Author's Note: So, there are a few time jumps in this chapter and switching of perspectives. Everything has been properly labeled for ease of understanding. I hope you enjoy =)
Three weeks later
"Come on kid, move your ass!"
Kolyat rolled to the side quickly, nearly falling over in the process, to avoid the purple shockwave aimed his way. For the third time.
He leapt over the last barrier of the obstacle course that Jack had created just for him. The heavily tattooed woman stood across the make-shift battle field, charging her biotics for another attack.
His mind racing, Kolyat spotted his goal only a few yards away: a red flag sitting innocently atop a four-foot-tall platform. As Jack's battle cry rang out, signaling her final attack, the drell broke into a sprint. His own biotics could feel the power behind the warp coming his way.
He tightened his jaw, ducked his head and pushed forward, not breaking stride as he primed his powers to unleash at just the right moment. It was a trick he had picked up from his father and Shepard.
Using the force of Jack's biotic attack to his advantage, Kolyat slammed his own biotically charged hand into the oncoming warp. The resulting blast propelled him forward as he unleashed a full body charge towards his target. Kolyat reached the slightly raised platform where the flag was perched, and he flipped forward, attempting to land gracefully onto his feet. Instead, gravity carried his body weight too far forward and caused him to tumble clumsily onto the platform.
He lay on the dais gasping for air. As Jack looked on, her long-distance attacks temporarily halted, Kolyat triumphantly waved the broken flag in his clenched fist above his head. As he had fallen, he had reached out a desperate hand as a last effort to win the exercise. His unassuming target had been ripped from its home and trampled on impact. Regardless, a victorious grin lit up his face and he punched his prize in the air proudly.
Another day he hadn't killed himself in the training course was a good day in his book. Actually, achieving his objective for once was a bonus.
"Well, he finally got it," Miranda drawled, her arrogant voice grating against Jack's nerves as the Cerberus women appeared behind her. "I was wondering how much longer it would take."
Jack clenched her teeth and set her shoulders back. "It has been twenty days of training. He did a hell of a lot better than some people would. We can't all be as perfect as you, princess." Bitch, her tone implied.
Jack was attempting to make a conscious effort not to verbally obliterate the woman every time they were around each other. It was only because of Shepard that she just managed to hold herself back, but only just.
While Jack didn't have any cozy feelings towards Kolyat, her disdain for the Cerberus cheerleader outweighed her aversion of sticking up for him.
Miranda stood there, spine straight, glossy brown hair styled to perfection, in a black, skintight body suit which contrasted sharply against Jack's clunky combat boots, ripped denim jeans, and black cropped vest.
Jack glared at the other woman through her red tinted glasses, the whole wardrobe had been gifted to her from Shepard. The Commander had stumbled upon the outfit while on the Citadel, accompanying Kolyat and Thane on their shopping trip to supply the blue drell with necessities such as new clothes and gear.
His father had commented that the outfit might suit Jack. Kolyat had seen a glint in Shepard's eyes before she quickly purchased the clothes.
As Miranda gave her attire a disgusted look, Jack was swept back into the memory of Shepard gifting her the outfit. Jack had made to refuse the offering immediately, warnings bells sounding in her head. In her world, no one just gave you something without expecting something in return.
Jack still struggled to accept that Commander Shepard was dramatically different than anyone she'd ever known.
Selene had simply set the gift down, lifted a challenging brow, before turned sharply on her heel and leaving the hiding hole that Jack had created for herself under engineering.
Jack had wanted to explode the package with her biotics, wishing to upheave the prickling feelings of shame and loneliness that Shepard's gift had dredged up. Being alone and reclusive had kept her alive these past twenty-four years, after all.
Begrudgingly, her curiosity got the better of her. She had shifted closer to the innocently waiting black wrappings on her cot with the same amount of caution one would use when facing down a hungry varren. As she opened the package, guilt and intrigue swirling in her stomach, her hands shook. She could count on a single hand how many gifts she had received in her life from someone she could possibly call a friend.
When she held the clothing up, she noted with surprise the quality, and the ballistic weaving, of the material. The boots and vest were made from a fine leather, the kind of leather she could never afford. The glasses were imbedded with a targeting software that Jack could control from her omini tool. For a rare moment, the biotic was overwhelmed by how touched she felt by receiving such an extravagant gift.
Jack wore the outfit to the squad dinner that night, as a way of silently apologizing to Shepard. She had stomped her way over to Commander, taking a seat on the woman's right. As she sat, the normally mouthy biotic had no idea what to say. So, she responded the only way she knew how.
"Thanks," Jack offered gruffly, not expanding on what she meant. Her eyes were unreadable behind the glasses, but Shepard sensed the sincerity in her voice.
"Don't mention it," Shepard murmured, turning back to her meal.
It was as simple as that, Jack thought with wonder.
As if the bullshit in her room two hours ago had never happened. She respected the hell out of Selene, the woman had accepted Jack for who she was: all of the scars, tattoos and rage. No questions asked.
Shepard had listened quietly as Jack had opened up about her past with Cerberus; she had been born in a Cerberus facility, as far as she was aware. The purpose of the place, the Teltin facility located on a far-off reaching planet called Pragia, was to enhance biotic potential in humans. Jack had not been the only child raised in the hellish place; there had been others, kidnapped and half starved.
"The scientists called me Subject Zero," she'd told Shepard, avoiding her intense gaze. "I was, apparently, the center of their project." They pushed Jack to unspeakable limits, there were still things she remembered that she might not ever be able to voice. They tortured her frequently, testing her limits both psychologically and physically, through various experiments meant to assess how pain and distress affected biotic abilities.
"And then, well, they couldn't really control me anymore," Jack smirked, though there was no amusement on her young face. "I must have been twelve years old, that was the first time I killed a man."
Jack noted that Shepard did not point out how that kill led to her future as a notorious criminal, wanted for piracy, kidnapping, vandalism, and murder.
Instead, Shepard had questioned Jack about being captured by the Blue Suns, wondering why she hadn't been able to fend off the mercs.
"A stupid moment of giving a damn," Jack had answered cryptically. Jack had appreciated that Selene did not fish for more details after that.
Now, in a few short minutes, Shepard would be accompanying Jack down to Pragia, back to the Teltin facility where everything had started. Jack wanted to blow the place up, to ensure that it could never be used for evil again, and to hopefully bring closure to her past. She wanted to believe that it was okay to hold on to the hope. She wanted to believe that she could move on from what was done to her. Jack knew that the atrocities inflicted upon her by Cerberus had twisted her into a hateful, paranoid, traumatized person who pushed everyone away who tried to care for her.
