Claimer: I own Marley and Project Red.
Disclaimer: Red vs Blue and Project Freelancer belong to Rooster Teeth. Halo belongs to Budgie and/or Microsoft. X-Box belongs to... eh. You get the idea.
Episode 24: Snow World's Mad Max
Orange eyed the guard at the end of the hall. Huh. Looks like the last one quit. And it had only been a few hours since they'd been captured. He grinned. Looks like he just broke his last record. He wondered how long it would take him to break this one. "Hey! Hey buddy! Yeah, you! Come here a second! Don't like yelling across the hall if I can help it!" he called.
"Oh no! I was warned about you! You sent Phil to the shrink! And the Doc! At the same time! I'm not going near you!" the guard yelled back, actually taking a step backwards. Orange groaned. It was no fun if they ran away before he could even get started!
"Oh come on! You're a Red! Red's don't treat teammates like this! Blues maybe but Reds? No way man! Come on! Let me out?" he yelled, reaching a hand plaintively between the bars of their cell.
"Thanks for the support, Orange. Way to be a team player," Church remarked dryly, leaning against the opposite wall. Orange sighed, his arm falling pathetically back down to his side, before he shook his head and sat back down.
"Eh, it was worth a shot. Besides, I've got a lot more people waiting on me than you," he said as he leaned his head back, though only he knew he said the last part with a smirk.
"There's no 'I' in 'Team', Orange," Church said. The smirk slid off Orange's face. Oh, no way was he using that one on him, uhn-uh, nope!
"Yeah? Well there's no 'U' either. So if 'I'm not on the team, and 'U're not on the team, then no-one is on the team! The team sucks!" he countered. 'Ha, take that Blue.' Church switched tracks.
"What I can't figure out is, why are the Reds still here?" he said, looking out between the bars. Orange blinked. Huh? "Tex already wiped out all the Blues. Why wouldn't they just pull out?" This made the Agent chuckle a bit.
"That... would be logical. As someone who's taken orders from Red Command for the past three years, I can honestly say... logic has no place with them," Orange told the Blue. Church hummed.
"Yeah. Sounds a lot like Blue Command too," he admitted. Orange smirked. Another Blue might just be tearing down the illusion. Sweet.
/*/
Meanwhile, in The Teleporter Nexus... "Alright. I've set the coordinates to Sidewinder. Everybody ready?" Rick asked, standing opposite the teleporter he'd rigged.
"I'm not going through that thing," Tucker said, adamant. Rick decided, a helmet look wasn't going to cut it, and took the thing off to properly glare at Tucker.
"You're going through even if I have to bodily toss you, Blue. Now get!" he growled, jabbing a finger at the teleporter.
"Funny. That's exactly what I told him," Eagle remarked, still happily sitting on an upper walkway, rifle sitting quite naturally in his hands. "Only, I had Lucky out," the sniper finished, patting said rifle fondly. Rick pondered this, head tilted to the side, then stood up straight and pulled out three knives. In each hand. Tucker gulped and ran through the teleporter. The scream of pain and disbelief was loud enough they heard him through the teleporter.
"Well, you know what they say, 'ladies first,'" Rick remarked darkly, a feral smirk on his face as he regarded the teleporter, before turning to Tex. "If that saying offends you, go ahead and kick Caboose through ahead of you," he said, smirk lightening and a mischievous twinkle entering his eye. Marley would have been proud.
"No. I'll go," Tex said, walking calmly through the teleporter.
"Geronimo!" Eagle yelled, flying through as he jumped from his perch.
"Go on Blue!" Rick said, pushing Caboose.
"See you on the other side!" Sarge told his second in command before he too crossed through. Rick smiled at the teleporter.
"I gotta tell Marley thanks for all those crash courses in teleporter technology," he said before finally crossing over to Sidewinder.
/*/
Bored out of his skull, Dex decided to start singing. "Nobody knows the trouble I've seen~. No body knows but Jesus~."
"Would you shut up?" Church asked, apparently over his whole 'Orange is a crazy, creepy, scary, discount Freelancer!' thing.
"Sure sure... as soon as you find me a metal cup to drag across the prison bars," Dex said with a nod, smirking under his helmet.
"Please... stop. Just... stop," Church moaned, dropping his head into his hands. Dex chuckled.
"As a Blood Gulch Blue, I wouldn't expect you to understand," he said. Church would have given him an odd look, if their attention hadn't been grabbed by a fire fight not far from their cell.
"What's going on out there?" Church asked, standing quickly. Dex chuckled, climbing to his feet at a slightly more leisurely pace.
"Well, it could be one of two things. A, our guys have come to bust us out. Or b, Tex came back to finish clearing out Sidewinder," he said, then chuckled again at the shudder the thought of Tex going on a rampage got out of Church. Man, he really liked riling the Blue up far too much. Glory to the Red Team! Whoo!
"I don't know. Sounds like whoever's fighting them is winning. Couldn't possibly be our guys," Church said, then froze. "Oh no! It's Tex! She's gonna kill us!" Dex rolled his eyes.
"No. She'll let us out then kill us... or make us her slaves. Also... your guys would be loosing, my guys wouldn't be making this kind of noise. There would be either a lot more explosions and laughter, or it would be silent. If it were Rick and/or Frank, it would be pretty much silent. With Red thrown in... well. Let's just say Red has a thing for shotguns and insulting one liners," he said. Church stared at him.
