Disclaimer: I do not own IT or any of the characters. That all belongs to the awesome and talented Stephen King. I only own my OC and other characters I make up along the way.
A/N: Ahhh...so I'm back guys! Sorry for the longest hiatus this story has ever gone through. All I can say is that I suffered through a major's writer's block/lack of motivation and I got invested in my other stories. As some of you noticed I've worked a lot on my Lost Boys story Beauty Has Her Way, and also my Fruits Basket story Miraculous Beings. I've also updated my Marvel story Infinite.
My motivation for this story has returned...and now be prepared for the usual angst/drama that is Floating On Air. xP I actually listened to the song Telling Mama by Unloved when writing some of this chapter. It's a very eery song but also very calming...if that makes any sense. I imagine the song playing in the background during the scene when Gwen talks to Izzy about her mother Maggie. We're heading towards emotional stuff you guys but then again this story has been emotional since the start.
BTW, two other books by Stephen King are referenced in this chapter.
Pet Semetary and The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon. I know everyone by now knows Pet Semetary. It's one of Stephen King's popular books, and there's two movie adaptations. And a sequel for the 1989 movie. But sadly The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon isn't as well known, and I feel that's a shame. It's a really good book. I definitely recommend reading it. It's about a young girl who gets lost in the woods with a few items, like her Walkman, and then starts hallucinating a monster that's after her. But is she hallucinating? Go read the book to find out :))
BTW, I also binged watched the show The Queen's Gambit on Netflix. And I have to say that it was very good. Anya-Taylor Joy was amazing as Beth Harmon. Her character was very complex with how she had her own issues throughout the series. There were times when I watched episodes and I found myself thinking about Gwen because she shared the same issues when it came to drinking. It's angsty but if you can handle that then go check it out if you want.
"She's known sadness, and it has made her kind."— Nathan Filer
Chapter 36: Words of comfort
The eight adult Losers were now out of the clubhouse and out in the Barrens. A few of them were sitting down on the ground as they were going over what Mike had told them inside the clubhouse. Gwen happened to be one of the few that were sitting on the ground, not at all bothered by the dirt. Beverly was also sitting down next to Bill, and they both were not that far away from the Tozier woman.
"I gotta be honest, man." Richie started saying after nervously ruffling up his hair. He looked more disheveled than usual. "All due respect. This is fuckin' stupid, alright?" His voice sounded higher than usual because of his distress. "Why do we need tokens? We already remember everything. Saving Bev, defeating IT. I mean, we're caught up!"
"It's not everything." Mike gently declined causing his bespectacled friend to frown in confusion. "We fought. But what happened after that? Before the house on Neibolt." All his friends remained silent, alert. "Think."
All the Losers exchanged wary looks. Stan's brown eyes lingered on Gwen who now had her eyebrows furrowed in what appeared to be concentration. The brown curly haired male remained standing where he was next to Ben because he didn't want to get his clothes dirty. He'd been inwardly panicking about his clothes getting ruined since entering the clubhouse.
Even now out in the open he was still worried about the dirt. That, however, didn't mean he wasn't listening to what Mike was telling them. He totally was...and he paid extra close attention to Gwen because what Mike said about them fighting and not remembering left a sinking feeling in his stomach. The Uris man was one hundred percent sure he wasn't the only one feeling that way.
Unsurprisingly, Bill was the first to speak. "We c-c-can't remember, can we?" The Denbrough man stuttered out. His eyes were wide as he looked at his friends. Their distressed faces was just confirmation to what he said.
The Tozier woman pursed her lips as she found her voice. She wanted to add to what Bill said in her own way. "For years I haven't given much thought to my childhood. I mean, even if I did, I would barely remember anything during that time." Gwen cleared her throat, her emotions daring to rise. "Except now that we're all together again, I'm starting to remember bits and pieces and I guess these last twenty-seven years have made me more cold and reserved towards others."
That last sentence was definitely personal but she felt safe saying it in front of her friends. She expected quietness after she said this and she wasn't at all bothered that everyone looked at her with pity in their eyes. Including Richie, but he of course felt a lot more than just pity towards her. He had dealt with her destructive and uncaring behavior unlike the others. He'd seen her when she was drunk off her ass and had endured her yelling...a shit load of times.
Out of all the Losers so far, he'd been the only one to see her at her absolute worst...and she hated that she'd put him through all that madness. She really couldn't say how many times Richie had been there for her in the past to hold her hair back when she puked her guts out the following morning after a night of heavy drinking. That was a big deal because Richie hated puke. He hated even thinking about it and yet he helped her out because he was her brother.
"Ain't that the truth." Richie muttered, ending the silence.
Gwen let out a sigh but she chose not to respond to her younger brother's comment. With how aloof she'd been, the Tozier woman felt she deserved it. She instead focused on what needed to be discussed. "But Mike's right." She clarified with a bit of shakiness to her voice. "Even with the bits and pieces I'm able to gather, I can't seem to remember what exactly happened before Neibolt. It's like one giant puzzle that needs to be completed."
Stan's eyes lit up somewhat when Gwen brought up that the whole thing was like one giant puzzle. He was good at puzzles. In fact, he enjoyed them. Except he seriously doubted he was going to take joy in trying to solve the puzzle that was his troubled childhood.
