Disclaimer: I don't own RvB.

Episode 43: In Which There is Much 'Splaning ta Do

To say that Tucker was confused was to severely understate the problem. "Did the world go mad while I was away or what?" he muttered to himself as he crouched behind the rocks, waiting for the right moment. Over the past couple of months, he'd been forced to develop skills he had hoped to get away with not having. Among those was ambushing. As a Blood Gulcher, Tucker had never really had to fight, and he'd liked it that way. Sure he'd fire a few rounds, sling a few insults, and call it a victory but he knew he only ever hurt the Red's feelings, if that! Now, he was forced to make his shots count. If an enemy went down, they needed to stay down or they were coming for him with extra vengeance. This resulted in Tucker becoming something he would vehemently deny. A fighter. And a decent one at that. Still... he hadn't expected the others to have entered situations where they had to adapt in similar ways. Then the mine field started to blow and C.T. told them to leave. "HA! AS IF WE WOULD SANDRAT!" Dex's voice bellowed, sounding slightly... off. Tucker got the feeling...

"YA'VE GOT SOMETHING OF OURS, AN' WE WANT IT BACK!" Red roared.

"YEAH!" Caboose added, jogging up beside him.

"C.T. just made the last mistake of his life," Tucker breathed as he watched his old crew just keep. On. Coming. It was... a bit impressive to be honest. And then, the three heavy hitters fell upon C.T., swiftly knocking him out. The aliens poured out, and got shot up by Kai and Rick, with Church actually managing to clip them every now and again while the advance guard just punched anything that got too close. Though, Tucker was fairly sure Red stabbed a few in the face, and Dex looked like he might have been pistol whipping some. Finally, C.T. proved to be one tough Freelancer and stood up... only to get shot through the heart by Eagle. Twice. And then once through the visor by Rick, just to make sure. The entire assault only lasted five minutes or so but dang was it an impressive show.

"Well, Objectives One and Three have been accomplished, at least partially. Keep yours eyes open and for the love of Oreos, Burgundy, don't forget your motion trackers again!" Dex said, giving the burgundy soldier a look. It was hard to tell with the gray glass in the way, but Tucker was fairly sure it was a quelling one. "Tucker! Where is the weapon located? We'll need to secure it before we can get out of here, call our ride, and write this whole Operation off as a success," Dex said, snapping around to the thoroughly shocked Blue hiding in the rocks.

"You... you... what?" he stammered, staring at what was, in his mind, a team of Freelancers rather than his old Crew.

"Heh, and to think, he was scared of Dex before he knew the man was capable of this," Eagle remarked.

"Wait... you tricked me!" Tucker said, pointing an accusing finger at the unrepentant sniper.

"How?" said sniper asked, tilting his head.

"You told me Project Red was a fever dream caused by the explosion back on Sidewinder!" Tucker exclaimed.

"Uh... we also kinda told you we'd been blasted through space and time by that self same explosion. And that it changed our armor into a better model, rather than destroying it and us in the process," Rick said. "It's kinda hard to believe you bought that."

"Okay, so I was humoring you when I acted like I believed the whole time-travel thing, but what about Project Red?! Eagle got me on that one," Tucker said, still glaring at the, still unrepentant, sniper.

"We kinda all did buddy. But now... well. The jig is up, as they say," the man said with a shrug.

"And in light of that... Project Red is real, Tucker. More real than the Red and Blue teams," Dex said, moving to the foreground of his group. "I am Agent Orange," he said before snapping a salute, "at your service."

"Well. That would explain the gray," Tucker said, noticing the gray accents that now adorned the Red's darker armor, as well as processing the fact that his visor was gray rather than the usual orange.

"Right. I'm Agent Maroon, in case it wasn't obvious," Rick said, stepping forward. "I'm in charge of all things tech."

"Except for weapons. I'm in charge of weapons," Dex said, shooting Red a look. Tucker was surprised when the older man looked down and played in the dirt with his toes.

"I said I was sorry," he muttered.

"Three words, Red. Electro. Magnetic. Pulse!" Dex snapped harshly.

"Um... what's so bad about that?" Tucker asked.

"Oh right, you weren't at Command with us. Well, Dex has an A.I. so he'd get fried," Church said. "Not to mention the fact that I, apparently, am also an A.I. so I'd get fried."

