"I don't give a fuck,
not a single fuck,
not a single solitary fuck,
I don't give a fuck motherfucker!"

‒I Don't Give a Fuck
Boss

Life went on in blissful fashion for the Geuse family. They had their ups and downs like any other family. Mostly ups. When Mommy and Daddy fought, it was brief and over quickly, the adults usually working through whatever the issue was with a healthy dose of sexual therapy. They only worked as much as they wanted to, and were always home at the same time to eat dinner together as a family.

In truth, in the back of her mind, Lydia was still waiting for the ball to drop. Surely, Betelgeuse would get tired of this lifestyle eventually; have a mid-afterlife crisis, abandon them, maybe have an affair or two and trade Doomie in for a sportier model. Despite her fears, it hadn't happened yet and he'd never given any indication that it would. When thoughts like that crept it, she made sure to give him one of her expert blowjobs in hopes of reminding him exactly what he had with her.

Her birthday passed, then their anniversary, both occasions celebrated with copious sex, gifts, and general happiness. Adam and Barbara were just as present as Lydia wanted them to be, always available to babysit when asked. Miraculously, Adam and her husband had managed to strike up a hesitant sort of friendship. When Barbara wasn't looking, Adam smoked cigars he offered and indulged in "man talk", the two often arguing over which sport and team were superior.

It was a surreal setup.

The twins' first birthday was coming up, and in typical proud father fashion, Betelgeuse was planning an enormous party with everyone they knew invited to join in the festivities. They were both working today to save up and have the biggest blowout bash they could, and for the first time, Lydia brought the babes to work with her.

They had only grown cuter with each passing day. Blonde and raven baby curls now brushed down their necks, both babes tripled in size. They could sit up without any help, crawl around on their bellies, and stand by pulling on furniture or their parents' legs. They weren't quite walking or talking, but they knew a few choice words. Like most babies, Ivy's first word was "mama" and she used it often to get her mother's attention. To Betelgeuse's vast amusement and Lydia's horror, Holly's first word was "fuck" and she used it for just about everything.

Currently, she was using it to entertain customers and drive her mother up the wall.

"Fuck fuck fuck!"

Holly repeated joyously in her bouncer, making Ivy and the woman Lydia was checking out laugh. Lydia shot the child a severe look, turning fire-engine red, and finished ringing up her items blusteringly.

"Sorry about that. She just learned it last month and figured out she could a reaction out of people with it. Have a nice day!"

Crouching down behind the counter once she was unburdened by customers, Lydia wagged a firm finger in the naughty baby's face.

"Holly Geuse, you stop that, you bad girl!"

Delia's death hadn't been altogether unpleasant. She took one too many Valium, drank one too many glasses of wine, and woke up in the Waiting Room. It was an accidental but not unwelcome demise.

Now, she had managed to find herself a new lover in the afterlife, a tall European man of interesting dieting habits named Edward. He absolutely adored and spoiled the artist, to the point that she'd nearly forgotten that Charles Deetz existed.

That was until she saw her stepdaughter at the shop that Edward had brought her to with the intent of spoiling her. Even now, he was kissing up her arm, but she pushed him away with a hand to cheek.

"Lydia?"

She took a step toward her, trying to confirm that this woman... this mother was the little girl she remembered. "Oh my god... Lydia!"

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck—"

"Holly, I swear to God, I will get your father up here like that and you can spend the day scaring with him while Ivy plays with Gingy."

This was only a half-effective threat. Both the girls loved playing with Aunt Gingy and hated being separated, but scaring with Daddy was also fun.

"Lydia!"

The sound of her name distracted her from attempting to discipline the shameless infant.

"… Delia?"

That was definitely Delia. With… not her father. Having lived in the Neitherworld long enough, Lydia knew a vampire when saw one.

"You're dead!" She exclaimed, surprised, still reeling that her stepmother was here. The redhead looked exactly as she remembered her, younger even, with a flattering blue tint to her flesh. "You look good. I— sorry, you just caught me off guard. Who is this? Is Dad dead too?"

"My darling, my sweet," the vampire extolled in a thick Romanian accent, kissing along her stepmother's neck, "you must introduce me to this charming creature. A friend of yours?"

There was a definite hunger in the stranger's gaze as he raked it along the living, breathing woman, but he was good enough to tamper it down and ignore it so as not to offend his lover. Lydia knew he couldn't really help it and appreciated the discretion for her stepmother's benefit.

