Prompt: The ICCA Disaster - requested by Anonymous
Ship: Chaubrey
A/N: None of these stories are connected to Arrhythmia in any way, shape, or form. I may use some similar storylines in Arr, but all of these stories are meant to take places in a separate, completely unrelated dimension.
Acoustic #3
The news comes in an email during her Sophomore year – a week and five days before the beginning of summer break. It's right at the beginning of finals, as if Aubrey doesn't have enough on her plate with Physics and Calculus and French. And it's just so formal.
Aubrey,
I'm writing to you to tell you that I am being deployed to Iraq again. I leave August 17th for an undetermined amount of time. Score well on your finals. I will see you when you get home for summer.
Dad
She doesn't cry this time. She almost does – but in the end, she exits out of the screen, closes her laptop, and pulls out her French notes. And she doesn't tell Chloe, because she isn't sure she can say that he's leaving overseas again out loud. That would make it real.
xxxxx
Chloe finds out the next day anyway. She finds out, because Aubrey remembers that she's supposed to go home with her for the entire month of June. And when Aubrey decides to switch her flight to go home, she has to tell her. Chloe is disappointed, but she understands. Aubrey is disappointed, too. She had been looking forward to the trip. She likes Chloe's family. And they like her. And they're so different than anything Aubrey is used to. They eat dinner in the living room while playing board games. And take spontaneous trips together to a nearby lake. And they talk to Aubrey, and they make her feel like she exists. Her disappointment makes her feel guilty, because her only thoughts should be about spending time with her father before he leaves.
What if she never sees him again? What if she never sees her own father again, and her only thoughts were how much she wishes she could have spent the summer with Chloe and her mom and dad?
xxxxx
Sometimes, Aubrey can see that she's being irrational. Like the next day when she washes her hands for exactly fifteen minutes under scalding hot water so her dad doesn't think she likes Chloe's dad more than him. But she can't not do it. And she almost cries, but this time it is out of frustration with herself for not having better self-control.
xxxxx
But, really, she's fine.
She goes to bed at a decent time at night, without Chloe needing to convince her to stop studying, like during midterms. She eats healthy. Exercises. Her finals go smoothly, and she knows she got good grades.
xxxxx
Only she isn't fine.
She continues washing her hands four times a day for exactly fifteen minutes each time, so her dad doesn't know the thoughts running through her head. And every time she goes into her bedroom, she has to count all 36 ceiling tiles before she can leave, so he doesn't die in Iraq. She starts staying in her room more, claiming she's studying, because she doesn't want the other girls to notice. Alice mocks her enough as it is.
Chloe notices.
But she doesn't say anything.
Instead, she starts acting weird. She puts her clothes in the hamper. Makes her bed. Organizes her books. Actually meets Aubrey on time for lunch.
Aubrey gets better at hiding. She washes her hands when Chloe isn't around, and she starts tapping her thumb against her fingers four times before leaving the room.
She starts talking to the other Bellas again – as much as they'll talk to her, anyway.
And Chloe seems suspicious, but slightly less worried. She loses most of her focus on picking up her clothes again.
xxxxx
The day before their flights leave to take them home for the summer, Aubrey makes the mistake of walking into the common area while some of the girls are watching CNN. The newscaster is showing images of a bombing in Iran. It's not Iraq, but it still twists Aubrey's insides, and she spends the rest of the day reading in her room to take her mind off of it.
She gets sick that night. Like, she wakes up at two in the morning, and, disoriented from a nightmare about planes dropping bombs on her father's camp in Iraq, she throws up all over her bed. Chloe is still awake, watching YouTube videos, and she's out of bed in a matter of seconds. It's too late to grab a bucket, so she ends up cupping Aubrey's comforter under her mouth, so she's throwing up on her blanket and not on herself. This time, Aubrey does start to cry. She tells herself it's because she's embarrassed and she's tired – and it's partially true.