"You guys... ?" Tucker tried to get out, but Dex interrupted.

"Yeah, and he was trying to put an electro pulse gun on my jeep!" the irate weapons expert snarled. This time, Tucker winced.

"Yeah, I may not be a genius, but even I know that's not a good idea," he said.

"Ahem, I'm Agent Burgundy; sniper and grenadier," Eagle said, stepping forward.

"Red, close combat specialist."

"Kinda figured," Tucker said dryly. "So... Church... you knew?" The robot somehow managed to look sheepish.

"Well... kinda? They asked me to keep quite!" Church said, pointing wildly at the Reds.

"Ah. Okay. I guess I can let you off the hook," Tucker admitted, watching Dex casually pull out a stained rag and wipe some alien blood off his armor, then chuckled dryly. "When I meet this Agent Black, I'm gonna give her a great big thank you."

"For what?" Rick asked, finally relieved of mediator duty.

"Getting this guy to actually have an emotion besides 'I just want to see the world burn,'" Tucker said, jerking a thumb toward Church.

"Fair enough," Rick said.

"Oh yeah, we owe you a couple stories don't we," Church muttered.

"Stories that can wait until we aren't sitting in a very recognizable, not to mention known, location," Dex growled. "Now, where's that thrice cursed weapon these guys," here he kicked one of the dead aliens, "were so eager to get their hands on?"

"Uh... sure?" Tucker said, turning toward the temple. "It's in here." Dex followed the cyan solider into the temple, looking at the impressive architecture in what Tucker assumed was approval.

"Solid," the man remarked.

"I've been hiding out in here for a month," Tucker informed him tiredly, the weight of the seemingly endless fighting weighting on him. "I was only supposed to be a diplomat, an ambassador to the Sanhgllie, on account of Junior."

"Oh yeah, when did you find him again?" Church asked.

"Ya know, with everything that's been going on... I'm not sure. But I do remember I sent him away before all this started," Tucker said.

"It's best that you did. He may have grown quickly, but no child should have to witness war first hand," Rick said, sounding haunted.

"Hum? Sounds like you're speaking from experience," Church said.

"Not the time!" Dex hissed from just behind Tucker, BR held at the ready.

"Yes sir!" Rick and Eagle snapped, Red muttering darkly to himself about something or other that was decidedly unflattering toward Dex.

/*/

It wasn't too much later that the crew had found the alien super weapon. Dex immediately fell on it, grin wide and childlike as his fingers flew over its chaise. "Oh-ho, this is sleek!" he gushed.

"Is he... ?" Church began, pointing at the usually stoic soldier.

"Fanboying? Yes. Yes, he is," Rick deadpanned.

"Yee~! It has dual ion crystal converters~! And... is that... ? A laser focus?!"

"Lemme see!"

"Are they... ?" Tucker asked, uncertain which question he wanted to ask first.

"Always," moaned Red and Eagle, shaking their heads at the two geeks in the dirt.

"Shut up Red/Eagle!" said geeks yelled, heads still bent over the weapon. Seriously, it was a beautiful weapon, even if it did look a lot like an eye. Once the duo were through examining it, they began discussing how to secure it.

"I could just lock it inside the temple," Tucker offered, holding up his energy sword.

"Seriously? Your little Lightsaber Wannabe is the key to this massive temple?" Dex asked, a little skeptical.

"Yes. And it's thanks to this 'little Lightsaber Wannabe' being the key to this place that I'm still alive," Tucker shot back heatedly. Dex held up his hands in a placating motion.

"Hey hey, easy! You know you're still holding it right? I'd rather keep my face, thank you," he said, taking a half step backwards. "And besides," he added as Tucker seemed to realize he was, in fact, waving his Energy Sword in Dex's face and put it away, "where did you get it? Haven't we seen others with swords just like yours? What's to say some whack-job with the same kind of blade isn't going to find this place, open it up, and take the Laser Eyeball of Doom? No. It needs to be somewhere no-one would ever think of finding it."

"Well, my orders were to either run off the other guys or destroy this facility," Tucker said. "With them dead, I guess we can just close it up and leave."

"Yeah, no. Didn't you listen to anything I just said?!" Dex asked, giving the other soldier an aggravated look.

"Uh..."

"Don't answer that," Dex snapped, holding up a hand to forestall the cyan soldier. "But still... is this that powerful?"

