Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and all the situations said characters find themselves in. Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoy.

Every Memory

Still In The Dream

Needing to sit down, which was doable since there was that handy rock right there, Teddy sat down hard, mostly oblivious to the silently furious vibes Regulus was giving off because his mind was too focused on other things. And when you had more important things to worry about than a Black being furious with you…well that pretty much meant you were good and fucked on a number of levels to his way of thinking, and you might as well write your last will and testament post haste before your life was cruelly cut short.

A hard poke to his upper arm. "I didn't invite you to sit with me."

"You talked to Dumbledore about me?"

"I simply made it clear that if he caused problems for you than I would cause problems for him. You are my Head Boy after all, and someone has to keep you from completely embarrassing our house with your inability to control yourself."

"You THREATENED Albus Dumbledore to protect me?"

"Focus on what's important here, Prince. I have far more important things to do these days than stand as your shield because you haven't the sense the Fates gave even Muggles."

Wow. Ouch. That stung a little, though only because he knew how the love of his life felt about Muggles. But still…

"You wouldn't go to all that trouble just because I'm a Slytherin and Head Boy. And I know you, you don't do anything without a reason. A bunch of reasons, usually layered together in a way that says you think the whole idea of hitting two birds with one stone is for amateurs. You hit the birds, a few squirrels, and maybe a chipmunk or two bare minimum."

Silence, and then Regulus spoke in a voice just a little tinged with amusement as he stated that he preferred more dangerous prey than squirrels and birds.

"I just picked them because they're small so hitting them takes more skill than something bigger like a deer or hippogriff."

The amused chuckle caught Teddy completely by surprise, he'd never heard Regulus make that kind of real, happy sound before, but then it abruptly stopped and the other teenager's voice was back to its familiar coldness.

"You need to stop trying to charm me, Theodore Prince. It will not end well for you."

"When have I ever tried to charm you? When I'm around you all I'm thinking about it how bloody much I don't want to look and seem like a total prat in front of you. I wouldn't know how to charm you if someone gave me step by step instructions because I'd forget them the minute I looked at you."

And embarrassed beyond words that he'd just said that outloud, talk about being a total prat, Teddy ran a hand through his hair as he looked everywhere but at the other boy, wishing the rock they sat on would just suddenly split open and swallow him whole.

"You don't even mean to do it. That just figures."

Aware of Regulus sliding off the rock but still not looking in the Slytherin's direction, Teddy pretended extreme fascination with his hands until his ears finally registered the fact that Regulus was listing, in really mad sounding muttering, all the things he'd been doing all this time that had apparently been driving Regulus crazy. His chief offense was apparently the way he said Regulus's name, as the younger boy rarely repeated himself and that annoyance was stated four times during the ranting before Regulus realized he was ranting and stopped talking.

"I say your name in a weird way?"

"Of course you wouldn't even realize that, why would you?" The muttering was low but audible. "You never pay real attention to anything but your artwork, your sisters and…me." Pause. "And you should go now. Why are you even still here? You always run away as quick as you can when it's just the two of us. It's what you do."

Getting angry now, it was generally a slow process for him but actually made him a force to be reckoned with when he embraced the fury so to speak, Teddy was suddenly overwhelmed with the fact that all this time Regulus had just watched him wallowing in his unrequited misery without saying a word.

"Well if I annoy you so fecking much then why haven't you done something about it? Why the bloody hell did you never tell me to leave you the hell alone or that you'd put me in an early grave like you did to Ceres Nottingham when she was bothering you? Doesn't it disgust you, upset you to know that I love you? That I want you naked? That…that…why haven`t you horribly maimed me at this point and crushed what I feel for you so that I could try and get over you, you unfeeling bastard!"

"My parents were married when I was conceived, therefore I am not a bastard."

Teddy wasn't proud of the short, frustrated, scream like sound he made, but he couldn't have held it in for all the gold in Gringotts.

"And I do feel. If I didn't…I would have maimed you by now and saved myself all the trouble you cause me on a daily basis." With that statement hanging between them Regulus finally turned and looked in his direction. "I'm leaving now. You'd be wise not to follow me in the mood I'm now in."

His gut saying that he should take that warning very seriously Teddy just let him go, watching Regulus slip into the shadows of the night like he was a part of them, disappearing from his sight just that completely.

And since he wasn't done being angry and confused and oddly horny at the moment Teddy decided to retake his seat on the rock and cool down a little. Or at least try to.

