Disclaimer: I don't own RvB or any other references.
A/N: So... The last chapter throw you for a loop? Heh, well... yeah. It was fun to write and with Marley, you know things aren't going to be exactly normal.
Episode 39: It Seemed Like Such a Good Idea at the Time...
"Hey, since you're still in control of you body, why don't we get a move on?" Wash asked Marley. Personally, he was ready to get away from the reality bending madness that had Eagle making ammunition out of glitter and Flowdie pulling spray paint out of his armor. Where did any of that come from?! It hurt his brain too much to think of it. Marley shrugged and led them all back inside The Phantom.
"Alright, but Flowdie pilots. Never know when Church is going to knock something loose in my head that causes me to react oddly," she said, pulling out a pen and paper. "Speaking of, grab his body, would you? I'm not playing host to him longer than I need to." Dex nodded, glad of something to do, and put his painting of playing cards away before taking one arm of the suit.
"Here, let me help," Rick said, taking the other side.
"Thanks," Dex said as they carried the robotic shell into The Phantom and strapped it into one of the seats.
"What'cha doing?" Wash asked, ignoring the two Reds maneuvering the Churchbot and sitting beside the more interesting Marley.
"Planning what to do when we get to Freelancer command. Namely, getting everyone inside," she said, making a few scribbles that might have been words.
"Why don't we use the door?" asked Caboose.
"No offense, but you don't look like Freelancers," Wash said.
"Yeah, but you can't see inside a tank." Marley snickered.
"Got a point there Caboose, but I'm fresh out of tanks, and they only hold only a few people at a time. We need something bigger," she said.
"Or two tanks. And a jeep for Agent Washingtub because, he is scary," Caboose put forth.
"That was a good idea," Wash muttered, staring at the Blue.
"I know," Kai remarked.
"But it came from Caboose."
"Hey, it's not all cookies and orange juice in that wacky head of his ya know!" Kai defended.
"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that," Ed declared, going back to his own prank preparations and ignoring the problem of getting inside. Marley sighed and made a strike in her notes before grinning deviously and letting out a few evil laughs. It was safe to say she'd turned her attentions toward making life miserable for Freelancer while making it as funny as possible to her. The occupants of the Pelican were all very glad that she was on their side. Or was it that they were on her side?
/*/
"How long is this going to take?" asked Wash.
"I told you, I'm fresh out of tanks!" Marley said irritably.
"Stop arguing and run!" barked Dex, shoving them from behind.
"Why did we decide to do this again?" Ed asked, easily keeping pace with the frustrated Dex.
"Well, it seemed like such a good idea at the time," remarked Flowdie, before ducking forward into a dodge roll to avoid a rash of bullets.
"Famous last words" Eagle growled.
/*/
Safely back on The Phantom, though it was crowded with the two tanks, Marley fell into a sort of trance, muttering faintly. When she clumsily swiped at the air her words were clear. "To Tartarus with code names Michael! I'm getting you out of here!" she almost screamed and Caboose twitched.
"Oregon," he muttered. Coming out of her trance, Marley raised her head, visor going clear. Her eyes were distant for a moment, then cleared up as she stared at the solid blue soldier.
"I don't leave my friends behind." He nodded.
"It's not your way." Everyone blinked. That was the most serious tone they'd ever heard out of Caboose. Marley blinked, before gasping.
"Cali?!" she asked. Caboose tilted his head, the moment lost, but Marley was a little shocked. Could it be? Could Caboose have been her friend California? His name had been on the list to send in the event of Butch's death, but then... how had he gotten from the capable Agent California to the Private with a record of team-killing?
"No... I'm pretty sure my name is Michael," he said. She shook her head. Whatever it was, she obviously wasn't around for it. Could it have been her defection that caused his change? It didn't make a lot of sense, but it was possible. Or... it was just Michael J. Caboose being Michael J. Caboose and having a moment of clarity and understanding. He was an odd one like that.
"Uh... what was that?" Wash asked, looking between Marley and Caboose in total confusion. Don't worry buddy, you're not the only lost one on that ship.
"That was Church being pulled into a memory. From my time in Freelancer. He must be talking with Loyalty in my personality core. That moment showcased Loyalty quite well," Marley remarked evenly. Her Agents nodded and brushed it off as just her usual oddity, but Wash was not so easily deterred.
"Loyalty in your personality core? What?" he asked.