She wanted to move forward, to find a new sense of normalcy. Oddly enough, training the new recruit had been rather rewarding and cathartic in its own way. Jack had secretly taken pride in her new work. The extra two weeks it had taken for the ship to leave the Citadel after receiving impromptu upgrades had seemed to pass quickly.
Said recruit was still sprawled out several yards away. Only vaguely aware of the tense exchange between the two women.
Kolyat could faintly hear their conversation and was reminded with amazement that he'd already been on the Normandy for, almost, a full three weeks. The crew had already pushed him to his limits tenfold, but they also pushed themselves to remain battle ready. Kolyat had grown to respect each and everyone of them, even the few that still treated him with indifference.
These people, Shepard's people, surpassed his abysmal skills into a whole other level of combat readiness he had never thought possible. In retrospect, he didn't exactly know what the Commander had seen in him, allowing him aboard her ship and her crew. He noted with bitterness that Grunt still tried to remind him of this whenever he could.
However, any time he let those insecurities creep up on him, or let them cause him any hesitation, his new trainers made him pay for it. Kolyat had never been more exhausted, or in this much physical pain, in his life.
Regardless, he was glad to be on the Normandy, and his hardened resolve was a testament to Shepard's daily motivation.
As Jack let a rather scathing remark about the Cerberus woman's looks loose, she turned her back and sauntered over to Kolyat. The blue drell was still spread out on the platform, his eyes closed as he basked in the brief bliss of success. Jack flicked a weak biotic pulse at the man's head, causing him to yelp in surprise and jerk upward.
"Get up, blue boy," she snapped. "You can rest when your dead."
Kolyat reluctantly complied, having made the mistake once of not moving quickly enough after Jack gave an order. That mistake had sent him to his first trip to the medical bay since his physical. Dr. Chakwas had remarked several times during his short stay that they might have found a successor to Shepard's capacity for stubbornness and persistence. That was one way to think positively of his penchant for returning to the crew's punishments.
Jack had to reluctantly admit she was impressed with the drell's ability to learn new skills after only a short time on the ship; she suspected it had to do with his perfect memory that made the experiences stick.
Miranda had apparently recovered from being insulted, and strode over to Jack's side, reminding the tattooed woman of her presence.
"Shepard is coming down," she said, still clearly vexed. "She told me to take over the drell's training while you wait by the shuttle."
"Fuck off, I still need to talk with the kid," Jack snarled. "Go reorganize your closet, or maybe go find that stick shoved up your ass or something."
Jack ignored Miranda's disgruntled scoff as the sound of her heeled shoes echoed against the metal out of the training area. Jack continued to stare at Kolyat with a bored expression on her face, not caring if the diva was forced to wait. She observed that the blue drell's chest was not heaving as heavily as it was two weeks ago, she noticed with some pride that his stamina was already showing some improvement.
He still had a long way to go before he could keep pace with any of them, but Jack would record the progress in her notes when she returned from the mission. She snorted to herself, amazed at her own transformation on Shepard's ship. Filling out reports, being responsible and shit, she thought, her past self would kick her own ass if she saw her now.
Jack dismissed her thoughts as she addressed the waiting drell in front of her.
"Okay, listen up! Miranda over there," it truly was a testament to her new self-discipline that the woman's name slipped out between her gritted teeth instead of something crass, "is going to be taking on the rest of your biotics training for today. Remember, we meet back here tomorrow at 0700 hours. Don't be late, you hear me?"
Kolyat nodded his head vigorously under her vicious scowl, "Yes, Jack."
He had also made the mistake early in his training of calling her ma'am. She had punched him in the stomach for that one.
"Good," Jack's voice softened a fraction. "Look, kid, I know you haven't been doing this shit for long, but don't let the cheerleader over there take anything away from you."
Kolyat savored the scraps of Jack's praise, before the indifferent mask slid back into place. She crossed her arms over her chest and snorted.
"You're still a little bitch, but you're learning. I expect you to grow a spine and stand up to her. It's not hard."
Kolyat hid his smile and tilted his head in respect. She punched his shoulder, nearly leaving behind bruises, in acknowledgment. He was beginning to understand her language: just shut up and do what you're told.
Across the room, the doors slid open. The Commander, Grunt and Garrus swept in. Shepard in her full body armor, the N7 logo displayed at the suit's neck, and a withered strip of white running the length of her right arm. He observed the new gun strapped to her lower back.
As the trio made their way down the stairs, Kolyat noticed with apprehension the pistol she had shot him with strapped to her hip. It was hard to believe that had only been three weeks ago.
With her M-76 Revenant beside her M-98 Widow holstered at her back, the Commander managed to look like a one-woman army. With the addition of three other squad mates, Kolyat could imagine their absolute deadliness. Whatever remained in the abandoned facility was about to have their day ruined, to say the least.
"Let's get going, Jack," Commander Shepard called out. "The storm has let up and it shouldn't be starting back up for another four hours."
As Jack left her student's side to join the team in the Kodiak, Selene gave Kolyat a nod of acknowledgment. Kolyat returned the nod, fighting the small smile that had been trying to light up his face at seeing her.
Miranda noticed the nearly lovesick look the boy was giving Selene, and immediately sent a relatively strong biotic pulse his way. The blow to the side of his head knocked him off balance, making him stumble awkwardly to regain his footing. Kolyat turned a furious gaze on Miranda but kept his own scathing comment to himself.
Kolyat could hear the Commander pulling herself up into the shuttle across the wide-open space of the cargo bay. When he glanced over, she was shaking her head with an amused smile on her lips. Kolyat felt his body heat up in embarrassment. He wondered if he would ever manage to not make a fool of himself in front of Selene, or if he could ever prove himself to the Commander.
"Hey, Kolyat!" Shepard called out before he could will the floor to swallow him whole. "Don't let la princesa treat you like that. Kick her ass."
"Hell yeah!" Jack shouted in agreement from somewhere within the shuttle.
Selene winked at him, causing a crooked smile to return to his face.
He watched as the Kodiak lifted off, hovering in the air before disappearing through an opening at the bottom of the ship. He found himself praying to gods he had not acknowledged in years for their safe return. His heart clenched as he thought of one person's safety in particular, but he shoved that away for another time.
