Disclaimer: I don't own RvB. I don't even have an Xbox or a single copy of any Halo game. But I do have a laptop! And Marley.

Episode 22: Say Who Now?

Rick came up to Sarge, asking how the robots were coming. "Great! With these new color coded instructions, all my previous mistakes seem laughably obvious!" Sarge said. Rick blinked, then shrugged.

"Meh, whatever. Say, you didn't make any unauthorized and ill advised modifications to these robots... did you?" the mechanic asked warily, knowing his CO had an odd view of what was acceptable and a pension for unnecessary inventions. Sarge laughed.

"I'm the one who authorized the building of these robots in the first place! Of course there's no unauthorized modifications!" he said. Rick blinked again, then sighed.

"What about 'ill advised?'" he prompted.

"What would count as 'ill advised,' and why would you say that of your superior officer, Simmons?!" Sarge asked, puffing up a little.

"Uh..." began Rick, planning on telling his crazy CO just what he thought of his robots, when Dex ran up.

"Hey guys. Rick, how are the robots coming?" the orange soldier asked. Rick shrugged.

"Well, I'd say they're fine... but Sarge won't tell me if he made any modifications to them," he said. Dex nodded and Sarge decided that there were a few things he needed to correct.

"You asked if I had made any 'unauthorized and ill advised' modifications, not if I made modifications. There's a difference Simmons," he said. The other two Red Soldiers rolled their eyes at their CO.

"Well. Are they ready yet, Sargent Lead Ears?" Dex asked.

"Don't you sass me soldier!" Sarge barked back.

"Oh? So you can hear me now huh?" Dex shot back, Rick shaking his head beside him.

"Dex's got a point there Sarge," he pointed out. Sarge put his long practiced art to use and ignored them both.

"I'm just putting on the finishing touches," he said, fiddling with a few minor things before standing back and saying, "gentlemen! Allow me to introduce Francisco Montague Zanzibar!" pointing to the black robot. "And that one's 'Robot Number Two,'" Sarge added jerking his head toward the cobalt robot.

"Why didn't that one get a fancy name?" Dex asked. Sarge shrugged.

"Let's just say, someone has an over clocked sass-back chip and refused all names!" he said. Dex chuckled and held a fist out to the robot, who had emitted a series of flute-like noises, followed by a squawk.

"Way to go robot man, way to go!" he said. The robot fist bumped him and said,

"You know it bro." Dex chuckled and slung an arm around him.

"If you weren't a Blue, I have a feeling we'd be the best of friends," he said. Rick shuddered so slightly his armor didn't pick it up.

"Oh, the horror," he muttered, imagining two Dex's running around. For some reason, in his imagination, one of them was fat and telling the other to slow down. That... didn't seem quite right.

"But it's okay! I can even use it to my advantage," Sarge said, ignoring his soldiers and drawing Rick out of his imaginings. "I made some special modification to Numbero Dos. Watch this. Codeword... Dirtbag." The robot Dex had an arm around beeped twice, let out a high pitched 'eep,' and smashed the butt of his assault rifle into the weapon master's gut. The air in his lungs was forced out with a pained gasp. Sarge chuckled. "Pretty nifty huh?" he asked. Rick gaped at his CO.

"That... was terrible. Why attack Dex? The guy in charge of our weapons? There's no telling what he could do in retaliation! Now, if you had made it so that he hit the Blues when they used one of their catch phrases, yeah, that'd be awesome, but Dex? No. You don't hurt your comrades," the IT wizard told the older man. Dex chuckled, already recovered despite the hand he kept against his stomach.

"Ah, give it a rest Rick. It's just Sarge being Sarge. It wasn't nearly as hard as some of the blows I get in training," he said. Seeing that his friend was already back to what was normal for him, Rick sighed.

"Still," he remarked. Dex shook his head.

"Softie," he muttered.

"This has been going on for nearly three years, Dex. And what's worse, I helped," Rick said. Dex shook his head and turned to Sarge.

"That's... that's not the only special feature," Sarge said, starting to feel a little guilty for his actions towards Grif. A little.

"See, I knew you'd made ill advised modifications to them," Rick remarked, crossing his arms and glaring. Dex sighed and tossed him a roll of bills, which he hastily caught and started counting. "Let's hear it then."