"Heck yeah! First, they built these rings that were a huge weapon, then we found this super powerful cube-shaped weapon, and I guess this is the pyramid version," Tucker said. Dex shook his head.

"Whoever these guys were, they seem to have had a slight obsession with weapons... and no concept of the words 'over kill,'" he said, eying the weapon with renewed interest.

"Heh, I know," Tucker said, sounding like he was just glad he'd found something to agree on.

"What could have driven them to spend all their time building weapons of mass destruction? Why not the galaxy's biggest movie theater or, like, some sort of super-advanced water park?"

"Of course you'd think about those kinds of things," Rick said with a sigh, shaking his head.

"Hey, it's a legitimate question! If these guys built these weapons, it had to be for a reason right? So, my question isn't just 'what could be strong enough to need this kind of fire power?' it's... 'will it ever come back?'" That shut everybody up real quick.

"Way to kill the mood dude," Eagle said, shaking his head.

"Can we just go? Please? I don't like temples," Church said, looking around uneasily.

"Dude... you're staring at the laser eye. I don't think it's the temple making you antsy," Dex said, hefting the aforementioned weapon. "Gah! Geez! The thing weighs a ton! Hey Caboose, come 'ere and carry this thing would you please?"

"Wait! Shouldn't we bury the dead?" Red said. Dex gave him a dry look.

"We're in the desert. A good sand storm and boom! Instant burial. Come to think of it..." he said, pausing and tilting his head toward the door, "I think I hear wind, so Caboose? You can put that down while we wait for the storm to blow over."

"Okay!" Caboose said, setting the weapon down.

"What about a eulogy?" Red asked.

"Eulogy? We didn't even know... eh... Tucker? Did you know any of the guys stationed here before C.T. and his alien buddies came and wiped 'em out?" Rick said, turning to their erstwhile companion.

"Eh... nope," the Blue answered.

"Well then, we didn't know these guys well enough to give them a eulogy. What do you want us to do?" Eagle concluded.

"Well... a few generic words? Like they do for companies that never make it home?" Church suggested. The others all turned to him in slight confusion. "Hey, I'm an A.I. And I was set loose on Freelancer computers to wreck havoc. I can know things," the robot defended.

"Oh..." Tucker began, but Rick cut him off.

"No no," the maroon agent said, waving a hand at the cyan Sim.

"He has a point," Dex added.

"There was much havoc wrecked," Eagle finished solemnly.

"So much havoc," Kai said reverently, though Dex could hear the manic smile she was no doubt wearing.

"Oh yeah, you guys..." Tucker began.

"Later. And you owe us a story as well, so don't forget," Dex said, giving him a serious look.

"Well, the storm's done, let's go check to see if the bodies are buried. We can worry about the eulogy later," Rick decided, already walking toward the door.

"And the weapon!" Dex called, jogging after his friend.

"And the weapon," Rick agreed with a nod.

"I'm surrounded by crazy," Tucker muttered, following them.

"Welcome to my world. Have a light?" Church remarked dryly.

"Didn't know you smoked," Tucker shot back.

"I don't... unless you count blowing the smoke off of a gun. Or the ashes of a fire," Church answered.

"Ah. So you do still want to see the world burn."

"Only sometimes. And only certain parts. Sometimes I want to punch the other guy's lights out. We're calling it a 'work in progress.'"

"Maybe Jack's too nice!" Dex called back. Church made an odd choked noise and the weapons expert cackled as he walked off.

/*/

Church was glad to have Tucker back with him but something felt... off. Still, he knew better than to ask about it. Dex had made it quite clear that they weren't swapping stories just yet so he'd just have to wait, no matter how much he hated it. Once outside, it became clear that burying the dead wouldn't be necessary as they had been swallowed by the desert. "Ah. What were you saying about those generic eulogies, Church?" Dex asked, staring out at the featureless sands.

"O-oh. R-right. Well... uh... I didn't know the men personally, but their sacrifice will... not be... forgotten. They fought well... defending... uh... their people! And... uh... they died with... honor!" Church said, stumbling over his words.

"That... was the worse eulogy ever. Of all time. You should be ashamed. So very, very, ashamed," Eagle drawled before turning on his heel and stalking back toward the temple.