Chloe is exceptionally calm about the whole thing. She helps Aubrey rinse the vomit off her comforter and put it in the washing machine, and she tells Aubrey that she probably has some 24 hour bug. They both know it's not true. But it makes Aubrey feel better. They cuddle up in Chloe's bed and both watch YouTube videos until they fall asleep with Chloe's laptop still open on their laps. She doesn't dream about anything after that. She's okay, even when they wake up in the morning and say goodbye before going to catch their flights.
xxxxx
Home is a disaster. It always is. As if Aubrey's parents don't fight enough, her mom makes it clear that she doesn't want her dad to leave. And Aubrey learns that he had volunteered to go. And he actually seems excited. He spends all of his time either in his office working or drinking with his army buddies, and Aubrey doesn't see him for the entire month of June anyway. Or July for that matter. She eats dinner in the dining room with her mother – and neither of them can find anything to talk about. Her mother doesn't care about A Capella, and Aubrey doesn't want to talk about her father being deployed. So, when her parents aren't screaming at each other, there is a lot of silence.
She calls Chloe every night just for someone to talk to. Chloe doesn't tell her parents about Aubrey's parents, but they still call her a few times a week to ask her how she is and what she's doing with her summer. She starts to go out hiking by herself. She visits the Aquarium. Goes to the park. And she feeds them the truth, but with lies of her parents' presence mixed in. She still feels guilty for lying to them every time she hangs up the phone. Sometimes, she video chats with Chloe while she's out, so she has someone to share the experience with. Most nights, they fall asleep still on the phone with each other.
Aubrey tries to talk to her father. She says hello every time he walks in and goodbye every time he walks out. The longest he ever stops is to salute her or slug her shoulder and call her 'soldier'. It used to make her feel special when she was like ten. Toward the end of July, she finally gets enough time with him to ask him if he wants to go to dinner. He tells her 'tomorrow' until they only have one tomorrow left before she flies back to Barden.
The day before she has to leave, she knocks on his office door.
"Come in," he says.
Aubrey opens the door and stands in the doorway. "Hi, Daddy," she says.
Her father has papers spread out all over his desk. He doesn't look up from them. "What do you need, Kiddo?" he asks, "I'm working."
"You said we would go to dinner," Aubrey reminds him.
"Let's do it tomorrow," he replies.
It feels like a small fire starts in the pit of Aubrey's stomach. "You have been saying tomorrow for weeks," she points out, "I leave tomorrow. And then you leave. I haven't seen you since I got home."
"You sound like your mother now," her father says, frowning. "Hold on." He focuses on the papers in front of him, writing something down.
"Because you don't pay attention to her either," Aubrey says.
Her father doesn't say anything. He keeps writing.
"She has to yell at you before you even acknowledge she exists." Aubrey folds her arms.
Her father grunts. "Just shut up for a minute, Aubrey," he says. His tone is so casual. But his words hurt enough that he might as well have yelled them at her just like he yells at her mother.
Aubrey stares at him, tears welling up in her eyes. He doesn't notice. After a solid three minutes of standing in the doorway, she realizes how stupid she looks. She turns on her heels and marches to her bedroom.
She doesn't call Chloe that night. Chloe tries to call her, but she doesn't answer. She doesn't answer her texts either. Ignoring her actually gives her a sense of power. She goes to sleep feeling in control, and wakes up overwhelmed with guilt. But she can't bring herself to text Chloe an apology. So, she goes back to Barden and pretends the night never happened. And Chloe never brings it up.
xxxxx
Junior year starts out okay. Aubrey likes her classes and her professors. She and Chloe immediately fall back into their normal routines – eating lunch together even on their busiest days. They don't talk about summer. Instead, they talk about class and boys and what it will be like to co-lead the Bellas next year. And, after a few days, Aubrey actually forgets about ignoring Chloe on the phone. She stops thinking about summer altogether. There is an entire year ahead of her, full of school and singing, to think about.
xxxxx
Aubrey develops an interest in YouTube videos the moment they get back to school. Okay, not really. It's Chloe who likes to watch chubby cats getting stuck in boxes and grown ass adults playing The Floor Is Lava. But Aubrey pretends to like them. Because Chloe stays up half the night watching them, and Aubrey starts to have a difficult time sleeping alone at night. So she pretends to want to watch videos, and every night, they fall asleep in Chloe's bed.
Three days before Aubrey's dad is set to be deployed, Aubrey climbs into Chloe's bed like it's routine. She collapses onto her back. She's starting to get tired from staying up all night with Chloe. She needs a full eight hours of sleep; Chloe can function on three hours of sleep and some shots of espresso. But, this time, Chloe immediately closes her laptop and places it on her nightstand the moment Aubrey is beside her. "Roll over," she says.
Aubrey just stares at her, thrown off by the change.
"Come on." Chloe motions for her to turn around.