)

Sitting behind his desk the next afternoon, his paperwork sitting in relatively untouched neat piles, Teddy couldn't recall ever being so completely out of sorts about a messed up relationship before. And he'd had some messed up ones, his soft spot for people who needed taking care of getting him into plenty of trouble over the years, especially since hormones made fools of all. But even when a failed relationship had made him depressed or angsty or even really pissed off it had never been like this before. He'd never felt this ache in his chest that made him feel that something vital to his happiness, to his existence was missing and might never be returned to him.

That he technically wasn't even in the relationship, only seeing it and feeling it through someone else's memories, was like someone pouring alcohol on the multiple open wounds all over his body.

Was this what it was to really love someone? Was this what it did to you to be rejected by them or lose them? Was this how his grandmother felt every minute of every day without his grandfather? How could she bear this? How could anyone bear this? He didn't love Regulus Black, he didn't even know Regulus Black. And still…he felt the man's loss like a missing limb.

Before last night he'd mostly just been annoyed by the aftereffects of the dreams, the lingering desire he felt for someone he really, really didn't want to have that sort of feelings for. But the dream last night, getting all those feelings out, really letting himself feel and express them and not be end up rejected…and then to wake up alone and know that Regulus Black was dead…

"Hey, you okay? Are you hurt?"

Blinking hard as his godbrother's face was suddenly in his, Teddy smiled automatically, reaching up to ruffle James's previously styled red hair as he assured him that yeah, he was fine. Just feeling a little off.

"Well you looked like you were in serious pain. Seriously, do you need to be checked out? Did you do a Hugo and trip over something? Maybe you have internal injuries or something."

"You're the one who injures himself almost as regularly as our clumsy cousin, James. Really, I'm fine. Promise. What brings you by? Shouldn't you be off doing important Quidditch star things?"

Eyes still searching for injury it was obvious James wasn't total believing him, but the redhead didn't push either. Instead he pointed in the direction of Teddy's desk, where a large paper bag now rested smelling absolutely amazing.

"Have I mentioned lately that I love you?"

"No, but I expected people to love me so no worries there."

Shaking his head while he watched James get out the food for them, Teddy could only marvel at how much his little brother had grown up in the last few years. In his early teens James had been a bit of an arrogant arse at times, but he'd really come into his own since he'd graduated from Hogwarts. He really liked the man James had become.

Taking the fork offered to him Teddy was happy to use it, making a very happy sound as he tasted the really excellent pasta in front of him.

Having pulled up a chair so that they could sit near each other James gave him his full attention. "So why are you feeling off? Coming down with something? Work related bullshit?"

"No. More like…a musing…of how horrible real love can be."

"Wait…you fell in love with someone and didn't tell me?!"

He shook his head. "No. No I'm not…I just…I had a taste of what it is to love…to love someone that completely and totally. I don't know how people move on after they lose that." Fisting his hands in his hair Teddy couldn't hold in the sound of frustration that left his lips. "And there are no words for how much it's pissing me off that I haven't a bloody clue what happens with them. I mean I was peeved at the beginning but now…what if I never find out? What if I -he feels all this love for the stuck up little prick and it turns out that he doesn't feel the same? I mean the man literally died of a broken heart for fuck sakes even if it was little twenty years after the fact. That still counts and if he never got so much as a quick snog with the bastard then that's cruelty above and beyond a typical Black. But still…." Unable to finish the thought Teddy moved to drop his head onto his desk, only just remembering in time that there was food there he didn't want to smash his face into.

"Ah. Okay…" Obviously very confused James asked if there wasn't someone Teddy could ask about the relationship. And exactly where was he getting his information from, period.

Not wanting to alarm James, as well as knowing that the younger man would self guilt himself into blabbing it to his parents at some point, Teddy opted to tell most of the truth while leaving out the dreams. "I recently purchased a portrait of Regulus Black and upon looking into the artist discovered that they were at Hogwarts together and the painter was in fact madly in love with Regulus. How my darling ancestor felt about him in return is the question."

"Well here's hoping it was mutual then, otherwise as far as we know the poor kid died a virgin."

Opening and closing his mouth Teddy silently acknowledged that okay, if Regulus had shot the other Teddy down hard and never so much as let him snog him, then dying a teenage virgin would certainly be one hell of a punishment above and beyond the whole drinking an incredibly painful potion and then forcefully drowned by the undead.

"Have you tried talking to people who knew them, if you care so much? I guess your grandmother wouldn't know anything given the timeline."