"Well, one has a listening device, and the other had a ten mega-ton bomb!" Sarge said with pride. Dex and Rick blinked, shared a look, and then Rick went over to the robots.

"Either of you know which one has the bomb?" he asked. Robot Number Two stepped forward. "No wonder you didn't like Sarge. Alright, sit tight and I'll see what I can do to get it out."

"Eagle would have liked a homing beacon," Dex said, wondering if that would get Sarge to listen to what he had to say. Sarge hummed, as though he were actually considering it.

"That might have been a better idea," he said. Rick, having heard, decided to see if he could re-purpose some of the bomb parts to fashion a beacon. Just as the deadline was approaching, Rick stood up with a happy, 'ah!'

"Got it! Bomb defused and re-purposed into a locator, though if his circuits were to get over-stressed, there is a possibility that he might still explode," he said. Dex clapped a hand on his shoulder.

"Good work Rick!" he said. The mechanic chuckled and shrugged.

"I try," he said.

/*/

Meanwhile, Eagle was still held captive by the Blues. Once again, Caboose was the one watching him. Looking at the blue soldier before him, Eagle couldn't help but grin and remark, "I believe this... is what is called the 'calm before the storm.'" Caboose didn't seem to get the minor warning in the pink armored soldier's words.

"I call it nap time," Caboose said excitedly, while lowering his gun, "which is right before food time. And then comes food nap time! That is my favorite time of them all."

"Mr. Caboose, I just want you to know, that even though we are on different teams, and we may never see each other again, whatever happens out there today, I'll always remember these moments we've shared together... you will always be my friend. But I'm still going for you first," Eagle said. Really, there wasn't much else he could say in the face of Caboose's... Cabooseness. Caboose stared silently at Eagle for a moment before he said,

"Private Doughnut? That sounds like Private Biscuit!" Eagle laughed. He just knew this guy was going to be his go-to guy when it came to a good laugh.

"Yes. Yes it does!" he said, grinning under his helmet. Sure this guy was funny, and he seemed a little... out of it, but there were times when Eagle was fairly sure he was just hiding his true intelligence, or choosing not to use it. Whatever it was, Eagle decided, should their silly fight ever end, he'd be hanging out with Caboose when Dex and Red got to be too much.

/*/

It really didn't take long for Dex, Rick, Sarge, Francisco Montague Zanzibar, and Robot Number Two to reach the center of the canyon. Or... what everyone was calling the center. It was a rather ambiguous description to be honest. "Think they'll show?" Dex asked Rick. The IT wizard shrugged.

"Well, they really seemed to want the robots, so... yeah. I think they'll show. The question isn't 'will they show,' the question is 'what will they do when they get the robots?'" he said. Dex nodded.

"Makes sense," he said. That was when Sarge noticed something worrying.

"Great Caesar's Ghost! Looks like they brought out the heavy artillery!" he said, sighting down his shotgun's barrel at the tank and robot that looked suspiciously like Lopez but couldn't be. Dex sighed, shaking his head.

"Aw shoot. I forgot that today was Tuesday," he said. Rick laid a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"I feel your pain, Dex. Why do the long, drawn out, wacky missions always start on a Tuesday?" he asked. Sarge sent the pair a suspicious look, finally beginning to wonder if they knew Project Red.

"No clue, but I was so hoping this wouldn't be a typical Tuesday," Dex said before giving himself a slight shake and standing up a bit straighter. "Whelp, let's get this show on the road," he said, noticing the other Blues, along with Eagle, coming up on another hill.

"Ah-ha! They're lining up in flanking formation. Those Blue Jackals! Keep yer eyes peeled fellas! This could get ugly!" Sarge said, also noticing the Blues. Dex mentally scoffed at his CO. He had already conveyed that message to Rick. Or rather, they both got that feeling when they saw the tank... and remembered it was Tuesday. Monday's were sucky, but Tuesdays were whacked out, twisted, bloody, and left you wondering... why in the name of all that is good did I even get out of bed? And looking at the set up... both Agents couldn't help thinking... this is just another Tuesday.