Aubrey frowns and slowly rolls onto her side, her back to Chloe. "What are we doing?" she asks, and debates going back to her own bed.
"Relax." Chloe turns out the light. "We're going to bed." She lowers herself down behind Aubrey, and spoons around her.
"Oh." Aubrey stiffens. Sure, they have fallen asleep close to each other before, but not like this. She swallows thickly, not sure what to make of their position. It's definitely not uncomfortable. The problem is the opposite; Aubrey has never felt quite so secure. The other problem is the way Aubrey's chest feels as Chloe's body presses up against hers. She realizes how good Chloe smells. And how if she moves her hand forward a few inches, their fingers will touch. So she moves her hand until their fingers brush together. And Chloe takes her hand and holds it. Aubrey feels warm – and so confused that she worries she might actually throw up.
Chloe sighs and buries her face in Aubrey's hair, pulling her closer.
The problem is she starts to realize she feels something for Chloe, and she likes it.
xxxxx
August 17th, Aubrey's dad leaves for Iraq.
He doesn't say goodbye.
She thinks about what it might be like to be stationed in Iraq all day – and she tells Chloe over and over that she's fine. That it doesn't bother her anymore. That she has accepted it.
She reorganizes all of her books according to page length, and she starts tapping before she leaves the bedroom again.
What if he doesn't come home?
xxxxx
August 19th, they go to Aca-Initiation Night. Chloe plies her with fruity drinks and jello shots to take her mind off things, and they both get kind of wasted.
Aubrey dances once with a boy. Not a Treble. She isn't that drunk. And several times with Chloe. They're both giddy and giggly, and Aubrey feels truly happy for the first time since June. The party is a lot of fun. She doesn't feel stressed at all.
At the end of the night, just as the last song is about to finish, Chloe kisses her. It comes out of nowhere and takes her completely off-guard. She kisses her back, oblivious to her surroundings, lost in how Chloe tastes like blueberry flavored lip gloss and beer. In her head, it sounds like a disgusting mixture of things to taste like. But Chloe tastes amazing. Her lips are soft and warm. And Aubrey understands why in books, authors describe kissing as making someone melt, because she thinks she might just dissolve into Chloe. But she doesn't know if this means Chloe likes her, or if this is just one of those straight girls at a party moments. The only problem is that Aubrey is coming to realize she might not be exactly straight.
The song ends. They break apart. Aubrey is feeling confident, and she decides she's going to talk about whatever this means – sleeping in the same bed, her feelings, Chloe kissing her.
But she doesn't get the chance.
Not long after they leave the party and start walking home, the alcohol hits Chloe hard, and she ends up puking in a nearby bush as Aubrey gathers her hair away from her face and tries to comfort her. Aubrey is kind of surprised, because usually she is the first one to throw up. Chloe tearfully assures her that she's fine, but she seems really off the rest of the walk.
They end up in the bathroom at home, alternating holding each other's hair back half the night. Eventually they both fall asleep on the floor, until Alice kicks them out of the bathroom and back to their own room in the morning. She doesn't hold back when telling them how disgusting they both are.
Aubrey's bed is closest to the door, and they both collapse on top of it with stomach aches and killer headaches until almost one in the afternoon. By then, Aubrey isn't sure Chloe even remembers what happened. And she realizes this is something that could potentially ruin their friendship. So she keeps her mouth shut.
xxxxx
The Bellas are great, and Aubrey is enjoying herself even though Alice is harder on her than ever. Aubrey gets it. She's about to be in charge, and Alice wants to make sure she and Chloe are ready for the responsibility. Aubrey is used to people being hard on her. Alice reminds Aubrey of her dad in some ways. Only Alice pays more attention to her. It's negative attention, but attention nonetheless.
Then the best thing that has ever happened to Aubrey in her entire life happens.
Alice gives her a solo.
xxxxx
Howie approaches her at Sigma Beta Theta's Fall Mixer. It turns out he's the boy she danced with at Aca-Initiation Night. He asks her on a date. He's cute, and she realizes that she probably isn't going to talk to Chloe, so she says yes. They hit if off well enough. He can be kind of rude, but so can she. Overall, he's good to her, and she actually starts to really like him.
Chloe gets a boyfriend named Tom. He's on the baseball team. And, honestly, Chloe could do so much better. Tom isn't a bad guy, but he isn't very cute, and fuck is he stupid.