"That... is simultaneously the coolest and scariest thing I've ever heard. Mostly due to your matter-of-fact delivery," he said. Dex shrugged.
"I try," he said with a smirk. "Hey! Screw! Aren't you going to try and help? Oink Oink!" Orange yelled at the guard, who shook his head and ran off.
"What was the 'oink oink' for?" Church asked. Dex shrugged again.
"I don't know. Felt like it," he said. Church shook his head. This guy... They heard a punch land and a single set of footsteps headed their way. A moment later there was a click and a white armored SPARTAN appeared in front of their cage.
"Hello, Church," he said in a British accent. Dex tensed. Marley had told him about the Freelancers, and only one of them had a British accent. 'But what is Wyoming, one of their top Agents, doing here?' the Red Agent pondered, not to fond of the idea that Freelancer Agents were nosing about. Not that Tex was much different, but she was... well. She was Tex, and Tex was special. Always had been. Not as special as Hawaii, but not every state could claim surfing and volcanoes as state trademarks. Or was Hawaii awesome and Texas special? Oh wait! Church was talking.
"Wyoming? What are you doing here?" Church asked, confirming his identity. Dex shot him a look, but refrained from speaking. Something told him, Church would be able to get more out of the Freelancer than he would. And he certainly wanted information from this crazy Freelancer.
"I've been hired to do a job with your little friend Tucker. Seems he's discovered some information someone else isn't happy about," the sniper said. Dex felt his eye twitch.
"Okay, who's this Cracker?" he asked, not passing up the chance to call the Freelancer a derogatory name.
"Eh, he's just some scumbag bounty hunter that was in the same division as Tex," Church answered, and Dex twitched again. Was that all Church thought it was? How could he not even know what his ex-girlfriend was mixed up with?! Especially as he seemed the obsessive type.
"Ah yes. Dear Tex," Wyoming drawled. Dex fought back a growl. This haole was really getting on his nerves! He was actually enjoying the prospect of killing! Not to mention the mental torture this must be giving Church, knowing his team was in danger and he couldn't do anything. "After I take care of your little friend Tucker, I'll be taking care of her as well."
"When I get out of here..." Church tried to threaten, but Wyoming cut him off like the jerkwad he is.
"But you won't. Everyone here is dead now. No-one even knows where you are," the white armored Freelancer declared. Dex nearly snorted at that. He knew about the homing device in Church's mechanical body after all, and he'd heard it activate. Project Red, and likely the Blues, knew where they were and one way or another, they were going to get out of here. "So now I suppose you'll just have to stave to death. Ha ha ha! Cheerio!" Wyoming said before running off. Church immediately turned to Dex.
"We gotta find a way to escape, Orange," he said. Dex shook his head.
"Since we're going to be working together, and I'm not on a job right now... call me Dex. Way easier," he said.
"O... kay? We need..." Dex held up a hand, cutting the Blue off.
"Heard you the first time Church. Heard you the first time. And... you have a homing device in your armor that's already been activated. We don't need to find a way to escape... unless you're going stark raving mad and don't think you can wait two to three more hours for my guys to find us. Then, by all means. Find a way to escape," he said. Church huffed and went to plot in the corner.
/*/
Rick blinked and dodged out of the way of a black fist. "Whoa! Hey! Watch the visor!" he remarked, bobbing to the side. The armor growled and the Agent rolled his eyes.
"I hate you," Tucker ground out, like he was chewing his words before spitting them out. Rick shrugged.
"Hey, you wanna save your pal? This was the only way to get to him. Especially if you wanted to get to him quickly. As in before he gets captured, imprisoned, and tortured to the brink of insanity for information he likely doesn't even have," he said. Burgundy snorted.
"You suck at motivational speeches," he remarked. Rick shrugged.
"Eh, I wasn't trying to be motivational. I was just trying to get him to see enough of my side not to attempt taking my head off. Attempt being the key word there," he countered, dodging another swipe. "Oi! What did I say about the visor buddy?" he quipped, dodging around another jab.
"Tucker! I am so glad to see you! Here, let me help you..." Caboose started, but got cut off by Burgundy humming, grabbing the still fuming Tucker and tossing him in a snowbank, then rubbing his 'face' in it.
"Whoa. Issues anyone?" Rick asked, quirking an eyebrow at his unusually violent teammate.
"This guy... oh, this guy," Burgundy ground out. "He wouldn't stop complaining about everything man! 'My back hurts, my leg itches, these stitches ache, the sun's bright, where's Church?' UGH! He was driving me mad!" Rick hummed 'sympathetically.'
"Oh, the horror," he drawled. Burgundy growled.
"Dex on his birthday. Times two. With no beer," he said. Rick winced with a hiss.
"Okay. I see what you mean. Yikes."
"Um-hum," Burgundy said before walking out of their cave. Rick shook his head and pulled Tucker out of the snow. Funnily enough, the black stuff had come off. "You're welcome!" Burgundy shouted over his shoulder. Rick shook his head.
"That guy..." he muttered, then turned to Red. "So. What's the plan?"
