Glaukopis: Thanks!
Ilessthree: ...Hahahaha. Logicalistically...I loved that review.
JB: You only missed one or two that I twisted around a bit. xD
Imagine: Personal experiences. Though...not as bad as what happened to Cameron. Thanks for reviewing!
Anonimity: Thanks for reviewing!
Shan: Thank you!
Notquite: Thank you SO much!
Eva: Haha. I dunno how much I'm into fluff anymore.
Alexis: Twins?! Omw. I bet they're so adorable!
...!: Don't hate Remy. :( It'll all get better. Or well...that could be a lie. But...still!
Little: I really can't imagine Cameron aborting either. I could see her leaving Chase though. Tonight was even sadder though. I was sobbing.
Bigblusky: Yeah. See. Remy's logical...er...sometimes.
Winterfell: Haha. I'm still waiting for you to recruit more Rabidnar/Plush shippers. We do make the best couple. xD
Shelby: Thank you so much!
Amazon: Haha. Would anything I would have typed given you confidence?
Pink: Aw. I teared up during this chapter.
Charmed: Sorry it was short. Thanks for reviewing!
More: Cameron /is/ unstable though. She's scared and hurting. And, well, Remy had her own way of coping.
Miralinda: Agreed. But...she did it anyway.
Melissa: Thanks for reviewing! Enjoy the ride!
Enigmatic: Aw. No hate! -hands you a peace sign- Haha.
Floating: Well, your puppy eyes are cute, but...
Ilive: Thanks for reviewing!
Lessthan13: Haha. Rebecca does have morals...she just doesn't always listen to them.
Lafite: Thanks! You are fantastic for reviewing! xD
Esuedros: I can't answer those. xD
.I Talk: It didn't upset me, but I cannot see Cameron getting rid of her baby. No matter who it belongs to.
Bleed: Thank you so much!
Sadako: Thanks so much!
Omg...if one more person mentions 'rollercoaster'...!
Ladies, Gentlemen, and Kevin (if you ever get to this chapt!). Please keep all hands and feet inside the story at all times. An emergency exit is located at the top right hand corner of the screen. Please do not ride this ride if you have extreme anger and could potentially injure your computer. Please be careful not to choke, go into cardiac arrest, or ultimately die while reading my writing! Enjoy the ride and remember to hit the review button on your way out!
Anyway! So...I'm toying the with the idea of a Wilson POV chapt. Oh...and I'm sorry if this chapt sucks. I'm honestly...in a state of pure exhaustion.
Remy's POV:
Sleeping with Rebecca seemed like a much better idea in your head when you were angry. Now you're mentally cursing yourself for being the stupidest person alive. You and Cameron have already started over so many times and you managed to mess up each one. It's time to start working through it because the more you pretend something didn't happen, the more Cameron is going to be holding inside. You pinch the bridge of your nose and close your eyes for a moment to try to ward off a headache before slowly getting to your feet. "The floor is a mess," you state, leaning forward and placing your hands under her elbows. "Sit on the couch." You try to help her get up.
"I don't want to move," she mumbles, furiously shaking her head. She scrubs at her eyes, staying put on the floor. "Stop touching me." She pushes your hands away then crosses her arms between her stomach and legs and buries her face against her knees.
You stand up straight again and run your fingers through your hair. All you want is to get dressed and sleep for the next day or so. It's not like work is going to happen any time soon anyway if you can't get Cameron up. "Just a moment ago, you wanted-"
"I don't know what I want!" she cries, uncrossing her arms and wrapping them around her legs. "Just…go get dressed." She shakes her head and wipes at her eyes with her upper arm. "It's fine. Go get dressed."
If only it were that easy. You wish you could just get dressed and then everything would go back to like it normally was. "I'm not going to get dressed until you get up off the floor," you answer. "There's glass and Ecstasy all over the place. Now, please, get up, Allison. Neither of us are fine."
"And it's all my fault, right?" she whispers, tucking her face against her legs.