Aubrey spends more and more time with Howie after that. She loses her virginity to him, and the only regret she has about it is that he's not Chloe.
xxxxx
Aubrey is doing pretty well.
She has stopped doing that thing that she does where she washes her hands and taps her fingers. She doesn't understand why she was doing it to begin with, so she just doesn't think about it.
Her grades are perfect.
Alice compliments her on how she's doing with her solo.
She might not like Howie as much as she likes Chloe, but she does like him. He seems to really like her, too. They go on dates, and kiss, and hold hands. It's kind of disgustingly cute. She's really happy with it.
Chloe and Tom are constantly on and off. According to Chloe, he's great in bed. But Chloe also start to realize Aubrey is right. Because, really, Tom is just fucking dumb.
She still meets Chloe ever day for lunch. And they still sleep in Chloe's bed at night, but they stop cuddling and go back to watching YouTube videos now that they have boyfriends. But the beds at Barden are small, so they still end up pressed up against each other one way or another.
Everything is really pretty okay.
Aubrey would go so far as to say she's happy.
xxxxx
There is a terrorist bombing in Iraq.
It happens eight days before the ICCA Finals.
Aubrey's dad is declared missing.
She finds out because her mother posts about it on Facebook the first day that he's gone.
Aubrey throws up in the trashcan beside her desk. She gets away with telling Chloe that she has a stomach bug, because everything has been so great lately. Chloe puts her in bed with some crackers and ginger ale, and cleans Aubrey's trashcan, even though Aubrey assures her she can do it.
But then she starts doing that thing where she washes her hands and taps her fingers again.
Chloe calls her out on it.
And Aubrey is forced to tell her the truth.
They find him three days later. He and his men escaped from the bombing, but all their equipment had been destroyed. Her father had led them to a nearby village and essentially saved their lives.
Aubrey feels proud. Not so much relieved. She finds all of this out on Facebook, and also finds out that he declines an offer to return home.
xxxxx
Aubrey is only a little nervous for the ICCA Finals. Mostly, she's just really excited. She has her first ever solo. And they're recording it, so maybe she'll be able to somehow send it to her dad. And she's helping make history by being a part of the first ever all-female A Capella group to advance to the ICCA Finals. The Bellas could be in history books one day – at least in music classes. If her name ends up in a history book, her father will be proud of her without a doubt.
Aubrey is so excited that she forgets her scarf in the dressing room.
She almost throws up right there and then when they're halfway down the hallway and she realizes it's not on her neck. Alice is going to kill her. She and Chloe are walking behind everyone else, and she comes to an abrupt stop and grabs Chloe by the arm. "Chloe, I forgot my scarf."
"What? It's right -" Chloe looks at her neck. "Oh. Hey, it's okay, we have time."
Someone makes an announcement for the Bellas to be ready.
"Oh, shit," Chloe whispers, and Aubrey is so panicked that she feels like she's going to cry. "Here." Chloe tugs the scarf of her neck.
"What are you doing?" Aubrey hisses.
"Don't worry; I got it." Chloe stuffs the scarf into Aubrey's hand then takes off running down the hall. She's gone before Aubrey can stop her.
Aubrey ties the scarf around her neck and speed walks after The Bellas, so it doesn't look like she is lagging behind.
They stop beside the stage, and Alice notices immediately that something is up. She looks around at them then locks eyes with Aubrey. "Where is Chloe?" she asks.
Aubrey swallows. "She forgot her scarf," she answers, internally cringing at the truth of the situation.
Alice blink. "She forgot her scarf?" she asks, "I just tied it around her neck!"
Oh. "It must have fallen off." Aubrey realizes too late that that is the wrong answer, because that implies Alice is inadequate and didn't tie it tight enough. She's saved by Chloe sprinting back to the group.
Alice gives Aubrey a threatening look, then turns her attention to Chloe and grabs the scarf from her hands. "Chloe, look at you; you're a mess," she starts berating her immediately, as she ties Aubrey's scarf around Chloe's neck, "You're unfocused, you're unreliable, and your breath smells like egg, like all the time." She ties Chloe's scarf far too tightly, and Chloe cringes in pain and tries to adjust it.
Aubrey shoots Chloe apologetic look after apologetic look. Chloe's breath has smelled a little weird lately, but it started exactly when she began complaining that she felt like she had a lump in her throat and started getting earaches – and she recently saw a doctor about the last two. Really though, what the hell does Chloe's breath have to do with anything?