"First, we need to locate Lopez and get our battle plans out of his head. Then we can take down O'Malley and head home!" Red responded. Rick sighed, shaking his head.
"Avoiding Dex isn't going to make the reckoning any better Red. We should find Dex and Church first, knock O'Malley out, grab Lopez, and then head home. Where I will then proceed to make popcorn and watch Dex lay you out like Sunday diner before dropping you like third period French," he said.
"Right. I suppose we could get Dex," Red relented, though Rick though he could hear a slight wince in the Sargent's voice. He smirked. Count on Dex to annoy Sarge without even being there.
/*/
Church sighed. Nothing for it. He'd have to go ghost. "Okay Dex. I've been putting off something I could do to get us out. But I have to warn you, it might scare ya a little bit," he said. The other man scoffed.
"I faced down Covenant Hordes and angry androids. You're not going to scare me," he said. Church shrugged.
"Okay then. Here goes," he said and prepared to jump out of his body when the door opened.
"Wow. Telekinetic abilities. Nice. Kinda scary but... nice," Dex remarked. Church was confused. Who opened the doors?
"No. That wasn't me. Someone on the outside must have opened them," he remarked. Dex shrugged.
"Who cares? They're open. Let's go," he said and walked on out. Church shrugged and followed. Who was he to look a gift horse in the mouth?
/*/
While Church was running, fanatically thinking of a way to save Tex from Wyoming, and Dex was following, wondering when they'd meet up with the others, said others were getting gloated at by O'Malley. Tex was nowhere to be seen, like usual. "Ah-HAHAHAHA! You fools have fallen right into my trap! Now you will see the folly of your follies!" the mad A.I. yelled
"O'Malley... you're a few apples short of an orchard," Rick remarked, still in his Agent armor. O'Malley paused, looking at the group.
"Where did you two come from? And where are..." he asked, pointing at Burgundy and Maroon, but got cut off by Burgundy.
"Spaceship," the sniper said, pulling out his favorite Blood Gulch rifle, Lucky.
"ANYWAY! Now that we're all working together... there's a slight possibility that you're going down, O'Malley. With this much incompetency, there's no telling what might happen!" Rick yelled.
"Fools! My metallic friend is the only alley I need! Lopez! Activate weather control routine!" O'Malley countered. Lopez nodded with an 'okay' and began to glow before lightning sparked around him and then floating, light orange, symbols started slowly circling around him.
"Not gonna lie. That... is pretty dang awesome right there," Eagle said, watching the light show.
"Careful there Burgundy. Your farm boy is showing," Rick warned, though he had to admit, it was rather impressive. He ignored the glare he felt from Eagle and asked, "Are those runic symbols a sign of some ancient technology?"
"No. I used to draw them in my binder during study hall! I always wanted to use them for something. Aren't they cool?!" Doc answered, causing the Red Agent to blink. Huh, looked like the medic was still hanging on in there. Good to know. 'Huh. Doc must have better mental discipline that I gave him credit for,' Rick considered, 'being able to fight of an A.I, especially an A.I like Omega, is no small feat.'
"Shut up!" O'Malley hissed.
"Oh Sampson's back hair! They've discovered our secret weapon!" Sarge exclaimed.
"Wait... when was this?! Why did I not know of this!? Sarge... what did you do?!" Rick demanded, turning to his CO.
"I developed a weather control device, but I was missing one critical piece of technology to make it work!" Sarge said over Rick.
"WHEN?! And WHAT!?" the maroon soldier asked, nearing hysteria.
"When I was building Lopez of course," Sarge answered calmly. Rick snarled.
"Of course. How would I have been so blind," he remarked scathingly. Sarge actually flinched from the venom in his second in command's voice.
"Yes! And now that I have found those 'D' batteries, the universe will be mine! Mwahahahaha!" O'Malley declared, then stared in shock as the suck up grabbed his commanding officer and body slammed him into the ground. "Um..." the A.I. trailed off in confusion. Usually, it was him getting inside someone's head that made them act so out of character, but this... this was new.
"You crazy, stupid, shotgun obsessed, secret mad scientist!" the maroon soldier yelled, loud enough to be clearly heard over the wind, which was really starting to pick up. "Why did you make it powered by 'D' batteries?! And how could you not find any?! For a guy who can build robots practically in his sleep and rig up bombs and listening devices and a freaking weather control device you are, without doubt, among the stupidest dregs of the military! At least tell us when you're developing something as monumental as a weather control device! We could have splurged for some 'D' batteries and had a snow day! In Blood Gulch! The Blues would have surrendered just to get away from the heat and play in the snow for a day! But no! Sarge knows best! Sarge doesn't need to tell his subordinates things like that! Well ya know what? I'm gonna listen to Grif now! How do ya like them apples?!" he continued to yell, grinding his boot into Sarge's chest and driving the older man deeper into the snow.
"Wait... you seriously couldn't find 'D' batteries?" Tucker asked, so far past bewildered he'd passed right back into calmness.
"Only at gas stations, and..." Sarge began, only for Rick to slam his foot into his stomach and press, crouching down to get in his face.
"I said, we could have splurged! Our budget is good! We have the money, as crazy as that sounds. And easily half the components you used probably cost as much as twenty packs of gas station batteries you lug-nut!" Rick yelled, furious.