"I invited Church into the deepest part of my mind Wash. The Aspects of my Personality have been tasked with teaching Church what he needs to know about humanity and emotions so that he can be a full, smart, A.I. again. And if they show him memories, I get dragged into them as well. That's why I said Flowdie was to pilot instead of me. Now drop it, Wash, and let's get to Command," she growled.
/*/
Eagle was bored. B-O-R-E-D bored! He sighed and started rummaging through his pockets. How he had pockets, why they were large enough for him to rummage through, and how they could actually hold anything was a mystery even to him, but he had them, and they were, and they did, so he decided not to question it. He came up with at least five extra clips for each of his guns, about two dozen glitter rounds for his side arm and about seventy rounds for his sniper, two packs of gum, a half empty box of tic-tacs(the burgundy/red ones that tasted like cinnamon), a flash drive with he-forgot-what on it, and a picture of his family. When he pulled that out, he froze, then sighed. "What ya got there Eagle Eye?" Rick asked, flopping down beside him.
"Oh. I was bored so I decided to see what I had on me. Turns out, I had the last family photo from when the Doughnut family didn't have a hole," Eagle told him, chuckling slightly at his own joke. Rick shuddered, he had thought his teammate was over that unsettling personality quirk, then held out a hand.
"May I see?" he asked politely. Eagle shrugged and handed it over. Rick gave him a friendly shoulder shove and looked at the mildly yellowed photo in his gloved hand. There were four smiling boys, a laughing woman, and her husband smiling at her with the soppiest, most loving look on his face. All six of them were blond, but the woman's hair seemed to have some red highlights, as did the boy standing next to who could only be Eagle. He was taller than the sniper, lanky, with a spattering of freckles across his nose and a nervous smile. His eyes were the darkest blue out of the bunch and seemed... "Who's the sad one?" Rick asked, pointing to him. Eagle sighed.
"Rick."
"Yes?"
"No, his name. It's Rick," Eagle corrected tonelessly. Rick frowned and looked at the picture again. Sure the Rick on the paper looked the most like him, but...
"I don't see why you compared me to him. He's... uncomfortable. Sad, almost wistful." A cold feeling gripped the tech as the implications of Eagle's posture and Rick Doughnut's expression sunk in. "He killed himself... didn't he?" Eagle chuckled mirthlessly.
"No. He was a technical genius. Graduated MIT when he was eighteen. He could program anything from TVs to nuclear warheads. He was twenty when he stumbled across something big. He never told me what it was, but I knew it had to do with his job. It wasn't military, but they had contracts with the UNSC. He said something about abusing his work, a mad doctor, and that he had all the evidence he needed, but that was it. He said he couldn't tell us over the phone... and then he blew up. Police said it was an issue with the gas can and a spark plug. I'm not so sure. But it didn't matter to the rest of the family. Rick was gone, silenced forever, and they just wanted to lay him to rest. Mom took it hard. She was never the same after that," he said. Rick sighed and tugged the sniper closer.
"I'm sorry, Eagle," he said. Eagle chuckled drily.
"Don't be. It was five years ago," he said. "I'm over it."
"No. You're not. Don't lie to yourself, Frank. It only brings more pain in the end," Rick said firmly.
"Speaking from experience are we?" Eagle asked, a little of his naturally teasing personality shining through. Rick smirked.
"Oh, you have no idea," he said meaningfully.
"We've got nothing to do while Marley takes Church for a trip through her head. Tell me," Eagle prompted.
"Well... it all started in middle school with the lead cheerleader..." Rick began.
/*/
"Okay... tell me again how we managed to not only steal the tanks, but fit both of them on The Phantom?" Jack requested.
"I'm... not too sure," Marley said, looking at the scuffed tanks. "Maybe the same reality bending powers that're allowing you to make egg bombs is affecting them."
"Ya know what... let's just go with that."
"Yeah... probably best for all our sanities. Wait... is that a word?"
"Eh, don't think so, but I'll take it. I know what you mean."
/*/
"I fail to see how being rejected, and thus traumatized into fearing women, has anything to do with lying to yourself," Eagle said, giving his teammate a wry smile. Rick shrugged.
"Stopped you being bored, didn't it?" he asked. Eagle rolled his eyes.
"You're crazy," he said.
"And you missed the point," Rick said, standing. Eagle blinked. "I lied to myself that if I didn't allow girls close, they wouldn't hurt me. I lied to myself, saying that I didn't care what happened back then. It was only when Marley got in close, it was only when she had me tell her that same story, that I got over it. Maybe telling me about your brother was what you needed to start healing," he said. Eagle shook his head.