"I can't believe The Bellas are being passed onto you two slutbags after we graduate," Alice tells them. She points at Aubrey. "Just don't eff up your solo."
"I won't disappoint you," Aubrey assures her. She's going to make sure Alice has no regrets passing The Bellas down to her and Chloe. They're going to win tonight. "My dad always says, 'If you're not here to win, get the hell out of Kuwait.'"
"Has your dad ever told you to shut up?" Alice asks and turns around.
'Just shut up for a minute, Aubrey.'
Aubrey can hear his voice inside her head. In a matter of a second, she has one thousand thoughts in her head – emails, Facebook, videos on CNN, throwing up in bed, dinner alone with her mother, calling Chloe, kissing Chloe, her father going missing, her father being found. She accidentally bumps into Chloe, and subconsciously look to her for reassurance.
Chloe gives her a look that asks if she's okay.
"It's okay," Aubrey mouths.
Chloe nods.
Aubrey forces herself to smile and tries to regain some of her excitement. She feels kind of nauseous, but it passes when they walk out onto the stage.
xxxxx
Aubrey fucks up everything. Ruining things is her trademark, according to her mother. She doesn't know if her father thinks that, too, because he doesn't talk to her long enough to tell her. He probably thinks it, too. Because Aubrey fucks up everything.
xxxxx
It's like all of Aubrey's nerves and excitement catch up with her at once during the most inopportune moment. She doesn't even see it coming. Chloe gives her a reassuring grin just as she's about to solo, and it starts out so well. She hits every note. She feels happy and giddy – a similar feeling as to when she was drunk at Aca-Initiation Night. The night Chloe kissed her. She feels nauseous again.
'Has your dad ever told you to shut up?'
'Just shut up for a minute, Aubrey.'
He is never going to watch her perform.
Before she knows what's happening, her stomach turns, and she throws up in front of the audience. On the audience. And Gail and John begin to add commentary. She whimpers, panics, doesn't know what to do, and just starts throwing up again and again in response.
xxxxx
The Bellas make gagging noises behind her. The audience members who aren't covered in vomit start laughing at the commentary. And Aubrey is so humiliated that her legs give out from under her, and she drops to her hands and knees, throwing up on the stage.
Chloe comes to her aide. She drops down next to Aubrey and rubs her back, and tells her that it's okay, she's okay over and over and over. It's supposed to be comforting, but Aubrey thinks she would feel better if Chloe wasn't there. She can't imagine how Chloe can even remain friends with her after this.
At the beginning of Sophomore year, Alice once referred to her as a cat with too many hairballs. That's because Alice has clearly never thrown up for a significant amount of time or several times in a row. Her stomach and chest burn from exertion, and she thinks she might pass out – both from vomiting and because everyone is staring at her. She wants to pass out. She can't feel anything if she's unconscious.
It's impossible to vomit forever, and Aubrey is reduced to dry heaving once her stomach is empty. Even though she's still gagging, Chloe pulls her to her feet and helps her backstage. There is a large trashcan by the wall, and Chloe helps her lean over it. She keeps an arm around Aubrey's back and holds her up, because Aubrey's legs are shaking, and she just wants to dissolve into the ground. She stares down into the empty styrofoam cups in the trashcan, even after she stops heaving, because everyone backstage is staring at her now. Her chin quivers and she fights against the tears blurring her vision, because she can't cope with more embarrassment.
"Hey, Aubrey!" Bumper calls, walking backstage, "Maybe you should quit A Capella and join a puking contest!" He makes dramatic vomiting sounds. "You might actually win."
Aubrey squeezes her eyes shut, and Chloe's arms tighten protectively around her. She can't lash back. If she opens her mouth, she's going to throw up again.
"Good luck finding a new hotel room tonight, Aubrey," Alice says. She pauses. "Chloe, you can still stay with us."
"It's okay," Chloe whispers in Aubrey's ear, "We'll find somewhere to stay."
"I can't believe I let you have a solo," Alice keeps talking, "I should have known you would ruin it. Lucky your dad wasn't here to see it."
Chloe looks at Alice and shakes her head. "Don't listen to her; she's a bitch. It's okay," she whispers to Aubrey again. "It's okay."
xxxxx
It takes security intervening for everyone backstage to stop staring at Aubrey and leave. The thing is, it's her who security is called to remove. But the security guard takes pity on her and orders everyone away, leaving a people free path to the back door. She and Chloe exit into an alleyway, and Chloe puffs out her cheeks as she looks Aubrey up and down.