The ship passed through the mass effect field that kept Kolyat and Miranda safe from the vacuum of space before taking off completely. Kolyat heard the distorted atmospheric pulse of the dark energy coming his way, a loud buzzing that made his body tense, before he saw the angry purple light in his peripheral. He narrowly dodged the charge, and it struck the wall noisily behind him.
"Will you stop that?"he exclaimed, exasperated.
Miranda glared at him as she strode over, her heeled boots making a sharp, annoying clicking sound across the metal floor. He winced with every uniform step.
"I highly suggest you stop fantasizing about your commanding officer and pay more attention to your lesson. Jack may have been afraid to take your training wheels off, but I have no such qualms."
Training wheels? He thought with irritation. In the past twenty days, he had lost count of how many times Jack or Zaeed had caused him to bleed. Miranda herself had been particularly unforgiving as she ran him through form after form. He had just spent the last hour trying to avoid another trip to the medbay while dodging Jack's biotic attacks.
Training wheels my blue ass, Kolyat grumbled to himself in his head.
Annoyance, and some apprehension, crawled along his skin at being called out on his admiration of the Commander. However, the dismissal of his hard work was a larger blow to his self-esteem. The remark caused Kolyat to loath the woman even more.
Kolyat had learned that most of the ground squad, even Joker, seemed to dislike Miranda. Her haughty attitude and superiority complex were enough to put people off, but she seemed to believe that she knew more about the Commander than most.
Shepard herself had made it crystal clear that Miranda was a part of the squad just like everyone else, and she trusted her. According to Garrus, Selene had helped the woman with some personal issue involving Miranda's sister, resulting in Shepard's own change of heart regarding the Cerberus woman.
He briefly paused to assess Miranda as she stood before him. Kolyat had seen many of the humans giving her appraising looks from behind. Miranda was physically fit, and her feminine features were exceedingly developed. However, Kolyat couldn't help but feel there was something annoyingly superficial about her beauty.
Maybe it was her unattractive personality or cold disposition, but he couldn't see what others found so alluring about her. His mind shifted back to memories of flowing black hair, pulsing orange scars etched into flawless skin, and piercing silver-green eyes that noticed everything.
The Commander may not be as developed as Miranda, but she had a strong, attractive figure of her own that Kolyat appreciated. Her chest was smaller than the other woman's, but her toned stomach and defined muscles flared out into rounded hips and shapely, thick legs decorated with ink. Her strong arms were visibly toned, her right covered in black and gray tattoos, while the other was lightly decorated with smaller works of art. Her skin was smooth despite the network of glowing scars that ran through it, and softly darkened with a brown complexion that was rare for drell.
Selene also possessed a keen intelligence and sarcastic wit that kept him captivated as well as aggravated. Her kindness and compassion in the face of everything she had experienced was awe-inspiring. As he trained with Jack, and spent more time alone with the biotic, he began to notice how they represented two diverging outcomes that could result from a traumatic childhood and an equally harsh adult life.
In a short amount of time, Kolyat began to crave those moments of seeing the Commander's sweet smile. A small smirk or a teasing quirk of the lips that would blossom on her face as she calculated how to outmaneuver him.
However, he had begun to live for the large, full faced smile that simply lit up the room. That enthralled him from across the room and refused to let him look away, even if he tried. Kolyat had begun to seek out the few moments where Selene dropped the Commander mask long enough to bless those closest to her with one of those smiles.
Kolyat found that his visits to Dr. Chakwas had gifted him with small snippets of information; he noticed the deep respect, admiration, and love the doctor felt for her young Commander. It was clear there was an intimate mother-daughter relationship that had developed between them over time.
He cataloged each and every memory as he pieced together an image of who the Commander might be under the mask.
As Kolyat was forced back into the present moment with his training, his last thoughts were of silver-green eyes and a dazzling smile.
Kolyat kept a prayer in his heart and half his attention on the shuttle exit as he followed the motions of Miranda's fierce and intense training. The aches and bruises he received were worth his split focus.
A full two hours would pass before the ground team made their return.
Two hours later
Jack slammed herself down on top of her cot, her teeth grinding against one another in distress as she replayed the last two hours in her mind.
"We're not supposed to find anything other than local fauna in the facility," Shepard's voice rang out in that commanding way over their team. "Maybe some forgotten defense systems that we need to be careful not to trigger. But," She had added sharply as rain poured down her helmet, "Be prepared for anything."
The warning had been accurate, considering everything turned into a shit-show shortly after the morgue.
Jack could see Shepard in her head, strong and capable as a surprise attack from Blood Pack mercenaries showered them in open fire. The commander had taken several shots to the chest, which managed to bring down her barriers and pierce her armor.
Selene had returned to the ship missing the top portion of her armor after shedding herself of it in the Kodiak. Her white tank-top underneath soaked with grisly splatters of dried blood.
Jack had seen Selene out of the corner of her eye, the stark whiteness of her top and the dark crimson of the drying blood standing out against her skin. Regardless of the damage, Shepard had ignored the wound and had turned concerned eyes on herself. As much as Jack appreciated the caring, she also resented it. The biotic took the first opportunity to flee from the woman's empathetic stare as they exited the Kodiak, calling over her shoulder to not expect her at dinner. Jack had retreated to her isolated space under engineering, wrestling with her conflicting emotions.
"Let him go, Jack," Selene's voice had been calm and steady. Jack had barely been able to hear her own thoughts under the sound of her own rushing blood; fury painted her vision red and her heart demanded to be released from her chest. The man that called himself Aresh blinked up at her, the lines of his face more pronounced against his tortured expression.
"We protected you," he had choked out. "You, Subject Zero, you were meant to be remarkable, while the rest of us were used as sacrifices for your safety."
All the children they had kidnapped and pitted against her. They had been used as test subjects, in order to ensure she didn't die in the same tests? It was impossible. She had been the strongest. She had survived. No one had suffered more than her.
Right? A tiny voice in her head whispered.
That was what she had told herself all these years. Now this man on his knees on the dirty floor of her old cell was shattering everything.
"We protected you," he tried again, voice stronger. "Our lives and suffering made sure that the tests didn't kill you. I have every right to start this place up again. My suffering needs to mean something!"
"Shut the fuck up," she snarled, shoving her pistol further into the skin of his face. A bead of sweat trickled down his hairline and landed on the barrel. The selfish part of her nearly broke, and her finger twitch against the trigger, barely managing not to let the shot fire.