"This is better than HBO!" O'Malley remarked, "too bad I don't have any popcorn."
"YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!" Rick yelled, throwing four knives at the A.I. controlled medic, not even bothering to look away from Sarge. O'Malley managed to dodge, but he was now wary of the slightly crazed soldier. Those knives were very accurate for such a distance, not to mention a blind throw, and mostly accounted for his dodges. No doubt about it. That man was dangerous. That was when Church ran up to Tucker.
"Hey man, who's screaming? Led us right to you," he asked, only to get distracted by a hiss behind him. Turning, he saw Dex looking toward... "Why is Simmons pinning Sarge to the snow? And where did all those knives come from?"
"I was afraid of this," Dex muttered before he started jogging toward his teammates. "Yo! Sorry to break up the rant session, which I think is way overdue to be honest, but we've kinda got a Code Freelancer on our hands. Not to mention a Code Seven right in front of us. So... mind finishing this after we take down O'Malley?" he said. Rick snarled, but got off Sarge.
"Go Agent Mode, Red," he growled, pulling out more knives. Sarge complied, his armor gaining gray accents and a gray visor, along with a slightly more streamlined look like the other Agents. Church shook his head.
"I'm lost," he muttered.
"Make you a deal. You tell us about Freelancer, we'll tell you about us," Dex offered. Church shrugged.
"Not much of a deal, but better than nothing. You got a deal," he said, holding out his hand. They shook on it, then scattered as O'Malley got tired of waiting and fired a rocket at them.
"You foolish fools will never defeat me!" the A.I. boasted. Rick hummed, grinning under his helmet.
"I take it you've never heard of Project Red," he remarked. Orange laughed and the Blues felt a chill go down their spines. It was almost like when O'Malley laughed with Doc's voice, only darker, more serious, and filled with promise. Grim promise, of pain and misery. It was unlike any laugh they'd ever heard.
"No. I don't think he has Maroon. Pity. He might have saved himself some pain if he had," Agent Orange remarked, cold as the snowy planet upon which he stood.
"Hey! Don't forget about us!" Church said, walking forward. Orange hummed.
"Yes... and we have you lot. Okay! Here's the plan. Church, you go with Burgundy, see if you can't get a vantage point on this guy and pin him down. Tucker! You take Caboose and Red, stop anyone from interrupting us! Maroon! You see if you can't find a way to extract Omega from Doc's mind. I'll distract him," he said, pointing to the soldiers as he spoke. Church seemed a little wary, but did as he was told. And that... was when everything went wrong at once. Again. Lopez's lightning struck Church, causing the bomb parts still in his armor to activate and start a one minute count down. Seeing this, Orange tackled O'Malley and knocked the poor medic out. "Red! Disarm that bomb!" he yelled. Red was already moving, and grumbled at the other Agent.
"Don't tell me what to do Grif."
"Technically, you're talking back to a senior Agent, Red. I could report you to Black," Maroon noted, watching Red take the panel off Church.
"Honestly, don't you even instal something above the waist?" a rather uncomfortable Church asked, trying not to shift too much while the red messed about down... he wished there was something he could focus on besides... that. There was a spark and Red stood up with a curse. "What? What's wrong?!" Church asked, panicking slightly. He didn't want to die! He had so much to live for!
"That lightning strike not only started the bomb, but it fused the detonator! It's impossible for me to disarm the bomb!" Red revealed. Maroon growled and pushed the other man aside.
"Let me see it!" he ordered, though by then he was already kneeling to get a better look. A few moments later and he too stood with a curse. "Unfortunately, I can't disarm this thing either! I modified it into a homing beacon, but had to leave some of the bomb components in there as we didn't have enough time for me to completely remove it! Sadly, this means that it's so messed up already, that there is no way to shut it off!" he said. Tucker stole O'Malley's rocket launcher off his unconscious body and pointed it at Church.
"Whoa! Tucker! What are you doing are you insane put that down!" Church rambled, feeling a bit hysteric himself.
"If I blow you up before the bomb goes off, there's at least a small chance the rest of us will live," Tucker said calmly. Orange palmed his visor and shook his head.
"Forget this, I'm taking a nap," he muttered, walking off to rest against a nearby rock. Maroon shook his head at his teammate, but went over to join him. If it had been a normal bomb, they might have been far enough away to escape serious injury, but seeing as this was a ten megaton bomb, all bets were off. "You did inform Marley of the situation before you came, right?" Dex asked Rick. The other man shrugged.
"Not really. Receptions a little spotty out here. Then again, this is Marley we're talking about. Something tells me she knows what's happening," he said. Dex nodded, humming slightly.
"Got a point there."
"But the rocket will kill me!" Church protested.
"Ten seconds!" Maroon piped up unhelpfully.
"You're going to die anyway when the bomb goes off," Orange pointed out, pulling out a knife and practicing flipping it around.
"What can I tell ya pal, misery loves company," Church remarked.
"Five seconds!" Maroon yelled.
"Sorry Church," Tucker said, moving to pull the trigger on the rocket launcher.
"Man this blows, you guys suck," Church remarked. And that was when Wyoming shot the rocket out of Tucker's hand.