As if things can't get any worse, Aubrey realizes her shirt and jacket both have vomit on them. No cab driver is going to want to pick up someone covered in vomit, and she can't walk through the city like this.
"Okay." Chloe gives her an encouraging look. "We can fix this." She unbuttons Aubrey's suit jacket and pulls it off, then use it to start wiping the vomit off Aubrey's chin and shirt.
It occurs to Aubrey what's happening. "Chloe, stop," she snaps, and snatches her jacket back. She isn't a baby. She wipes as much of the vomit off herself as she can then turns her jacket inside out and holds it against her to hide the rest. Tears blur her vision, and she swallows them back. Really, she isn't a fucking baby.
xxxxx
Neither of them have enough money for a hotel, so Chloe has to call her parents from inside the cab. Because Aubrey sure as hell can't call hers. It takes a few minutes for Chloe to convince them 'it's a real emergency this time', and they wire a few hundred dollars to her bank account. Then she calls one of The Bellas who isn't quite so under Alice's influence, and begs her to bring them their suitcases.
The cab driver barely speaks English, but he understands 'cheap', 'hotel', and 'no bugs', and drops them off at a place that looks decent enough for only one night. He keeps glancing at them on the way, and Aubrey realizes how terrible she probably smells. She keeps her head bowed until they get out of the car, then waits in the parking lot while Chloe gets them a room.
Aubrey takes one of the room keys when Chloe returns, and goes inside while Chloe waits outside for their things.
xxxxx
Aubrey doesn't have any clean clothes, so she has to wait until Chloe brings their stuff in to shower. She sits on the edge of the bathtub and buries her face in her hands, discarding her jacket in the trashcan. She presses the heels of her hands against her eyes and sniffles, not bothering to look up as the door to their room opens and closes.
Chloe brings her her pajamas and places them folded on the bathroom counter. "It's gonna be okay," she says for what feels like the thousandth time, "I mean, people throw up on stage all the time."
In front of thousands of people? Aubrey gets up and turns on the shower.
"When I was in preschool, I peed my pants during our musical," Chloe says, "No one even remembers, except for my mom."
Aubrey knows Chloe is trying to make her feel better, but it's not working. "I don't care about what happened to you in preschool, Chloe." She wraps her arms around herself. "I need to shower; get out."
Chloe swallows thickly and nods. "Just…holler if you need me, okay?" She steps backward out of the bathroom, and closes the door behind her.
Aubrey turns the water as hot as she can without burning herself – and stands under it for awhile, feeling completely numb.
xxxxx
"Does your stomach feel okay?" Chloe asks when Aubrey sits down on the edge of the bed, "I can go out and get you something if you need me to."
"It's fine," Aubrey answers tersely. She isn't nauseated anymore. Her stomach and chest are just cramping from throwing up so much.
"Okay." Chloe takes her pajamas into the bathroom to shower next.
Aubrey leans forward and digs her phone out of her suitcases, thinking maybe she can watch some music videos and distract herself. But she has messages. A lot of them. From numbers she doesn't even recognize.
#Pukegate2011
That was impressive -ly awful.
Aca-ew!
U were aca-awful !
saw u on youtube! ew!
How did u c the sign thru all that vomit?
The messages start coming in faster than she can read them, and she has to turn off her text alerts.
xxxxx
"What are you watching?" Chloe asks, as she sits down on the bed next to her.
Aubrey watches herself throw up over the front of the stage on YouTube. Her phone number is in the video description. The uploader? Bumper Allen.
"Oh my god." Chloe frowns. "I'm reporting this." She gets out of bed quickly and gets her own phone out of her suitcase. She opens YouTube and reports the video. "I don't even know what to say, Aubrey. I am so sorry."
Aubrey watches the video until the end where Chloe pulls her off stage then turns off her phone. She stuffs it back in her suitcase. Adjusts the blankets on the bed. Turns off the light. And curls up on her side with her back to Chloe.
Chloe ruffles around in her suitcase in the dark for a few minutes before climbing into bed. "Aubrey…" she whispers tentatively and touches her shoulder.
