A/N: Sirius is free in this story and James is alive, but he does not show up. This story takes place after a story that I worte called: Stars. A Warring self-harm might come up. (Also this story is my first Wolfstar. I don't ship them but I enjoy the ship) Enjoy
My life was hell. There I said it: Hell, but yet I still live, and I do like my life, but it took a turn that I wish it didn't. My name is Remus John Lupin. At my age, what is the point of age if your life does not matter? My friends however tell me that it does. They care about me that is for sure, but I don't care for myself. This feeling has gotten worse since Lily died Saving my friend James and their son in the process. I was glad that James can turn into a stag and broke through a wall after he tries to fight off Voldemort. It was the middle of the night and I could not sleep for I was too lost in my thoughts wondering why I was left orphaned? Why did Grayback decide to kill my parents? Why Voldemort killed Lily? How am I still alive and why…..? my thoughts cut off when my eyes closed, and I fell asleep.
"Good morning Remus," my best friend Sirius said walking into the dining room. The sun was rising, and I could not sleep any longer not with these swarming thoughts moving around in my head. Sirius looked at me with his warm gray eyes. I knew that he was looking at me because I could feel his eyes on me. "Remus are you all right?" Sirius asked me but I did not look at him as I picked up the paper and hummed. "Fine don't tell me. I know when you are upset you know," Sirius said sitting down next to me. Taking a deep breath, I removed the paper from my face and showed Sirius my bright amber eyes. Showing Sirius that I was letting the wolf free. I saw Sirius sigh and nod slowly.
"I don't want to feel this pain anymore Pads. I don't want to feel like a monster," my voice cracked in the end there, but I think I made my point however Sirius rolled his eyes and took the paper from my hands.
"You are not a monster Rem. We've been through this. Even Harry says you are not a monster and he's six!" Sirius told me looking at the paper. Sirius was right not but how can I believe him? How can I believe that I'm loved? I sighed and stood up. However, Sirius did not notice which I was glad of.
It's been an hour since I talked with Sirius and I still felt like I'm a big fat monster. A bloody werewolf that no one cares about. I laugh harshly as I opened my desk drawer. I closed my eyes and opened them again before I looked down to see a silver bullet. It still had blood on it from the last time I felt like this. Like dementors were around me all the time. 'I hate the full moon.' I thought picking up the bullet and winched in pain as it burned on my hand. I held it there for a while. However, I dropped it when I heard Sirius call for me and walked up the stairs.
"Remus!? Remus are you up here?" Sirius called walking up to the doorway to my room at James's house. James and Harry were having a father-son day and Sirius and I were watching the house. I look up to see Sirius, but I hid my hand behind me. "Ah, there you are. What are you doing? Looking for a book?" Sirius asked me looking down the floor and gasped as he picked up the silver bullet. "Remus why is this in your room. You said that we should keep it with that muggle gun James got just in case Greyback came to the house and tried to bite Harry to get revenge on you," Sirius told me running it through his fingers. I didn't say anything, but I removed my hand from behind me and showed him. He grabbed my hand gently and shook his head. "What the hell Remus?" He said shaking his head and closing his eyes. I did the same thing, and I knew that he wasn't mad. My mother, however, she would be mad as well as my father, but they can't help me because they are dead.
"I…..I…" I tried but the words did not come out and I started to cry. Even though I tried not to. Sirius let go of my hand and smiled warmly but I saw a sadness in his eyes. He then took me into his arms and sighed. The tears did not stop as I sat there in Sirius's arms. "I….." I tried again but again my voice failed me. Sirius pulled me out of his arms and looked away because I saw tears in his eyes also.
"Remus. We…. you need help, you cant do this. Does James know?" Sirius asked me and I shook my head too weak to speak right now. Oh, how I love my friend. How I love him. Yes, I love him, but does he know that? No, he doesn't, and I don't think he will ever find out. Just another reason why my life is hell. "Remus," Sirius sighed. My eyes were still closed as I took a deep breath.
"I love you," the words flew out of my mouth before I could stop myself. My eyes opened and I saw the love and shock in his eyes. Why, why was there love? How could he love a…
"You…you love me?" his voice was shaky, but I didn't care. "Why are you telling me this now? Your not dying are you?" Sirius asked me. I stood up and shook my head and for the first time in a while a smile formed on my face. A laugh exapted my mouth and soon Sirius was laughing as well. "Well, then. I guess for the longest time I loved you to then," Sirius said standing up also because he was on the floor hugging me. I smiled and pulled into my arms and we laughed a little. After we pulled apart Sirius's smile dropped, and he sighed once again. "We need to get you help. Tomorrow I'll get someone to help you. James can help," Sirius told me looking down at my hand and nodded. "First let's fix your hand, Moony," he added before he took my other hand and pulled me out of my room.
A/N: Summary: Remus is having a hard time while James and Harry are out. Thankfully Sirius is there to help him, and Remus tells him something that will change their lives.
Wirten for The International Wizarding School Championship
Hogwarts: A World in Grey
Write a story about a world devoid of color. Take it literally or figuratively; make the greyness beautiful or dull
Prompts: [Character] Remus Lupin
[Object] Silver bullet
Word count: 1079
Side note this is my 100th story.