She thought she had been strong, she thought she had outlasted those other children outside her cage. She had thought she had freed herself from this place. But it wasn't true. She could deny it all she wanted, but Jack was not foolish. She knew Aresh was telling the truth.
"Jack. He is broken. Killing him is not going to take away the pain," Selene's voice in her ear was distant, floating out of the ether of the chaotic whirlwind in her mind.
Shepard wanted her to show him mercy? Jack hesitated.
"We can still destroy it. All of it, he will never be able to rebuild this place," Selene reached out, gritting her teeth against the pain in her shoulder and chest. She slowly tried to inch her hand towards the gun Jack still held to Aresh's head.
More kids, more kidnapping, more bloodshed, her mind whispered. She wouldn't let that happen!
"This—killing him—it won't fix you." Selene continued, finally skimming her figure tips against the pistol, only to have the weapon swung quickly towards her.
"Shut up, Shepard!" Jack ground out between clenched teeth. Tears streaked past the cover of the biotics glasses, and Shepard intimately understood Jack's deep turmoil.
The Commander backed away slowly, holding her hands peacefully in front of her. She was confident Jack would not shoot her, but she also knew when to back off from a wounded animal. Jack needed to work out this decision on her own. Shepard just hoped she made the right one.
With deep pain etched into her face, Jack returned her gaze to the half-crazed man still on the floor. After a few heart-stopping moments, the woman reached out and pistol whipped Aresh so hard across the face that he fell over. She felt, rather than saw, Selene release a breath she had been holding.
As the shaking man recollected himself, Jack growled over him, "I never want to hear your name again. If you even think about starting this place over somewhere else, I will hunt you down and make you wish you never survived this place."
The man scrambled to his feet and tripped over himself several times before rushing out the door.
Despite her decision, Jack was no more at peace with her choice then she was back on the planet. The woman angerly jumped up from her cot and went to the nearest blunt object and threw it at the wall with a cry of anguish. It didn't stop there, within moments everything in her hole lie around her in a broken mess. She sat down heavily on her bed, not feeling even slightly better. All of those lives lost, and left to a miserable existence before that, because of her.
"This is where I used to . . . stay," Jack told Selene lamely, kicking the door to the cramped room sharply. "Sometimes, I never really knew whether it was day, night, or how many hours had passed before I saw any form of life again. When I did they . . . experimented and—"
Selene followed Jack around the room, managing not to hover. Jack appreciated the stoicism of Shepard's face, she might nearly explode if she had seen her Commanding officer look at her with a look of pity or sympathy. She described in a flat voice what she had endured in these hallowed halls. Reliving everything for the first time since she'd escaped.
As Jack ended her tour of the room, she abruptly informed Shepard she wished to leave. No longer could she stand the feeling of the place. It was as if the very air left a heavy coating of filth on her skin that she could no longer handle.
She would make the facility go up in flames the same way they had created an inferno in their victims' lives. A deep, soulful part of her promised to do this for everyone whose lives the Cerberus facility had destroyed—those kids, their families, herself . . .
"This is your choice, Jack," Shepard murmured at her side. Not in front of her, not behind her, but always at her side. "This is your past. If you want to wipe this place from existence, none of us here will stop you."
She knew she would never be able to repay Shepard for arranging this mission for her; all she had to give was herself, and her loyalty to this team. The team split up and set up the explosives around the abandoned building, the ones that Garrus and Grunt had carried on their backs. As the group departed, Selene pressed a detonator in her hand, looking into her eyes for a short, meaningful moment.
As the Kodiak put enough distance between themselves and the blast radius, Jack toyed with the detonator switch absentmindedly, before giving Shepard a curt nod. Selene knocked her fist against the pilot's door to signal a warning for turbulence.
The explosion was massive. Even from their incredible distance, the shuttle rumbled violently before stabilizing. Jack took one look back at the flaming pile of rubble, wondering if she could finally move on from a past that constantly whispered to her.
"Thanks, Shepard," she had told her Commander levelly, conveniently ignoring Selene's concerned look in return.
Jack lay back on her cot, ignoring the destruction she had caused to her own things. Dozens of times she replayed the afternoon. She held up a tattooed hand to the light and wondered, not for the first time, what lay ahead in her future and if she had made the right choice.
The soft ding of metal-on-metal alerted the troubled woman to someone coming down the stairs to her rooms. Before Jack could yell for Shepard to fuck off and leave her alone, the sound of an unexpected voice gave her pause.
"Jack? Don't turn me into a pile of broken bones please. I just want to see how your doing?" Garrus' trilling voice spoke from the last landing before reaching the bottom of the stairs. The man was not foolish enough to reveal himself fully to the unpredictable biotic.
The turian had never visited her before without Shepard. Though he had been the one to teach her how to calibrate her glasses, the two of them had never really spoken outside of training or missions. The surprise of hearing anyone other then Shepard's voice at the stairs, requesting to see how she was feeling, was quite a shock. As a result, Jack did not immediately hurl insults or shout at him to leave.
Garrus bravely took that as a sign to move further into her domain. The network of ducts and vents that made up the ceiling barely allowed him to stand at his full height. He actually had to duck under a particularly large pipe in order step around the corner that revealed her "bedroom," which currently looked like a bomb went off around her cot.
In true Garrus fashion, the turian did not address the mess directly, instead he commented with sarcasm: "I love what you have done with the place."
That earned him an unamused glare from the woman, "What do you want Garrus?"
"I told you. I wanted to see if you were okay. Shepard is pretty worried."
Garrus sat himself against the sturdy table across from the small biotic. His mandibles pulling close to his face as blue eyes assessed her face.
"It was rough down there. Feel like talking?"
"No." Jack's clipped tone left little room for argument.
"Well, maybe you will settle for some company." The turian stubbornly crossed his still armored arms over his chest. The man was still filthy from the mission.
"Get. Out."
Jack's hands began to glow purple in warning.
"Don't do this, Jack. Don't shut everyone out because of what they did to you. I know Shepard's suggestions are hard to follow sometimes, but trust me, she is usually right."
"You have no idea what it was like to hear those things. To be told that your existence came at the expense of other innocent lives." The glow from Jack's hands disappeared, and her energy to fight went along with it.
"I thought I survived because I was strong. I thought I freed myself. I thought the world had what was coming to it because no one ever looked out for me. Now, I don't even know who I am anymore."