Aubrey flinches away from her. She stares into the darkness, and she tells herself this is another nightmare. She's been having them a lot lately. This is just another terrible dream for her to wake up from. She's going to wake up from this. She keeps repeating it like a mantra in her head, and it keeps her from shedding any tears. In the morning, she's going to wake up, and she's going to kill her solo. And she's going to send the video to her dad. And he's going to be so proud.
Only, she doesn't go to sleep to wake up. She can tell Chloe doesn't get much sleep either. At some point, Chloe gets up and finds her phone again. She takes it into the bathroom and must think she's being quiet when she calls her mom, crying. She doesn't mention anything about Aubrey. She just cries about losing in general. After about forty-five minutes, she crawls back in bed and tosses and turns for the rest of the night.
In the morning, Aubrey ignores her and tries to pretend like nothing happened.
xxxxx
Howie breaks up with her in a text message.
YouTube removes her phone number from the video, but leaves the video itself up.
Aubrey still has to change her phone number anyway.
She deletes her Facebook. Her Twitter. Her Instagram. They're all overrun with posts about what they're calling #Pukegate2011. At least they don't know her email address. She gets to keep that.
The Bellas, except for Chloe, ignore her. They just act like she doesn't exist. Sometimes, when she's talking to Chloe, they ask each other if anyone else hears 'the wind'.
Aubrey considers transferring to another school, but Chloe talks her out of it – reminding her that all the old Bellas will be gone soon. They'll be in charge, and they'll redeem themselves with Aubrey as their leader.
Also, she stays because Posens don't quit.
She suddenly doesn't have any friends at Barden, aside from Chloe. She never really had many to begin with – but now people stare at her and whisper whenever she walks into class. No one sits down with her and Chloe at lunch. And then, there is the practical jokes – the fake vomit on her chair in one class, someone changing their teacher's slideshow link to the video of her throwing up in another.
Aubrey reminds herself daily that she is a fucking Posen, and she keeps her head held high through it all. She brushes Chloe off whenever Chloe tries to talk to her about it – brushes her off a lot in general, really. Turns down her advisor's suggestion that she talk to the school counselor. She doesn't even do the thing where she washes her hands or taps her fingers. She powers through the next week of school with enough dignity and finesse that the girl in the Pukegake2011 video might as well be somebody else.
In her room at night, in her own bed - her insides feel like they're made of thin glass and everyone is throwing rocks at her. She stands stiff as a board, unable to breathe, praying they continue to miss.
xxxxx
Then she gets the email. It's 9:52 at night. She's scrolling through DIY things on Pinterest, for no particular reason other than that she can't seem to relax enough to sleep. She sits up in bed and taps on the notification from Gmail. She has one new untitled message from her father.
Aubrey,
My unit and I had some free time, and we found a video of your singing competition. This is how you want to carry on the Posen name? Do you know how shameful this makes me look to my men? Go home with that girl for summer; give your mother a break.
-James Posen
Aubrey knows exactly how it makes him look, because that's how she looks to the entire world now. The words become blurry as she stares at them. She had thought she couldn't feel more humiliated than she already did.
Chloe pulls her earphones out of her ears and sits up on her bed, looking at Aubrey.
Her father actually bothered to search for the ICCA finals, to see her do what she loves, and he got a video of her shaming herself in front of the entire world. Aubrey's chin starts to tremble and no amount of effort can make it stop. She pulls her legs up closer to her chest, and hides her face behind one of her hands.
Chloe shifts her laptop from her to her bed and gets up. She walks over to Aubrey's bed and kneels down beside it, resting a hand on Aubrey's knee. "What's wrong?" she asks, her voice laced with concerned. She has sounded concerned a lot lately.
What isn't wrong? Aubrey just hands her her phone.
Chloe takes the phone from her and reads the email from her father.
The glass that makes up Aubrey shatters. She crumbles against her own will. She fails to muffle a choked sob, and hot tears escape down her cheeks and start to gather at her chin. Her hands start to shake and she hides behind both of them, giving up – starting to bawl like a child. She's not a Posen, not now, because Posens don't cry. Her dad doesn't want her to be Posen anyway. This knowledge just makes her cry harder.
Chloe tosses the phone on Aubrey's desk. She crawls onto the bed behind Aubrey and props herself up against the wall, then pulls Aubrey sideways between her knees and hugs her so tight that Aubrey thinks she can feel every inch of her. Aubrey needs her to say something, anything, but Chloe is silent. And uncharacteristically tense. And Aubrey panics that if she can't stop crying, she's going to lose her – so she throws her arms around her to keep her from leaving, as she tries and fails to rope herself back in. She can justify the action.