"Maybe. Thanks," he said. Rick shrugged.
"What are big brothers for?" he asked before he went back to his spot between Marley and the wall. Eagle smiled sadly.
"Big brother huh? Let's just hope you don't get killed over some piece of programming," he muttered, missing Wash's flinch.
/*/
A few hours had passed and they had landed a few miles outside Command. They had unloaded the vehicles and Church's robotic body, obtained a Warthog, and now they were just waiting. From where she was leaning against one of the tanks, Marley looked over to Ed, tilting her head. "Hey Ed, could I talk to D for a moment?" she asked. Ed shrugged and the little green A.I popped up.
"How may I be of assistance?" he asked.
"Well, Alpha might not know just how to get out of my armor, so I was wondering if you could meet him and show him the way," Marley told him.
"It would be an honor. When would you like me to enter your armor's systems?" Delta responded.
"Now, if you don't mind. Something tells me Church is ready," Marley answered. Delta's hologram nodded and vanished. It was an odd feeling, having two A.I. in her head, but Marley knew it was only for a little bit. Soon enough, Delta's green form popped up by her right shoulder, a white hologram following swiftly after. The second A.I. was larger and dressed casually in jeans and a polo shirt, though it was the braids in his hair that had Marley snickering. She wanted to ask which Aspect braided his hair but refrained. He was far too relaxed for her to mess with.
"So... we good?" Wash asked, eying the A.I. almost warily. Church turned to the man and chuckled. Marley blinked, trying to contain her surprise. She hadn't expected him to loosen up this much, though the lack of armor on his holographic form should have tipped her off.
"Yeah, I'd say we are," he said before ambling over to his armor. "Now, let's go cause some chaos for that backstabbing Dr. Church," he added after feeling himself becoming integrated with the robot's systems.
"Eh... Dr. Church?" Caboose and Kai asked, shocked.
"Well there's a great big surprise," Dex muttered.
"Not," coughed Eagle.
"Hey, guys? Where did the tanks come from?" Church asked, looking at the two, mildly scuffed, vehicles. Marley laughed nervously and Wash groaned.
"Don't ask just... just get in the car," he said, climbing into the Warthog. Church shook his head.
"I don't even want to know what I missed," he muttered, climbing in after.
/*/
Church was a little incredulous. "Who did you say came up with this plan again?" he asked, eying the two tanks trundling along behind them.
"Caboose came up with the tank part, Flowdie came up with how to get two. Do not ask how we got them. Now shut up and let me drive," Wash snapped back. Church shook his head.
"There is no way this plan will work," he said. Wash tensed, his fingers kneading the steering wheel.
"Shut up. Follow my lead," he hissed. Church gave him a considering look, then decided to play along. If there was a chance they'd get inside, it was with Wash.
"Dex! Get off me you ox!" Red's voice said from somewhere inside the crowded tank.
"Stop pushing me. OW!" Dex answered.
"The next person to try shoving me gets knifed," Rick growled. There were no more comments from the Red tank. Blue tank was mostly composed, though that might have been because most of its occupants were professional and Marley was an expert on making men uncomfortable. Caboose was Very Scared.
"Uh... right. Looks like everything checks out here. Looks like there was another incident at Outpost 17B. Glad you fellas made it out okay," the guard said, looking up from his clip board.
"Yeah, thanks," Wash replied tersely. Church imagined rolling his eyes.
"You'll have to excuse him. We lost a lot of friends in the incident," he said.
"Don't apologize for me," Wash hissed. Church paid him no mind and tried his best to look like he was smiling at the guard.
"You're clear now, so drive on to Building Three," the guard instructed, pointing out said building.
"Understood. Thanks, soldier," Wash out, driving forward.
"You're not really a people person, are you?" Church remarked lightly.
"Shut up."
"Still, I'm surprised that worked."
"I know. It was too easy," Wash said. Church shot him a look.
"You don't sound too upset about that. In fact, if I didn't know better... I'd say you were excited about it," he said. Wash didn't dignify that with an answer, which prompted the A.I. inhabiting the robot beside him to huff in irritation.
/*/
Soon, they pulled into an empty parking lot and piled out of the tanks. The Phantoms and Reds turned baleful looks on Flowdie and Caboose. "We're never doing that again," they declared ominously.
"It worked didn't it?" countered Marley, who hadn't glared. "Besides, we all agreed to the plan. Now, to chaos!" she said, ending with a cheer and a fist pump. Church chuckled worryingly and exited his robot.