"That's what I mean. See, there's more to our story." Mike earnestly informed them. "What happened that summer, and those blank spaces, like pages torn out of a book. That's what you each need to find."
Bill let out a huff as he finally stood up. Mike focused his gaze on the now pacing man before looking at each of his friends with equal seriousness. "We need to split up. You each need to find your artifact...alone. That's important."
Even though Mike basically confirmed what Gwen had guessed in the clubhouse, Richie still found himself shaking his head. He closed his eyes briefly, missing the way Eddie dropped his jaw because of what Mike said.
Mike did his best to not let his friends' uneasiness stop him from explaining what needed to be done. "When you do, meet me at the library tonight."
Eddie closed his mouth before opening it up again. "Yeah, I gotta say, statistically speaking..." He began nervously moving his hands around. "You look at survival scenarios, we're gonna do much better as a group."
Richie was quick to agree with that. He gave a nod towards Eddie before looking over at Mike again. "Yeah, splitting up would be dumb, man." He really didn't want to go alone, but he also didn't want to leave Gwen alone either. From what he now remembered, IT was obsessed with his sister for whatever reason. Crazy fuckin' clown wasn't about to get ITs hands on her anytime soon...or ever again. Not if he could put a stop to IT.
"Look, there's a huge difference with being a dumbass and being plain dumb." Gwen casually told her brother and the others. Despite sounding casual on the outside, she was a wreck on the inside. She just couldn't let them see that. Especially not Richie and Stan.
"That's what I'm saying!" Richie exclaimed, his brown eyes looking even bigger behind his frames. "We gotta go together. All right?" He did a brief pause and steadied his voice even more. "We were together that summer, right?" He looked urgently at his friends.
Gwen's bravado faltered as she suddenly felt the need to disagree with her brother. Bill, however, beat her to it. The Denbrough man stopped his pacing. "No." He automatically answered. A pain expression crossed his face as he shook his head. "No...not that whole s-s-summer."
That's right. As Gwen remembered now they weren't together that whole summer. They had fought, or more specifically Bill and Richie had fought. Richie (rightfully so) had been a mess after they'd all seen IT at the Neibolt House. So he in a panic had made an audacious comment about Georgie not being alive and that they needed to stop trying to find him. Bill hadn't taken lightly to that and punched Richie in return.
That led to the Losers separating for some time. But they'd all eventually found their way to each other when Gwen and Beverly needed them the most.
"I like when you two get along." Gwen ended the tense silence as she looked between Richie and Bill. "As opposed to when you two would fight. I'm remembering now…that argument, when we were kids." She lowered her voice slightly. "And how it almost broke all of us".
"We came together as a group again, though." Ben commented in a resolute way. "And we all pulled through."
"That's exactly what we need to do." Mike eagerly added to that. "We'll come together as a group again once we each have our artifact."
There was a heavy ache coming from Gwen's right shoulder but she made no move to touch that spot. Her thoughts though weren't as easy to ignore.
I don't want to remember...but I have to. I need to in order to defeat IT once and for all.
"We have to do as Mike says." Gwen strongly announced making all of them look her way. She kept her expression firm with what she said next. "And trust that we'll be okay." She aimed her eyes at her brother, who was ready to argue with her. She put a stop to that with the softening of her features. "I'll be okay, Richie. I mean...I lasted this long haven't I?"
"Yes...and I have no idea how." Richie replied quietly.
The other Losers were able to hear that and were confused by what Richie meant. Unlike them, Gwen wasn't confused. She knew that was a dig at her drinking.
Despite the retort, Gwen found herself being able to reply back lightly. "I like to call it dumb luck."
"Call it whatever you like but just so you know, if you die I'll kill you myself." Richie pointed at his sister. Some of the Losers looked at him with humor and others with disbelief. Gwen simply raised an eyebrow in a casual manner.
Richie adjusted his glasses. "I know that doesn't make any fuckin' sense but take what I say seriously. I know it's a shock for me to use that damn word." He shuddered when he repeated the word seriously in his head." He quickly grew more somber when the humor went away. "Just be careful out there, Gwen." He said to her in a softer tone.
Gwen smiled a tiny smile at her brother's concern for her. "I will. You be careful too." She replied and then spoke to all of her friends. "You all be careful."
A few more words were exchanged between the Losers before they finally began making their way into town again. Soon enough all eight of them would go their separate ways to begin the search for their personal artifacts.
Gwen let out a sigh as she followed her friends out of the Barrens. As she did this the same feeling from before returned...sadness. Once again she wondered how happiness and sadness mixed so well together, and how they could be taken apart from one another.
If that were even possible.
Gwen went back to the Townhouse...and there was a good reason for that. Well, not so much of a good reason since she didn't tell any of the other Losers. Everyone went their separate ways after what Mike had told them about finding their artifacts. She felt utter shame at the reason why she went back to the Townhouse...but the shame this time wasn't enough to stop her from getting what she thought she needed.
The first thing she did once arriving at the Townhouse was hurriedly pass the bar to go upstairs. The Tozier woman needed to be smart about getting what she needed and in order to do that she needed to find her purse...for that had the item that would hold her need.