"Really, darling give me a moment." Delia pushed Edward off again with a scoff, then stepped around the counter to pull Lydia into a tight hug.

"Oh, my sweet girl... it's been so long!" She took a moment to really look the girl over. "You look wonderful. Happy. Are you still with that monster? Is he treating you well? And yes, darling your father passed months ago, long before me... oh, it must have been a year at least, don't you think Ed?"

She turned her attention next to the twins in their bouncers, her hands flying up to cover her heart.

"Oh... oh, Lydia, are they yours? Of course, they are, who else would have such beautiful living babies... Hello, little ones! I'm your grandma... or. Well. Step grandma."

At first, Lydia tensed at the hug. She and Delia had never had a great relationship. Delia had tried over and over again to be her mother, and Lydia just wasn't interested. Given time and distance, she was now able to admit that maybe she had been too hard on her stepmother. Taking this into account, she relaxed, letting her arms come up around the taller woman to return the hug.

A year? Her father had been dead for a whole year? And Delia didn't wait for him? They must have been speaking in terms of Neitherworld time. She felt a familiar pang in her chest at the news. Loss. But it wasn't a real loss, was it? He was here. She could find him, invite him to the twins' party, maybe try and repair their relationship— if such a thing was even possible.

"So I take it you're not… together anymore?" Lydia wouldn't put Delia above a polyamorous lifestyle, but she knew her father was too traditional to adhere to such an arrangement. "When did you split?"

As Delia turned her attention to the little ones, Lydia grinned, always happy to show off her beautiful bugs. Picking them both up— it was becoming increasingly difficult to do so— she propped them on a hip each, letting Delia get a closer look.

"They're mine. Me and uh... Well. You know. This is Ivy…" the dark-haired infant made a gurgling, happy sound at her name, flashing a fangy grin. "And this is Holly—"

"Fuck!"

"Oh, it had to be a couple of years after you left... were taken, I mean. Your father fell flat into the bottle. It was awful..."

She ran her hands over the babies' heads, grinning at the way they gurgled and smiled. The harsh word out of the blonde infant made her laugh, reaching to take the baby and bounce her on her hip. "Well, you are your father's daughter aren't you, Holly."

She chuckled and kissed her cheek, reaching out to hold Lydia's hand tightly. "It's so good to see you. You should come to dinner! The whole family! We have so much to catch up on. I have apologies to make to you."

The older woman looked between her stepdaughter and her grandchildren with tears eyes. "I hope you find Charles, I do. He missed you so horribly..." Handing the baby back to her mother, she sniffled and accepted Edward's handkerchief to dab at her eyes.

"Now. Show me around your store. I understand a lot of these are your designs? I didn't realize that the 'talented young woman' I'd been hearing about was you!"

"Oh, It had to be a couple of years after you left... were taken, I mean."

"No, you were right the first time," Lydia corrected, setting both infants back in their bouncer to show Delia around the shop. The doors would ding if anyone else came in, so she didn't feel any anxiety about letting them out of her sight.

"I left."

Another wave of guilt crashed over at the news her stepmother delivered. Her father lost her, descended fully into alcoholism, then lost his wife too? He missed her? What had she done? Struggling to bury her true emotions and actually do her job, Lydia smiled through the pain, though it didn't quite meet her eyes.

"Actually, the twins' first birthday is coming up in a couple of days. Why don't you come? And bring your uhm… boyfriend? Don't worry, Beej will play nice. Here, let me write down the information…"

Betelgeuse had had a long day at work. The family he was attempting to help were useless in the scaring department, but at least they were trying. Better than the Maitlands by far. He was smoking when he walked into the boutique, ready to collect his girls when he saw the look on his wife's face.

"Shit. What happened? Ya look like someone kicked a puppy."

Holly squirmed out of her bouncer and crawled to him, pulling herself up on his pant leg and whining at him until he picked her up.

"Thit," she repeated with a lisp and a cute smile. He couldn't help but crack one of his own.

"Stop that. You don't repeat daddy words, little girl. Yer momma hates it."

By the time Betelgeuse came around to bring them home, Lydia had worked herself into a horrible depression. His classic bold black and white stripes were a welcome sight.

"Beej!"

She fell into his arms, nuzzling her face beneath his jacket for the comfort it provided. She felt truly awful, like the worst person in the world. Holly frowned at her mother's show of melancholy and refrained from cursing anymore… for the time being. Ivy, unwilling to be left behind, pulled a floating baby stunt, goo'ing and ga'ing as she levitated toward them until Lydia plucked her out of the air and brought her to join the group hug.