"You are Jack." He said simply. "Frightening, badass, all powerful biotic who chose to risk her life for a galaxy that is too stupid to recognize its own demise."
Before Jack could form a retort, Garrus continued, "You might have done some horrible things in the past, Jack, but horrible things were also done to you. I am not absolving you of responsibility, but no one here can pass judgment on you for your crimes without looking at themselves first. And as for what was done to you, no one walks away from that without being strong."
Jack lifted her eyes from the floor and gave Garrus his first hostile-free stare since entering her space.
"Why are you telling me this shit? Why do you care?"
Garrus held Jack's gaze unfaltering, even though he himself didn't fully understand what had led him down here. Usually it was Shepard who handled these things.
"I suppose, because I know what it is like to be on the receiving end of Shepard telling me not to take the life of someone who I really believed deserved it. She has a way of getting in your head and making you doubt your own convictions." Garrus gave a humorless huff of laughter. "You feel rage at first, but then you know she made the right choice for you, and somehow, it was still your choice in the end."
Jack nodded slightly, understanding the moment he was talking about. She appreciated that he hadn't come down to tell her he understood her pain or that everything would be okay in the end, or some equally cliché bullshit. Garrus was honest about the things he knew and only offered what he could give. It was oddly comforting. She could see why Shepard considered him her best friend.
"So, how long have you been in love with her?" Jack asked quietly.
Garrus gave an audible click of his mandibles, his body tensing at the unexpected question. Before he could protest however, Jack leveled him with a challenging, knowing look.
The turian gave a defeated huff before answering, "Somewhere half way through our mission to find Saren. She had helped me track down a black-market organ dealer named Dr. Saleon and convinced me not to kill the man."
Jack hummed, making the connection between his confession and the reason why he was here.
"Are you ever going to tell her?"
"No, it is clear she'll never see me as more than just her loyal friend Garrus, and I'm okay with that. Besides, I have my suspicions she already has her attention on someone else."
"The blue drell. Yeah, I noticed it too," Jack snorted.
Garrus nodded sagely, only a small hint of solemness evident. Jack had to admit, the man was good at hiding his feelings. However, the admiration in the way he spoke about Shepard was just a hint too much to just be friendship.
"You know, she might be into you if you just told her how you felt."
Garrus was an attractive turian, even with the additional scars to his face. Jack wasn't sure why he would conceal his feelings from the woman.
"It's alright, really. There are only so many times a man can hear he is like the brother she never had before he loses hope at anything else. I value her friendship too much to lose it, and I honestly just want to see her happy. I can't think of anyone else who deserves it more than her."
"You don't deserve happiness?" Jack surprised herself with her soft question. The whole encounter between the two of them had been strange and unfamiliar already. But Garrus was admittedly easy to speak to, and she would be lying if she hadn't been asking the question in reflection of her own future.
The turian had no reply for her, but he some how saw the underlining questioning and supplied an honest response, "I don't know if everyone deserves happiness. I think it's something that just finds us and we just have to be quick enough to embrace it."
The two continued to speak. Jack found herself opening up to the large turian the longer he stayed. The knowledge that maybe Shepard wasn't the only person on the ship she could trust with her secrets was strange, but possibly worth exploring.
Fifteen minutes earlier
Kolyat stopped mid push-up, aching to check on the injured Commander as the team returned from their mission. He knew that he could get into major trouble for addressing Shepard without asking permission from his trainer, but he found himself not caring.
The blue drell watched as the commander spoke quietly with Garrus and Grunt by the shuttle, giving little attention to her battered armor. As Shepard thanked the pilot, Garrus and Grunt strode away with grim looks on their faces. Her own expression appeared troubled, and solemn, as she leaned against the unloaded crates before she schooled herself into something more neutral.
Jacob, his instructor, had unfortunately caught on to his trainee's distraction rather quickly. The large, dark-skinned man rose to his feet, springing from his own sit-ups with surprising nimbleness for his size. He moved behind Kolyat and pressed a heavy boot to his back, pushing him to the ground with ease.
"Come on, kid," Jacob sighed. "Get your head on straight. Fifty more push-ups, count them out."
Kolyat ground his teeth in annoyance as he resumed his push-ups, struggling under the added weight of his instructor's boot. He had already completed well over one hundred push-ups, eighty pull-ups, three hundred sit-ups, and two hundred leg lifts.
Prior to the strength training, Kolyat had run two miles on the treadmill. He had narrowly beaten his own record of fifteen minutes and fifty-two seconds, but before he could get too excited, Jacob had moved onto the next set of torturous exercises.
As Kolyat strained against Jacob's added weight, he saw Garrus return, still covered in orange blood that obviously didn't belong to him. Garrus and Selene chatted lightly, too low for him to hear.
He attempted to clear his mind and focused his entire being on his burning muscles, nearly passing out from exhaustion when he reached fifty. He held himself firm in a ready position, as he had been taught to do, and Jacob blessedly lifted his boot from his back.
As Jacob went over what Kolyat had been improving on, subtly jabbing in the things he needed to work on also, his eyes wandered across the room once more.
Garrus was gripping one of Selene's shoulders in a large, clawed hand as he spoke to her in a comforting voice. He appeared to be trying to lift the Commander's spirits, judging from the dull look in her eyes as she stared at his chest.
Kolyat found himself wishing he could swap places with the turian.
"Kolyat!" Jacob's clipped shout reverberated in the large space, attracting the attention of everyone in the room. Arguably, attracting the attention of everyone in the galaxy.
Internally, Kolyat cringed at having been caught not paying attention. Again. He trained his eyes on the ground, keeping his mouth shut, and anticipated what his punishment would be with steely resolve. His insides turned at having Selene here to see what a spectacular lecture Jacob might give.
"If you can't listen to feedback here, what makes you think you are ever going to be ready to work out in the field? Up on the bars. Now!" Jacob barked.
Kolyat immediately responded, fearing what might happen if he delayed even a second, jumping to his feet and rushing over to the high bars behind him. Jacob instructed him to perform hanging crunches from the tallest beam, only stopping when the human gave him permission to do so.
Kolyat took his punishment without complaint.
Soft, melodic laughter drifted over from where the Commander and Garrus stood. Though he refused to be distracted again, he felt his neck burn with color.
Selene smiled at the scene before her; Shepard was beyond pleased with Kolyat's improvement and integration with the team. The only consistent problem he appeared to have was his drifting focus and attention span.