"I believe I shall follow Alpha's example," Delta said, appearing beside Ed's head. The infiltration expert nodded and the little green hologram vanished into the base as well.
"Whelp, it's been fun, but I've got an armory to raid and some Freelancer employees to heckle. Laters!" Dex said, clapping his hands before him and bouncing on his toes, then loping off in a random direction... before spinning on his heel and going a completely different direction. Marley snickered when she heard him muttering about stupid A.I.s.
"Speaking of A.I.s, Wash, are you okay with me stealing Epsilon for myself?" Marley asked the Recovery Agent. He shrugged.
"As long as he isn't in my head, I'm fine," he said. Marley nodded.
"Anyone else want an A.I. fragment?" she asked. Everyone shook their heads and Marley shrugged. "Okay, whatever you say. Phantom powers... Away!" she said and took off toward where she knew the A.I. storage to be.
/*/
Rick made his way to the break room and cautiously listened for sounds of inhabitants. Hearing nothing, he inched closer to the door. The coast was clear. Grinning like a loon, he slipped inside and set to work. Tanks weren't the only thing they'd stolen on their way and so he had plenty to work with as he made the break room a mine field of pitfalls. Most traps involved glue and glitter, but there were some eggs and maybe a banana. And an air horn. "Why a Freelancer Simulation base had all these wonderful pranking supplies, I will never know," the man muttered as he worked. When he considered the break room sufficiently pranked, he moved on to the barracks. If anyone survived the almost inevitable arrival of Meta, they'd be in for a rough night's sleep as sand was put in their beds, their toothpaste had powdered caffeine rubbed into the mouth of the tube, mouthwash was replaced with lime juice, and their doors were rigged with various liquids and projectiles, preceded by a trip wire. Even if they avoided the wire, they'd get hit with the liquid and/or projectiles. Also, the less said about what he did to their showers the better. "Have fun, Freelancer!" he cackled as he left the barracks to met up with the rest of the group in the motor pool.
/*/
Kai hummed happily as she skipped down the corridors, cans of powder blue and baby pink spray paint aimed at the walls as she emptied their contents. "Hey! Who are you?!" a man asked, coming out of a room and getting a face full of powder blue spray paint.
"I'm Kai! And I'm happy to be heeeree!" she sang, spinning wildly, the sprayers on both cans still fully depressed.
"Stop that!" the man yelled, trying to get the paint off his visor.
"NEVER!" Kai yelled, chucking the can of pink paint at him before taking off running, pulling a can of red spray paint out and cackling.
"KAI!" she heard her brother shout, just before part of the wall blasted out into her corridor, carrying a hapless solider with it. She picked up the large club like thing that had sent the man flying. "Oh. Hey, Kai!" She turned and saw her brother waving energetically at her through the hole in the wall, loaded down with a ton of weaponry. She wouldn't be surprised if it was a literal ton either, some of those weapons were huge! "That's a gravity hammer by the way. Very effective for brute force types. And a Very Merry Un-Birthday to you!" he said, far more cheerful than Kai had ever heard him, before he went on his way, whistling merrily and pulling a rather large gun up into his hands. She cackled, swinging the gravity hammer up to rest on her shoulders.
"All I need now is some bubblegum!" she said with glee, striding down the corridor like it was a runway, spray paint momentarily forgotten in lieu of her new toy. Something flashed near her head before music started playing from her helmet speakers.
"You're welcome, Harley," Church remarked in her head before vanishing, a slight pressure she hadn't noticed on his arrival vanishing with him. She grinned and sang along. 'I'm a sucker for pain~!'
/*/
Theta had no idea what he was supposed to be doing. 'Have fun Theta,' Jack had told him. But how was he supposed to have fun? He watched the security feeds of Rick and Dex and how they were 'having fun,' but he knew he couldn't do things like they were. Then he noticed Kai dancing and tuned into the audio feed from her section. She was singing along to a song his records showed was from the 2016 movie Suicide Squad. From what the records showed, the track 'I'm a Sucker for Pain' was an apt song for her. "Hey there little brother, having trouble?" Alpha asked. Theta jumped, then looked down, scuffing at the code beneath him with his toes. "Ah, don't worry too much little bro. If I remember correctly... you liked to put on firework displays and show off skateboarding tricks, right?" Theta looked up quickly, surprised. Alpha's green eyes were kind as he put a hand on Theta's helmet.
"How did you know that?" he asked. Alpha chuckled, smiling at the childlike A.I.
"Marley showed me, while I was talking with Joy," he said. Theta nodded, then quirked his head in curiosity.