"Delia came in today," she explained, already tearing up without even getting to the gritty details. "I invited her to the girls' birthday party, her and her— her boyfriend!"

Sniffling, deeply upset by this for reasons she had difficulty putting into words, Lydia continued.

"He was some Dracula rip-off, my Dad would hate him. They're dead, Beej, they're both dead! She left him! He started drinking really bad after I left and she left him and he died all alone!"

Well, shit.

"What? They're dead? Huh... thought I would'a heard about that..." He ran his hand through her hair gently as she went on about Delia and the new beau.

He died all alone!

"Hey... baby, that ain't yer fault." His face fell, his arms tightening around her gently. "Addicts are addicts no matter how hard ya love em. It wouldn't have been different if you were home."

He knew where this was going. She was gonna want to see Chuck. Maybe he could get there first... strike a deal to keep his mouth shut. He didn't want to lose his wife's trust or respect over something as stupid as her useless father.

"Well, I'm glad you invited her, babes. It'll be good to see Red after so long," he lied then kissed her gently, the babies babbling away to each other between them. "Hey. It's bath night. Why don't we all take one together?"

Lydia stayed under his arm on the walk to the car, snuggling Ivy close while weeping over past misdeeds. All day, she held these tears back, and now that she was with her husband, the torrent of emotion demanded its release.

"It wouldn't have been different if you were home."

"You don't know that," she rejected his logic, still seeing herself as quite responsible for her father's plight. "I could have gone to see him a long time ago. You would've taken me if I asked. I might have made a difference. Delia said he 'missed me horribly.' She basically said I'm the reason he hit the bottle so hard. Because I was 'taken.'"

Air quotes accompanied the things Delia said verbatim so that Betelgeuse would know which words came directly from the horse's mouth.

"I just… I know I was mad at him when I called you that night, but… he's my Dad, Beej. What would you do if Holly or Ivy were, to your knowledge and from your perspective, kidnapped? Kept as sex slaves by some maniac? No offense."

She knew what he would say without needing to hear his answer.

"Now imagine you couldn't even do anything about it."

He shot her a look, holding his family tighter at the imagined offense. Her bubbling, uproarious sadness was almost more than he could bear.

"I wouldn't let that happen. But I get it." He kissed Holly, then Ivy on their foreheads. "I'd be devastated. Destroyed. I'll find him. Okay? We can fix this. Ya just gotta give me time to track him down."

He secured the babies in their car seats before pulling her back into his arms, brushing her hair out of her face.

"Baby, this ain't yer fault. It's mine. I took ya. I made you a... a 'sex slave' or whatever he thinks you are. I'm gonna fix it. Okay?" He kissed her tenderly, squeezing her arms. "Let's get you and the girls home and in a bath. I'll go and look for ol' grandpa Chuck tomorrow."

"I don't know if that's such a good idea…"

From the front seat, Lydia put on a fake happy face and fussed over the babies in the back as they immediately started to wail, neither quite able to understand why Mommy and Daddy wouldn't hold them while riding around in the car.

"He won't react very well to seeing you. It's not the same as Adam and Barb. They only had a couple of years to hate you, and they didn't have as good of reasons as my Dad does. You should take me with you."

As they always did, as soon as the car was running along the backroads, the girls lulled and fell asleep.

"I just don't want him to hurt anymore, Beej. I don't know what he'd do if he saw you. He'd probably start swinging. He has a bit of a temper…"

"Now how do ya expect yer human father to hurt me? I'm the ghost with the most, babes." He squeezed her hand, hoping to reassure her.

"Well, Iunno how hard he's gonna be to find. I'da thought he'd come look for ya right off the bat. I mean, if he asked around at all someone coulda told him that I got a livin' wife workin' at the mall. Ain't exactly a secret."

He scowled to himself, wondering how in the hell he was going to pull this off without the truth coming to light. He definitely couldn't take her with him the way she wanted.

"I'll go after the birthday party. But you gotta stay with the twins. It's too dangerous to take them on a manhunt. I don't want anythin' happening to my family."

"You know it's not you that I'm worried about."

Betelgeuse had never expressed anything but contempt for her father the few times she deigned to mention him in passing. He wouldn't hesitate to hurt him, and her father probably wasn't in any better mindset.

