-what?"
"Maybe I should get a nurse in here to help you now." She swallows and looks away from you then slowly gets to her feet.
"Wait!" You stare at her in horror. You want her, not some nurse. "Wait. I - I…" You're trying to think of something to offer her to get her to stay. You're trying to think of some reason to convince her. Even though no tears fall, a few sobs manage to escape your lips. She must feel bad for you or something because she kneels in front of you again.
She lets out a breath and stares at the floor for a moment then looks up at you. "You're going to have to think about an ECP."
Your breath hitches in your throat. "What?" you barely manage to choke out the word.
"The morning aft-" she starts explaining.
"I know it what means," you cut her off. You can't believe getting pregnant never crossed your mind. Squeezing your eyes shut, you shake your head. "No."
"You should really think about this," she says. Her voice is hesitant and it's obvious she's struggling to find the right words.
"I don't need to think about it," you argue with her. "No."
"Do you really wa-"
"I said no! Stop talking about it!" You raise your voice at her as much as you can at the moment and she goes silent. You clench your jaw to stop yourself from apologizing. "I just…" Your voice lowers and you refuse to look at her. "Life is precious whether it's planned or not."
"It's a bundle of cells," she replies. "It's not a life yet. There's a good chance you're not pregnant. It's just a precaution."
You want to ask what part of 'stop talking about it' she doesn't understand. The thought you might be pregnant terrifies you even more than you already are. Sniffling, you wipe at your eyes to keep the tears from falling. "I said no," you reply firmly.
"You can think about it later," she replies even though you know you're not going to put anymore thought into the matter. She looks uneasy now. "I'm going to call you a psych consult."
"Why can't I talk to you?" you whisper. The startled look on her face gives you a range of emotions from disappointment to humiliation. Your mind fumbles for words, but you don't know what to say. Cheeks turning pink, you hide your face in your hands.
She clears her throat. "Do you have anyone from psych you'd like me to call?"
"This is it, right?" you try to confirm, glancing up at her. "You call psych then you forget I exist." She looks anxious and ready to dart out the door. You're filled with anger, but you're not angry at her. You're angry at yourself for putting her in this situation. The tears finally begin to spill down your face. "Thank you," you whisper sincerely. You scrunch up your face for a moment and squeeze your eyes shut. Devastation engulfs your heart and you wonder what you were thinking when you trusted she would stick around.
She closes her eyes and rubs the bridge of her nose. "I'm not going anywhere," she assures you, "I just think -" She stops and you assume it's because you're crying. "Allison, relax." She draws you closer and you don't want to fight her, but you do. You squirm to get away but she's a lot stronger than you are right now. She finally gets you close and holds you in the same position, unmoving, until you unclench and hide your face against her shoulder. Her fingers entangle in your hair as she places a hand on the back of your head.
You have a feeling she might be wondering what she got herself into. At least you're wondering what you got her into. "I'm sorry." You shake your head.
"It's okay," she answers. She seems to hesitate for a moment. "Maybe you want me to call Chase?"
It feels like she's trying to get rid of you even thought deep down you know she's only trying to help. You wonder if she thinks she isn't helping enough herself. The thought of your boyfriend disgusts you right now. The thought of any guy makes you feel sick. You want to say no, but you don't answer. You're getting more tired by the second and you turn your head to rest it more comfortably against her shoulder. The Tylenol package catches your eye and you clearly read the word 'nighttime'.
Thirteen seems to notice what you're looking at. She glances down at you and smiles sheepishly. "Guess I should have thrown that out, huh?" She turns and takes you with her then settles back against the wall and smoothes out the blanket you have wrapped around you.
You don't want to sleep but the fight to keep your eyes open takes too much effort. "You take too many lessons from House." you mumble, exhaustion causing your voice to slur slightly. She says something but you don't catch it because you're already dozing and you welcome unconsciousness rather gratefully.