Author's note:
I've been toying with this idea for a bit, I never did like how spineless Bella was and thought why not give it a go.
I haven't got much of the story planned out so just hang with me please.
Things underlined like this will be taken from the books.
This story is going to be in first person POV so Bella's POV But enjoy, XOXOXO.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters (unfortunately) and they're probably pretty thankful for that.
xxxxx
I felt the hard material of the mobile phone slip from my hand and bounce on lightly on the soft ground, my mind blank from the words that came from Charlie's month.
In the back ground, I could faintly hear a buzz that sounds like my name being said from the phone that layed motionless on the lush grass underneath me.
Blinking my eyes, I let my mind think about how I came to sit on this soft ground at the public park.
*flashback*
I was expecting the big black hole to come back rip me apart from the inside out, like it did when I was alone and he left.
But it didn't, I was left feeling nothing but numbness.
It was a welcome feeling.
My teeth were chatting and I was chilled to my bones from the icely down pour of the Washington rain by the time I drove back to forks.
I had just turned into the driveway and put the old truck in park before Charlie walked off the small porch and opened my door for me.
"Billy called. He said you got in fight with Jake, said you were pretty upset," he explained as he opened my door for me.
Then he looked at my face. A kind of horrified recognition registered in his expression. I tried to feel my face from the inside out, to know what he was seeing. My face felt empty and cold, and I realized what it would remind him of.
"That's not exactly how it happened," I muttered.
Charlie put his arm around me and helped me out of the truck. He didn't comment on my wet clothes.
I walked up the set of stairs and straight into the bathroom, turning on the hot water then the cold, before removing my still dripping clothing and putting them in the washing hamper.
Steam started rising from the shower head so I grabbed my strawberry scented shampoo and conditioner.
Faintly, I could hear Charlie on the phone as I started stepping into the shower, letting the more than hot water run over my shaking body, I listened to his voice.
He was almost on the verge of ripping whoever he was speaking to a new one based on how loud his voice was.
I picked up the shampoo and began to lather the sweet fruity smelling liquid into my hair.
"Don't you try and blame Bella for this! She made it perfectly clear that Jacob and her were only ever friends!" Yelled Charlie from down stairs, making me jump and almost slip out of the tub.
So Charlie was talking to Billy and Billy was trying to make it seem like I strung Jacob along.
Maybe I might of used his feelings for me because of how he could plug up the ever consuming hole that opened up every time I was alone.
But I did tell him that we could only be friends, that I wasn't ready for anything else other than that, that he would be better not trying to fix all of my broken pieces.
"I'm not giving up. I've got loads of time."
Jacob had said that to me, had promised me that in the movie cinema just a few days ago.
But he did give up, the small voice in my head said, he gave up on you.
I focused on scrubbing my hair clean with a new found determination, my slightly warmer fingers rubbing through small amounts of bubbles rising on my head before rising them down the drain.
Rushing through the rest of my shower routine, I turned the water off, stepped out of the tub and looked at my foggy reflection in the bathroom mirror.
The girl in the mirror looked back with a blank and almost empty stare, save for that tiny little glimmer that I couldn't identify.
With one last glance at the familiar girl looking back at me, I walked out of the bathroom and into my room, water lightly dripped down my back as I moved towards the old chest of draws that held my clothes.
Gripping the metal handle and giving a sharp pull, the draw came out and I grabbed two items, a old jumper and sweatpants with some holes in both before throwing them on.
Just as I push the aged draw back in, a small black book drops to the floor, clear tape sticking out that held the book to the underside of the draw.
I bent down and picked it up, blowing the thick amount of dust off the cover.
This little book I stuck under there when I came to forks.
As I flip the cover over, I walk to the bed, my eyes scanning the first few pages that has song lyrics written down in my messy handwriting.
My body sat in the middle of the bed and I flipped through the pages, reading down some new entries that had appeared in the book, The dates at the top right corner said they were put in from October to December.