"Ah, no, actually. Tex gave a worse eulogy than I just did," Church said, trying to defend himself.

"Oh yeah? What did she say, 'this guy was a jerk and no one will miss him. Let's all get drinks and shoot at some idiots!'?" Kai asked.

"No. She didn't say anything at all. Course, she might have known that I was actually an A.I. and so knew I wasn't actually dead. Still hurt through," Church said, studiously ignoring the chuckles coming from Tucker.

"Wait... your girlfriend gave your eulogy?" Kai asked.

"No. And that's the point. Tucker asked her if she wanted to pay her last respects. She gave him a look... then turned back to work on our busted tank," Church corrected. "Of course, Tex wasn't really my girlfriend. She was the Beta A.I. A side effect of my creation. The hollow memory of one Allison Church... the Director's late wife."

"Whoa. That's..." Kai said, almost stumbling. Church steadied her and chuckled.

"A little messed up? Welcome to my life. Didn't I mention that I was an A.I based off an obsessive jerk?" he asked.

"Dude... what?" Tucker asked, having only caught the last sentence.

"Later man. Later," Church said with a weary wave of his hand. They still had the issue of the weapon to deal with.

"Well... we can't put it off any longer," Dex said, staring down at the object in question.

"Yeah... what are we going to do with this?" Rick asked.

"Ya know what? Just bury it. Bury it deep, lock up the temple, then sink it," Dex said.

"But how are we going to 'sink' the temple?" Eagle asked. Dex's eye twitched before he turned to Tucker.

"Didn't you guys have to dig the place up?" he asked. Tucker nodded.

"Yeah, that's why it took so long for us to get into trouble with C.T. It wasn't until we dug up the weapon that he showed up," he said. Dex nodded.

"So we re-bury the temple, with the weapon buried under its floor and covered by a large stone monolith. That ought to dissuade others from finding it, right?" he said. Church crouched and knocked his fist against the hard packed dirt.

"That last part might be harder than you think, Dex. This floor is almost as solid as the rest of the temple." That caused the man to pause and tap his chin with a single finger, humming.

"That would pose a problem. Eagle! Make us a hole would you?" he said, backing away. An unsettling chuckle came from the burgundy helmet as he pulled back an arm and let fly with a grenade. However, this grenade was different that the others. While it did explode, it also released acid, which ate through the dirt floor. Once it was a few feet deep, Dex nodded to Eagle and the man tossed in another capsule. Apparently, it held a compound that counteracted the acid and rendered it inert.

"Hey presto, you've got a hole," Eagle said, clearly pleased with himself. Dex nodded and shoved the weapon into the hole.

"Now to fill it. Let's bring in the sand," Dex said, already moving out. In fifteen minutes, the hole had been filled, a large stone partly buried in the sand, and the team was ready to move out.

"Where are we headed?" Tucker asked.

"Back to Valhalla," Dex said, slinging himself into the driver's seat of his customized Warthog. "Now get in and pipe down. It's a long drive and I will shoot you if I have too." Church sighed. Hopefully Dex wouldn't have them driving through the whole night. He wanted to hear Tucker's story! And regale his friend with tales of all the glorious chaos he had caused in Freelancer Command.

/*/

Caboose was glad when Mr. Orange called for them to make camp. He wanted to talk to his Best Friend and he could not do that when Mr. Orange was driving because then Mr. Orange would Help him be quiet. "Church Church Church! Ah, are you happy we found Tucker?" Caboose asked his Best Friend.

"Yeah buddy, I'm glad we found him," Church said wearily, dropping a hand on Caboose's head. To anyone else, it would have been heavy, but Caboose was Special. He didn't feel weight like other people did.

"So, now that we're away from Sandtrap, mind telling me what you've been up to, when the Reds turned into secret agents, and what the heck happened to Church?" Tucker asked, looking around the camp. Everyone else, aside from Caboose, shared looks. Why were they sharing looks? He wanted to share looks too!