"What the heck!?" Tucker yelled, looking up to the ridge where they could just barely make out the form of Wyoming against the snow. Mostly from his orange visor and black gun.
"Sorry Private Tucker, but I always get my man!" the Brit remarked, reloading. "Say good bye, Butch."
"Uh, guys? Sorry to interrupt but... zero seconds," Maroon said. Everyone scattered, bracing for detonation, but they got a dial tone instead.
"What? Oh son of a..." Church began, but was once again interrupted. This time by blowing up as the bomb components finally detonated.
/*/
The world turned white as ringing and pain took over his senses. Red knew he was delirious, but after a while, he could hear the others. "Bomb went off," he heard himself say, or did he just think it?
"Where are we? Are we dead?" Rick's voice said from somewhere to his left. Red couldn't help thinking, he sounded remarkably coherent for nearly getting blown to pieces.
"I don't want to be dead! I want to be alive! Or! A cowboy!" Caboose said, and his voice was also remarkably steady for the ordeal they went through.
"Dead! Aw man, tomorrow was all you could eat day at the chow hall! I wanted to challenge Dex to an eating competition," Eagle's voice whined.
"We're not dead. We're... I don't know where!" Red countered as the world turned white once more.
/*/
Pain. It consumed him. Red groaned and turned his head to the side, but even that hurt. "Welcome back to the world of the living, Red. You boys sure had an adventure, didn't you?" He knew that voice. He knew that voice!
"Black?" he croaked. Huh? What happened to his voice! It had been fine just a moment ago!
"Easy soldier. I had a time patching you up after that bomb went off. Sadly, O'Malley forced Medical Officer Defrense's body to leave before I arrived at the scene of the detonation. He's likely to also be alive, but it may take a while for me to track him back down. It seems he took Lopez with him. I'm sorry," Black said. Red groaned. Great. The psycho was on the loose and he couldn't even help hunt him!
"How... how long..." he tried, but the words didn't want to come out. A straw was inserted into his mouth by a familiar steady hand.
"You've been out for about five hours. It may take you a few days to a few weeks to get back to a hundred percent, it's all up to you," Black said, her youthful face sliding into view with a tired smile. "You lot were lucky that bomb wasn't any bigger, Red. You'd have been out far longer if it had."
"I built it as a ten-megaton," he admitted, then got smacked on his already tender head. "Yow!"
"You idiot! Even if that had been detonated in Blue Base while you were hunkered down at Red Base you'd still have needed me to patch you up! Sweet mother of Godiva Red, were you even thinking?!" Black scolded. Red felt himself flush.
"Rick..." he tried, once again, but Black was livid and beyond 'reason.'
"Oh, I'm sure he tried to make it right after he found out. He seems to be one of maybe three Blood Gulch Soldiers with even half a working brain that also have even a shred of self preservation instincts! If not for me, you'd probably be dead! Or at the very least in a coma! A long coma, like... three months! Good golly man, think before you bomb!" she ranted, eyes going just a little wild. Had he the option, Red would have backed away from the five foot two bundle of weapon toting feminine fury. As it was, he was flat on his back on an... was it an operating table or a bed? "Look at me when I'm talking to you Red!"
"What am I on?" he asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.
"Painkillers. Now tell me, do you have a lick of sense?" Marley remarked in an almost offhand manner. Red stared at her.
"Not what I meant. Is this a bed, or an operating table?" he asked again.
"Either or, depending on the situation. Now answer my question!" Marley barked, grabbing a randomly appearing lamp thing and shining it in his face.
"Gah! Yes! I have a lick of sense! Now get that infernal light out of my face!" Red yelled. Marley growled, but put the lamp back where she'd grabbed it from and sat down in her swivel chair with a huff, crossing her arms and legs. If Red hadn't known better, he'd have said she was pouting.
"Should have known you were the one to build that bomb. What set it off?" she asked, having apparently calmed down a little.
"It got hit by lightning," Red said, looking to the side where he could see his men, along with the Blues, laid out on similar bed/tables. Marley sighed.
"Right. Well, I've set a course for my armor supplier. He'll get you fixed up right. I'll have to ask you and my other Agents to go Standard though. The Director of Project Freelancer's going even further down the moral drain and this crew is about to be getting a lot more unwanted attention. Best if you lay low for a while," she said, looking at the other prone forms in the med bay aboard her ship. "Besides... I'm not quite ready for the Blues to know about us being... well. Us," she said. "It's much more fun to keep them guessing."
"What happened out there, Marley?" Red asked, ignoring her childishness for the moment. She snorted.
"You know as well as I do, Red," she said, turning back to him for a moment before picking up a syringe. "But I do know it's best if you go back to sleep for a while." Red tried to edge away, but she grabbed his unarmored arm in a vice like grip and the needle went in, releasing the tranquilizer into his blood stream and knocking him out within moments.
/*/
It was disorienting, waking up in a med bay after an explosion. "Sorry Red. It's for the best." Wait... was that... ? "Oh? They're waking up left and right."
"Marley," he wheezed, lolling his head to the right. Sure enough, there she was, smirking at him, pulling a syringe out of Red.