"Why aren't you in armor?" he asked. Alpha chuckled.
"I'm not too sure myself Theta, but it might have been because Marley's Aspect of Joy forced me out of it. I haven't been able to put it back on since expect for when I'm in my robot. Anyway, here's my suggestion. Why don't you try showing the Freelancer employee's, that aren't currently wreaking havoc through the base, your brightest fireworks shows through their HUDs?" he said. If he'd had eyes, Theta's would have widened.
"But wouldn't that blind them?" he asked. Alpha shrugged.
"Not permanently, if you do it right. And I trust you to be able to know how bright is too bright. If you're really worried about blinding them, focus more on the colors than the intensity. The main point is to make it as distracting as you can," he said. Theta nodded, thinking it over. "And make sure you remember you best show, so you can show it to all of us later, okay? I'm sure Jack and Marley would love to watch it with me," Alpha added. Theta looked up excitedly.
"You'd do that?!" he asked. Alpha laughed at the excited antics of the little A.I.
"Of course! What are big brothers for?" he asked, then looked over his shoulder with a devious look. "Ah, sorry Theta, but I sense the perfect opportunity for mischief. I'll check back later, 'kay?" he said, waiting for Theta's nod before vanishing. Theta looked back to Kai's section, an idea forming. If he could, he would have smiled with the same devious look as his 'big brother.'
"Fireworks, huh?" he muttered before exerting his control over computer code and broadcasting Kai's song through the loudspeaker and setting off red and blue fireworks in time to the music inside the soldiers' helmets. The screams intensified in that corridor and Theta split his attention between Kai and her brother. He rifled through his archive of songs... then winced as another soldier went down. Looked like his choice was made.
"Another one bites the dust! And another one gone and another one gone, Another one bites the dust~!" Theta quickly whipped up a protocol, making it so that what ever room the Grif siblings entered, the PA system would play their songs. Alpha flashed back to his side, cackling.
"Brilliant! I knew you'd come up with something awesome!" he crowed, slapping the smaller program on the back. Theta tried to smile at his 'brother,' a warm feeling coursing through his coding.
"Thanks!" he chirped.
"Hey, what about the others?" Alpha asked. Theta shook his head.
"They're being sneaky," he said. Alpha gave him a look.
"Red."
"I got a shotgun rifle and a .45!" blasted out of the base's PA system as Red blasted another in the kneecap with his shotgun. The crazy Texan laughed madly and began to sing along. "I got a shotgun rifle and a .45!" Alpha fell to the code, laughing his head off.
"Perfect! It's perfect! Sure it's a protest song but..." he wheezed.
"I got a shotgun rifle and a .45! And You can't take that Away!"
"It's a song against gun control! About shotguns!" If he hadn't known better, Theta would have said Alpha had lost it.
/*/
While Alpha was having fun messing with door controls, Delta was copying files, and Theta was practicing his DJ and pyrotechnic skills, Gary was guiding his newest agent through the twists and turns of Freelancer Command. It didn't really bother Gary that he was guiding Dex toward Freelancer soldiers so he could beat them senseless. The weapons expert had treated the A.I with a sort of detached respect and rarely asked anything of him, which was quite unlike Wyoming's reliance. Gary wasn't sure why, but he found himself... liking the Red Agent. Not quite on par with Wyoming, but enough to inspire some sort of loyalty from the A.I. Speaking of Red Agents, Dex seemed to remember him at that moment. "Hey Gary, what do you say to running the Time unit and jumping us back about a minute?" Dex asked.
"What purpose..."
"Use of the time unit produces clones. Clones mean more weapons. More weapons means more chaos. Thus, use of the time unit means more chaos. You like chaos don't you?" the man cajoled. Gary relented and jumped them back a minute. Dex shared a look with his clone and cackled before taking off in another direction and letting the other him continue on his way.
/*/
Ed, Jack, and Flowdie had agreed to move in a pack, and were enjoying themselves immensely as they set trap after trap. And then, the coup de gras. A sleeping guard. Flowdie pulled out a marker, Ed duck tape, and Jack bright red and blue craft feathers. It was a good day to be a Phantom. Their snickers as they fled woke the guard. His screams of protest brought everyone else to their feet. "Whoever did this is going to pay!" the decorated guard bellowed. Of course, this just made the Phantoms laugh aloud and pick up their pace. Yes, it was a good day to be a Phantom indeed.