"Well, for us, it all started about a month after we were assigned to Blood Gulch," Mr. Orange began, leaning back against a log. Oh! Those looks meant Story Time! He liked Story Time! "It was a quiet day, prefect in my opinion. Then, out of nowhere, this crazy lady in black armor swoops in with a Pelican class drop ship and literally 'yoink's me into it. I make a few 'smart' remarks and find out she knows who I am. And then she tells me she needs back up for a mission where, if I'm not as good as the recommendation, I'd likely die. I tell her I'm not gonna die for someone whose name I don't know and turns out, she's Agent Black, the Freelancer Hunter. And she doesn't take 'no' for an answer. I ended up getting dropped into a knot of angry Grunts, Black a few feet behind me. Let me tell ya, nothing like a life or death battle to make you re-evaluate your life and light a fire in your blood."

"Fire in yer blood? If you had fire in yer blood, you sure fooled me!" Mr. Red barked. Caboose thought he sounded amused. Before he could laugh, Mr. Orange responded.

"Well. Marley did say Blood Gulch was my illusion. The place where I could goof off, unwind, and allow myself to muck up. And I needed a place where I had no expectations because when I stepped foot in The Phantom, I was Agent Orange and if I messed up people, good people, died." Mr. Red stopped laughing. Caboose could understand that, mostly. Mr. Orange was being grown up. People who are being Grown Up don't like being laughed at.

"Melodrama much?" Admiral Biscuit asked.

"Well, how else would you explain it?!" Mr. Orange snapped.

"Fair point," the Bird Man said, holding up his hands.

"I remember the first time Marley picked me up," Mr. Maroon said, poking at the fire with a stick. "You'd just come back from what I at the time assumed was your usual day-long nap when The Phantom dropped down out of no-where and scooped me up. I was only left in suspense for a little while before Marley came bouncing out of the cockpit saying she needed me to fix the cloaking system on a space ship for a friend of hers. I'll admit, my brain shut down when I realized it was a woman. When I asked if she had a voice modulator she..." Mr. Maroon trailed off and slowly turned to Mr. Orange. "She used your voice," he said softly, like Mr. Orange had done something bad.

"Hum... well, maybe she was trying to put you at ease?" Mr. Orange suggested.

"But... I should have realized..." Mr. Maroon said.

"Marley's... got a way with words," Eagle said, ending the debate.

"Anyway, I complained about it so she... shifted it. I know it was a different voice, but it still sounded a lot like you. I remember asking if she was a relative. She glibly replied 'no' and told me to call her Marley unless on a a mission. That was when I found out she was Agent Black. At first I was worried about what I'd gotten myself into. I really shouldn't have stopped after I met George. Things would only get crazier from there," Mr. Maroon finished.

"She had me at 'Shotgun,'" Mr. Red said. Church scoffed.

"Why am I not surprised," he said.

"Something tells me there's more to it than that," Commander Poppin Fresh remarked.

"Well, how did you join Project Red?" Mr. Orange asked.

"Marley came to me on the roof of Red Base, while you and Rick were out getting chased by the Blue's tank. Said it was time for my critical thinking class. I was a bit surprised, but went with it... eventually. She showed up again after I got my... unique... armor. Offered me an out. It felt a little like selling my soul, but I took her offer. After the first training session, I felt better about joining. After a few missions, I realized I got to keep my soul. More than the Freelancers did anyway," Lieutenant Croissant said.

"Wow. Didn't think you were that paranoid," Tucker said. The burgundy sniper shrugged.

"Lots of things about me you don't know," he remarked dryly.

"As for what we've been up to since you got re-assigned..." Kai said, trailing off.

"That's both a lot more fun, and a lot more complicated," Church said.

"I got tied up!" Caboose said cheerfully.

"I was isolated," Church droned.

"I was left behind," Kai moaned.

"I got promoted to Sargent," Mr. Orange put in.

"I was his Defacto second in command," Mr. Maroon added.

"I trained Kai," Mr. Red stated.

"Huh... I got the feeling you guys had an adventure without me," Tucker said, looking around.

"Oh we did, that was just the first fourteen months after we got spread out," Mr. Maroon said.

/*/

Tucker felt like his head was spinning. "So let me get this straight... Agent Washington showed up in Blood Gulch, then he took Kai to get Caboose, who lead him to Church, who was his usual 'I hate you all' self, then they walked to Valhalla, snuck past some nameless Freelancer soldiers, met an ex-Freelancer, fought off 'the scariest mute in the galaxy', met up with three more ex-Freelancers and the Reds, a Freelancer chick got shot, you all went to Command, played a ton of pranks on the place, then you guys and two of the ex-Freelancers hightailed it out of there with a bunch of A.I. and left Wash and Marley in the base while they set off an emp to wipe out every computer in the whole base?" he said. Dex shrugged.