"Yeah. It's me. Pulled you out of a crater on Sidewinder. Do me a favor though and... don't let the Blues know about me? Or... at least... my involvement? And go Standard. Your crew's about to get a lot of unwanted attention. That means no missions, no interrogations, and no heroics. Unless it's Tex. Go ahead and help Tex," she said. Dex shrugged, as best he could.
"Sure thing. You gonna knock me out too?" he asked. She smiled softly and shook her head.
"I don't need to worry about you getting up and causing trouble for not only yourself but everyone around you," she said, grabbing an orange cup and handing it, along with a few pills he assumed were painkillers, to the grateful soldier.
"So, I get to watch you work until you drop us off at some random point in the galaxy?" he asked, kicking back the pills and then sipping his water slowly. Marley chuckled.
"Hardly. You get to sleep as much as you want and have your meals in bed while I keep the others sedated until I clear them for light duty again. Then, I'm going to drop ya'll off at an abandoned base where there's nothing to do but walk and talk and fix things," she said. Dex shrugged again, already closing his eyes.
"That sounds nice," he said muzzily before the dark embrace of sleep welcomed him like an old friend once again.
/*/
Marley watched Dex slip back into sleep before gathering his cup and completing her rounds. "How're my guys?" Flowdie asked softly, out of sight from any of the beds, just in case one of them were awake. Marley sighed, mixing the last cocktail and hooking it up to the last IV line.
"Good, all things considered," she said, looking them all over with a critical eye. "I just wish we could have gotten there in time to catch O'Malley."
"Could you have gotten him out of the medic?" Flowdie asked, walking in and wrapping his arms around Marley. He frowned and laid his head on her shoulder. "You're shaking," he whispered, concern thick in his voice. Marley whimpered, nearly collapsing into his arms.
"Stress. It's a killer," she said in a weak attempt at humor. Flowdie's frown deepened.
"Marlene... please," he breathed, nuzzling her. She sighed and turned around in his arms, throwing her own around his neck and burying her head in his chest.
"I could have lost them, Butch. I could have lost them all in a blink... and where was I? Halfway across the galaxy fighting grunts!" she whispered into the fabric of his shirt. Flowide sighed, but held her tighter.
"You were working, Marley. You were doing your job. They were doing theirs. You are not responsible for this," he said softly, rubbing a hand along her quivering back. She whimpered again, her shivers growing more pronounced.
"But I knew. I knew it would happen. And I left. I left right after patching Tucker up. I could have been there! You could have been there! Heck, George could have been there! Mich! Louie!" she ranted quietly. Flowdie's eyes widened as he felt something wet on his shirt. Surely she wasn't... ?
"Shush. What happened, happened and there's no changing it. The only thing we can do, is pick up the shattered pieces and move on. They're going to make it through, you know that. So stop fretting, and let's get them kitted out. Okay?" Flowdie said, pulling back a little and laying a finger over her mouth. He fought not to freeze at the sight of her tears, but it was a near thing. Never, never, had he seen Marley cry. Ever. It was... shocking to see such a strong woman reduced to tears like this.
"You're right. Of course you're right," Marley said, getting herself under control. "Thanks for the hug. I needed it," she said, voice still soft and subdued, before she vanished into the cockpit, leaving him alone with a bunch of unconscious Sim Troopers.
"Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on from time to time. And I'm happy to be yours, Marlene," Flowdie told the still air.
"Dude... you're sappy," Dex muttered sleepily. Flowdie jumped, surprised that someone was awake. "Chill. It's just me. Marley didn't give the others a chance to wake up. Of course, Red came to while she was preparing our tranquilizer, but eh, details."
"You're rather chatty for a guy who got blown up," Flowdie remarked.
"Eh eh eh!" Dex said, waggling a finger. "Blown up equals dead. I am not dead, ergo, I did not get blown up," he said, smiling widely once he finished.
"She's got you duped up on painkillers, doesn't she?" Flowdie remarked dryly.
"To the gills!" Dex answered, far to perky. Flowdie groaned and left the med bay.
"Do us all a favor and go back to sleep Dex," he said. The soldier laughed and called out after him,
"Okey-dokie Flowdie!" The ex-Freelancer shook his head.
"Note to self: stay away from drugged Sims," he muttered as he made his way to the on board gym.
/*/
When they landed and Dex was told this was their stop, he couldn't help giving Marley a bland look. "Yes. I know it's a desert, but come on! Think of all the running gags you could make out of this!" she defended.
"Like what? We got blasted into an even more post apocalyptic future where even the zombies got wiped out in a plague or something?" Dex asked. Marley nodded.
"That'll work," she said.
"You're nuts, ya know that?" Dex asked, helping unload Eagle. Marley shrugged.
"Eh, all the best people are," she remarked lightly. Dex shook his head and went back inside for Rick. Soon, the whole Blood Gulch Crew had been unloaded and scattered across a fifty foot area, though all of them were on their backs. Dex saluted Marley saying,
"So long and thanks for all the help," before he found a spot and lay down as well. Marley chuckled and shook her head before she got back on The Ghost and left them to their 'fate.'
"Have fun boys," she whispered as she departed. "And heaven help your enemies."
/*/
It took them between ten minutes to an hour before all the Reds were awake, and once they were, Dex proposed they play a trick on the Blues. "Say what?" Eagle asked with a grin when Dex told him the plan.