/*/

"That's far enough, Lieutenant McMuffin," Caboose said, pointing his gun at Eagle. Having heard stories about the Blue soldier's inadvertent Team Killing, Eagle froze, ready to drop to the ground at a moment's notice. The only warning he'd get before the bullet flew would be a slight twitch in the finger, so he'd have to be fast. While his attention was riveted on the inexplicably dangerous solider, Eagle dimly heard the other blue guy talking.

"Church? Church? Are ya there Church? Church?"

"Hey man, I've been trying to get you on the radio for like ten minutes. What's going on?" Eagle blinked. How was he picking that up?

"Patched you through. Enjoy~!" Marley's voice said just before Tucker replied. Eagle grinned. Red and Blue transmissions curtsey of The Ghost? Man, Marley sure knew how to make up for forcing him to put up with the pink armor for so long.

"Sorry man. Still picking up the Red's transmission from when we broadcast that Lopez song," Tucker said. Eagle shivered. If the song wasn't traumatizing enough, the death threat coupled with the glare Dex gave sure was! "There's a lot of chatter."

"Well, are you at least getting anything useful?" Church asked.

"Nah, just the same two guys bickering like an old married couple. I've only been listening for five minutes and already I can tell their really in love," Tucker said. Eagle was going to make a snarky remark, but Caboose chose that moment to turn around and point his gun at the sniper, which caused him to reflexively retreat, thus loosing his perfect moment to interject. "Why can't they see it?"

"Alright. Get ready to launch operation: Circle of Confusion," Church said.

"Dude, we all confused," Eagle muttered while Tucker commented that it looked more like a triangle.

"Okay fine! Triangle of Confusion! Rhombus of Terror! Parabola of Mystery! Who cares!? Just get the gosh darn show on the road!" Church yelled.

"Well. Somebody's cranky. Did you not get your morning coffee?" Eagle remarked, then turned to Tucker. "As for Grif and Simmons, they're basically brothers. What you're suggesting is not only against the will of the Almighty God, Creator of All, it's incest and that's just gross. So... no. Just... no."

"I'm a ghost! Ghost's can't drink coffee!" Church shouted.

"He's always cranky," Tucker said. Eagle nodded sagely.

"Just like Sarge is always blood thirsty. I understand. It must be murder living with him," he said solemnly.

"I'd say you have no idea... but you live with Not a Couple over there, so I'd say you do," Tucker told the younger private, jerking a thumb toward Dex and Rick. Eagle shrugged.

"Eh, like I said, they're basically brothers. And they're my big brothers. Not so bad when you know how to handle them," he said, then began walking forward. "Now lets get this farce over with," he said. Tucker shook his head but followed.

"Initiating primary commencement phase," he said. Eagle snorted.

"What are you even saying?" he asked, rhetorically. Of course, with Caboose around, nothing was ever really rhetorical.

"Quite Commander Poppin Fresh! I think they're talking about your golden, flaky crust!" Caboose said. Eagle simply had to face-palm at that.

/*/

Tucker ran a little ways forward and called out, "Hello everyone! We're here to surrender! At this time, we'd like one representative from each side to..." Eagle rolled his eyes and started walking.

"Yeah yeah, we know already!" he shouted. Dex chuckled.

"Now that... is Eagle Eye!" he shouted.

"Go on Francisco," Sarge said, sending the black robot over.

"Stay sharp. Next thing you know, Lopez will rebel, a possessed guy will pop out of nowhere and start blowing stuff up, and this will have all been for nothing," Dex said, gripping his gun a little tighter.

"Paranoid much?" Rick remarked, but still pulled out a throwing knife in his off hand while his other gripped his pistol. Dex snorted.

"Sure, but when it turns out I'm right... you owe me fifty bucks," he said, lowering his center of gravity just a smidgen.

"Deal," Rick said, pulling out five tens and then putting them back into his pocket.

"Sucker!" Dex sang out happily.

"Hold it, traitor!" Lopez said, aiming at Francisco.

"Yep," Dex said, nodded. Rick sighed. Well, that was only one part of Dex's prediction. There was still hope!

"What the! It's a double cross! Eagle! Frany Zan! Get back over here!" Sarge yelled, prompting Tucker to try pleading with them not to.

"Now the Blues are aiming at each other? What the heck is going on?! WHO'S RUNNING THIS CRAZY ARMY?!" Rick said, grabbing his head in distress, taking care not to stab himself.