She allowed Jacob the space to tighten and curb some of Kolyat's negative habits, and she left him to continue his lesson even as the scheduled time limit came and went. Five minutes longer would not kill Kolyat, she thought, leading Garrus up the stairs and out of the cargo bay. As the turian rode the elevator to the top and dropped Shepard off at her cabin, he pressed the button that would return him to engineering.
One Hour Later
Shepard emerged from the elevator onto the crew deck later, freshly showered, wearing a clean N7 top tucked into a pair of tactical pants. As she rounded the corner, her boots stopped short of the mess hall tables as she surveyed the crowded space. Most of the team was milling around, talking as they waited for dinner to be ready.
The ground team knew that dinner had to be taken as a squad every night. They were free to take their breakfast and lunch when they wanted, but evening meals had to be eaten together. She believed if they were good enough to fight and die together, they were good enough to eat together. Bringing the squad together like this encouraged tighter bonds, regardless of their resistance.
She scanned the room, noticing immediately two distinctive figures missing.
"Where is Kolyat and Jacob?" she addressed the room, drawing everyone's attention.
"Last time I saw them, they were still in the cargo bay, Commander. Jacob had Kolyat preforming suicide runs," Tali called out softly.
"¡Ay, dios mío!" Shepard hissed, nearly growling. She spun on her heal and took off to the cargo bay.
"Should we, um, warn Jacob about what's coming his way?" Kasumi asked the room.
It was Zaeed who answered, "Nah, let the man suffer the consequences. He knows better."
The rest of the room nodded in agreement as they turned back to their conversations. All of them expecting a late arrival from the trio down in the cargo bay.
Selene darted out of the elevator before the doors had fully opened. Her angry stride did not break as she made her way down the stairs two at a time. Her body vibrated with tightly coiled, angry energy.
Kolyat walked at a slow pace on the treadmill, his shoulders visibly slumped around him. Jacob sat perched on a chair near the machine, packed and ready to leave. Jacob had kept Kolyat almost a full hour over his scheduled time.
Jacob knew the rules, crewmembers could only go over seven minutes of training. Five minutes strictly for finishing an exercising and two minutes for cooling down.
Kolyat's carefully scheduled training regimen had been hand crafted by Selene, to ensure he didn't completely injure himself. She expected her crew to listen to her orders and to trust her knowledge about her team member's boundaries.
With a pang of regret, she realized Kolyat had been down in the cargo bay with four different instructors for six hours. His father had worked with him for two hours on hand-to-hand combat before the younger drell's lesson with Jack.
"Hey, Shepard," Jacob called out, oblivious to her anger. "We were just about to finish up here. Sorry for being late to dinner- the kid here needed an extra lesson on listening to orders and focusing."
The drell kept his eyes forward, not even twitching at the sound of Shepard's entrance, possibly fearing he would never be allowed to leave the cargo bay again if he halted the exercise.
"Mr. Taylor," Shepard snapped. "Would you care to explain to me why you have exceeded Mr. Krios' training schedule by . . ." Shepard made a show of checking her omini tool's clock. "fifty-eight minutes? When you know full well his training is not to exceed seven minutes over the allotted time?"
Jacob's brow scrunched together, swallowing hard under her fierce glare, but he crossed his arms in a show of defiance.
"He was caught not paying attention twice. He needed to be taught a lesson that there are consequences to not listening."
The man failed to realize is that he had blatantly disobeyed his own CO's orders. Naturally, there should be consequences for that as well.
"I hope the power play was worth it, Taylor, because your officially on mess cleanup for the next four weeks," Shepard's voice lowered the temperature in the room significantly. "You will be spending the night cycle cleaning every pot, pan, bowl and plate after dinner. By hand. With Mess Sargent Gardner supervising."
"Commander, are you serious? I was doing my job – "
"You unnecessarily extended a punishment towards a new recruit for failing to follow orders, Taylor!" Shepard roared, taking one intimidating step forward. "And still, you appear to have forgotten how to follow orders yourself. I am the commanding officer on this ship, and I determine the duration of each training session down to the last minute." She felt no guilt in pulling rank with the former Alliance solider. "Kolyat has been down here for six hours straight because you decided he needed a lesson on how to listen. I believe you need the same."
Shepard's voice became gradually lower and more level until she sounded disturbingly calm. Kolyat had heard her shout like this only once during his short time on the ship: when Grunt had turned a simple sparing match with his father into a full on varren fight.
Grunt had charged Thane, unable to determine between friend or foe in his blood lust, sending his father to the floor with a sickening crack. Thane had attempted to shield himself from the onslaught of Grunt's fists, the full force of the Krogan's 500-pound weight on his face, neck and chest, only the thin veil of Thane's biotics protecting him. The green drell suffered a harsh beating before Shepard's own biotics had flared to life, catapulting Grunt backward like a tossed sack of vegetables.
Selene had appeared nearly inconsolable after releasing her fury on Grunt, exploding over the fact that Grunt had been unable to control his own blood frenzy. Nearly killing Thane in the process had something to do with it also, Kolyat knew. He had almost flown into a rage himself at the sight of his father's abused form afterwards. It was a testament to the assassin's strength that he managed to walk himself to the medical bay.
Grunt had of course apologized for his mistake and had taken his own punishment stoically.
"Kolyat, get off there," she called out to him wearily. "Get some water and rest for a second. I want to speak to you before we get to dinner."
The blue drell pointedly averted his gaze from Shepard as he slumped into a nearby chair, tuning out her tirade until she curtly dismissed Jacob to dinner. His attention was more focused on the sweet, blissful taste of the water he was currently chugging.
Shepard knelt on the ground in front of Kolyat, her voice softened with concern. "Hey, slow down. You're going to make yourself sick," she chastised him as she watched him hungrily swallow large gulps of water. Her hand closed around his on the water bottle. "Are you okay?"
His brain nearly short circuited from the skin-to-skin contact, but she had already moved her hand away by the time he had capped the bottle. Part of him thought with embarrassment that he could have laid sprawled on the mat, dazed, exhausted and daydreaming about the softness of her skin.
"Sorry, Commander," he said with a rough shake of his head. "I'm fine, really. I hope you do not take offense, but why were you so hard on Jacob?"