"We make the Blues think that the bomb destroyed the present and that, consequently, we were blasted into the future!" Dex said.
"Fudge it, I'm in!" Eagle said, raising a hand. Rick sighed, but agreed.
"How 'bout we make out that the whole Project Red thing was just a dream?" Red offered. Dex's grin turned savage.
"Oh... I could have some fun with that!" he remarked. "Let's do it!" And so, when Caboose woke up, they put their plan into action. It was laughably easy for them to convince the young man that not only was he in the future, but that there was no Project Red and they had used spray paint to make them look like they were a part of Project Red. The rest of the time was spent writing a play and looking around for weapons and or vehicles. A few minutes after Eagle finished his skit, Tucker woke up.
"Mug... ugh... uh. What happened?" the cyan soldier asked
"Oh hey! Guys! He's awake!" Eagle exclaimed, standing over the prone Blue.
"I still want to know why I don't get a laser gun," Dex grumbled, walking back over to where Eagle, Tucker, and Caboose were.
"Shut up, stupid," Rick shot back.
"Guys! Tucker's awake!" Eagle yelled, still looking at said Blue, who was starting to get a little weirded out.
"Huh?" Rick said, coming to stand over Tucker as well. "Hey hey, take it easy Tucker. You've been out a while," he told the Blue, seeing him trying to get up.
"And people think I'm lazy," Dex piped up, coming to stand behind Eagle and Rick. Tucker groaned, shaking his head as he stood, an SMG in his hands.
"What's going on?" he asked, looking around. "Who are you people?"
/*/
Dex was grinning. Oh man, this was awesome! It was going to be so easy to pull this off! Tucker already didn't know who they were. Though, he had a feeling the color scheme would tip him off. "Ah! He has amnesia!" decided Eagle, making Dex bite back a chuckle. "Tucker, don't worry. You are safe. We are the Reds. We are your mortal enemies," Eagle said, then paused. "Wait. That didn't sound right."
"Ya think?" Dex muttered as Caboose ran up and claimed Tucker's attention.
"Tucker! I am so glad you are alive," the simple soldier told him.
"Caboose? Still so dumb... but you look so different!" Tucker exclaimed.
"We're in the future!" Caboose 'whispered,' "things are very shiny here."
"I can't believe he bought that," Eagle whispered to Dex. The weapons expert nearly snorted.
"This is Caboose we're talking about. Of course he bought it."
"The future? Oh, I can't wait to hear this one," Tucker drawled. Red took that as his cue to drop down behind the confused Blue.
"Obviously, Lopez's weather matrix combined with the power of bomb twenty-one to create an explosion so large, it caused a temporal rift in time that cascaded through..." Red 'explained,' before Tucker cut him off.
"Whoa, wait a second wait a second... I don't understand. How are we in the future, and what happened to your armor?"
"Sarge! Can we do the skit now?!" Eagle asked, really excited.
"Yeah!" Caboose exclaimed.
"Yes!" Rick also exclaimed.
"I don't want to do that stupid skit," Dex complained.
"Alright. But only because I want to see Grif miserable!" Red remarked. "I miss the old days!"
"Yeah yeah, ham it up Red. As soon as we get back to Base... it's on," Dex said over their secure channel. Red swallowed heavily, a chill running down his back.
"Great! Places everyone!" Eagle called, the others scattering to do as he said. "The Red and Blue Players present a Franklin Doughnut play, written and directed by Franklin Doughnut, in association with Light Red Productions," he said.
"Can we just start?!" Sarge yelled at the soldier.
/*/
All too soon, in Dex's opinion, Eagle's play was ready and the 'curtain' was drawn back. Tucker looked about as interested as him, but stood there watching. Honestly, they didn't have anything better to do. "Aaannnd~! Action!" Eagle declared and Rick started them off.
"Hello weary traveler. We represent the time line," he said from his position to Dex's left, which would be the far right to Tucker.
"I am the past, where things cost less and people knew the value of a hard day's work," Red rumbled in his thick Southern accent. "But they only lived to be twenty-eight years old!"
"And I am the future, where people have no morals and no emotions, but we have a bunch of kick ass gadgets," Rick said.
"And I'm the present, which sucks. We have nothing cool and also no morals," Dex drawled. Eagle took over, declaring himself the 'helpful narrator, a faceless voice used by poor writers.' Dex had to wonder if he was intentionally poking fun at himself there. Seemed like something Eagle would do. He was amazingly sarcastic when he felt like it.
"You have a face," Tucker protested, then faltered, adding, "at least, I think you do." Dex smirked. Sure he had a face! It was just hidden behind a helmet that was part of an A.I. capable suit of battle armor. Eagle told him to shut up and stop ruining the play, which the Reds all knew was terrible anyway, and 'moved the story along.'
"Why does bad stuff always happen in the present?" Dex asked, though he was really wondering if they really had to use him as The Present. Why not Caboose? He was a natural disaster himself!
"Aw quit yer complaining," Red cut in, looking over toward Dex. "I have atrocities and a boatload of wars that seemed very important at the time, but now seem trivial and stupid."