"Eh, in an over simplified nutshell... yes. That's exactly what happened. But before we went to get the tanks and after the Freelancer chick got shot Marley hosted Church and somehow pulled him deep into her subconscious where he... uh... Church? Little help."

"Technicolor dream-scape with colorful representations of Marley's character traits and emotions," Church said. Tucker gave him a blank look. "She taught me how to be human."

"Ah. Okay. Cool," Tucker said, nodding to show his understanding. "So... what happened to Marley and Wash?"

"Ed, Jack, and Flowdie went to get them out of jail while we came to get you," Kai said cheerily, nudging him with her shoulder. Tucker tried to ignore the faint growling coming from her brother, but it was harder than before after the rescue mission they'd pulled off.

"Well... thanks, I guess," Tucker said, looking around awkwardly. He really wanted to hug Kai and make jokes about how she just couldn't resist him... but Dex was around.

"What about you? What have you been up to?" Kai asked.

"Well," he began, shifting uncomfortably. His recent past wasn't what he had expected, and it wasn't something he wanted to do again, unlike pranking Freelancer Command. "I was made an Ambassador. It was pretty boring until I ended up here. I was told they were looking for something, something big. Me and Junior got a call about another group of aliens, but they were kinda hostile, so Junior got sent alone while I was told to help out at Sandtrap. We'd only just found the temple when C.T. came along and started causing trouble. We held out for two days, but... we were researchers, not front line soldiers. I opened the temple and we took shelter in there. And then the others got picked off, one by one. I kept trying to get through to Command but... no-one seemed to care. By the time I got through, it was just me and two other guys. When Church told me you'd be there when you got done at Command, I felt a little bit of hope, but you guys didn't show up. I was getting desperate, the other two were killed, and I fell into guerrilla warfare with C.T. and his crew. It was hard, and I hope I never have to do something like this again," he said. There was more to it, but he didn't want to go into it.

"Tough," Dex grunted.

"Then Church called to tell me you were here," Tucker said.

/*/

He was crouched in the dark, waiting, watching. Would today be the day? Would C.T. and his alien buddies finally break the door? He'd seen the massive digger they'd just received and it didn't fill him with confidence. His radio fizzed and he quickly accepted the call. "Tucker, Tucker! Come in Private Tucker!" came Church's voice.

"Church! Hey man, nice to know you're still alive," Tucker said, feeling just a little irritated with his friend.

"Good to hear from you too buddy. Sorry we weren't here sooner, we got a bit... hung up," Church said. Tucker quirked an eyebrow.

"I knew you rarely felt a sense of urgency, but I thought even you would realize that explosions meant 'I'm in deep trouble. Send help now,'" he remarked.

"Right," Church said, though Tucker felt as though he were talking to someone else more than his trapped comrade. "Can you send me your exact coordinates?"

"Yeah, sure," Tucker said, sending his position to his friend.

"Thanks. Sending them on to the rest of the team," Church said.

"Wait... our team?" Tucker asked. He had a feeling Church wouldn't call anyone else 'the team.'

"Yes I brought our team," Church scoffed, sounding mildly insulted that Tucker would even think he'd leave them behind.

"Anyone else?" Tucker asked, hoping against hope Church had actually lead someone competent on this crazy mission.

"And the Reds." That... was not promising.

"Our mortal enemies? Really?" Tucker asked, thinking about Sarge and his near pathological need to kill anything and everything Blue. "Won't they try to kill me? Or, ya know, let me die?"

"No they won't try to kill you, Tucker what are you... ?" Church began.

"Even if they do try to save me, which is kinda surprising considering, they're barely better in a fight than I am!"

"Oh come on! They're better than you think!"

"Unless they've had specialized military training while I wasn't looking, I sincerely doubt that," Tucker maintained, leaning against the rock wall and crossing his arms, glaring into the darkness.

"Yes, they've had specialized military training since you've been gone! We all have! Now quite yer whining and let us help you because like it or not, we're all you've got soldier!" Church barked back, surprising the cyan diplomat with the force and authority he put into his words.

"Aw geez Church, I didn't know you cared," a mildly familiar voice drawled.