She lost the ICCA finals.
Her chance to solo, and help make world history.
Her friends.
Howie.
The respect of her classmates.
Her dad.
She can't catch her breath, and she starts doing the tapping thing again, because if she doesn't, she is going to have to add Chloe to the growing list. What if Barden decides she has ruined the name of the school and kicks her out and she loses that too?
"Aubrey, breathe," Chloe whispers in her ear, "Breathe." She takes a deep breath in her nose, exhaling it slowly through her mouth. Then she does it again. "It's okay."
Aubrey can taste bile in the back of her throat, but she can't throw up right now. Then she would have to let go of Chloe, and Chloe would have to see her disgusting habit all over again. She is already absolutely mortified. Somehow, she manages to choke it down. "Stop saying it is okay, Chloe!" She can't listen to those words anymore. It's not okay. She sobs into Chloe's shoulder. She is not okay. "I ruined everything!" Right down to her chance with Chloe.
"Aubrey, that's not true." Chloe places her hands on Aubrey's shoulders, and forces her to sit up. "We still have a whole entire year left to fix this. And, honestly, maybe it's better we didn't win. Who wants Alice to take the credit for winning? This could be ours."
Honestly, Aubrey never looked at losing that way. She wonders if that's what Chloe's mom told her on the phone in the hotel room. It doesn't take away her embarrassment though. She shakes her head and buries her face in her hands. "Everyone is going to judge us for what happened this year, and we're going to lose."
Chloe pries Aubrey's hands away from her face, and cups her cheeks. "They can't do that," she says, "They have to judge on a year by year basis. And no one is even going to remember this next year. Something is going to happen to somebody else, and the focus is going to move away from you and onto that person. That's how things work. All we have to do is repeat this year, and just do it better."
Aubrey sniffles as her sobs taper out.
"I know you don't want me to keep telling you that everything is going to be okay, but it is." Chloe leans forward and tenderly kisses her forehead, then presses her lips against Aubrey's ear. She doesn't say anything about Aubrey's dad. "It's getting late," she whispers, "Come sleep in my bed with me." She pulls away and crawls across the bed to get up. Once she's standing, she holds her hand out to Aubrey.
Aubrey looks at her hand, then slowly takes it.
Chloe pulls her to her feet. Aubrey expects her to let go, but she laces their fingers and leads Aubrey across the room to her bed. She moves her laptop to her stand with her free hand, then pulls down the blankets. "Go ahead." She releases Aubrey's hand.
Aubrey isn't exactly sure what Chloe wants her to do. She sits down next to the wall and waits for some sort of clue as to how she's supposed to lie down – on her back like they're watching videos, on her side so Chloe can curl up behind her, far away so they're not touching.
Chloe crawls into bed next to her and pulls up the blankets as she lowers herself down onto her back. She angles herself toward Aubrey and grabs Aubrey's arm, pulling her over to her.
Aubrey follows Chloe's lead and ends up on her stomach – half on the bed, half on Chloe, her face tucked into the space between Chloe's neck and shoulder. She's comfortable and exhausted, and she immediately closes her eyes.
Chloe reaches over and turns out the light, then wraps her arms around Aubrey and snuggles them closer together. "Let's get some rest and actually talk about this in the morning," she murmurs, "Goodnight, Aubrey, I love you."
Aubrey's breath hitches. No one has ever said that before. Not the goodnight part – the part where someone loves her. She feels like crying and smiling at the same time, and she's glad the words are coming from Chloe rather than Howie. "Goodnight, Chloe." She struggles with what comes after, because she feels Chloe's words may have a different implication than her own. "I love you, too." Chloe's mouth is half pressed against Aubrey's forehead, and Aubrey can feel her smile.
"Next year is all about us," Chloe whispers.
xxxxx
Chloe is right. It only takes a few more days before people get tired of playing pranks on Aubrey. People start to talk to her again, except for the other Bellas. Even Howie talks to her – sort of. He says hello whenever they walk by each other on the quad. The only people who continue to harass her are Treblemakers, and she expects no different from their loser asses. She finishes out the year okay, and goes home with Chloe over summer break. Chloe is excited, because they'll have the house all to themselves next year. And by the beginning of Fall, Aubrey starts to think they may actually be able to win this thing again.