You press your palms to your eyes, fighting against walking away. "I didn't say th-"
"What do you mean, you didn't say that?" Cameron mumbles, choking back sobs. "You told me to go get a new charity case and then you went and slept with your landlord, Remy! And you're going to blame what you did on my baby, aren't you?! Just so you don't have to take responsibility for your actions!"
"Oh, and you're taking responsibility for yours?" you snarl before you can stop the words from leaving your mouth. "You're making minimal attempts to get better! I can't convince you to sleep! I don't even know when the last fucking time you ate was!"
"Every time I close my eyes, I see him, Remy!" she yells, hugging her knees even tighter. "Every time I close my eyes! And I feel him…when I sleep, I feel him on me. And I hear, I hear his voice in my…in my head. And…and I can't eat, because I feel sick all the time! How…how am I supposed to, supposed to eat when I, when I feel like I'm going to throw up all the t-time? And I'm always…I'm always scared, and I'm angry at - at everything!"
"Allison, breathe…" You kneel down beside her but keep your distance.
"Shut up and listen to me!" she sobs, furiously shaking her head. "I can't kill this baby! I don't want to give it away. It's mine. You have no idea how long I've wanted a baby. No idea! I thought that Chase and I, that we would have this great family and with three kids and a picket fence. I'm not getting back together with Chase. He is my best friend, but I realize that that's the only way I'll ever be able to love him. That going back to him, it wouldn't, it wouldn't last. But what about five years from now? What if I give it away or kill it and five years from now I wonder what my little boy or girl would have been like; with that blonde hair and those blue eyes…I don't want this baby right now, but what if a month from now or a year from now I do? I'm taking responsibility and I'm not going to kill my baby or let it be without its mother."
You sit back on your bottom and bend your knees, letting your elbows rest on your legs and your head in your hands. "I had no right to ask you to get rid of it." Tears are welling up in your eyes and you try to hold them back, lifting your head so your hands are covering your mouth and nose. "And I should have never had sex with Rebecca while I was with you. I'm sorry." You sniffle and quickly wipe at your face before any tears can escape down your cheeks. "Let me call Cuddy for you. You can stay with her and you'll be a lot better off than here with me."
Cameron lifts her head from her legs and crosses her arms over her knees. "I don't want to stay with Cuddy," she chokes, not bothering to fuss over the tears streaming down her face. "This isn't fixable. I get it. But I'm not…I'm not going to ask you to be my girlfriend again. I'm not even asking you to be my friend now! We can, we can find a way to keep this professional with you as my doctor. Just…just give me a few months to get back on my feet. I promise I'll start trying harder. I'm just asking you to help me. What are you so afraid of, Remy?"
You clear your throat and brush your hands against your pants. "Come on," you reply, moving so you're on your knees. "Go back to bed. I'll get you a glass of water and you can relax while I call Cuddy."
"No," Cameron answers, shaking her head. She buries the lower half of her face against her legs and faces forward. "No, I'm not going. I want to know what's going through your head. Then…then maybe I'll move." She sniffles a few times then wipes at her eyes and nose.
Sitting back on your legs, you rest your hands on your knees. It's a lengthy mental debate that never really gets passed the words pretend it's nothing and look strong or be vulnerable and look weak. "Do you have any idea what you're getting yourself into with me?" you ask finally. "I'm not just dying, Allison, I'm deteriorating. In a few years, I won't be here anymore, even if I'm here physically."
She stares forward for a moment before clenching her jaw and turning her head to face you. "You're here now," she answers. "You're still going to be here tomorrow and next month. Just…give me some time."
"Why?" you ask, your voice slightly choked. "Why when every minute I spend with you, I wish even more than before that I wasn't dying so it would work? What if five years from now I want you and that kid? You're not the only one who has something to be scared about, Allison."
"Well, we're right here," Cameron whispers, placing her hand on her stomach. "We're right here now and we're still going to be here five years from now if you want us - whether you're healthy or you're sick. We'll love you and we'll want you. You just have to let us. That means not running away and getting high with some friend with benefits whenever things get too hard."