Once in her room, Gwen raced to where she had left her purse. She rummaged in her purse until she felt the familiar shape of her flask. A broken smile escaped her just from the feel of it. If she wasn't in a hurry she would have probably scolded herself because of her desperation.
Now her next step would be to go downstairs to the bar and refill her flask with the Bourbon that was calling out for her.
As she prepared herself to do that a noise outside her room made her freeze. The doors were closed so she couldn't see who it was. Panic began to fill her as her thoughts began running wild. Surely if it had been one of the other Losers they would have made themselves known by now instead of just lingering outside her bedroom door. But what if they didn't know she was here?
Still...wouldn't they have called out for her just in case?
Perhaps she should call out but she stopped herself from doing that. She'd seen horror movies before when the character asked who was there only for them to be killed off within the next seconds. Maybe this was IT just playing with her...like a cat would do to its prey. IT was a sick twisted entity like that.
Not wanting to take chances, Gwen went with the strategic option. If this was IT then she wasn't going to hide away in a corner. Time to put the fighting skills Cole taught her to use. Though she never figured she would use them against an entity like IT. She probably wasn't even that strong enough but she had to do something.
Dropping her purse, Gwen marched to the door with a glare. She opened it ready to face the danger that was there. She was about to use all her strength in her punch but was able to stop herself when she saw who it was. Her dark brown eyes widened from shock. "Stan?!"
The Uris man stood there with a sheepish expression set on his face. His hands were raised in a way that showed he wasn't a threat. "Uh, hey." Stan awkwardly replied doing a half wave before lowering his hands to his sides. He raised his eyebrows when he saw her fighting stance. "Were you about to attack me or something?" He didn't sound the least bit scared that she had come close to doing that...just intrigued by the thought. This was Gwen, and the Gwen he knew would have never actually gone through with attacking him. Not on purpose, anyways.
"Yeah, more likely I would have delivered a punch first. That is until I saw you." Gwen answered as her breathing continued to even out. She was able to relax her stance now that she knew it was Stan. "But what did you expect? I heard a noise and I panicked."
Stan nodded his head. "No, uh, I understand. It was my fault. I should have made myself known sooner."
"What are you doing here?" Gwen asked, moving the conversation along. "Did you follow me?"
"No." Stan right away answered. He didn't want her to think that whatsoever because it wasn't true. His voice softened. "I...I just had a feeling you'd be back, and I wanted to check if that feeling was right."
"I forgot my purse." Gwen explained as calmly as possible. She felt that she wasn't lying to him because she did come back for her purse. The only part she left out was that the item she desperately needed was inside of said purse. Thankfully the curly haired man seemed to buy her reasoning. Not wanting to be rude, she moved aside so Stan could come on inside.
Stan nodded his head again as he walked inside the room. "Makes sense."
"So..." Gwen drawled. She took this time to pick up her purse that she dropped.
Stan spoke, causing her to turn towards him with her purse in hand. "Gwen, about what Mike said—"
"That we each have to find our artifacts...alone." The Tozier woman finished talking for him.
"Do you know where you're going?" Stan decided to ask her. Mike did say they each had to find their artifacts alone but that didn't mean he couldn't know, or at least get a hint to where Gwen was going...for safety reasons. If she'd run into danger, or if she didn't meet up at the library as Mike instructed them, he wanted to know where she could be.
Gwen literally had no freakin' idea. She hadn't even thought about where she would go. She shrugged her shoulders. "Honestly...I have no idea. I guess I'm just going to walk around town and hopefully, eventually, I'll get a—"
"A feeling." Stan finished saying in a meaningful way.
Gwen's dark brown eyes lit up. "Yeah. What about you?"
"I think I know where I'm going." Stan told her. He had a good idea on where he would go from the moment Mike told them they needed to go alone. Although he had a place in mind, he wasn't at all ready. He may have looked prepared on the outside but he was far from it. He hadn't stepped foot in that place in years.
"That's good." Gwen nodded her head. "I-I probably shouldn't ask where, right? I mean, Mike said we needed to go alone. So...maybe asking would jinx it? I don't know."
Stan didn't think of it that way. He, however, thought that as long as he didn't go to her place then it wouldn't cause damage. However, if not saying where he was going calmed her then he'd go along with it. "I won't say then. But you know me...so I think you can figure it out soon enough. I think it's different if you figure it out without me actually telling you."
That was certainly true. "Yeah...I do know you." Gwen softly told him.
"Gwen...do you often get that kind of feeling?" Stan asked. He went on to elaborate when her face became one of bemusement. "The kind of feeling that tells you where you need to go, or that something is off."
Gwen looked right into his soft brown eyes, heart racing. "Since Mike's phone call I've been getting all sorts of feelings."
Stan didn't look away from her. "Like when we were kids."
"Yes, like when we were kids. Except..." Gwen's voice began to drift off causing Stan to frown.
"What?"
Gwen let out a sigh. "As a kid you feel like you can do anything. As an adult you have doubts, strong doubts that get in the way."
"So you doubt your feelings?"
"I'm saying that as a kid I felt invincible, despite my fear." Gwen tried explaining to him. "And believe me, I was scared shitless as a kid. But I always had that remaining thought about me, about all of us, winning because...because we were kids. Does that make sense?" Gwen questioned but then shook her head. "I don't think it matters anymore. We're not kids. Everything is different now." Her voice wavered a bit. "We're all different."