"Yeah, and I have apocalypse. That's way worse than anything you two idiots have," Rick said, turning to face them as well. Red stared at the maroon soldier. He knew it was Rick, and while Rick was respectful, he didn't follow blindly... but seeing him as Simmons, calling him an idiot... That was new. "Sorry sir. That 'idiot' was in character," Rick said, and suddenly Red could go on.
"Oh. Well... bravo Simmons," he said, letting them know they could go on and get the stupid skit over with. Eagle popped back up and got them back on track. Then Caboose came out... and started reading the stage directions. Dex didn't know whether to palm his visor or laugh, or both, and settled for closing his eyes with a wry smirk. No-one had to know he was reacting to the idiot.
"Hello, I am stupid Private Tucker," Caboose said, "I am going to set off a big bomb now and totally mess things up for everyone!" Dex wasn't sure if the Blue was really mad at Tucker, or just really good at putting the right emotion into the dialogue, but ouch! "Because I am stupid! Turns around. Hello Present. I am going to set off a bomb in you."
"Don't do that, Stupid Private Tucker! That might kill me!" Dex retorted.
"Thinks about this... for a moment." Eagle ran up to the Blue, and feigned irritation. Though, to be honest, he thought Caboose's performance was wonderfully stupid and fit perfectly with the theme of the skit.
"Caboose! Stop reading your stage directions!"
"You told me I was supposed to read everything with my name in front of it!" Caboose countered in a 'whisper.'
"Just the lines, not the blocking," Eagle directed, though he was fairly sure Caboose would just ignore him. "You're ruining my big debut!"
"I do not think we are meshing artistically. I think you should talk to my agent," Caboose said.
"This is stupid. I quit," Dex said, thoroughly bored.
"You can't quit!" Eagle barked at him before turning back to Caboose and Tucker. "End scene! This has been a Franklin Doughnut production!" he said before running off. Likely to laugh his head off somewhere.
"Son," Red told Tucker, "you and your buddy Church set off a bomb that, when combined with the weather machinery in Lopez, made an explosion so large, it destroyed the present." Tucker stared at Red, uncomprehending.
"Destroyed the present? Then where are we?" Tucker asked.
"We're in the future, idiot," Rick stated blandly, as though this were the most logical explanation ever. Once again, Dex was fighting to keep from laughing at the poor Blue.
"Aren't we in the present right now? Aren't we always in the present?" Tucker argued. The Reds had to admit, he made a good argument. But, they kept up their little prank. Rick turned to Dex.
"Unbelievable. He can't cope with the loss," he said, "he's in denial."
"That is so sad," Dex remarked sadly, shaking his head.
"Son, yer not listening," Red said, still trying to 'explain.' "The present has been destroyed! It no longer exists! We are in the future!"
"Aaaaahhhhhh haaaaaaaa! That makes no sense!" Tucker complained. This coming from the guy who thought he went back in time after going through a teleporter for the first time... was rather ironic.
"I'm attempting to make a short film to explain it. Tom Cruz has the script and I hear he's very interested," Eagle said.
"You're telling me a bomb sent us into the future?" Tucker asked, sounding like he might be considering the possibility.
"Yeah. Luckily, Church was facing forward when the bomb went off, and we were standing in front of him, so that sent us forward in time," Rick said.
"Of course he was facing forward! What other way can people face?" Tucker asked.
"You see? That's what I meant by luckily," Rick remarked.
"What happened to Church?" Tucker asked.
"Hum. Never really thought about him," Red admitted. Dex rolled his eyes. Of course not.
"Yeah. Weird. I guess he's dead," Rick said. Dex snorted.
"Yeah. That's what usually happens when you're at ground zero during an explosion," he said.
"Yeah. Sounds good. Let's go with that," Red chimed in. But Tucker kept on.
"He could be hurt and trapped in the present." Dex quirked an eyebrow at this.
"That's impossible son," Red began. 'Yeah, because this isn't as long after the explosion as we're making it out to be,' thought Dex. "The present doesn't exist anymore! What you're proposing just isn't very good science."
"Don't you see? If Church was facing forward during the explosion, and that blew us into the future, that could mean that he was blew backward into the... oh no!" Tucker exclaimed. Dex felt as if his eyebrow was stuck in the 'eh?' position. Tucker was actually putting thought into this totally crazy, completely bogus idea? Wow. Blue Team everybody, and this is the smart one. Round of applause!
"Backwards into what?" Red asked. "The wall? A broom closet?"
"A big rock?" Dex added.
"Another big rock?" Caboose asked.
"No!" Tucker exclaimed. A beat later he explained, "the past!" Dex blinked.
"Yeah. I don't know about that. But! It is an interesting theory," he allowed. Looking about, and thoroughly done with this conversation, Red decided the best thing to do would be to find shelter for the coming night. He said so, and everyone agreed, splitting up to search their surroundings.
/?/
A/N: And there you go. The end of the Sidewinder Arc. And the Reds being Trolls. That is the correct use of that term right? Anyway, let me know what you thought of this extra long chapter in the review box below.
A/N 2: While reading back over this, I thought about putting more detail into Eagle's play... but then the Dex in my head said 'eh, why bother. Let's just move on,' and there wasn't anyone around to smack him and say, 'I care, now add some detail!' so yeah. Dex won.
Spelling and continuity, plus some grammar somewhere I'm sure, have been fixed. 8/20/16