Disclaimer: I don't own RvB.
Episode 31: Into the Great Unknown
Red stared at Dex. The soldier was sitting, hunched over, in the corner, hugging his knees and staring at the concrete floor of the base. In short, Dex looked completely and utterly defeated. Seriously, Red had never seen Dex so crushed. The only saving grace the Sargent could see in the situation was that Dex still had his helmet on. But still... "Wow. I've never seen Dex look so crushed," Rick remarked, stepping up beside his official CO. Red nodded.
"I think... turning Kai over to the Blues was harder on him than he made it out to be," he said softly. Rick hummed.
"Maybe," he allowed, then shook his head. "Sargent... I have an idea." Red turned to the maroon Agent, quirking a hidden eyebrow. "Permission to attempt contact with Emoland?" Rick asked, jerking a thumb over toward the corner. Red chuckled, but nodded. Giving a nod of thanks, Rick sauntered over toward Dex. "Oi! Orange Baron! Ya gonna sit there and mope all day, or are we gonna see if we can't get Eagle out of the caves?" Dex twitched. "Come on! If you can get the Pelican working, we can move it to a better spot and use Eagle's entry point to get a rope down there. If we lower the rope from where he fell, we'd have a higher chance of finding him within the next week." Dex twitched again, and lifted his head.
"You pilot the Pelican, Maroon. I... I don't think I'm up to it," he said and the tone of his voice made Rick flinch. He sounded even worse than he looked.
"Dex... come on man. What's eating at you?" Rick asked.
"Well... I just found out that my sister not only joined the army, but that she's on the opposite team, doesn't have a lick of training because she more than likely stole someone else's orders and Pelican, and then, I had to shoot at her! So excuse me while I try to pull the shattered pieces of my soul back together," the man said, turning back to the floor. Rick sighed.
"Alright. That is pretty bad. But Dex... Eagle looks up to you. He respects you. Trusts you. Heck, I think he sees you as a big brother! Can you honestly, in good conscience, leave him down there in the caves with snakes and bugs and bats? Would you want him to leave you there, if your roles were reversed?" Dex growled as he pushed himself to his feet.
"Darn you and your reverse psychology. Alright, grab the rope, we're gonna need all of it," he said before he stalked off toward the ship. Rick smirked under his helmet and headed toward storage to get the rope, clapping Red on the shoulder as he passed.
"How'd you do that?" Red asked in a harsh whisper as he followed Rick. The IT wizard chuckled.
"Eh, I just appealed to his nobler nature," he said. Red shook his head.
"Never pegged you as a psychologist, Rick," he remarked following the other man. Rick chuckled.
"Don't need a degree to mess with peoples' heads, Red. You of all people should know that," he said.
/*/
The ship was in pretty bad shape. Dex sighed as he looked the wreak over. "Dang it, Kai! Why did you have to try flying a Pelican without training? Even I'd crash it without some sort of training," he muttered, then chuckled. "What am I saying? Even with a tutorial program I might... no... would crash it trying to land." He sighed and went inside to check the flight systems. Luckily, they were intact. He set about turning the thing on. He was nearly done with the start up sequence by the time Red and Rick, loaded down with all the rope they had in the Base, reached him.
"How's it look, Dex?" Rick asked, dumping his load and coming to sit in the co-pilot seat.
"Well, the hull's battered, the landing gear is jammed, and various bits and bobs are out of place and dinged up, but all in all," Dex said, punching the last button and firing up the ship's engines, "rumbles just like my first car," he finished with a smirk. Rick chuckled.
"Well, before we take off and need to make another crash landing," he stood and started back out, "let's see what we can do about that landing gear, eh?"
"I never knew you were Canadian. Why don't you tell us these things Rick?" Dex said, shutting the ship down and following him out.
"Dutch. Irish. Jerk," Rick remarked, already pulling out his tools to get to work on the Pelican's jammed gear.
"I know you are, but what am I?" Dex asked, grinning as he pulled at a piece of twisted metal. Rick snarled.
