6. One Who Loved Not Wisely But Too Well

-Othello

Remus was not having a great time.

He had just been relieved of the full moon last week, and even though he had Wolfsbane, the transformation still hurt like mad. There would be a Hogsmeade visit on the last weekend of the term, bringing back bittersweet memories to him. James, Sirius, Peter, and him. The Marauders. Ever since their third year, they had gone to Hogsmeade together on that last weekend of the term, teasing James about his obsession with Lily, stocking up on sweets at Honeydukes, incessantly asking Peter how much he could eat, taking inspiration from the products sold at Zonko's, figuring out how to write to each other over winter break, since Remus and James would go home to their parents, bribing Remus with chocolate so he would share his notes with them, laughing at all of the girls who constantly swooned over Sirius, hoping he would notice them, or heading to the Three Broomsticks for some warm Butterbeers to enjoy together.

Now, twenty years later, he was all alone. There was nobody to laugh with, nobody to shop with, nobody to share stories with, nobody to be with. He was all alone, and the memories stung him like an icy knife plunged deep into his heart.

To make matters worse, Tonks hadn't spoken to him since the incident in her room. He hadn't actively sought her out either, but it was clear she was avoiding him; in the past five weeks, he hadn't even received a glance or a smile from her. Only once had they made eye contact, and she had quickly looked away. He missed her company, he missed her charming smile, he missed talking to her. But it was obvious that she was scared, scared of his condition, and his heart sank at the realization that she was no different from anyone else.

His life was studded with misery, failure, tragedy. At a young age, Remus had learned that there was no use expecting things to go well. Expect the disasters, be ready for the rejection. There was nothing you could do about it, so it's best to brace yourself as much as you can. There had been people who had cared; James, Sirius, Peter. But more importantly, his mother and his father. They had never deserted him, not once. They were always there, on the opposite side of the door, just before the full moon sank into the sky. His father, to this date, still sent him pain-relieving potions after every full moon. Though Death had stolen his mother, she was still there for him. She was there, in his heart, and that was all that mattered.

Remus had just organized his classroom so that the desks were once again neatly arranged, curtains drawn, and board cleared. Now that the holidays were fast approaching, Remus had decided that it was best to do an assorted review of the Dark creatures they had studied so far in the year, with the exception of werewolves. That was Snape's doing, and he had no intention of further exposing his condition to the class.

There came a soft knocking sound from the door.

"Come in," he called wearily.

To his surprise, it wasn't a student, or a teacher. Instead, Nymphadora Tonks walked into the room cautiously and sat down on a desk across from where he was standing. She was wearing a dark grey t-shirt and jeans, her hair a dull brown. She met his gaze unflinchingly for the first time in weeks.

"Hi," he said. "How are you?"

"I'm sorry," she said bluntly. "I'm really sorry for whatever happened that day. I didn't mean to mess things up between us. And I didn't mean to mess things up for you, either, so I'm sorry."

Remus was taken aback. "How would that mess things up for me?"

She looked at him wearily. "You must be in some sort of relationship. You must be married or something."

He stared at her. "Of course not. Why would anyone want to marry a werewolf?"

"Anyone who would look past the wolf and accept you," she replied flatly. "Anyone who loves the man enough not to care." She hesitated. "Like me."

Remus was at a loss for words. His brain felt numb; he didn't think he was capable of forming coherent thoughts. Over the years he had built, structured, and designed each of his walls, and yet here she was, causing each to crumble so easily.

Anyone who loves the man enough not to care. Like me.

She loved him.

And here she was, thinking that he was married, that he had a girlfriend, that he was already in a relationship. Here she was thinking that he didn't like her, that she didn't mean anything to him, when, in reality, he had never fallen so hard for someone before.

"Dora," he began gently, "I'm not in a relationship. I'm not married, and I likely won't ever be. Most people aren't like you. Most people are scared. Most people don't want to be involved with me; in fact, nobody has ever been romantically involved with me before. Never. Not while I was at Hogwarts. Not for the seventh-year ball, not for any of the Hogsmeade weekends. Not even after I graduated. I spent my life alone, not knowing, not caring, not believing."

He looked right into her dark brown eyes. "I've fallen for girls before. But they didn't know about my condition. And I knew it would be dangerous for both of us. So I had to quell my emotions. I had to train myself to get over people. And over the years, I've gotten good at it. So good at it. But, Dora, I can't get over you."

There was silence.

She opened her mouth to speak. "Did..."

The door burst open, and Harry came trudging into the classroom. "Hello, Professor Lupin," he greeted, as Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger walked in right behind him. "Hi, Tonks."

Remus managed a smile, though his heart was pounding furiously against his chest. Just five more seconds and he would have known what Tonks was going to say. He hoped with all his might that they hadn't overheard his declaration of his feelings. "Good morning, Harry, Ron, Hermione."

Thankfully, they hadn't seemed to notice anything. Very thick, they could be. "Good morning, Professor," Hermione chirped. "What are we going to be doing today?"