"No, she doesn't, and Regulus apparently didn't have any really close mates, with most of his casual 'friends' are either residents of Azkaban currently or dead. I do have a lead on one of the artist's younger sisters, but given the time period I don't know if she knew about her brother's feelings for Regulus and me outing him to her, especially since she's a grandmother at this point…well it wouldn't be fair to give her a heart attack or wreck her memories of him just to ease my curiosity."

"Well…do we know her grandchildren? They might have heard something, or could ask their parents since they'd have at least met the man before he passed away."

"We know two of them to speak to." Teddy grimaced as he met James's gaze. "Sev Daimon and Alexei Dolohov. Though I suppose we could throw in Alexei's younger sister, though I can't remember her name and she's too young anyway. I just saw her at the train station once."

"Those two? Ouch. That does suck quite a bit, now doesn't it? And they're the sort that wouldn't help you out just to be nice, though I suppose Rosie could bribe Daimon easily enough with chocolate. I think they're together at the moment too, so if you do go that route better talk her into it quick before they have another row and he'll say no to you just to spite her."

"Yeah, I know. Working on it, so to speak. Or at least she knows, anyway. She and Hugo offered to help me investigate when I told them about it."

Raising the glass of water he'd conjured up to go with his meal James proposed that they toasted to the hope that Teddy would find all the information he needed without having to get too deeply into Slytherin debt.

Conjuring up his own glass with an appreciative smile, Teddy clicked their glasses together in agreement.

"So anything not depressing new with you?"

Teddy had to think about that and then, in a calculated move, decided to bring up the fact that he'd seen Wren recently, knowing that that would totally remove James's interest from his own life to the Muggle Studies teacher James fancied quite a bit. The less he talked about the situation he found himself in the less likely he was to spill the beans and cause his entire honorary family to descend on him with endless questions and worries about what he might be getting himself into with his damn new painting and the dreams that had come with it.

)

Hours later, after his work was done for the day and he'd eaten a hastily thrown together supper of grilled cheese and tomato soup, Teddy once again, as was becoming an unfortunate habit of his, found himself standing in front of Regulus's portrait. Staring into it as though it would suddenly decide to spill all its secrets, Teddy wasn't surprised when it didn't, his ancestor's face seeming to mock him which was a very Black thing to do in Teddy's opinion. As it was Teddy figured that he should just be outrageously grateful that he looked nothing like Regulus because if he had the whole situation he found himself in would reach a whole new level of weirdness. The fact that he was lusting after someone he was related to thanks to the other Teddy was bad enough already.

That blood-wise they would be the equivalent of something like third cousins was of some relief, particularly since he'd be the first to admit that a number of his family's many evil offspring were probably at least in part a result of far too much inbreeding.

"Did he think of you, at the end? Did you think of him?" Unless Regulus had clued the other man in somehow the other Teddy had died believing that Regulus had been killed for trying to leave the Death Eaters, never knowing the courage and sacrifice Regulus had shown in his chosen death.

"Maybe I'm being too hard on you, cursing you for not returning his feelings." Thinking about Regulus's death was making him feel guilty. "You were only a boy really, and in that time in place…even if you had been interested you were supposed to be the poster boy for Slytherins everywhere. You wouldn't have been living up to your own image if you'd let yourself be human enough to maybe fancy a slightly idiotic artist who loved you more than life."

Moving in close Teddy pointed a finger at Regulus's painted chest, though he didn't touch the canvass. "I just…I want to know how it all ends. This is like starting a really good book series and having to wait over a year for the next volume. And this is only after a day of really being frustrated with you. I mean before I was really just pissed at the whole situation in general and not having the answer to all my questions, but now I'm personally invested and it feels like I'm the one in love with you. Like it's me and I have no idea how you feel about me and the idea that it's completely one-sided…well it's a fucking hideous feeling if you're at all interested."

Naturally no response came, unfortunately.

Shaking his head over his own stupidity Teddy decided a long soak in his bathtub was called for, especially since he needed to de –stress big time. He'd just soak away his stress and then…and then maybe he should think about going out soon and trying to find himself someone who he could de -stress with in a far more pleasurable way. Of course that might not be such a good idea given the fact that the last thing he wanted to do was insult some poor bloke or girl by muttering Regulus's name in his sleep. Knowing his luck that would totally happen.

"Great…now you're killing my nonexistent sex life too. Thanks for that, you Slytherin bastard."

And not feeling the slightest bit bad Teddy resolved that he was going to force himself to dream about his past relationships and to hell with seeing any more of what had passed between Regulus and the other Teddy. He was done and that was that.

Hopefully. At least for tonight.