"Oh, you are so funny," he said. There was a loud CRUNCH! and the landing gear pushed out. Dex grinned and dashed back inside, starting the ship's systems back up, retracted the landing gear, and fired up the engines.
"Rick! Red! Get your rope out of the ship! I'm gonna move it behind the Base!" he yelled. He waited until acknowledgment lights flicked twice on his HUD before he took off and flew the Pelican the short distance from the crash site to behind the Red Base. When he returned, Rick and Red had already tied the rope together. "Alright, I'll act as anchor while you guys go get Eagle."
"Oh no! We've already anchored the rope to that there rock! Yer coming down with us," Red said, pointing to a large rock three feet away. Dex sighed, slumping slightly.
"Right. Down into the no doubt bat infested caverns I go. Hope you're happy," he grumbled, grabbing the rope and hopping down the hole, holding tight. Rick watched him repel down, a little in awe. He had honestly expected Dex to argue, or demand to go last, second at best, not to take the initiative and go down first.
"Ya know, it's at moments like this that I'm forcefully reminded of just how wrong I was about Grif," Red said, also watching the orange soldier as he descended.
"And here I thought you'd learned to stop thinking of him as..." Rick began.
"Only Grif, I know," Red said with a sigh, shaking his head. "It's just so hard, going against three years of learned behavior." Rick sighed, shaking his head as well.
"But as much as orange means Grif, it means Dex, Red. You can't forget that because otherwise, eventually, he'll snap. Well, more than he already has. And when that day comes... well. I've got an eulogy all thought out. A few edits to make it current, and hey presto! Instant funeral," he said, then slid down the hole, grabbing the rope on his way down. Red winced, but followed a moment after. Sometimes, he hated when his subordinates were right.
/*/
As soon as the black figure realized it'd been spotted, it open fired on the Blues. "RETREAT!" bellowed Church, running for cover behind the Base. Tucker screamed as he ran while Caboose kept repeating something that sounded like 'take bar.'
"Who is that?" Kai asked, following the running Blues.
"That's Tex," Tucker told her, hunkering down as he ran.
"Whoah, he's a badass," Kai said as a bullet skimmed over her shoulder. One of Tex's bullets caught Caboose, but instead of crumpling in pain like Kai half expected him to, he just said 'ow' and kept on running. "He's kinda hot," Kai finished, taking cover behind the Base with the rest of her new squad.
"Tex isn't a guy, she's a girl," Tucker corrected.
"Oh, sorry. She's a badass. She's kinda hot!" Kai amended, standing by her first assessment. Nothing wrong with admiring another woman for her strong character after all.
"She's actually Church's ex-girlfriend," Tucker told her.
"Oh yeah?" Kai remarked as more bullets slammed into the concrete of the base. "Why aren't you guys dating anymore?" she asked, only partially sarcastic.
"Are you seriously asking that question right now?" Church asked, a little panicked. Kai shrugged. What other time was there if they were likely to die today?
"Last time I was shot, I got a Purple Heart. Yeah, uh, I hope this time, I get a Purple Lung. You see, eventually, I... I hope to build an entire purple person. And we will be best friends," Caboose said from Kai's left.
"Maybe you should ask for a purple brain," Tucker muttered. Caboose turned to him and said, in a rather aggravated tone,
"You're just jealous 'cause you have no friends." Tucker, with the skill of long practice, ignored Caboose and asked,
"Why is she shooting at us?" Church turned to look at him, and Kai had a feeling he was giving the other soldier a baleful look.
"How should I know? And why are you acting like this is unusual?" Blue Leader asked. Kai quirked her own eyebrow. Huh. Perhaps this was why Tex and Church broke up.
"Well, go out there and tell her to stop," Tucker said, like it was the easiest and most logical step to take. A couple of bullets flew over the concrete ridge they were taking shelter behind.
"Yeah. I'll get right on that," Church said sarcastically. Kai regarded him with slight curiosity.
"Uh, aren't you like, the leader or something?" she asked.
"Uh... yes, Kai, I am the leader. Which is why I am officially appointing you our Field Negotiator," Church responded, a little frantic toward the end.