"I was angry because this is not the first time Mr. Taylor has conveniently made excuses to get around my orders, and it won't be the last. Like Miranda, he seems to conveniently forget that this is not the Illusive Man's ship anymore."
The bitterness in Shepard's voice was evident. He nearly swallowed his words, but he forced himself to trudge forward instead. His curiosity giving him courage.
"The Illusive Man is the head of Cerberus and the one who organized your resurrection, right?"
"Unfortunately," Shepard answered flatly. An honest answer, but an easily conveyed dismissal.
Desperately looking for a new subject change, his eyes immediately latched onto something that had completely diverted his attention.
"You have another tattoo on your neck. How have I never seen that?" he observed dumbly, blinking in surprise.
Her left hand involuntarily—a bit self-consciously— rubbed the side of her neck.
"I got it recently," she laughed softly. "It's sentimental, really. Jack did it for me."
Without thinking, specifically about self-preservation, he moved forward and brushed a section of Selene's long black hair from her neck. The Commander noticeably stiffened but did not shove him away; there was something oddly intimate, and enthralling, about his hand in her hair.
The tattoo was only three inches long, black and gray, a rectangular shape with rounded edges. In small, beveled writing was the words: Shepard, Selene R. Above the name were a series of numbers. The skin was pink against her darker skin, slightly angry from the healing process. He was tempted to reach out and ghost his fingers over the soft skin of her neck.
Selene fought to remind herself of Kolyat's lack of understanding when it came to human personal space. Though, his father didn't seem to have an issue with it. Her natural instinct told her to bend his hand painfully away from her at the suddenness of his touch. However, she realized that it had been a long time since someone had taken this much care in touching her. Most of her physical interaction with people revolved around violence. It was nice to just feel someone else's skin against her own.
She was enjoying the feel of his hand in her hair, the coolness of his scales against her over heated skin as they brushed with feather lightness over the healing skin. She shivered involuntarily, and cleared her throat.
"So, can you tell what it is?"
Kolyat hummed in thought, his sub harmonics similar to Garrus' as the vibrations expanded outward at a different frequency that she had never noticed until she had been resurrected. The result was a pleasant resonation deep in her own chest that soothed her immediately. A pleasant sound that cocooned her in its richness.
"I honestly have no clue," he deadpanned. She laughed quietly; his hand still coiled in the silky strands of her hair. His lips quirked into a small smile, but his heart nearly leapt into his throat.
"It's my dog tags from when I served in the Alliance. The originals were lost when the ship was destroyed."
Kolyat cringed inwardly. It had been his intention to revert her mind away from her death and her unfortunate position with Cerberus. Quickly, he shifted the topic to her other works of art, not wishing for their interaction to end.
He reached out, feeling bold, and brushed his bruised knuckles over her right arm.
"What about these ones?"
"They are from different times in my life. A couple from before the military, many from during my service. I completed the whole thing after N7 training. Had to keep moving down to my legs. I started a few on the other arm, but I kind of like the imbalance."
"Is it common for humans to decorate their skin with tattoos?"
"Depends," Shepard shrugged. "Some find it to be taboo or ugly. Others can't really sit through the pain. It's more widely accepted now than when we first began to enter galactic space. My CO's never really cared how I chose to decorate my body."
Kolyat hummed in fascination, finally letting his hands fall limply to his sides.
Selene chose to ignore how she missed the skin contact and peered at him as if nothing happened. As if they hadn't just had . . . a moment.
"Drell scales are particularly difficult to penetrate," Kolyat murmured. "Our annual shedding makes it so any tattoos we do receive must be reapplied. We are taught in our history that tattooing was ritualistic in the past, and seasonally performed." Kolyat absentmindedly stroked a pair of silver bars impaled through the left side of the scaled ridges that made up his high cheeks. "Some choose to have themselves tattooed for the aesthetic, like piercings."
Jack had performed the service for him as well, promising that the silver bars would make his stupid face look badass.
Time seemed to halt as they continued their quiet conversation. Broaching their different racial customs with each other openly and without judgment. In their enjoyment, they completely lost track of time. The doors of the elevator whooshed open as Shepard's laugh echoed throughout the empty cargo bay. Kolyat had just finished a story about a memorably irate mother bird who had chased him around the beach after he had foolishly taken one of her eggs. The bird was remarkably quick as she snapped her beak at him, squawking her anger as Kolyat screamed for his own mother's help.
Thane strode out of the elevator in all of his stoic grace, finding Kolyat and Selene talking to each other with the ease of people who had known each other for years. He noticed, with concealed amusement, the lack of distance between them.
As he made his way down the stairs, neither seemed to be aware of his presence, even once he stood only a couple yards from them.
"My apologies for interrupting, Commander," Thane took a small amount of satisfaction in seeing Kolyat and Selene leap away from each other as if they'd been caught doing something particularly bad. Instead of commenting on the overreaction, he continued. "The crew is concerned that we might not be allowed to eat anytime soon. Grunt refuses to allow any of us to start without you."
Thane's lips quirked into a half smile as Selene's cheeks turned pink and Kolyat's neck brightened, each maintaining a wide berth of each other as they stood.
"It has already been sometime since Mr. Taylor joined us," he finished, ignoring the obvious tension in the cargo bay, his hands folded neatly behind his back.
"Excuse me, Commander," Miranda called out haughtily from the stairs before Shepard could say anything. "Are you almost finished with the new recruit down here? The crew is starving."
Kolyat wondered in amusement how she managed to make new recruit sound akin to skin disease, or foot fungus.
Thane's eyes closed briefly in irritation. Apparently, the four minutes it had taken him to reach the cargo bay was too long for the Cerberus operative.
Why had she not come herself if she was just going to follow him down here?
However, perhaps it was better he had interrupted what had been an intimate moment between his son and the Commander. One that could have been completely ruined by the rude woman above them. Thane was not aware that Miranda already had her suspicions about Kolyat's affections towards the Commander.
As Thane turned towards the obnoxious woman, he could see the confused and almost disgusted look on her face. The older drell narrowed his eyes, taking offense to the expression she held. As if she could not imagine why Selene would wish to spend more time then she had to in the presence of his son.
It was still unclear to him if Miranda was truly xenophobic, having witnessed the ease at which she spoke to Mordin and Samara, and the few nonhuman associates she kept during the mission to save her sister. However, the woman made it clear she did not particularly like some of the other nonhuman team members, and she particularly seemed to take a disliking towards Kolyat. Regardless, Thane kept a watchful eye on her, not trusting her despite Shepard's feelings on the matter.