The time I was a zombie.
I closed the book with force and was halfway back to the draw when my foot got caught on a loose floorboard, bring the slate of wood up with it, slamming me onto the hard ground.
Grunting from having kissed the floor, I sat up and flexed my foot, finding a light sting where the wood connected with my skin for a brief but solid moment.
I send a frown toward the accused piece of wood, I picked it up and was just about to place the offending slat back in it's proper spot when something caught my eye.
Something was sticking out of my floor.
Something that had wires and buttons.
Something that was in my truck 6 months ago.
I closed my eyes, feeling the sting behind my eyes and take a deep breath.
With Charlie down stairs, I couldn't fall apart like last time, I couldn't put him through that again.
Jumping up, I grabbed my old duffle bag, throwing it on the bed and filling it with several tops, jeans, underwear, and extra toiletries.
As I struggled to fit it all in, my mind ran through the reasons why he hid them right under my nose, literally.
A knock against the bed room door made me freeze.
Clearing my throat I call out.
"Yes Dad?"
"I have to go to the station bells, will you be okay here alone?" He asked with uncertainty on the other side of the closed door.
I nodded then remember he couldn't see it.
"Yes, be careful." I replied still frozen in front of the bag.
"Always am." His voice faded and his foot steps echoed as he made his way down the stairs.
A moment after the sound of his cruiser came to life is when I continued on my gathering of things, dropping to the ground and sticking my hand under the bed.
My hand closed around a metal tin and pulled it out, sticking it into the side of the duffel bag, next to some underwear and a sleeve of a long T-shirt.
The old tin held my savings for college, $15,787 that I managed to save from birthdays, Christmases and from working at the Newton's Camping Store in Forks.
I go to my desk and grabbed a plastic bag from one of its draws when the old Quietude story book, the one I bought in the Port Angeles Book Store before he saved me that night, caught my eye.
Hesitating a second before I lifted it and shoved it into my clothing bag too.
With a few deep breaths and my heart beating fast, I turned towards the hole in my floor.
A stereo, CD, plane tickets and the necklace were starring back up at me along with the photos.
The heavenly smell that could only be described as pure Him hit my nose and the black hole started creeping in before I shoved it out, I was never going to let myself feel like that again.
One by one I lifted the hidden gifts out and placed them into the plastic bag.
The photos were last.
My fingers glided across the first glossy surface and my eyes began to sting.
The first picture was with Carlisle and Esme who were on either side of me, looking like a god and goddess while smiling into the camera while I looked anywhere else.
Next was a photo with Emmett, his tall and extremely muscly body looming over mine, a huge smile stretched across his face making his dimples pop out.
Then one with Alice, her tiny frame with her spiky black hair, her features twisted with excitement as she hugged my side in the photograph.
The stinging in my eyes worsened as I looked at the third picture, it was of everyone, including Jasper, Rosalie and him.
Jasper and Alice stood together on the right hand side, an arm around each other's side, her expression beamed and His was relaxed yet his eyes were hard.
Carlisle and Esme were standing behind myself and him, looking down at the rest of us with something similar to pure joy and smiling.
Emmett and Rosalie were standing on his side, Emmett's face still held the wide smile from before with his arms around Rosalie's waist, her expression was bored and you could see that she wanted to be anywhere else than in that room.
Wet hot tears ran down my cheeks as I finally let myself look at him, he was just as perfect and godly as I remembered with his messy bronze hair and crooked smile.
He was looking into the camera with his arm around my side while I was looking up at him with a starstruck look on my face.
The picture of just me and him wasn't there.
Carefully I put that picture into the little back book, placing the book on top of my clothes and zipped it up, the rest went into the see through bag then I tied it up
My still leaking eyes gazed around the room, taking in all the memories that had happened in it the past year.
I picked up my duffel bag and the translucent bag before walking out of the room and down stairs, out to my truck.