"Awesome!" Kai said, grinning. Wait until she told... The smile dropped from her face. She didn't have a brother here, not now. She couldn't tell him she had gotten her first official job title. This... wasn't going to be as awesome as she had thought.
"Yes, congratulations. We're all very proud of you. Your first job is to get Tex to stop firing at us," Church said, still rather heavy on the sarcasm.
"Cool," Kai said, then stood up. Right in the path of the bullets. "Hey, Tex! Stop firing you stupid witch!" she yelled.
"Nice negotiating," Tucker said. Kai held off on giving him the stink eye for the sarcasm she was starting to see was a trend on Blue Team.
"Well, she's not firing. I think that actually worked. Let me check," Church said, sounding hopeful. However, when he stood up, he got shot in the head. His body fell to the ground while a translucent figure was left standing. "Nope, she still has ammo," he remarked, sounding resigned. Kai felt her heart speed up and her eyes go wide. A ghost. Church was a ghost. Holy moly, she was on a team with a freakin' ghost! Did Dex know about this? If he did, why did he leave her here?!
"Nice recon work." It was Tucker's heavily sarcastic remark that drew Kai back into what was all too swiftly becoming her reality.
"I'm gonna go get my body back," Church said, tromping off to reclaim the empty shell that Kai now realized was a robotic body.
"Yeah, good idea," Tucker told him.
"I'm on a team with crazy," Kai quietly told herself, not quite believing that these were actually soldiers.
/*/
Dex's feet hit rock and he immediately flicked on his helmet lights. "I. Freakn'. Hate. Caves," he growled, Rick landing not too long after.
"I know big guy. Just keep it together until we find Eagle, alright?" he said, clapping Dex on the shoulder.
"If the bats come for me... I'm tripping you and getting the heck out of dodge," Dex muttered as Red landed and turned on his helmet lights as well.
"Nice to know you care," Rick remarked lightly. Dex snorted and tried to hail Eagle over the radio, to no avail.
"Canyon take it all! Something's wrong with Eagle's radio. We're gonna have to do this the old fashioned way," he remarked. He turned to his teammates. "Comms check. Rick, you good?" he said, switching off his external speaker and just using his radio.
"A~firmative," Rick said, pulling one of his knives, a balisong, and flipping it about. Dex could now all-too-easily picture the easy, cocky grin on Simmons' face.
"Red?" he asked, turning to his official CO and trying to block the image of a smugly grinning Simmons from his mind. It was a mildly unsettling image.
"I thought I was the Commanding Officer here," the southerner remarked, but used his comm as confirmation. Dex chuckled.
"Oh, you are. I'm just that cocky jerk who questions everything and everyone while believing that his plans should be heard before they're discarded," he said, then became serious once more. "I'll take North-Northeast."
"North," Rick said.
"North-Northwest," Red said as he began to walk.
/*/
Meanwhile, Church had gotten his body back and was asking Tucker if it was on straight. "Dude, I don't even know what that means," the cyan trooper told his comrade. Just then, Tex ran around the concrete ridge, gun pointed in their general direction.
"Freeze! Nobody move," she ordered. Of course, Tucker just had to comment on this command.
"We're already not moving. You could have just said, 'everybody keep doing what you're not doing'," he said. He was rewarded with Tex's gun moving to more accurately aim at him and a barked,
"Shut up!"
"Whatever," Tucker muttered, turning away from her.
"Tex, what is your problem?" Church asked. Even Kai could see this might not have been the best way to approach the subject.
"My problem, is that O'Malley isn't in Doc any more. He's jumped into somebody else, and I'm not trustin' anybody. Not until I find out who," Tex said sharply, still holding her gun in a threatening manner.
"Yeah, we already know all that. We're on top of the situation," Church said.
"You are?" Tex remarked, sounding a little surprised. "Then who did O'Mally jump in to?"
"Oh. Yeah. I meant, we were no top of everything up until that point," Church amended, having the good grace to sound a little ashamed.