/*/

"And the rest, as they say, is history," Tucker finished, leaning back and watching the fire. Dex scoffed.

"And you think that's a troubled past? Please," he said, standing and detaching the armor on his left arm. Somehow, he managed to push the arm of his undersuit up to reveal surprisingly tanned skin, though it was marred by a thick, pearly scar. "This is a souvenir from a rather bad day," the weapons expert said. "Marley took me before the sun rose, flew me to a hotspot, then dropped me. Literally dropped me, into the thick of it. I managed to get my bearings, but these weren't Grunts, oh no! They were all Jackals and Skirmishers. And not only that, but after about an hour's hard fighting, a Brute showed up. And I'm talking the big kind, the ones that make Gravity Hammers look like household tools. He bellowed and raised his hammer before charging at me like a mad bull. I didn't have the time to grab anything, and I wasn't sacrificing my gun, so I tried to deflect it with my arm," he said, then shook his head. "Tried being the key word. Even with my armor, it barely made a difference. Oh I escaped, but my arm was seriously messed up and blood was running down the limb. I'm still not too sure how I managed to make it out of there."

"Oh! I remember that mission! Marley got me at sunrise and told me Orange needed back up. It was our first one together, wasn't it?" Red said. Orange thought a moment, then nodded.

"Oh yeah... now that I think about it, there was red there that didn't come from my mangled arm. Sorry Bruh, pain, adrenaline, and meds made the whole thing a bit fuzzy," he answered.

"Ah, I guess I should be apologizin' a bit as well, Dex. I was extra grumpy with you once we were back in Blood Gulch," Red said, a little awkward. Dex waved his unarmored hand at the man.

"Don't bother. I was extra disrespectful that... week," he said. Eagle chuckled.

"Tell another would ya? I don't think Tucker's traumatized enough," he said, jerking his head toward the frozen soldier. Dex chuckled and bared his leg to show what had to be the work of a frag grenade.

"This one was shortly before you arrived Rookie," Dex said, causing Rick to shuck in a sharp breath.

"You don't mean... you got those just before the Warthog got delivered... do you?" he asked. Dex chuckled again, nodding. "Blast it, man! How did you hide that from us? It looks like you were caught in the blast," Rick pressed. Tucker got the feeling Dex gave the IT specialist a flat look.

"The same way I hid the fact that I couldn't use my left arm for a week and a half, and even then it hurt like fire," he said.

"Ah. Touche," Rick allowed with an inclination of his head.

"As I was saying, I got these about... ten hours before the Warthog was delivered, roughly a week before the Rookies showed up," Dex continued. "Marley and Flowdie came and picked me up around... nine I think. Anyway, Marley told me that she didn't think she and a new member could handle the mission on their own and they needed someone with my skill set to pull it off. Basically, what it boiled down to was go in guns blazing, set a charge, and run out guns blazing while screaming our lungs out. Well, it went about as usual. The mission was accomplished and once again, I was bleeding. Only, I was also a walking bruise because I was caught in the radius of said blast and thrown through the air, slamming through two trees and fetching up against a large boulder with painful force. I didn't even realize I'd caught some of the shrapnel in my leg until Marley was pulling it out of me, piece by piece," he finished, pulling his black undersuit back into place and beginning to refasten his armor. "Incidentally, after that, Marley told me to lay off training, which included target practice. So I wasn't being lazy, I was following the doctor's orders," he added, sounding rather amused. His teammates were as well, considering they snorted.

"How about this one that I got from New Jersey when I tried to get a look at her pistol?" Rick asked, showing off a scar on his neck. "That was terrifying," he added with a shiver. Red scoffed.

"Oh yeah? How about this one I got off an Elite's Energy Sword back on Reach?" he asked, somehow showing them a scar on his shoulder.

"Okay, Red's got us beat," Dex said, hands in the air. "No-one can beat a Reach story."

"You were on Reach when it fell?" Tucker asked in morbid awe.

"Yep. One of the worst days of my life," the old soldier said mournfully.

"Okay! Enough depressing talk. Caboose! Happy story time," Church said, clapping his hands and turning to the simple Blue. Tucker shook his head and realized, maybe the past two months weren't as bad as he thought they had been. Still caused him nightmares though.

/?/

A/N: Well. This one did not want to be written, I can tell you that. Man. Ah well, hope you enjoy it all the same!