/*/
Outside, Caboose was Helping. He was very happy to be Helping. Soon, Red and Dex joined him in Helping the Freelancer people. They were so happy, they screamed and fell asleep. And where was all that glitter coming from? Caboose wanted to know. It hit people really hard and left a trail behind, but it kept moving! "Man, Eagle's sure trigger happy with that glitter," Dex muttered. Well that made sense... Wait.
"What dose a bird have to do with glitter bombs?" Caboose asked.
"Eagle Eye, our sniper? He's shooting glitter at everyone with his rifle," Dex said.
"I did not know Eagles could shoot rifles with their eyes. This is awesome! Why didn't you tell me?"
"Oh for the love of Fudge... Caboose. Eagle Eye is the guy in the pink armor," Dex said, then got knocked over by a blast of glitter. "OW!" he shouted, struggling to get up, trying fruitlessly to fight his way free of the persistent glitter that pinned him down. "YOU'RE KIDDING ME!? EAGLE! WHEN DID YOU HAVE TIME TO MAKE A GLITTER ROUND FOR A FREAKING ROCKET LAUNCHER?!" Caboose decided it was best if he Helped the Freelancer people on the other side of the base. They needed Help.
"Do not speak of the hideous atrocity. I will bury you," Admiral Buttercrust's voice growled through the radio. He did not sound Happy.
"Heh, good man Eagle. G~ood man," Red said with gruff pleasure.
"I'll be coming for you next, Red. And you won't be seeing it coming," Dex growled with dark promise. Yes. Caboose would Help the other side of the base. *"AHHH! GLITTER MONSTER!" (BBBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTT!) "Oh my Godiva! The glitter monster killed Kenny!"* Yeah. That sounded like a Good Idea. * "No. NO! AHHHHHHHHH...!" (BLUSH! BRIZZZZT!)* A Really Good Idea...
/*/
Eagle grinned evilly as he watched his creation, the dreaded Glitter Monster Grif, tear through the Freelancer forces. He patted his appropriated rocket launcher, still loaded with a single glitter round, happily. "I'll need to remember this for another day. Yes, I shall," he muttered before slinging the launcher onto his back, picked up his faithful rifle, and dashed across the roof to find another vantage point from which to rain down Glitter Rounds of Doom. And if he got a good line of sight on Meta, in range of his Glitter Launcher, well... he did still have a shell loaded, and it'd be a shame not to use it. Just Eagle's luck, the base had snipers of it's own and they were coming out to play. Eagle's grin grew just a little as he held his rifle in one hand and pulled his side arm with the other. "Hello boys, let's dance!" he said with sadistic glee. The snipers were unprepared for the exploding capsules of glitter and their screams of shock and outrage were music to the free agent's ears.
"AH! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!"
"THAT'S NEVER GOING TO WASH OUT!"
"WHERE DID YOU GET THOSE?!"
"THIRD ONE THIS WEEK!"
"WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE PINK!?" Personally, the fourth shout was the one that Eagle found the most amusing. What happened to the other two uniforms?
"Trust me, you don't want to know." Huh. Had he said that out loud? "No, I'm physic. OF COURSE YOU SAID IT OUT LOUD!"
"Geez, no need to get snippy. Just for that," Eagle said and pitched him over the side and into Dex's path.
"EAGLE!" Dex yelled. Eagle gave him a cheeky salute and vanished deeper into the compound. There were more snipers for him to torment.
"Oh what fun!" he sang as he flew along the rooftops.
/*/
Wash was humming as he walked through the computer lab, plastering glitter over the monitors. "Hey! Stop!" a random soldier yelled, running up to him. "Wait... Agent Washington?" he asked, clearly perplexed. Sensing a prime opportunity, Wash nodded solemnly and said,
"That would be this Agent's designation," before shooting another terminal. The soldier looked at the glittery monitor, then back to the Freelancer.
"What... are you shooting... glitter? At our computers?" he asked, still looking from the glitter to the Agent.
"Why yes, yes I am," Wash said, nodding at him.
"Bu... but... why?" the soldier asked, completely baffled.
"This Agent has decided to go rouge. Maybe you should consider doing the same. This Agent is having much more fun," Wash told him seriously before walking off, twirling his magnum and whistling.
"I knew he'd been certified Article 12..." the whistling Freelancer heard the soldier remark and smirked. Marley had known what she was talking about. Speaking of... she was headed to A.I. storage right? And if Meta came, he'd be headed the same way.