"Typical," Tex drawled.
"Who's O'Malley?" Kai asked.
"Eah, it's just some computer program that wants to destroy the universe. He infects people around here from time to time, but neh, it's no big deal," Tucker said by way of explanation.
"Sounds scary," Kai remarked blandly.
"Naw, it's all good ba... er... Kai. We'll look out for you," Tucker said, hastily amending what he had been about to say. Visions of angry big brothers with heavy artillery tend to put a damper on flirting.
"None of us are infected, Tex. But I am a little worried about the tank. She's been actin' really weird lately. Can an A.I. Implant in a... Tex?" Church began, trailing off when he noticed his ex-girlfriend staring at Kai.
"Who's the girl?" Tex asked, causing Kai to flinch slightly. Luckily, it didn't translate to the armor.
"What? Who, Kai? Oh, she's just a new recruit," Church said.
"You mean to tell me I'm only gone a few weeks, and you guys get yourselves a new girl?" Tex asked, sounding rather insulted. Kai blinked.
"Oh. Um..." Church trailed off awkwardly.
"Whoa. Tread lightly dude, tread lightly," Tucker said, backing up and away from Church.
"You know, I wasn't actually scared, until right, just now," Caboose said, mimicking Tucker.
"I'm Kaikaina Grif!" Kai said, bouncing forward with her hand out. Tex started slightly.
"Grif?" she repeated, looking toward Church.
"Yeah... she's the orange one's little sister. He was very clear that we shouldn't let anything bad happen to her," he told Tex.
"Okay then," Tex said, stepping back. Kai blinked. Wait... what?
/*/
It took a while, but eventually, Red found Eagle. "Eagle!" he called. The burgundy Agent turned quickly, giving his CO a lazy half salute.
"Hey Red," he said, "what're you doing down here?"
"Looking for you," Red told him. Eagle shrugged.
"Here I am. Wanna see what I found?" he asked, already loping off. Red let out an aggravated sigh, but followed, radioing Rick and Dex as he went.
"You find him Red?" Dex asked. It might have been Red's imagination, but he thought the other man might have been highly annoyed. 'Must be the possibility of bats,' Red thought, brushing it off.
"Yep," he told Dex.
"Transmit your coordinates, we'll come to you," Rick said.
"Oh yeah, and I left a beacon at the rope, so we can easily find our way back topside," Dex added.
"Good work Dex. Eagle says he's found something, so we're on the move," Red told them. Twin sighs came over the radio.
"Just... transmit when you get to a good spot alright?" Dex asked.
"Right. Stand by," Red said, then shut off his radio.
"Look," Eagle said, pointing to a structure that looked like...
"Is that a Blue Base?" Red asked, staring.
"Yes. And that..." Eagle said, shifting the angle of his arm.
"A Banshee? What's that doing down here?" Red asked, now rather concerned. "Why didn't you..."
"My radio broke in the fall," Eagle said, anticipating Red's question. Nodding, Red called it in to The Ghost.
"Oh. Yeah. Um... there were a couple Elites looking for Flowdie's body, but it isn't there, because he's alive and... there's no telling what they might have done. Or will do. Thanks for the reminder. I'll let Dex and Rick know. Hopefully, they won't get drugged via Needler," Marley said, then cut out. Red sighed.
"Shoulda known. It's a Wednesday," he remarked.
/*/
Meanwhile, Doc was returning from his 'session' with Sheila. "Okay, I talked to Sheila. You guys were right; she definitely seems a little odd," he told the assembled Blues, not noticing Kai.
"Yup, so what do you think?" Church asked, turning to him.
"I... think there's something wrong?" Doc said. He wondered if Church was being stupid on purpose. Probably not, but hey, ya never really knew around here.
"That's your diagnosis? That's why we sent you down there, man! Because we knew something was wrong," Church said. Doc frowned under his helmet. Fair turn about was one thing, condescension was another. And he'd gotten rather good at telling the two apart. 'Huh. Maybe O'Malley did some good after all,' Doc considered, not for the first time.