"If he asked around at all someone coulda told him that I got a livin' wife workin' at the mall. Ain't exactly a secret."

Ouch.

That couldn't be true… but it was. She knew how famous her husband was. That was how Delia found her, right? Ouch. Fresh moisture pricked behind her eyelids. She wanted to scream. Hit something. Drink until she couldn't see straight. Instead, she swallowed the lump in her throat and forced herself to be gentle while unstrapping little Ivy from her seat once they pulled into the driveway.

"I'll stay behind," she agreed quietly after a long bout of silence, cuddling her baby close. It would be better that way. If her father didn't want to see her, she would rather get the news second-hand than see the rejection on his face.

Betelgeuse nodded at her concession, pulling her and Ivy into his arms and kissing them each on the head.

"I think it's for the best, baby. I promise it won't take long. I know ya don't like bein' away from Daddy."

He pulled his family inside, Holly on his hip, and took them straight upstairs to the large bathtub in the middle of their master bath then started water running‒ hot enough for Lydia, but not too hot for the babies. He was silent as he helped undress the girls and settle them in the shallow bathwater, pulling Lydia into a gentle kiss.

"I'm sure he misses you, kitten. Maybe it's me. He might think I won't let you see him."

Betelgeuse's reassurances were helpful, but doubt lingered nonetheless. Holly and Ivy loved bath time and immediately began slapping the water, splashing each other and shrieking with laughter. The sound of it pulled up her persistent frown. How could anyone be sad with a sight that beautiful?

"Mama!" Ivy cried, reaching little chubby arms up to let her Mother know that she wanted her to join them already.

"I'm coming, bug," she promised with a warm smile, pulling her hair out of the way so Betelgeuse could reach her zipper and the clasp of her necklace. This was a well-practiced routine of theirs. He knew the drill.

"You're probably right... You're usually right... For a long time, I thought he was better off without me. But then Delia said what she said and… and you're right. He could have come and found me on his own. I just don't know what to think anymore..."

He dutifully undid her necklace, setting it aside before reaching for her zipper. He kissed down her back as he pulled it, sliding the dress off of her shoulders. Clearly, he was taking too long because a surge of water splashed him, accompanied by the girls babbling away.

"Think about us. This. Our beautiful baby girls." He helped her out of her clothes and into the tub before the girls could fuss anymore.

"I'll find him and find out what happened. You just leave it to me." His clothes were banished, save his boxers, and he carefully lowered himself into the tub, pulling Ivy into his lap.

"Besides, we got plans to finalize for the birthday. I can't believe my girls are almost a year old already! N' we gotta plan for Christmas... n' daddy's gonna have to deal with the fat bastard breaking into his house again! Yes, he is!" Ivy just laughed at him, leaning into his chest.

Lydia loved how easily he got into the water for his girls, without a flinch, wince, or complaint. She never asked him to. One day, he saw her having difficulty bathing them and just hopped on in to join the party. It melted her heart every time. While he entertained Ivy, she went about washing Holly's platinum curls. While this one took after her father the most, Lydia refused to let her keep the same hygiene.

"I know, I'm a mean Mommy," she agreed, pouting back as the little one fussed and whined at the feeling of suds on her head. This was her least favorite part of tubby time, but she knew better than to use her powers against Mommy. She tried once, replacing the bathwater with a vat of stinking mud to both Lydia and Ivy's immense displeasure, and ended up with a stern talking-to from her father that made her cry.

Of course, Betelgeuse immediately changed his tone and righted the water for his other girls, but the lesson stuck. On this issue, Mommy would not be moved. That didn't stop the toddler from being pissy about it.

"All done! No more soap! That's my good girl."

Holly clapped and shrieked happily, proud of herself for making it through, then reached for Daddy. She knew the routine too. Now it was Ivy's turn, who was much more agreeable to the process.

"Will you make it snow again this Christmas?" Lydia babbles over her mini-me while washing raven baby hair. "Mommy sure liked playing in the snow with you. You can throw snowballs at Daddy again. Remember snow? Snoooowww?"

Betel easily traded girls, pressing a sloppy kiss on Holly's cheek. "Ew! Clean girl!" He tickled her, making laugh in her high-pitched baby way, grinning all the while. Nothing made him feel more human than his children laughing. At the mention of snow, he gave Lydia a stern look.

"Let's not send daddy flying across the yard this year. Maybe we can stick to snowmen." He reached over to grab at Ivy's toes, wiggling them playfully.