Opening the door I tossed the bag full of clothes onto the passenger seat, sat the translucent one on top and got in, throwing on my seatbelt and starting it up.
The faded red tank pulled out of the driveway and rumbled through the town, slowly making its way to the first destination.
Houses thinned out as more trees popped up, tears dried and soon it was time turn down the hidden driveway if you weren't paying attention.
With my eyes glued to the road that had plants growing onto it, I counted the breaths until the modern house appeared in my line of sight and took that time to calm myself as best as I could.
After resting my face on the steering wheel for a few moments, I opened the door and jumped out, reaching back in to grab the bag with the hidden gifts.
My body breathed in deeply before spinning around and looking up at the house that nature had claimed back as its own.
Even though there were plants taking over the house, it still resembled the Cullen's.
I could trash it, I realised with surprise and a rush of anger.
I could tear it apart as best as I could, I could break everything starting with the things inside to the windows that crawled up the walls outside, I could smash and shatter their property just like they did to my heart.
But what good would it cause, whispered the little voice in my head.
Sighing with acceptance, I walked up to the front door and opened the bag in my hand.
My hand gripped the plane tickets first and I pulled them out along with the pictures, I was making my peace and moving on from that chapter in my life today.
With everyone I addressed, I slid the presents connected to them under the door or left it outside if it ididn't fit.
Moisture began to sting my eyes yet again for the third time today.
"Carlisle, Esme... I don't know what to say, you both treated me more like a daughter than my own parents. Yet you both left without a goodbye. Like I meant nothing to you. All I want to know is why? Did you get bored like he said he did? Do you even think about me anymore?"
"Emmett, you were the big brother I never had, you always teased me about my clumsiness, my constant blushing and you always poked fun at my truck. Why? Why did you leave without a goodbye? Did you lie when you said you thought of me like a sister?"
"Rosalie, I know what to say to you... Thank you, thank you for never pretending to be anything you weren't. Yours and Jasper's leaving doesn't hurt that much because you both were always truthful when it came to your feelings about me."
"Jasper, I'm sorry about the paper cut. I never expected it to happen and I just wanted you to know that I don't blame you. Your Empathy and the bloodlust of 6 other vampires would have brought Carlisle to his knees."
"Alice, you were my best friend and sister. You took care of me after we got back from Phoenix, I let you dress me up and put makeup on me even though I'm not one of those girls. Why? Why didn't you do what best friends and sisters do? Why didn't you fight to stay or even say goodbye?"
"Were you all tired of playing with the human? Did you all get sick of pretending?"
Tears were rushing down my face, leaving shiny trails as I made my start on saying goodbye to him.
"I remember the first time I saw you, across the high school cafeteria. I thought you hated me, especially after biology class and the week you left town.
But you came back and we fell in love or at least I did. I lost myself and my independence when I fell for you. If you didn't love me, why did you react like you did when I was in Port Angeles and those guys came after me or when James did?
Was our whole relationship a joke to you, something to fix your boredom for a few months? Was I just a toy that your family could play with until they got bored too? Why did you leave my gifts under my bedroom floor? I have so many questions for you and your family but I won't get those answers. So what I'm trying to say is goodbye... Edward."
The feelings swelling inside my chest was making it difficult to breath, the heartbreak and grief finally filling me after 6 months of denial and today finally acceptance.
With each step to my truck, it was getting just a tiny bit better.
I hoped into my vehicle, the tank rumbling to life and driving back home, I had one last goodbye I had to say before I made my peace with that chapter and moved on.
*End of flashback*
"Bella? Bella!?"
Charlie'sfrantic voice coming from the mobile device yanked me out of my memory.
Stretching out my hand, it enclosed around the said phone.
One deep breath later, I had the device trapped between my ear and shoulder, fingers tangling in the grass.
"I'm here, Dad... So fancy a visit from yours truly?"
xxxxx
Thoughts?
-Anna.