Stan's eyes softened even more as he looked at her. "Technically that's true...but I think with us there's always going to be that thing that keeps us connected."
"What? IT." Gwen said rather angrily, more mad at the clown.
"Our friendship." Stan earnestly corrected. His hand reached out for her own. "And our love for one another." There was a gentle squeeze after he said this and it had Gwen pulling her hand away with reluctance. He felt an ache in his heart when she did this.
Gwen felt the same ache as she pursed her lips. The hold on her purse tightened. "Sometimes you..." She couldn't right away finish that sentence because she found herself thinking about their almost kiss the last time they had been alone in the room.
"Sometimes, I what?" Stan interrupted, eager to hear what she had to say.
"You stare at me as if I'm the only person that matters." Gwen whispered to him. As much as she wanted to be happy about that observation, the guilt hit her hard because of Stan's marriage. She thought of Patty, and how wrong and unfair this whole thing was with Stan.
Correction, not sometime...all the time. The curly haired man thought.
Stan's next words were truthful and so easy to say that it had him thinking about their first kiss after the blood oath twenty-seven years ago. "That's because you are."
His tenderhearted words touched the softest part of her heart. It made Gwen want to cry out of happiness and sadness. "You can't say stuff like that to me, Stan. It's not right." She barely managed to say without her voice wavering.
"I know it's not right." Stan agreed with his own voice shaking. "And it's not fair to you...not fair to Patty. But Gwen..." He took a step closer to her and stared lovingly into those dark brown eyes he adored. "It's the truth...even now. Twenty-seven years later and I still love you."
Gwen let out a tiny gasp at having him heard say that to her. Those annoyed or repulsed feelings she would get whenever one of her flings claimed their love for her didn't appear. She felt nothing close to that. Instead she felt extreme jubilation and she reveled that foreign feeling for as long as possible until the anchor of guilt pulled her down.
Stan could tell she was close to either running or completely changing the conversation, so he spoke again. This time with gentle determination. "I know that last time we were alone you were close to saying you loved me too. But I need to hear those words from you." He switched his gaze onto her ring necklace before looking intently into her eyes again. "Just tell me please."
Gwen briefly touched the ring around her neck. Stan was so right. She had been close to saying she loved him. That sentence would have been finished if it hadn't been for the interruption from the others downstairs.
Interruptions seemed to be a recurring thing for them...because once again their heartfelt moment was ruined. Only this time it wasn't because of their friends.
Gwen felt the need to scream and sigh in relief when she felt her cellphone vibrating. The option of not answering was there but then that left for the opening of her actually having to respond to Stan. She already knew what she would say because she did love him. God how she loved Stanley Uris with all her heart. Except as much as she wanted to finally tell him that, her love for him didn't change the fact that she was married. It also didn't change the fact that her love could still potentially get him killed.
So even though she knew it would cause issues, Gwen still took out her cellphone. When she saw the caller I.D. she got a pinched expression. This was about to cause some more issues.
It was Cole Foster.
Gwen wasn't able to make full eye contact with Stan. "I...I should get this."
Stan immediately frowned. "What?"
"I said I should get this." Gwen repeated in a firmer voice as she took a step back.
The Uris man was in disbelief that actually wanted to answer that call. Especially since she was about to say something very important to him. He let out a sigh. "Gwen..."
"You should call your wife." Gwen blurted out. Her voice sounded scratchy now and she knew that it had everything to do with her feelings for the curly haired man. "Tell her you're okay, and...whatever else husbands are supposed to say to their wives."
Stan felt an ache in his heart. He now knew that their moment had officially ended. Gwen was now in her closed guarded demeanor and there was no way of him breaking that for the time being. Not to mention she was looking anywhere but at him. "Whatever else, huh?"
Gwen continued to refuse to meet his eyes. "Yeah."
Stan wanted to protest but he knew that would most likely lead to an argument between them. He didn't want that. However, he couldn't leave without letting Gwen know how displeased he now was. "I'll leave you to your call then." He responded, bitter. "Good luck out there."
Gwen flinched when she heard Stan close the door behind him. It wasn't like he dramatically slammed it but just hearing it shut behind him caused her heart to ache. The tears from her eyes were close to falling down her cheeks and she allowed a few to escape before she got a hold of herself. Her cellphone kept vibrating, and she knew if she didn't answer quickly the call would go to voicemail. She quickly wiped her tears as best as she could and swallowed the lump in throat. The Tozier woman put on her pretend nonchalant voice when she answered the call. "Hey, Cole."
"Gwen." Cole's gruff voice filled her ear. "I'm glad I was able to reach you." He sounded so relieved and she felt like such a shit person that she couldn't feel actual happiness that he called her. How many women would have been overjoyed from getting a call from a gentleman like Cole Foster? A lot but she unfortunately wasn't in that category. She felt even more crappy when she heard the concern in his voice. "Is everything okay? Jeanne told me you went back to your hometown."
"Yeah, I'm okay." Gwen lied quickly. It wasn't like she told him the whole truth as to why she was in Derry. She could just imagine how he'd react if she even told him half the truth as to why she was in that small town. He'd probably have gotten on the first plane to Maine and then driven the rest of the way to Derry just to check up on her and make sure she wasn't actually losing her damn mind.