"Review," Remus responded, as Ron plopped down next to Harry. "A review of everything we've done up until here, so that we retain through the holidays everything we've learned."

Hermione nodded as more students started to make their way into the classroom.

Remus looked to Tonks hesitantly. "Would you like to stay?"

She smiled, a vibrant pink seeping into the ends of her hair. "Of course, Professor."

It was all he needed to know that she felt the same way.

He nodded, trying his hardest to remain calm as she carefully approached the back of the classroom and seated herself on the back counter. She seemed to like sitting on tables.

After a few more minutes, in which Remus tried his hardest not to steal too many glances at the Auror sitting in the back, all of the students had settled in, and Remus began his lesson. Trying to make it as interactive as possible, he reviewed the Dark creatures they had studied, including Boggarts, Grindylows, hinkypunks, Kappas, and Red Caps. He went over each and every one in detail, trying to provide real-life applications for every one. He encouraged people who didn't normally speak up to both answer and, more importantly, ask questions. He found it exceptionally hard to focus when Tonks was mouthing things like 'Nice, Professor' across the classroom.

About halfway into the lesson, Remus snuck another glance at Tonks; her hair was now more or less completely bubblegum pink, and he willed his eyes not to follow the dip of her t-shirt hem. He gave her a smile, which she returned, and he decided to go talk to her for a while.

"Now, I want you to ask yourselves, do you feel confident about your knowledge of Grindylows?" he asked the class. "The most important thing is to know what to do should you ever find yourself face to face with one." He gestured to the tank in the front of the classroom, which still held a Grindylow. "Miss Brown, would you like to begin?"

Remus felt that his students were fairly confident about the material they had covered so far, but he felt it necessary to enforce those skills so that they would remember them for years to come. As Lavender Brown nodded and made her way to the front of the classroom, Remus watched closely as she shot a Revulsion Jinx at it, which caused it to start twitching. Remus righted the Grindylow with a flick of his wand. "Excellent, Miss Brown. The rest of you, one by one, let's see how well you can do it."

He smiled encouragingly as the rest of the class eagerly lined up to tackle the Grindylow in the tank. Quietly, he approached Tonks. "Hi, Dora."

"You're so good!" she exclaimed, beaming. "You teach so well!"

"Thank you. But I would expect any teacher to be able to teach like this."

"High expectations," she mused, shivering. "Remus?"

"Yes, Dora?"

"Can you do me a favor?"

"Sure."

"Can you bring me a sweater? It's freezing in here." She shivered to prove her point.

He frowned. "Right now? In the middle of class?"

"Please?"

"Yeah. Can you help relieve the Grindylow after each student gives it a try? Do you know how to?"

She scoffed. "I am an Auror. I am perfectly capable."

He grinned. "Good to know. I'll be back."

He quickly headed out of the classroom and into his office, through which he entered his private quarters. He went to his bedroom and opened the cupboard where his clothes were neatly folded. His clothing consisted of a lot of sweaters, since he always found the need to be fully covered in them, especially during the winter. Remus picked out a maroon sweater from the top of his closet, cleaned it out with a wave of his wand, folded it neatly, and made his way back to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom.

Remus was very picky about his sweaters and his chocolate. They were both something he really wouldn't share, the exception being when someone wasn't feeling well. They were always relaxing, warm, and cozy. Chocolate and sweaters were nonnegotiable. But for some reason that he couldn't quite fathom, the idea of Tonks wearing one of his sweaters was appealing; endearing, actually. He smiled at the thought itself.

Come on, Remus, the voice inside nagged. You have a class to teach.

Sighing, Remus entered the classroom, where Seamus Finnigan was attempting to repel the Grindylow. Tonks was standing beside the students, her wand out, a smile on her face. He caught her eye and tossed her the sweater, which she caught nimbly and pulled over her t-shirt. She raised an eyebrow at him, as if to ask, What do you think?

'Beautiful,' he mouthed, and he was rewarded with a smile as he turned back to his students. "Good job, Mr. Finnigan. Miss Tonks, since you seem to be so good at it, would you…"

He gestured to the Grindylow. She rolled her eyes and relieved the Grindylow of the Revulsion Jinx.

"Thank you," he said, and he could see that she was fighting a smile. The sweater was several sizes big on her, but dang, it looked nice. The sleeves hung at the end, and it contrasted nicely with her bright pink hair. He could basically feel how warm she must be while wearing it.

"Do you need something, Professor Lupin?" she asked innocently.

Merlin, was she actually calling him out for staring at her? He blinked several times, then took a deep breath and turned towards her. "No, Auror Tonks. Thank you."

She smirked. "If you say so."

Remus had always been the one with the snarky retorts. Growing up, he had received his fair share of bullying, because he was skinnier than the others. He had learned to stand his ground quickly.

But words were lost on him for what seemed like the first time ever. He didn't know what to say to her. She was too disarming. Too distracting.