"We've been outmaneuvered men! Take cover, I'm calling in an air strike!" Sarge said.

"Ya know, I bet Marley knows who our CIC is," Dex commented idly while Sarge scanned the frequencies to contact Red Command. Eagle noticed Tucker freaking out, screaming about a noise in his radio. He narrowed his eyes. Was this part of the simulation? Was the first layer of the illusion breaking? 'About bloody time,' he thought, 'I've barely had this pink armor for a year and already I'm sick of it. Though... there are situations where it could be fun.'

"Red Command! Come in Red Command! This is Blood Gulch outpost number one! Do you read me?" Sarge asked.

"Hello hello, who's there? Come in. Private Tucker, that you?" Vic asked, though Sarge was having a little trouble hearing him over the shouts from said Blue and the other three Reds. He thought he heard Grif saying something about imploding illusions, but he wasn't sure. Darn idiot never said anything intelligent anyway, so it likely wasn't important.

"What?! Who's Private Tucker?!" Sarge asked. "This is Sarge! I need an air strike and I need it fast!"

"Can do Sarge. I will send an air strike to target the Blue forces now. Of course, I'll need you to fill out the air strike requisition forms," Vic said.

"Isn't that typical? Ask for help and you get slapped with paperwork! Ugh. I hate paperwork," Dex moaned.

"Quite you! Go fill out the forms! And be quick about it!" Sarge ordered. Dex groaned, but turned to the base, only to be interrupted by the Blue known as Tucker.

"What the heck Vic? How do you know the Red Team? Why are you helping them against the Blues? What the heck is going on here?!" he said, freaking out. This, of course, put the Project Freelancer employee in a difficult position.

"Oh. Private Tucker. You're here too. Um... ya see... I... uh... I gotta go. Bad connection," he said, then cut the transmission.

"Wait! Vic! I need ya!" Sarge pleaded.

/*/

"Well," drawled Flowdie, not noticing Marley connecting to 'command.'

"That's not going to be very good for business," Vic's voice said. Flowdie whipped around while Marley chuckled. "Who's that?!" asked the VI.

"Agent Black," Marley said, once again chuckling.

"Agent Black?"

"Yep! And I just have to say... you've done a rather fine job of tearing down Project Freelancer's illusion in Blood Gulch. So... thank you. You've helped this Phantom out quite a bit. When I come for Freelancer... I just might spare you," she said, then ended the transmission before Vic could say anything further.

"You're evil, ya know that?" Flowdie asked. Marley laughed, kicking back in her chair.

"Aw~! But I have so much more fun this way~!" she said. Flowdie rolled his eyes and left her alone. There was no arguing with her when she got like that.

/*/

While Marley was picking on Vic, things had gone a little wacky in the canyon. Sarge had charged the Blues, Tucker tried to get them to stop fighting due to his revelation that there was no Red vs Blue and it was all a scam, Sarge didn't actually fire any bullets, and Rick and Dex just stood there staring at their CO in wonder. "Was he always this insane?" asked Rick.

"Since day one," Dex replied.

"Huh. We really need to pay attention to you more often," Rick remarked, causing Dex to nod slowly. Finally deciding that he'd had enough, Rick ran forward. "Quite Sarge! I can't hear what that guy is saying!" he yelled.

"Lock and load," Sheila hummed.

"I love blood and violence!" Sarge yelled.

"Stop fighting! Stop fighting!" Tucker pleaded loudly.

"I've got a boner for murder!" Sarge declared. Dex blinked. 'What?' he wondered. 'Man Sarge is weird.'

"What did you say Blue?" Rick asked while behind him Church possessed Robot Number Two.

"I said, there's no Red Vs Blue! It's all a lie!" Tucker yelled. He was going to say more, but Doc came by on a purple aline... plane... car... thing, and blew him up.

"What the heck is that?" everyone asked.

"Oh my Godiva... the evil A.I. really did possess Doc! Run for your lives!" Eagle yelled, running for higher ground to get a better angle on the possessed medic. Everyone scattered, another missile impacting the hill where the Blues had been.

"Oops! Sorry for that big explosion!" Doc yelled in his normal voice, "sorry it wasn't bigger!" he yelled in a deeper voice before cackling.