"Time to pay some old friends a visit," he muttered, taking a hard right and striding down the hall toward holographic storage, shooting anyone who got in his way in the visor with glitter. "I've really got to find out how he makes these," Wash muttered after the fifth shot. When he made it to storage, glitter filled pistol held at the ready, he was a little disappointed to find the guards already hard at work rubbing the ultra persistent glitter off their visors. As he snuck past, Wash once again wondered just what the glittery rounds were made of and if they messed with sensors as much as visuals. Either they did, or this base was only a single step up from a simulation and the guards were an insult to military personnel.
"Oh, hi Wash," Marley called distractedly. He looked around the 'shelves' and saw her kneeling by an A.I. storage unit.
"Epsilon," he muttered. Marley nodded.
"One and only," she muttered, fingers ghosting over the surface of his containment unit. Looking at the sleek unit, Wash felt a phantom pain in the back of his mind. "Come now, Epsilon, come on out," Marley coaxed. Instead, Church popped up beside her.
"Hey guys, thought you'd like to know Dex just used the time unit, then ran off in two different directions cackling madly," he said, then shuddered. "What is that?!" he hissed, looking toward the A.I. unit. Marley chuckled dryly.
"This... is an A.I that holds all your past memories. Memories of torture, pain, loss... Freelancer," she said, picking it up. "And he's not the most stable of individuals," she added. Church scoffed.
"Were we ever?" he asked, then looked over his shoulder at something. "Huh, so that's the game is it? Alright."
"What is it?" Marley asked. Church negligently waved a hand at her.
"Dex, Red, and Caboose are outside, Helping. Eagle's taking pot shots at everyone with glitter rounds. He even shot Dex with a fricking glitter rocket." The woman snorted, as though trying to swallow a laugh.
"Yeah, that sounds like Frank," she said.
"Oh is that his name? I was wondering who would name their son Eagle," Church said, unconsciously echoing Wash's thoughts.
"Well, his full name is Franklin Delano Doughnut, but... well... you know. Doughnut. So, I started calling him Frank during training, and then he blew up your tank and Dex called him Eagle Eye and well... it stuck. So now he answers to quite a few names, though his favorites are Eagle, Frank, and Burgundy," Marley explained. She noticed Wash staring at her. "What?"
"You are a very strange person, Agent Black," he told her seriously. She rolled her eyes and fiddled with the storage unit, Church flickering in what looked like pain.
"Whatever you're doing, stop it!" the A.I. pleaded. Marley shot him a glare.
"If you're going to complain, go take over your armor and join the others in causing chaos," she barked and the hologram blinked out, the A.I apparently doing as he was told. "Ah, if only he was always so obedient." Wash snorted.
"He wouldn't be Alpha if he was," he remarked.
"True," Marley acquiesced, inclining her head toward Wash before turning her attention back toward the A.I. "I suppose the same could be said of you, hum, Epsilon?" The unit remained silent. Marley groaned. "FINE! Be that way," she muttered, pulling out a bag and putting the unit inside, along with the units she'd already taken from Meta. "That should protect you from what may come. Now, to get the others out before we bring down the house."
"You are insane, ya know that?" Marley cleared her visor to give him a cheeky grin.
"All the best people are, m'dear. All the best people are."
/*/
Theta was getting bored when he saw that someone was trying to call. He decided it wouldn't hurt anything, and answered it. "Hello! Come in Command! Do you read Command? Why isn't anyone answering!?" an unfamiliar male voice demanded. Theta took a half step back. Whoever that was sounded angry.
"Hey Theta, you doing alright?" Alpha asked, coming up beside the younger A.I. Theta shook his head and pointed toward the audio link.
"There's an angry man calling Command."
"And you answered him?"
"Uh... not really. I just, kinda, opened the audio link," Theta said, once more scuffing the code with his toe. Alpha sighed and rubbed his helmet with a tired smile.
"Let me handle this, okay?" he asked. Theta happily agreed and Alpha moved up to the audio link. "Hey, this is Command. Go ahead," he said.
"Finally! Hey! This is a distress call! We need help down here ASAP! Mayday and all that skits!" the voice yelled. Alpha blinked, confusing Theta.
"Tucker? Private Lavernius Tucker, is that you?" Alpha asked.
"Church?"
"Yeah, it's me. Where are you, what's going on?" Alpha snapped.
"Ho man, where do I start?" Tucker asked. Theta watched, a little amazed, as his brother's face both tighten and relaxed.
"How about you start with why you're calling Command, of all places, for help?" Alpha said.