Gwen certainly didn't want that. Not only would issues arise if Cole were in Derry because of Stan but it would also be dangerous for the Foster man. Just because Gwen wasn't in love with him like she was with Stan that didn't mean she didn't care for him at all. Surely IT would have sensed that and use that as an opportunity to get to Gwen. No, the best thing would be for Cole to continue to stay far away from Derry.
"I really wish I would have caught you before you left." Cole admitted and Gwen could picture that soft look he must have had in those dreamy green eyes of his. Familiar dreamy green eyes she had stared into during their most passionate moments. And despite the pleasure he'd given her during those passionate moments, Gwen had always stared into his eyes as if she were searching for something...or rather someone.
And now she knew exactly who...and it felt like she was feeling a mixture of guilt and sadness.
"The last time we saw each other was..." Cole let out a deep chuckle that she knew would make the majority of women melt into a puddle. "Well, it was amazing, wasn't it?"
Most women would have rightfully agreed with him, but Gwen didn't answer with immediate enthusiasm. It wasn't that the last time they'd been together had been bad. Far from that actually. It had been quite the long, vigorous, night. Neither of them ended up leaving the bed until sometime the following morning. They even showered together and had breakfast. A routine that had become normalized throughout the years they'd known each other.
Except something had changed...and Gwen knew exactly what that was. Cole had come close to saying those three words she was dreading to hear.
"No complaints from my end." Gwen replied to him as easily as possible. She hoped Cole wouldn't question further because she seriously didn't want to get into it. She seriously doubted Cole would be the type to say 'I love you' for the first time over the phone. He was too much of a gentleman for that. Which she was thankful for at the moment.
"When are you coming back?" Cole asked her.
Gwen could hear the eagerness there and it made her silent. The question left her feeling almost unsettled because really...when was she coming back?
"Gwen?"
"Oh, I'm not so sure, Cole." Gwen finally answered.
"Gwen, are you really okay?" Cole's concern returned when asking her again.
Gwen reached into her purse again and immediately felt her flask. The empty weight of it made her stomach turn. "Yeah." She automatically began telling Cole as she thought about the fully stocked bar downstairs. "I'm okay."
The phone call between Cole and Gwen didn't go on forever, much to the Tozier woman's relief. She was able to end the phone call using those lovely people skills of hers, reassuring Cole that she'd talk to him later.
Gwen knew that eventually she would need to talk to Cole about what he'd been trying to tell her, but for the time being she had other stuff to focus on. Like finding this damn artifact of hers. She had told Stan that she was going to walk around town, letting this feeling she would get guide her on where to go.
Needless to say she was at first confused as to why she got the strangest feeling to go to Derry's Cemetery. It was an unfamiliar place for Gwen Tozier. Though that could be said about cemeteries in general. But Derry's Cemetery in particular was even more unfamiliar to her. The cemetery also had her feeling even more despair than expected. Not that she expected to have any other feelings other than despair when visiting a cemetery. But it was unexpectedly unusual that she felt so much intense emotion considering she didn't have any close friends, or even family members buried in Derry's Cemetery.
Chase Campbell had been cremated and his ashes were taken with his family when they moved. Gwen understood why Chase's parents didn't want him buried in Derry. She wouldn't want to be buried in Derry either. Not even her father was buried in that tiny twisted town.
Gwen knew already that she certainly wasn't going to find her personal artifact at the cemetery, and yet she still went. Why? Adrian Mellon, that's why.
The Tozier woman was surprised when she found out that Adrian Mellon's remains were buried in Derry. She would have figured he'd been buried somewhere else but no...he was buried in Derry's Cemetery.
Ever since Mike told her and the other Losers about what happened to him, Gwen felt a sort of connection to Adrian. Not personal of course because she sadly never had the chance to know him. But it was a connection that Gwen still felt, a longing. She guessed it was the compassionate side of her because she wished that Adrian never had died that awful way.
If something horrible like that had happened to Richie...God, she had no idea how she'd be able to move on. She probably wouldn't. And it was that almost grief she felt for her own brother that had her thinking about Adrian's loved one and their actual grief. They lost Adrian forever, and that was enough to make her eyes water.
Gwen was able to push back her tears as she read the tombstone in front of her.
Adrian Mellon.
The tombstone said his name and below it was an inscription.
"Always Together. Never Apart. Joined As One Heart."
The inscription had obvious meaning to it. Gwen thought back to the boyfriend Mike had mentioned and figured maybe he'd been the one to have chosen the words. That just made it even sadder.
"I'm sorry this happened to you." Gwen softly said as she stared at the tombstone.
"Excuse me?"
Gwen almost jumped in place, clearly taken by surprise. The voice sounded friendly enough but she still took a step back when she turned around. She didn't ready herself to fight even once she saw who it was. It was a guy who she didn't recognize. He looked to be in his twenties or so. He was tall and had dark brown hair. Even though he was a stranger she got no threatening vibes from him.
Actually, Gwen felt rather awkward because she now saw the flowers the guy was carrying. Clearly he was at the cemetery because he too had come to visit Adrian Mellon's grave. Otherwise why would he have spoken to her? Wasn't there some unwritten rule that said not to interrupt people when visiting a loved one's grave, unless they were visiting the same one too.