"I'm a medic," he said slowly and emphatically, "what do you want from me?"
"How about fixing her?" Church suggested. Doc regarded him blankly.
"Well, surprisingly, my medical training didn't cover internal combustion," he said levelly, trying to keep the sarcasm out of his voice. He was met with limited success.
"What a crummy medical school," Church complained, apparently missing something. Doc nearly glowered at him.
"Yeah, where'd you go, the University of Jamaica?" Tucker couldn't help jibing.
"Oh please," Doc scoffed, "I wouldn't be caught dead on that campus. I went to Jamaica State! Who's Jamaica State's Fighting Irish?" Church and Tucker shared a look before turning back to him.
"That's Notre Dame," Church told him tonelessly.
"Well, since we're international, we don't really have to adhere to the U.S. Copyright laws. So..." Doc said, but got cut off by an impatient Church.
"Never mind. Just go back down there and see if you can reboot Sheila," he told the hapless medic.
"Reboot her?" asked Doc, mildly incredulous.
"Yeah dude, that's how you fix broken stuff. You turn her off, and then you turn her back on again. She'll be fine," Tucker said.
"I don't think that'll work," Doc told them flatly.
"Uh, pardon me, it works great. We already rebooted the toaster, we rebooted the teleporter," Church said, beginning to list what they had 'rebooted.'
"Yeah, I still don't know it that thing has all the bugs worked out," Tucker said, turning to said teleporter. Doc was fairly certain he was glaring in it's general direction. Weird.
"We even rebooted Caboose's armor once. Although, that took longer to come back online than we thought it would," Church went on, as though Tucker hadn't spoken. Now, Doc was fairly certain he should feel outraged at this reckless endangerment of Caboose, but somehow he'd become desensitized to the outright insanity and callousness of the Blood Gulch Crew.
"It was dark and I got to hold my breath. I'm pretty sure there was no side-effects," Caboose said innocently.
"No, I mean I don't think it'll work because I'm not going back down there. She's not exactly in the best of moods," Doc told them, Sheila firing a shell in their general direction at just that moment. 'Huh. Nice timing,' Doc thought. "See?" he said out loud. The Blues shared a look.
"Yeah, we need to get someone sneaky down there who can turn her off," Church said.
"How 'bout Tucker?" Doc suggested.
"Who me?" Tucker asked sharply, turning to Doc, "no way! I'm a lover, not a sneaker." Doc blinked and gave him a bland 'you're an idiot' look. He'd certainly earned it.
"Oh, that's your response to everything," he told the cyan soldier. 'Why can't you just man up and do it? Do anything!'
"What can I tell you? I'm a lover, not a thinker," Tucker responded, though Doc didn't really hear him. He was examining that last thought. Maybe... that was why no-body liked him? He had an excuse for everything? He didn't do anything? Did he need to man up? Maybe, but he certainly wasn't gonna do it just yet! For one thing, that tank was scary and for another, it hadn't turned out well when he'd stood up for himself the last time. "How 'bout Tex?"
"Yeah, we couldn't afford it. If only we knew someone that Sheila trusted. And it would have to be someone kinda dumb, so that we could fool them into betraying that trust, for our purposes..." Church said, turning to look at Caboose along with Tucker.
"Hey... everyone it looking at me... I love it when they do that! Hi everybody!" Caboose said, waving slightly. 'Oh Caboose, how abused you are... and your poor, damaged, brain... and psyche I'd wager... can't even comprehend that you are. Poor guy,' Doc thought morosely, glad that Caboose couldn't see the pitying look he had on his face. He wasn't too sure how the trooper would take it.
/*/
Dex was the first to reach Eagle and Red. "Eagle! Thank goodness. Now I... we, can get out of this dank, dark, bat infested cave!" he remarked.
"Yeah... I found the dead Blues," Eagle said, pointing at the bodies. Dex sighed.
"Great. It's Wednesday, isn't it?" he asked. Eagle chuckled, but nodded. "Nutty Fudge Sunday on asphalt in July," Dex sighed. Red chuckled.
