Oscar Mayer Wiener

Disclaimer: I wi- NO! Don't say the W-word! (W-word = w-i-s-h) (In case you didn't catch it, I don't own any Buffy characters or the Oscar Mayer Wiener Jingle.)

Timeline : Season 6, after Hell's Bell's, but before Seeing Red. Set in an Alternate Reality where Miss Kitty Fantastico was never shot with a crossbow

Warren was in a great, no, scratch that, amazing mood. He was this close to completing his evil plan, and when he did… Look out Buffy Summers, there's a new sheriff in town. He would be the ruler of Sunnydale. Heck, he practically already was.

And that means I can do whatever I want, Warren thought. On a whim, he decided to sing a little jingle. He was walking down the street, but why did that matter? He was a super villain! He could do whatever he wanted!

"Oh… I wish I were an Oscar Mayer Wieeenerrrr.

That is what I'd truly like to beeeeeeeee.

For if I were an Oscar Mayer Wieeenerrrrrrr,

Everyone would be in love with meeeeeeeeee!"

Just as he was about to begin the next verse, he noticed something out of the corner of his eye. When he turned around, he saw Anya Jenkins, in full demon face, with an evil grin spread wide.

Realizing what she was, and the mistake he made, he had one thought.

Oh sh-

Anya stared down at the official Oscar Mayer Wiener in front of her and smiled. This was just too great. She looked up and saw Tucker's brother, Andy or something, had been following Warren. He also looked the wiener, but with a look of horror.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he screamed, making Darth Vader proud. "Don't worry Warren! Jonathan's getting his magic bone! He'll be able to fix this!" An- something ran off to find Jonathan.

Andrew raced back to their black van (that looked so much cooler with a Death Star on it). Jonathan was still dragging out his magic bone. It had all these weird symbols that kind-of reminded him of the runes on the map from…

Focus Andrew! He thought. Warren needs your help!

"Jonathan! Warren's a wiener!"

Jonathan turned around and stared at him. Andrew mentally slapped himself.

"He turned into a wiener! We need to turn him back!"

Jonathan continued to look at him. "How'd he turn into a wiener?"

Andrew just grabbed Jonathan's arm. "Come on!"

The remaining members of the Trio went back to wiener Warren. When they got there, however, they saw Miss Kitty Fantastico standing over Warren.

"No!" Andrew yelled. Miss Kitty Fantastico looked up. Andrew bent down and started talking.

"That's a good girl. Leave the wiener alone. Don't eat War…" Miss Kitty Fantastico gulped down Warren in one bite. 'No!"

Anya continued to laugh at the situation as Jonathan said her thoughts out loud.

"I never really liked that guy anyway."

Oh… I'm glad I'm not an Oscar Mayer Weeeinerrrr.

That is what I'd never want to beeeeeeeee.

'Cause if I were an Oscar Mayer Weeeinerrrrrrr,

There would soon be nothing left of meeeeeeeeee!