And unlike Gwen, this guy was an actual loved one of Adrian Mellon. He probably was beyond confused as to why she was even there. Her next words were fast, apologetic. She readied herself to leave. "I'm sorry I was just—"
"You're that singer." The guy interrupted, eyes slightly wide from surprise. It took a few seconds before he recognized her. She looked exactly like she did online and on TV.
The darker haired woman froze, looking at him. She then nodded her head. "Yeah, Gwen Tozier."
"Don Hagarty." He introduced himself. "My boyfriend likes...liked your music." He cleared his throat, pushing back his tears. He remembered the times Adrian talked about her. His boyfriend liked that Gwen Tozier, singer and LGBT supporter, was from Derry. It was as if her being born in Derry in a way made up for how shitty the place was because of the hatred most people had for him because of his sexual orientation. "He wanted to go to your Las Vegas performance but we were saving money for a trip."
So this was Adrian Mellon's boyfriend. Gwen was doleful as she now laid eyes on the guy that had suffered the loss of the love of his life. Even though it was never actually said, she just had an aching feeling that Adrian had been his love of his life
"If it's any consolation, I'm probably not going to perform there anyways." Gwen admitted to him. Learning that Adrian had been a fan of hers once again made her think of his fate, and how awful it must have truly been.
Don frowned. "How come?"
"I have some business to take care of here." Gwen looked around the graveyard. To Don it looked like nothing in particular caught her interest but he still followed her gaze. Eventually it landed back to him.
Don took the time to gently put the flowers he got on Adrian's grave. He wasn't ashamed that he shed a few tears. Gwen saw them herself when he turned to look at her again.
"Why are you here?" Don asked, puzzled. He wiped his face as he made his puzzlement known even further. "You didn't know him, and doubt his death has now just reached major news." He said that last sentence with a frown. He hated that Adrian's death never got the media coverage it deserved. Not because he wanted to get recognition but because since Adrian's death didn't get coverage hardly anyone outside of Derry knew of the monsters that beat and tossed Adrian over the bridge. At least he had the satisfaction of knowing that the guys had been detained and given the proper punishment.
But the nightmares of that damn orange haired clown remained. And it seemed that no one would ever believe him that there had been a clown...and how it had taken a chunk out of Adrian. Every time he closed his eyes now the image of the clown with Adrian's blood on over his face appeared.
"I'm here visiting friends, and I was told what happened. I was..." Gwen paused, reaching for her ring necklace to fidget with it. Don took notice of that. She lowered her hand as she cleared her throat. "I am still saddened to hear of his passing. He didn't deserve what happened to him."
"No, he didn't." Don was quick to agree.
Gwen gave him a soft look. "I can tell that he was truly loved."
"Yeah." Don's voice wavered.
"I am so sorry." Gwen earnestly told him. "I know that doesn't change things but—"
"I still appreciate it." Don threw in evenly now.
Thinking that their conversation was coming to an end, Gwen prepared to politely leave. That was put to a stop when she heard Don call out her name. She returned her gaze to him and saw how he was gesturing to her neck.
"You wear a ring as a necklace." At Gwen's furrow of eyebrows he explained why it caught his attention. "I saw you fidgeting with it."
Gwen gently touched the jewelry piece. "A quirk of mine."
Don raised an eyebrow. "Quirk, huh?" He hummed. "My boyfriend used to wear the engagement ring I gave him as a necklace because people would stare otherwise. It has to be more than just a quirk the way I see it. So, what's your reason?"
Don being able to figure that out on his own really impressed Gwen. "It's not as good as the one he had, I'll tell you that." She finally answered, voice quiet.
Don could tell he had hit a soft spot and knew just like with Adrian, Gwen's ring meant something special. Adrian had a reason why he wore his ring the way he did but what was Gwen's? He let out a sigh. "The way I see it, if you love someone and they love you back, then you should show that love. I'm assuming it's a man?" Gwen nodded her head. "Then you're lucky enough to have the privilege of showing your love in public without getting any hate." He smiled sadly. "Many of us still get hate...especially here."
He sadly was right about that. Because she was a woman, and the person she loved happened to be a man, they wouldn't face the challenges same sex couples did. Gwen lowered her hand. "You're right, I am." But she also remembered how she had her own issues going on with IT, and also that Stan was married. But still, the reminder that she didn't get the hate (and never would) Don and Adrian received just because they were a couple wasn't lost within her.
The Tozier woman looked at Adrian's tombstone and then at Don. A concerned expression was set on her face. "Are you staying in Derry?"
Don shook his head. "No, I'm currently staying in Ludlow."
"You drive from Ludlow to Derry?" Gwen questioned, surprised. Even though the town of Ludlow wasn't super far it still would be a hassle to drive back and forth.
"Yeah...I can't stay here but I can't seem to leave Maine entirely either." Don told her with deep sadness in his eyes. "I know I should leave for good...but I can't."
That was the curse of Derry, Gwen unhappily thought. "You feel tied here." She replied knowingly. She knew that to be true because an awful thing had happened and to someone he loved. Don was tied to Derry somewhat the same as Gwen and the Losers were. But unlike them he had a chance to leave without needing to fight.