"I'd know that laugh anywhere. That's O'Malley!" Church yelled. From there, the Reds ran and hid from Doc/O'Malley while trying to find a way to cage him and knock him out. Caboose and Church when to check on Tucker.

"Tucker! Tucker! Are you okay?" Church asked, actually kinda concerned about his friend.

"Church, the purple guy, he's..." Tucker forced out.

"Yeah. I know. It's O'Malley," Church said.

"No. He's a jerk," Tucker said before passing out.

"Church?" Caboose began, coming up beside the acting Blue Team Leader while Shelia called the the background, 'Lopez! No!' "How come Tucker gets to nap during battles and I don't?" the simple soldier asked.

"Help! He took Lopez!" Shelia 'yelled.'

"Dang it!" Dex growled, scanning all about.

"On the base!" Eagle yelled.

"Here I am you fools!" O'Malley called from on top of Red Base.

"How'd he got up there so fast?" Church remarked.

"I didn't expect him to be wicked fast," Eagle commented.

"Thanks! I lettered in Track in high school! It was the least directly competitive sport I could find!" Doc, who was really Doc, shouted.

"Track sucks," Dex said loudly.

"You suck!" O'Malley retorted, completely missing Dex's, 'surfing is so much better.' "And now I make my escape with my metallic hostage, never to be seen again! Unless I want to be seen! In which case, if I see you before you see me... look out," O'Malley ranted. Rick and Dex shared a look that plainly said, to each other, 'is this guy for real?' "The Universe shall be mine!"

"Lopez! No!" cried Shelia. O'Malley turned to Lopez and motioned him through the teleporter.

"Move it brown butt. Into the abyss!" O'Malley called, charging through the teleporter. Dex started chuckling.

"Why are you laughing?" demanded Sarge.

"Called it," Dex said, holding out a hand to Rick, who groaned and slapped a roll of tens into his hand.

"I still say you cheat," he snarled. Dex shrugged, not taking his eyes off his winnings.

"Abracadabra, I'm a genie," the weapons expert deadpanned. Rick glared at him under his helmet.

"Sometimes... I really hate you," he ground out. Dex shrugged.

"Say what you want, I'm still the winner here," he remarked. Church decided, things had gone far enough.

"Hold your fire! We're coming out!" he yelled. Dex snickered and Rick elbowed him in the gut on his way to line up. "Truce! Time out!"

"Okay... anyone want to try explaining what just happened here?" Dex challenged once the Blues had lined up facing the Reds.

"That evil guy on the scooter shot one of our guys and took Lopez," Church said. Dex clapped slowly.

"Way to sum up a rather confusing action sequence in one anti-climatic sentence there Blue. Truly, you are an inspiration to us all," he said.

"But we need Lopez for very specific reason that we don't have to explain to you!" Sarge complained, ignoring Dex's comment. "We have to get him back!"

"Yeah, and we need the evil guy back. He's the only one who can heal Tucker," Church said. Rick scoffed.

"Yeah, like that isn't ironic," he remarked.

"Right. Find the guy who blew up your teammate and drag him back to heal the teammate he just blew up. That'll work!" Dex said, while Eagle remarked,

"So... now we have to work together. Isn't that kinda ironic too?"

"No. Ironic would be working together to hurt each other," Rick said.

/*/

Marley glanced over at the Red Base and shook her head. "I'm sure glad I'm over here and not over there. I don't know if I could stand two hours worth of 'I think it would be ironic if,'" she muttered as she worked on the heavily wounded and knocked out Tucker.

"Yeah... I don't think so either," Flowdie remarked from his position against the tree, hidden neatly from view by the just large enough trunk. Marley rolled her eyes and moved down to the next laceration on the poor Blue.

"Oh just shut up and let me work. It's going to take me the full two hours to get this guy patched up," she said, chucking a bloody rag at the reclining soldier. Flowdie yelped and dove to the side.

"Watch where you toss that medical waste woman!" he yelled.

"Watch who you're calling 'woman,' soldier!" Marley yelled back. "And shut up! I need to focus here!"

"You haven't even gotten to the stitches yet!" Flowdie protested. He got a knife thrown at his head for his trouble. "Fine fine, I'll shut up," he said, leaning back and gazing at the clouds.