"For once, we agree!" he said. Dex started and turned to his official CO in stunned shock.
"Ya know... I think the bats got me. I could have sworn you said you agreed with me," he said. Red chuckled again.
"That's exactly what I said Dex," Red repeated. Dex shook his head.
"Repent, the end is nigh," he said softly. Rick jogged up to them, giving Dex an odd look.
"You okay man?" he asked.
"Eh he'll be fine," Red said dismissively, batting a hand.
"They agreed on something," Eagle said, crossing his arms to point at the still muttering Dex and the unconcerned Red. Rick jerked his head up with an 'ah.'
"Yeah. That would do it," he said, looking between the two. "So, find anything cool?"
"You could say that," Eagle said, and Rick was fairly sure he was grinning.
/*/
While the Reds were reuniting, the stage was set for Kai to finally meet Doc. The Blues were all gathered on the hill, boys on one side, girls on the other. "Well, I suppose I should figure out a way to get Tex to reboot Sheila. Man, I'm gonna have to call in a lot of favors for this one," Church said, shaking his head.
"What favors could you possibly have stored up with someone who dumped you?" asked Tucker.
"She didn't dump me, Tucker, it was mutual," Church said, hefting his sniper rifle in preparation to head over to where Tex and Kai were.
"Mutual in what way? Mutual in the sense that you were both single the moment after she dumped you?" Tucker asked with a scoff. Church sighed, his head drooping a little.
"Yeah, that way. Come on Caboose, let's go explain the plan to Tex," he said, motioning the dark blue trooper forward. "Wish us luck," he told Doc and Tucker. The cyan soldier shook his head.
"Yeah right. Hey when she kills you, I'm gonna sell your armor to that pink guy on the Red Team. I hear he's in the market," he told the not-a-sniper.
"Hey, who's the yellow soldier?" Doc asked, just now noticing Kai. Looking over where Doc had nodded, Tucker shrugged.
"That's just Kai. She's new," he said, neglecting to mention who her brother was.
"No-one told me about a new arrival. I'm supposed to examine everyone before they assume active duty," Doc said, lifting his medical scanner and preparing to head over. Tucker scoffed, waving Doc off.
"Don't sweat it. I already checked her out for..." he said, then froze. Doc blinked.
"Tucker?" he asked slowly. The cyan soldier cleared his throat awkwardly and said, voice a little strained.
"She's good."
"Thanks, but I think a trained medical professional should be the one to look her over," Doc said. Tucker nodded, then said,
"Just... be polite about it, okay? Her brother's the orange guy on Red Team. Scariest one of the bunch." Doc blinked and turned back to Tucker.
"Really?" he asked. Tucker shuddered theatrically.
"Big time dude," he told the medic seriously. Doc shook his head.
"It's just a medical examination. Surely he'd allow it in order to make sure she's healthy," he said. Tucker held up his hands in defeat.
"Okay man. Your funeral," he said.
"Hey!" called Kai, having bounded up to them.
"What's up Kai, what'd you and Tex talk about?" Tucker asked her while Doc gave her a causal look over.
"Oh, she was just talking about everyone here. How you're all idiots and jerks, and you guys are her idiots and jerks, and if I try to become more popular than her she would talk about me behind my back, and turn everyone against me, and then I would cry, and everyone would hate me... you know, girl stuff!" Kai said brightly. Doc blinked. If Tucker was right, and she was Grif's sister, then he'd just found an explanation for a couple of things he'd noticed about the orange soldier.
"Cool. Oh hey, speaking of girl stuff? This is Doc," Tucker said, motioning toward said medic.
"Hi," Kai said with a wave.
"Uh, hello, nice to meet you," he said, wondering how she could be related to the less energetic Grif. "I'm the medic. Eh, if it's okay with you, I need to give you a quick physical examination sense you're new. Do you want to come to the Base where you might feel more comfortable taking off all your clothes?" Doc finished, motioning toward the base behind them.
"Sure. Lead the way. See ya Tucker," Kai said, following the purple medic and leaving a confused Tucker behind.