"Professor?" asked one of the students hesitantly. "Can I try?"

He blinked. The student was pointing to the Grindylow. "Of course," he managed. "Go ahead."

As the student attempted the Revulsion Jinx at the Grindylow, Remus found himself once again watching Tonks, who was now sitting on a nearby desk, observing the student intently. She caught his eye and smiled, a mischievous glint in her eyes. He resisted the urge to roll his eyes at her, and instead turned back to his class.

The rest of the class period passed in this fashion, with Remus gearing his class up for the midterm exam, and finding his eyes constantly being drawn to Tonks. When the last person had successfully tackled the Grindylow, Remus dismissed class, and the third-years bustled out of the room.

"So?" he asked Tonks. "What do you think?"

"You're brilliant," she commented simply. "Really, you are."

"I could be much better."

She shook her head. "Everyone could. But you're also very proficient. Stop being so hard on yourself."

He wrapped his arms around her, and she snuggled against his chest. "Do you like the sweater?"

"Smells like you," she said happily. "Can I wear it every now and then?"

"If you'd like," he said, relishing the feel of the vibrations of her voice against his chest. "You can have it for the rest of the day."

"Thanks," she mumbled. "I'll drop by later to give it back."

He felt so warm with her in his arms, eyes closed, a satisfied smile on her face. Their moment was rudely interrupted when the door was pushed open by Mrs. Norris, who was lurking around. She snarled at them suspiciously, and they reluctantly broke apart.

"Don't you have some sort of luncheon with the other Aurors?" he asked Tonks, smirking.

"Of course," she muttered, rolling her eyes. "Better get to that. Thanks for letting me watch."

"If you'd like to visit again, you could always do more than watch," he suggested. "If you want to help them review, you'd be more than welcome."

"I'll have to see about visiting again. You're very distracting," she said with a slight smirk, watching a spider that was crawling up the wall. "See you, Remus."

And she was gone.

He closed his eyes and took a second to gather his thoughts, which he had allowed to wander. Shaking these thoughts from his head, he straightened and started making his way to the Great Hall.

Remus had just passed by the staffroom when he heard voices. He stopped where he was to listen.

"It's not right, Albus, he should be told!" came McGonagall's indignant protest. "Potter has no idea how closely related he is to Sirius Black!"

Remus felt a sickening sensation unfold in his stomach. Harry did not know how closely related he was to Sirius Black, nor did he know how closely related he was to Remus. McGonagall was clearly arguing with Dumbledore about whether or not they should tell Harry about James's friendship with Sirius.

"He's a boy, Minerva," Dumbledore said calmly. "There is more than enough on his shoulders, this is not something we need to burden him with."

"He deserves to know!" McGonagall argued. "If he knows, he'll understand why Black's after him! And he'll be more prepared to stay out of trouble! You…" her voice lowered to a whisper, though Remus could still hear what she was saying. "You wouldn't believe some of the things he's doing at school! He reminds me of James, Albus!"

"He is not his father, though," Dumbledore observed astutely. "He is Lily as well. He is free to do what he wants, Minerva. I do not believe that he would go searching for Black for any reason. I have faith that his friends will be able to instill some sense before they let it get to that."

"Sometimes, Albus," she commented, "I think you choose your staffing arrangements for more reasons than the profession itself. Bringing Lupin to the school the year that Black escaped is certainly no coincidence. And I will have you know that Severus has not taken kindly to it."

"Severus and Remus will have their differences, I'm afraid," Dumbledore said gravely, "but they will have to get over them."

Remus scowled. It was like he was a child being berated for his behavior. He was an adult, and he was perfectly responsible for his actions. And besides, he hadn't done anything back at Snape. Technically, the glitter had not been him.

He heard McGonagall sigh. "Very well, Albus. Will he ever come to know?"

"He will know when the time is right."

Trust Dumbledore to say stuff like this. Feeling that the conversation had come to an end, Remus continued on his way to the Great Hall.

Remus was not stupid; he knew very well that there had been a reason Dumbledore had appointed him to Hogwarts this year. It was certainly connected to Sirius, and it was certainly connected to Harry. But whatever it was, Dumbledore had his reasons; Dumbledore could play his game. Remus was going to make sure that he could do everything he could to help Harry through this entire ordeal, to support the boy in any way he could.

He would help him learn how to deflect Dementors. He would spend time with Harry, try his best to fill in the void of not growing up in a loving environment. He would help him in his classes, teach what was most necessary, so that if the time came, Merlin forbid, he would be able to defend himself. Because in Harry, Remus saw James and Lily. He saw potential. He saw brilliance.

Darn Voldemort.

A/N: Hey everyone! So to everyone who's reading this, THANK YOU! A special thank you to my reviewers, you're phenomenal!

Jily/Remadora epic coming out in ten days! Updates will be twice a week! One of the most fun things I've ever written (co-written with my sister!) Stay tuned for that!