/*/

Finally, after the aforementioned two hours, Church was ready to reveal his plan to the Reds. And Tucker. Caboose didn't really count because he never really understood anything. "Okay. We all agree, that while the current situation is not totally ironic, the fact that we now have to work together is odd in an unexpected way that defies our normal circumstance," he said with the air of a weary parent who has been negotiating with a picky two year old, "is everybody happy with that?"

"Yes," Sarge said decisively just as Rick ran up saying,

"And I just finished reprogramming the teleporter to take us directly to Lopez and O'Malley's coordinates." Sarge nodded at his favorite soldier.

"We'll leave one member of each team behind so that no one can trick anyone and take over the canyon! Our man will be Eagle Eye," he said.

"We will leave Corporal Crosanwich!" Caboose declared. The others all turned to look at him, variants of the same thought running through their minds. 'Is this guy for real?'

"Caboose," Church said, just a hint of warning in his voice. At this, Caboose added,

"And we will leave Sheila." Eagle scoffed quietly, so his helmet mics wouldn't pick it up.

"Yeah, thanks guys! Because, ya know, if this is a double cross, I'm sure I can hold her off on my own." Rick and Dex both winced at the level of biting sarcasm in Eagle's comment. He was decidedly not happy with the arrangement.

"Alright, we're going to do this one at a time," Church said, ignoring Eagle and attempting to impose some sort of order on the situation. "You first Sarge." The south Texan man took a deep breath and nodded.

"Today seems like a good day to teleport!" he stated boldly before jogging to the teleporter. "Geronimo!" he called out as he vanished into the swirling green.

"The scelaway!" Caboose called as he charged after Sarge. Rick hummed, looking around the canyon.

"Something wrong?" Dex asked.

"Nah. Just this weird feeling that I'm never going to see this place again," Rick replied.

"And that's a bad thing?"

"Oh no, I didn't say weird bad. I just said weird," Rick countered before entering the teleporter. Dex sighed and looked over at Eagle.

"Do try to stay out of trouble," he said. Eagle gave him a jaunty salute and Dex turned back to Church as the cobalt soldier spoke again.

"It's Grif right?" he asked.

"Grif. Dex. Hey you. Lazy butt... I answer to a lot of things," Dex responded, making Eagle snicker and Church shake his head.

"Anyway... you and me will go through together. Ready?"

"After you," Dex said, sweeping his arm out ahead of him. Church shook his head again and run through the teleporter, Dex not far behind. Left alone on the Base, Eagle had a bad feeling that trouble was about to find him, regardless of whether he wanted some or not.

"I wonder if Marley ever told the guys about tha... oh no! I didn't tell her about the sabotage!" he said, horror beginning to fill him even as he turned to the tank. "Uh... hi," he said, remembering all the times she'd freaked them out with her heavy firepower.

"Stop staring at my treads buddy," Shelia growled.

"Okay, geez. No need to go blowing my head off," Eagle grumbled turning back around. That was when Francisco Montague Zanzibar started jerking and then Tex's voice came out of it.

"Alright you idiots, I'm back! And I've got some.. he... Hey! Where'd everyone go?" she asked, looking all around. Eagle couldn't help praying she wouldn't notice him. Luck was not on his side, however, and she spotted him before he could make a break for the edge. "Do I know you?" Tex paused a moment then... "Hey! You're the girl who killed me!" Eagle twitched.

"First, I'm not a girl. Second, you threw the first grenade sister, so don't come crying to me! And third... I'm not putting up with this armor just for you. Agent mode," he said, switching to his Burgundy armor. "Much better. Now, if you'll excuse me, there's a man down that I need to check on," he added, brushing past her on his way down. Tex was left in a state of confusion, and Shelia wasn't much better. They were both left wondering, 'what the fudge?'

/*/

Meanwhile, Sarge and Caboose materialized in the middle of a thigh deep river. "Surrender, Dirtbag!" Sarge yelled.

"Okay! I surrender!" Caboose said, aiming his gun at Sarge's back. "Now it's your turn," the Blue added, lowering the gun again. Sarge sighed as he turned to the Blue.