"What the heck just happened?" he asked himself.
/*/
Meanwhile, in The Cave... "I found a computer system monitoring the whole canyon, secondary bases, the dead Blues which are actually short a body, and a Banshee. Among other things. And no, Dex, I didn't see any bats. Or snakes, Rick," Eagle said.
"Ya know... I'm starting to think you knows us all just a little too well, Eagle Eye," Dex said, though the others noticed he seemed a little more relaxed now that that was out of the way. "Now, as for the Blue bodies. Flowdie."
"Ah. Yes. That would explain it," Eagle said, nodding.
"As for the rest? Freelancer," Rick said, motioning toward... everything.
"Again. That would explain it."
"Can we go now? I need to fix the Pelican my crazy little sister, who I am not stalking, crashed," Dex said, spinning on his heel and marching back toward the hole they'd come through... before something Eagle said clicked and he rushed back. "Did you say they had a monitoring system down here?"
"Yeah. About... a mile that way," Eagle said, pointing to his left.
"Right. You guys head back. I'm gonna find that equipment," Dex said before setting off at a jog.
"He's gonna spy on Kai, isn't he?" Rick drawled.
"Sucker's bet," Eagle said, shaking his head and walking toward the rope.
/*/
Tucker was looking for his son, when he found him inside the Blue Base. "There you are," Tucker greeted him with a hidden smile. He may not have been planning on having a kid, but Junior had wormed his way into the playboy wannabe's heart.
"Hnnnk!" Junior said, causing Tucker to chuckle quietly.
"You little rascal," he told his son, rubbing his head affectionately.
"Hnk!" Junior said. A moment later, Tucker heard Doc's voice from around the corner saying,
"Okay Kai, any other conditions I should know about?"
"Um, let's see. You know about all the ways I'm contagious, so I don't know if there's anything..." Kai said, trailing off in thought. Tucker edged nearer, Grif's warning making him a bit more cautious than he otherwise would have been. That was when he noticed the empty yellow armor laying on the ground and froze.
"Hey, what's going on here?" he asked.
"Oh! I'm color blind!" Kai said brightly, like she seemed to say just about everything.
"Really? That's weird. But I don't think it'll cause any problems here. Okay, go ahead and bend over," Doc instructed.
"Sure. Like this?" came Kai's response. Tucker forced himself to back away, taking Junior with him.
"What we don't know, Grif can't kill us for," he told his son, who honked at him. "You'll understand some day son," Tucker told him.
/*/
Red and Eagle had convinced Rick, after quite some time, to come with them after Dex. They found him staring at the monitor, which was displaying Blue Base. The Red's decided to ignore the glowing, pale green hologram hovering beside Dex's head. "Dude, you just gonna sit there?" Rick asked.
"Unless you know a way to get this equipment topside, yeah, that's what I was planning," Dex answered, still staring at the screen. A few moments later, an image of Kai's empty armor was shown. "Ho~! Hold on. What's this?" Dex asked, leaning forward slightly, body tense.
"Well. Looks like your sister isn't in her armor," Rick said. A few moments later, the scene changed to...
"That little slut, I'm gonna kill her!" Dex bellowed. Rick restrained himself from taking a screen shot and instead switched the camera view. Still, Dex was fuming. "PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON!" he bellowed at the screen, which was now showing Tucker playing with his son outside the base. "Ugh, what's the one thing I told her? Don't embarrass the family!"
"Um... I don't think she's embarrassing the family," Rick said. Dex turned to glare at him.
"That's because you were decent enough to change the camera, Rick," he growled before stomping his way back to the rope. "I'm going to have a little... talk... with my dearest little sister." Rick shared looks with the other Reds... and began to slowly meander in the general direction of the rope. No need to get there at the same time as Dex after all.