"Nobody believes me." Don suddenly said and Gwen looked at him with profound eyes.
"What do you mean?" Gwen carefully inquired.
Don Hagarty let his emotions loose. He began talking to Gwen with no reservations. "The night Adrian died...I saw a clown." His voice shook. "It got him out of the water but then...the clown took a chunk out of him. And when I told the police, they didn't believe me." He scoffed but fear was there in his eyes. "They said all the injuries that were done to Adrian were because of the guys that beat us. And although that's true, it was the clown that killed him. But no one believes me, and now I wonder often if I'm just losing my mind because of how much I miss him."
There was silence as Gwen processed what Don had just told her. "You're not losing your mind, Don." She went on to answer with a strong voice. She then got a far away look. "Seeing is believing." She muttered. Was there more to that saying?"
Don sniffled. "What?"
Gwen stared deeply into his eyes. "You saw everything that happened to Adrian that night...so you know what you saw was real."
Don looked pensive. "But the others—"
Gwen quickly interrupted him. "Who cares what the others think? What matters is what you think. But you need to go...get far away from here." She took a step closer to him. "They'll be justice for Adrian's death."
Don returned her intense stare as he attempted to find comfort over what she said. He just knew she wasn't referring to the low lives that had attacked him and Adrian. She was referring to the clown, or whatever that thing really was. "How do you know?"
Gwen features softened. "I don't know per say...but I have a feeling. I have to go." She glanced at Adrian's grave and then at him again. "Take care of yourself, Don." No more words were exchanged and she walked out of the cemetery.
Don watched until her figure was a blur. It was then an hour later, after visiting Adrian's grave and properly meeting Gwen Tozier, that he did as she said and drove out of Derry.
For the first time since Adrian's death, Don Hagarty felt sort of at peace with himself.
After leaving the cemetery, Gwen figured visiting the high school right now wouldn't be a bad thing. It was summer break, and aside from the kids attending summer school (which at this time should be out), it wouldn't be crowded. She'd be able to get away without being spotted. Though really the most recognition she'd gotten since arriving in Derry was from a teenager and Don. And with the first person they recognized her more from her old softball days and not her singing. Which now thinking about it better was oddly refreshing.
Seeing her old high school again in person made Gwen want to frown and smile. She had a mixture of memories from her high school days. Some were good, while others were not as good.
The bell does not dismiss you, I do. Gwen seemed to remember her old History teacher Mrs. Walters saying that a lot. She hated whenever Mrs. Walters said that. What the hell was the school bell for then? She felt the woman did that just for a power trip.
The Tozier woman didn't go inside the high school. Instead she walked over to the open field they used for sports in the back of the high school. Since softball used to be something she liked to play she thought maybe, just maybe, she'd find something there to use as an artifact. If not then at least she'd be able to see her old softball field again. When she went to the back she saw that there was hardly anyone hanging around.
That wasn't much of a shock. Summer classes were over at this time and there was a celebration going on in Derry. Though she had no need to celebrate. Not when her friends and her had an evil entity to deal with.
"Hey! Singer lady!"
Gwen was confused as to who was calling her until she turned around to see who it was. "Izzy?"
"Hi." The blonde teen greeted her with a smile. She was carrying a sports bag with her. "What are you doing here?"
Gwen cleared her throat. "Just been walking around Derry." She answered, shrugging her shoulders. "I decided to see my old high school again."
"You ain't missing much." Izzy replied with an amused expression. "Unless you actually had good memories from high school. Which I guess makes sense since you were a good softball player. But I always get the whole 'I'm glad high school is long over for me' from my dad."
Gwen appeared sheepish. "High school did have its moments of horror...but it wasn't all bad. At least...I don't think so."
Izzy couldn't say she understood her need to revisit her old high school. There were two reasons why she was at the high school when there weren't any classes. The first was because she had been practicing her softball skills with a few of her teammates. The second reason was that it kept her away from her home, which she didn't want to be at right now for personal reasons. She supposed staying behind to help clean up the field had been a smart thing to do because she was now talking to Gwen Tozier...again.
The fifteen year old had been overjoyed the last time they had ran into each other. Her softball teams were in disbelief that she had actually met the old softball legend they often spoke about. They certainly were going to lose their minds again when Izzy shared that she ran into her again.
"I looked you up online again after we met." Izzy randomly told her with a bright tone. "I saw that someone made a compilation of you cussing out paparazzi."
Gwen was chagrined at having that brought up. She knew which video Izzy was talking about because Jeanne had shown it to her. Her manager Cynthia had been mad but there wasn't really much they could do. It was the internet after all. Plus it wasn't like she was the only one. There were tons of those kinds of videos online about celebrities that were more well known than her. At least in her opinion the video compilation done on her wasn't as bad as the other ones she'd seen. "Ah, yes. I know which one you're referring to." She expected Izzy to say something that confirmed she disliked her now...but to her surprise Izzy just smiled.
"I thought it was cool."
Gwen changed the topic of the conversation. She was eager to talk about something else that wasn't about her outbursts with the paparazzi. "Shouldn't you be home? School's out."
Izzy shook her head. She adjusted the sports bag she was carrying. "Honestly...no. I'd rather stay here."