"Not you, idiot. I was talking to O'Malley! Who... isn't... here. Where is here?" he said, trailing off and looking around in confusion as he realized... this wasn't where O'Malley had fled. Or at least, O'Malley was no where near. "Simmons is usually so much more precise," he groused, getting serious and falling into his Agent mindset. He just knew this wasn't going to end well.

/*/

Rick stared at the gray walls, industrial red caution lines, and glowing green portals. He hung his head and sighed. "Great. I'm stuck in the Nexus. I just hope GLaDOS isn't lurking somewhere waiting to kill me," he muttered before he pulling out a knife, closed his eyes, flipped it around a few times, then tossed it. Hearing the metal hit the concrete floor, Rick opened his eyes to see it pointing to a portal ten feet to his left. Nodding, Rick picked up the knife and stalked toward the glowing hole in the wall. "Agent Mode," he muttered as he knelt by the circuit panel. The inside of his gray visor lit up with schematics and calculations as he strove to find some way of contacting the other members of his squad. "Come on Dex ol' buddy don't let me..." Rick trailed off as he noticed the burgundy indicator flick on. He grinned and locked the teleporter he was working with onto the Red Base's frame. "Burgundy! Come in Agent Burgundy! Do you read?!" he called urgently. It took a moment, but Eagle's voice came though, faint but audible.

"Sure do Maroon. What's the deal? You wouldn't be calling if things were going..." Eagle began, but Maroon cut him off.

"We've been sideswiped." The line went, for lack of a better term, still. Then Burgundy snapped out,

"Black Alert," and the connection was cut. Maroon nodded and picked another frame at random to fiddle with... after marking the Blood Gulch frame of course. Burgundy would take care of letting Black know what happened... and then bring the heat.

/*/

Dex noticed immediately that his other teammates were nowhere to be seen whereas Church took a little longer. "Alright now let's just... where is everybody?" Dex groaned, hearing someone coming up behind them.

"This... is going to suck," he muttered, putting up his hands. He didn't bother asking where they were. It was cold, desolate, and felt far too much like Blood Gulch. It had to be another Sim. Base.

"Freeze! Drop your weapon!" shouted a rather unintelligent sounding trooper.

"Who are you?" Church asked, turning to the... white? Sim. Trooper.

"I said freeze, Dirtbag!" the soldier yelled. Church's body let out a beep, followed by a high-pitched 'eep,' and slammed the butt of his gun into Dex's gut. Church noted how much resistance Dex provided and mentally frowned. Based off the amount of activity and enthusiasm Church saw the orange solider exhibiting, he had expected the 'red' to be a bit... squishier. These musings were shelved as Dex groaned and Church could almost feel the Death Glare tm that the Red was directing at him.

"Really? Really? You couldn't control that?" he asked, even as he reluctantly handed over his weapons... his visible ones anyway. He still had a few knives, a flash bang or two, and a taser stashed in his left bracer. Still, he didn't like parting with his guns. As the white soldier shoved them into a jail cell, Dex couldn't help growling out, "You've just made your last mistake." Church shivered while the unnamed solider laughed.

"And what do you mean by that?" he asked. Dex chuckled darkly and motioned the man closer. Like the fool he was, the solider did just that.

"I'd suggest you say good bye to your friends and tell your girlfriend you love her... but you're not going to have the chance," Dex said, then yanked the soldier forcefully into the 'bars' of the cell. Church, if he could have, would have blinked in shock. As it was, he jumped back with a yelp. Dex chuckled darkly again and muttered, "Agent mode." Again, Church could only stare in shock as the Red changing in front of him. Agent Orange rolled his shoulders and nodded with a snort to the knocked out soldier on the floor. "Red Agents don't take well to being locked up, idiot," he growled.

"So... who are you really?" Church asked, then froze when he registered the gray visor directed at him.

"Agent Orange," the weapons master said, holding out a hand. Church would have swallowed heavily if he could, before taking the hand and giving it a firm shake.

"Private Leonard Church," he said. Dex grinned wildly under his helmet.

"Pleasure to meet you, Leonard," he said before tapping his radio and trying to contact the other members of Project Red. Church decided it would be better to let the rather intimidating man work in peace and retreated to the corner.

/?/

A/N: And here, we start to see bigger diversions from the original. Project Red is in the house!

A/N 2: Minor edits. Mostly spelling and some word choice. 8/19/16