"You really want to bring some innocent kid into this mess?" you ask, shaking your head, tears threatening to spill down your face. "What if things did work? What if we were close? When my mother-"
"I'm sorry if things went down bad between you and your mother," she cuts you off. "Really, Remy, I am. But is that what you're scared about now that I'm pregnant? That if you allow yourself to get close, it'll be like a repeat of your past? You're not your mom and this baby is not you."
"I'm sorry," you whisper, suddenly feeling like you can't say it enough. You wipe at your eyes even though the effort is futile. Exhaustion is beginning to wear you down even further and you're finding it hard just to think. "I'm sorry I was such a bitch." You run your fingers through your hair, wondering where the two of you even go from here; how you work through it and move on without pretending to start over.
"I'm sorry too," Cameron replies, nodding her head. "I just…It's really hard to think straight right now." She wipes at her face before crawling over to you and wrapping you in a tight hug. "You'll think about what I said, right?"
You're frozen to your spot, finding it hard not to concentrate on how she's pressed up against your mostly unclothed body. Her tears against your skin make it easier not to let your thoughts wander too far though. You nod and slide your arms around her, placing your good hand against the back of her head. Her forehead is warm against your shoulder, though low-grade temperatures are common with pregnancy and she had just thrown up not that long ago. Sighing, you gently rub the back of her head and tuck your face against her hair. "Go to bed," you mumble in her ear, knowing the sooner you get her there, the sooner you can get yourself there. "I'll bring you back some crackers and ginger ale, then I'm going to clean up the living room."
"Can I just have an hour?" she murmurs, sounding desperate. "I don't think I can keep them down, Remy. I feel like I'm going to be sick again." She hesitated. "Are you sure you don't need help cleaning up? I made the mess."
You let out a breath and move your hand down to her back, rubbing small circles between her shoulder blades. "I can clean it up. I'm going to call Wilson and see if he can find anything to settle your stomach, okay? Take the bucket back to the bedroom with you and try to sleep."
"Promise me we can fix this," she whispers, her grip on you tightening a bit. "I-I want to fix this, Remy."
"We'll try to fix this." You still don't feel like you can promise her anything. Keeping a hold on her, you grab the plastic container then get to your feet and pull her up with you. "Come on."
"I can't move," she whispers in a trembling voice, her grip loosening.
She's shaking in your arms and you carefully back over to the couch, sitting and lowering her down onto your lap. "Are you going to throw up again, Allie?" you ask, unsure if you can possibly feel any worse for her when she nods and starts crying again. "It's okay," you quickly try to comfort her with the first thing that comes to mind as you support the container under her chin again. You somehow manage to hold the bucket with your casted hand then pull her hair back and rub her back with your other hand.
Cameron wipes at her cheeks a few times, taking shaky breaths through her mouth. She slides her arms around her stomach as she leans forward and retches again, her stomach actually managing to find something to heave up this time.
You find yourself murmuring whatever comforting words you can think up until she's finally done and slouches against you, choking back sobs. You lean over and place the container on the table, one more thing to add to your clean-up list. "I don't want you out of bed today." Despite feeling weak from a long night, you slide your casted arm under her legs and your good arm around her back then lift her up. She doesn't put up a fight as you carry her back to the bedroom and carefully tuck her into bed, hesitating then deciding to press a kiss to her temple before going back toward the kitchen to get her a glass of water to rinse her mouth out with.
Batman is staring at the mess on her floor, his head cocked to the side. He glances at you almost deviously before lowering his face to the floor.
"No!" you cry, taking several strides forward.
It's too late. He slides his tongue across the carpet where Cameron crushed the pills.
"Oh my God." You quickly scoop him up and try to pry open his mouth but to not avail. "Fuck! She's not going to even let me live to see five years from now now." Grabbing your cell phone, you quickly contemplate calling the vet, but don't want to get in trouble for drug use. "Shit." You dial Wilson's number.