"N' what does momma want for Christmas this year? Hmm? Daddy has some ideas, but most of them can't be opened in front of gramma and grandpa Maitland! No, they can't!" Holly was still laughing, nearly breathless as she leaned into her father.

He couldn't help but laugh along with her. "What's so funny, Buggy?"

She stopped for a moment, looking up at him. He raised an eyebrow and she was right back to it, nearly face planting into the water with the force of it. He caught her with a hand under her chest, shaking his head. "Buggy's gone crazy, Lyds."

"She is her father's daughter."

Lydia smirked at his antics as she echoed Delia, the tiny quirk of her lips breaking into fully-fledged laughter as he drove the younger twin into hysterics. Holly loved her Daddy.

"If you didn't spoil me rotten all year long, you'd probably have an easier time figuring out gifts for me around Christmas."

She already knew what to expect; lingerie, equipment for her darkroom, fabric for the craft room, and a barrage of jewelry with a beetle or snake motif to make sure she was properly marked out in public if she didn't happen to have a hickey that day. The way her husband took care of her, she rarely found herself using any of the money earned from Ginger's shop.

Hopefully, she could find a good use for it one day. Maybe buy Holly and Ivy their own house, or send them to college… if such a thing was even possible.

"All Mommy wants for Christmas is to bake cookies for Santa, play in the snow, and cuddle up on the couch with all her babies— furry, moldy, and otherwise— and watch Christmas movies."

Now that both twins were clean, they could finally play. Holly simply popped her favorite toys into existence in the tub while Ivy made hers float over from out of the basket by the counter. Lydia would allow them ten to fifteen more minutes of play like this before requesting Betelgeuse take them to dress and dry while she filled the tub with hotter water and vanilla-scented bubbles and oil. For now, it was the twin's time.

"Want to hear something awful? Delia called herself their grandmother." Lydia visibly shuddered. "I guess she is, but it was still gross."

"Well, you like to be spoiled n' I like spoilin' ya. I don't see the issue here."

He still needed to make a trip into the living world for a few things. Things he wanted for all his girls. Sugar mice were a favorite that he remembered from life, and no one in the Neitherworld bothered to make them. His babies were finally old enough to have them, so he was determined to seek them out.

His nose wrinkled at the news of Delia's self-proclaimed title. "I mean. If she ain't married to Chuck then she ain't their grandmother. Nice of her to wanna be, though."

He shook his head as Holly created toys out of thin air. "Now tell me why she can do that when I can't. I thought these kids got their magic from me!"

He nuzzled into the soft blonde curls on her head until she shoved at his face. "Fuck!" He chuckled and patted her back.

"Fine, Fine. I'll let ya play." Before long he was getting out and drying off toddlers, the twins already yawning as he carried them to bed. "Alright momma, I'll be back for ya."

"It's no use fighting her on it," Lydia sighed, watching on happily as the girls played to make sure they didn't try standing up on the slippery surface. "She's already decided. It would just hurt her feelings, and she knows where we live now."

Delia wasn't that bad. Now that she wasn't her stepmother anymore, Lydia found her leagues more agreeable. That she bought so many of her designs definitely helped endear her to the insufferable redhead.

When yet again, Holly spewed filth from her innocent little mouth, Lydia groaned, burying her face in her palms.

"Why? Why? Why couldn't it have been anything else?"

"Mama!" Holly cried cutely at her mother's dramatics, proving that she did in, in fact, know other words, and pulled at her wrists to get her to show her face again. "Pee-boo?"

Unable to resist such an adorable request, Lydia delivered.

"Peek-a-boo!"

Both girls dissolved into even more laughter at this, so amused that they didn't even complain when their father started readying them for bed. With his promise to return to her, Lydia relaxed, turning scalding water on full blast and tipping in all her favorite amenities. He always rubbed her feet after the workday, and sometimes she returned the favor if his feet weren't totally disgusting that day.

When the girls were dry and dressed for bed, he took a moment alone with them, singing a low, gravelly lullaby. It was rare that he truly had time alone with his daughters, so he took full advantage.

"Come over the hills, my bonnie Irish lass,
Come over the hills to your darling.
You choose the road love and I'll make the vow.
And you'll be my true love forever...

Red is the rose that in yonder garden grows.
Fair is lily of the valley,
Clear is the water that flows from the Boyne,
But my love is fairer than any."