"Oh, right. Well, I was sent to this place called Sandtrap to be an ambassador, because of Junior, and then this crazy Freelancer guy moved in with these even crazier aliens. Junior wasn't on base when the take over happened, thank goodness, but now I'm locked down. The weapon these guys want is in the temple with me. I'm alone, pinned down, and stuck in a creepy aline temple with a weapon of mass destruction. I need help now man," Tucker rambled. Alpha sighed, putting his forehead in his palm.
"Man, isn't this just our luck. Okay, listen, we're kinda in the middle of tearing up Command right now. Soon as we're done with this, and the former Agent Maine who's gone totally off his rocker, we'll head your way," he said.
"Wait. What are you guys doing?" Tucker asked.
"It's complicated. I'll tell you the whole thing when we meet up, I promise, but for right now you've got to trust me, sit tight, and don't get killed. Think you can manage that?" Tucker scoffed.
"Course I can, what do you take me for?"
"You really want me to answer that?"
"Y~eah, on second thought, don't tell me," Tucker said. An explosion sounded in the background. "Oh skits! Gotta go," he said hurriedly, then ended the transmission.
"Who was that?" Theta asked. Alpha chuckled.
"The only member of our team you haven't met yet, Theta. That was my good friend Tucker who drives me totally insane, but at least isn't as bad as Caboose. In fact, next to me, he's the sanest member of Blue team," he told his little brother. Theta shivered slightly.
"I'm not sure I'll like him," he told the bigger A.I. Alpha chuckled again and tugged Theta in for a hug.
"Oh you'll be fine. If I had to compare him to one of the others, I'd say he's like Dex, only less weapon happy and more... woman happy," he told the other A.I. Theta pondered this, then decided this Tucker person couldn't be all that bad if Alpha was comparing him to Dex.
/*/
An alarm sounded and Eagle laughed. "They just now sounded the alarm? Dude, what is wrong with these people?" he asked over the Project Red channel, which the Blues and Phantoms, including Wash, had been patched into.
"Uh, they're Freelancers?" Dex said over the sound of foot soldiers screaming.
"And everyone knows you don't hire freelancers for anything," Dex said, the sound of crumbling concrete in the background... wait... what?
"Dex... why did it sound like you were in two different places just now?" Eagle asked.
"Uh... I may have used the time unit to create a clone?"
"You're an idiot."
"BOYS! We've got to go. Now," Marley barked.
"Uh, yeah, 'bout that... do we have what we came for?" Church asked.
"Mostly. You and the other A.I.'s need to get the heck out of dodge. If what I think is gonna happen happens, you're not going to survive if you're too close," Marley answered.
"Right. Well, when you're done, thinks there's any chance we could hightail it over to Sandtrap? Things are expounding over there, and I don't really like it when my friends are having fun with explosions without me," Church said.
"Sand explodes? Why don't you people tell me these things!?" Caboose exclaimed.
"Uh... mostly because sand doesn't explode, Caboose," Dex answered.
"Oh. Does it trap you?"
"Uh... it can?" Eagle tried, though it sounded rather like he was pondering that himself.
"FOCUS, boys, focus," Marley said.
"Right. A.I. paired Agents, to the motor pool! Rick, you get us those getaway cars?" Jack asked.
"Tuned, fueled, and ready to... go," Rick grunted, the wet sound of a knife pulling free of flesh carrying across the connection.
"R~ick~! What was that~!" Dex asked, sounding like he dreaded the answer but trying to mask it with humor.
"Oh, nothing, just me killing another Freelancer foot soldier, nothing to worry about. Hey! I said stay out! Don't you guys ever listen to your mechanics?" Rick yelled before cutting the connection with a growl that sounded suspiciously like, 'Wednesdays.' Marley sighed.
"Paired Agents, get to motor pool now. I don't care where you are, what you're doing, or who's in your way, just get there!" she barked. Eagle sighed. It was one of those days huh?
"Dex, run. I'll cover you," he said, switching out his glitter for real rounds. When Marley barked like that, you knew it was time to get serious.
/?/
A/N: Yeah. It seemed like such a good idea at the time... pretty much sums up the chapter, doesn't it?
Song credits!
I'm a Sucker for Pain – Lil Wayne, Wiz Khalifa, Logic, Ty Dolla $ign, and Imagine Dragons. Aw yeah.
Another one Bites the Dust – Queen. Admit it, it fits Dex doesn't it?
Shotgun rifle and a .45 – JB and the Moonshine Band. I believe Alpha Church said it best when he remarked, "It's a song against gun control! About shotguns!" It really was the perfect song for Red.