Gwen frowned a little. Stay at school? Willingly? And when school was out? There had to be a good reason for that. It was clear that she had been playing softball but still, she would have thought she'd enjoy going somewhere else to have fun. Unless she liked softball that much. "Why's that?"
Izzy was quiet for a moment there until she decided to be honest. "Because my dad's still at work, and it would just be me and my stepmother." Gwen right away could hear the disdain. "I try not to be around her unless I have to."
"Divorced parents?" Gwen guessed.
"No...my mom died when I was thirteen and my dad remarried a year later." Izzy grumpily admitted to her. "She's the worst." The anger could be heard in her tone and it had Gwen frowning in concern.
"Does your dad know?"
Izzy rolled her eyes. "He thinks that I just need to spend more time with her and open up. When he isn't around she constantly criticizes me. Do you know what it's like to live with someone who always look down at you for just being yourself?"
Gwen wanted to scream yes...that she did. She thought about her own mother. Instead she just gave a single nod.
"Sometimes I feel like neither my dad or her even notice me." Izzy quietly shared.
"I understand the feeling of not being noticed by parents." Gwen sincerely shared with her. "There were times when I was young, and I thought if I went into the woods with my Walkman, that my parents wouldn't even notice I was gone. At least not right away."
Izzy furrowed her eyebrows in puzzlement. "What the hell is a Walkman?"
Gwen scoffed. "Wow, way to make me feel old."
"You are old." Izzy simply told her, features relaxing.
"Are you trying to purposely sound rude?" Gwen halfheartedly asked.
Izzy let out a sigh. "Sorry, I have a habit of saying things that sound rude even though I don't mean to. It's one of my many flaws I have, according to my stepmother."
Flashes of past scenarios of her younger self cursing people out and insulting them (whether accidental or not) were playing out by. A quick smile appeared on Gwen's face from amusement. "I can relate to that."
"You nodded your head when I brought up if you knew what it was like to live with some who looks down on you." Izzy sheepishly brought up. "Who'd do that to you?"
Gwen didn't bother to try to find a way out of answering. She was upfront with her. "My mother." She told her evenly.
Despite the answer being blunt, Izzy didn't necessarily sense any real hatred there...just a sort of sadness. It wasn't like whenever she talked about her stepmother. The teen had a feeling that the older woman genuinely cared about her mother.
Izzy was unaware that she was indeed correct.
Gwen did love her mother and it wasn't that the feeling wasn't returned. Maggie Tozier did love her. However, most of the time Gwen thought her mother loved her like one of her accessories. As if she were a purse, or a pair of diamond earrings. A superficial type of love. Perhaps that was the real reason they never fully got along.
The Tozier woman began looking at Izzy with a more thorough eye. Physically she was the dream child her mother wished she had but personality wise not so much. Gwen already knew that Izzy was a lot like her in that department. If she had indeed been Maggie Tozier's daughter their relationship would have ended the exact same way as the one Gwen and Maggie had now...distant.
Once again, Gwen was reminiscing about her childhood. She envied Izzy for having that innocence she no longer had, but she also wanted to protect it for as long as possible. Which was why she asked the next question with intense concern.
"You've ever noticed anything unusual?" Gwen asked her without anymore prolonging.
Izzy frowned a little. "Unusual?" She repeated as if she had heard her wrong.
"You know, anything that seems weird or leaves a bad feeling in your stomach." Gwen brought up specifically because she knew from experience. "A warning almost." She added that last part hurriedly.
There was an unsure expression set on Izzy's face as she found her wording. "Sometimes when I walk home from practice I see something yellow glowing in the distance, but my stepmother told me those are just fireflies." Her voice fell quiet, but not low enough for Gwen to not hear clearly. The near quietness of it let her know just how serious Izzy was and that made Gwen's stomach churn. "There's a lot of those around here, apparently."
No there isn't, Gwen immediately thought. She felt her blood run cold, and her heart began to race from pure dread. She stared at Izzy with utmost seriousness. "Listen to me Izzy. Never, and I mean never, go near those damn fireflies. Got it?"
Izzy looked a little freaked out by how frenzied Gwen sounded but otherwise she nodded her head. There was something telling her to trust Gwen, the same feeling she'd get whenever playing softball with her teammates and they were about to make a crucial move against the opposing team. She trusted them and now she was trusting Gwen, only this time with something that seemed way more crucial.
"I won't." Izzy answered, voice steady.
Gwen let out a sigh, relaxing. "Okay, good. I...should go now. I have other places to go to." She had no idea where her next stop was going to be. "It was nice seeing you again." She added the next part with gentle earnestness. "And just...remain vigilant."
Izzy didn't say anything in return, she just nodded her head. Gwen still felt that to be an honest response. As the Tozier woman walked away from the open field, she was able to see Izzy walk in the opposite direction. She hoped the teen made it home as safely as possible.
Gwen Tozier left the high school grounds, completely unaware of the yellow eyes that hungrily watched from the shadows.
A/N: Yes, I'm ending it there. You can yell at me all you want. Btw, just warning you all that Gwen finally sees IT in the next chapter. And she finally remembers what IT did to her all those twenty-seven years ago. The next chapter will be triggering so I am going to put a warning at the top.