"We were just about to come up," Selene answered as she led the two drell up to the elevators. Miranda stood just outside the open doors with her hands on her hips. "I had to discuss some training details with Kolyat," she supplied coolly, her expression now giving nothing away. "I also needed to explain why Jacob will now be Gardner's new dishwasher for the next month."
That was all Selene offered as an explanation and Kolyat was certainly not going to supply more. He could feel his father's eyes shift towards him curiously, not being fooled by the story the Commander had just given Miranda. Kolyat ignored him in favor of looking straight ahead.
"I think we have kept everyone waiting long enough," Thane offered. "Perhaps it is time to head up to the mess hall?"
Shepard shifted her steely gaze from Miranda to Thane, amusement flickering in the depths of her silver-green gaze. While he spoke the polite question, it was obviously a statement.
An awkward silence descended on the group as they traveled up to the mess hall floor.
"Finally," Jack groaned as the Commander strode around the corner. "Let's eat."
The Commander's face lit up as she took her seat. The biotic had decided to join them for dinner after all. Selene ideally wondered what had changed the woman's mind, but felt it was best to not pry, and just be thankful Jack had not secluded herself from the team.
As Jack unceremoniously dug into her meal, Grunt and Garrus next to her waited patiently for Shepard to take her customary seat at the head of their table. Two seats had been left empty for the father and son pair as well; Thane subtly left the seat next to Shepard open for Kolyat to take.
Garrus gave the young drell across from him a smirk, a mischievous glint made his eyes light up. Kolyat shifted nervously.
"So, what were you two doing down there?" Garrus questioned with glee. "More punishment for the kid?"
"Kolyat has received enough punishment for one day," Shepard deflected the question. "I'm cutting your training in half tomorrow, Kolyat. I want you taking the rest of the day to rest. Maybe you can brush up on some recordings we've taken of our fights with the collectors. Your father and Garrus here can explain how we work together on the field and point out some weaknesses in the Collector defense."
The rest of the dinner carried on like it usually did, with light chatter and the occasional loud banter. The crew jabbed and catcalled at Jacob as Garrus happily announced his new demoted position to the crew. Garrus took it upon himself to toss an apron at the man from the side of Gardner's station.
Jacob took the ribbing in surprisingly good nature, looking properly humbled.
As he went around collecting the team's dishes, some whistled and sent credits his way, playfully tipping him for his work. As he stopped in front of Shepard, he stumbled through an apology.
"I am sorry for disobeying orders, Commander, and questioning you when my insubordination was pointed out. I assure you it will not happen again."
Selene gave him a stern nod before pointing to the blue drell beside her. "I'm not the only one you need to apologize to Taylor."
The darker skinned human found it increasingly more difficult to sound sincere as he gave a weak apology to the younger drell. Kolyat nodded his head in acceptance, anyway, not having been bothered by the punishment to begin with.
Shepard's orders were clear, and he was happy he had not been on the receiving end of her anger.
Before Jack could disappear, Kolyat watched the Commander jog after her, quietly asking to speak with her in private. The biotic gave an uncharacteristic nervous nod, but there was a flash of appreciation in her eyes as she led Selene to the elevators.
As Kolyat returned his gaze to the group in front of him, he was startled to find Zaeed's mixed-match eyes narrowed at him in suspicion. Grunt was giving him a similar look, though he was used to that look, but his father and Garrus appeared mildly amused.
Kolyat shifted nervously, his scales itching under the penetrating stares. He abruptly leapt to his feet, nearly banging his knee on the table as he did so, declaring he was going to bed.
The blue drell practically ran from the room.
"Your boy is a jumpy little lizard, Krios." Zaeed's observed in a heavily accented voice, his eyes stayed trained on where Kolyat had disappeared around the corner. "Be sure he doesn't do anything stupid that might cause him to be accidentally launched out one of the air locks."
Thane took the thinly veiled threat as a courtesy warning.
"Touch my son, Mr. Massani, and you might find yourself accidentally launched out of one of the air locks," Thane responded coolly. "Kolyat is not some disrespectful boy trying to deceive Selene. He would never do something untoward, and I suggest you keep your poor excuse of a threat to yourself."
Shepard was perfectly capable of fending off any unwanted advances from people herself, but it was clear that everyone at the table felt a degree of protectiveness for their friend. Unfortunately, that hostility was being directed at the most important person in Thane's life.
The tall drell stood slowly from his seat, and Zaeed copied his movements. Grunt and Garrus stood quickly, ready to break up a fight if things became aggressive. Jacob and Gardner behind the counter made a good showing of ignoring the group, but kept their ears trained intently.
"Alright Krios," Zaeed smirked. "I won't touch your precious baby boy. But if he does something to upset her or to hurt her, his ass is mine."
"If Kolyat does anything of the sort, rest assured that you will not be the only one after him."
Seeming satisfied, Zaeed nodded sharply, and turned to head to bed, Grunt following behind.
"Well, that could have gone worse," Garrus' sarcasm did not help alleviate Thane's mild anxiety over Zaeed's words.
Thane bid the remaining occupants of the mess hall goodnight and made his way to life support. He paused in this doorway, taking in his son's disheveled form on his cot. His long limbs were sprawled out, the blankets pushed to the floor as he lightly snored into the open space.
An image of Kolyat in the same position, only five years old, rose unbidden to the surface of his mind.
He lifted the blanket from the floor, and properly draped it over the younger man. Thane bent over to press a light kiss to the boy's forehead, before turning to his own cot on the other side of the room. As he dressed for bed, he said a short prayer to Arashu for her many blessings and promptly climbed into bed. As he fell asleep, the assassin realized with cloudy consciousness that he hadn't felt this content in years.
Author's note: So, if you had not noticed, I do not particularly care for Miranda or Jacob. However, they are still part of the team. I wanted to develop their characters' a bit more. I make no apologies for making them dislikable, Bioware already accomplished that.
Also, I absolutely love Jack and Zaeed. The idea that Jack mirrors the alternate path that Shepard's life could have taken if she had not joined the Alliance or made friendships with people that cared for her really intrigued me. Zaeed has become this overprotective grandfather figure for Shepard that I really started just going with in my head when replaying the games. I think his character is so interesting and I really wish we were not limited to just brief, noncontrollable conversation between Shepard and him.
Thank you for reading, I hope it has been enjoyable.