/*/
Meanwhile, Freelancer had contacted Church and told him to send some men through the caves to attack the Reds. Of course, this being Blood Gulch, nothing was going to go according to plan. And there was the matter of the two captured Elites, a talking bomb, and an aggressive A.I. all being held captive on The Ghost in orbit. But, we'll get to that in a moment. Right then, while Dex was marching toward the surface in a huff, Church was explaining that he'd been told to attack the Reds. "Attack? Shouldn't we call soldiers or the military for something like that?" asked Tucker. Like always, Church kept on talking as though Tucker hadn't spoken.
"And for some reason, he thinks it's a good idea for some of us to go through the caves," he finished.
"Why?" asked Tex, the military voice of military reason... or the Freelancer voice of Freelancer reason, whichever floats your crazy better.
"I don't know, who cares? So, me and Tex and Tucker are gonna go right up the middle," Church responded.
"What about my kid? He can't go into battle!" Tucker protested. Church sighed and turned to the two he least wanted in combat.
"Doc, Kai, and Junior, you guys go get lost in the caves," he said.
"Oh," Tucker said, a little embarrassed.
"We'll come find you after the battle's over. Unless we die, in which case we won't find you, and you're gonna have to find us. And if that happens, I want to be buried as far away as possible from these two," Church went on, jerking his head toward Tex and Tucker.
"Yeah, and I want to be stuffed and put on a couch with a cooler full 'o beer, a bag full of cheese puff, non-stop re-runs of Baywatch and... ah ya know what, it's all in my will," Tucker said. Doc was actually rather pleased with himself for barely even blinking at the oddity of Tucker's 'final requests.'
"What about me?" Caboose asked, raising a hand, "can I get lost too?"
"No Caboose, I need you to stay here. With Sheila," Tex said. Doc blinked. Why watch her instead of take her with them?
"Yeah, if the Reds get the better of us, send her over," Church said.
"Oh. That would make sense," Caboose allowed.
"When should we go?" asked Doc, looking quickly at Kai and then beck at Church.
"Dhe, a, I don't care. Just be ready to come running with the Calvary if we start screaming in pain. Unless Tucker starts screaming in pain, in which case, you know, feel free to point and laugh," the cobalt solder said with a careless shrug. Tucker sighed and looked down at his son.
"Well little dude, I guess there's a time when every little boy becomes a man," he said.
"Tucker... he's only three days old," Doc said, wondering if there was something wrong with Tucker's head. Then again, there was likely something wrong with everyone in the canyon, but that was a thought for another time. And when he had more advanced equipment.
"Yeah, they grow up so fast," Tucker said, sounding a little choked up.
"Also, he's not a boy. He's a grub," Church said drily.
"The point is, you're on your own now, and I don't have time to tell you everything you need to know. So here's a few brief pointers. Invest in real estate, there's no such thing as a permanent record, always eat breakfast, all the girls on the internet are actually dudes, and you should never, ever buy the extended warranty on anything. Ever. Oh, also, chicks like it when you tell them 'you're pretty', but they also like it when you're kind of a jerk to 'em. So mix it up a little," Tucker told his son seriously. Doc sighed. While most of those were good things to tell your child... others weren't so great.
"Tucker! Let's go!" Church called, already on the ground.
"Okay little dude, I gotta go now. Tex needs me and Church to back her up," Tucker said in conclusion.
"Bow chicka honk honk," Junior said, causing Doc to blink.
"Huh. I guess you have been teaching him some stuff," the medic remarked, a little surprised.
"Teach?" Tucker echoed, turning to Doc. "You don't teach that. That stuff's genetic."
/?/
A/N: Well... there ya go. I'm... not too sure how the whole Wyoming vs Tucker thing is gonna go down, what with Garry unable to hop into an empty tank, seeing as the Blues aren't transferring Sheila into the crashed Pelican because Dex flew it behind their base and because Gary is now with Dex. Yeah, this is where the AU gets a bit more major and tricky to write. Whoo, challenge... right? Ah well, hope you enjoyed the episode and I'll see you in about five days. Tchuss!
A/N 2: Yeah... the whole thing with the tank and Caboose staying at Blue Base needed to be heavily edited from the source material due to the above reasons. I like to think I made it a bit better with this edit. Also, spelling! 8/23/16