I told myself these feelings were insane. I told myself I had no right to feel any negative emotion besides disgust. I even told myself that Edward Cullen was not worth a decent-hearted person's time.

But for some reason, I could not fall asleep that night. My room was large, the windows were opened to welcome in a sweet night breeze, and I lay on a surprisingly comfortable mattress. My body was enveloped by soft, familiar blankets, and despite all this, I felt crushed and nauseous. I felt like a stranger to myself.

My photographic memory had turned on me. The harder I tried to repress the horrible images stored in my brain, the clearer they would surface in my memory. The disturbing snapshots haunted me throughout the night and into the morning.

Tanya topless and on her knees. Her breasts bouncing as she moved. Edward's pants pooled around his ankles. His hips thrusting, his head thrashing, and his chest heaving. Her long tongue swirling, her wet mouth sucking, and her hideous head bobbing to a hellish beat. Their moans mingling and coalescing to a crescendo.

I banged my head against the headboard. The images wouldn't cease. They haunted like ghosts.

I suspected that they haunted me even more effectively because I was a virgin. I was naïve in almost every sense of the word. I had never regretted my inexperience. Love and sex were mutually inclusive in my mind. I had only ever been on a handful of first dates, and every one of those men lacked something special. My heart never fluttered, and my interest was never piqued. So I remained inexperienced. Therefore, to see those two in the throes of passion and to have their dirty moment somehow become the first sexual encounter of my life was disconcerting and downright painful.

Finally, as the sun began its sluggish rise, a lone tear slipped down my pale cheek. That one droplet carried all my angst and confusion, and it crawled away onto my pillow. My heart hardened slightly, and I rose.

I showered, dressed, and arranged my disguise carefully but dispassionately. I skipped breakfast with Alice and headed straight across campus to its southernmost end, where English classes were held in a large grey building. I walked through the main archway at the entrance, and found the classroom located in the southern wing. I was glad that this would be my first course. Biology, Eurropean history, calculus /combinatorics, Spanish, and physical education would follow later and in that order. Lunch would be at noon between history and mathematics.

All my classes were Advanced Placement.

I nodded respectfully to the teacher at her desk and took a seat. The students' desks were arranged in two large semicircles facing each other. Clearly, this class would be very discussion-based.

I was so early that no one else had arrived yet. But soon, students began milling in.

"Hey, Jasper," a small girl said as she took the seat to my right. Her strawberry blond hair was cut in a high-end bob, and it framed her small face perfectly. If I weren't Jasper, I would have asked for her stylist's number.

She continued speaking, "I loved the summer play. You were clearly immersed in your character, although I have to admit, the writing was so cheesy that I bought a plate of nachos during the intermission. All the same, I can't wait to see your next work!"

"Thanks, Maria," I said, the wheels of my brain turning to place her properly. "Good to see you. Excited about the new year?"

"Yeah, right. I totally can't wait to die from academic hell." She rolled her eyes and took out a notebook. "You know, I saw Mike outside, and he seems pretty happy for his usual sullen self. He says you're roommates?"

"Yeah," I said slowly.

"Well, who else are you rooming with?"

My reply was on the tip of my tongue as I noticed Edward take a seat that faced me diagonally from the other semicircle of desks. He raked his long fingers through his hair, pushing back his bangs and smiling politely at the teacher. I shook my head slightly and turned back to Maria.

"Oh, it's just Theodore Shillings. You know, the musician?"

"Yeah! Of course I know Teddy. We're dating," Maria said. She looked at me oddly, and I knew I had slipped up. My brow felt sweaty.

"Oh, well, since you didn't know he was rooming with me, I just assumed you guys might be apart for a bit. I know a couple Teddys anyway." I scratched my hair nervously and mentally slapped myself, but Maria smiled sweetly.

"Nah, I simply haven't seen him for a couple days. You know what he's like when in the middle of a musical breakthrough. The world must freeze, and only notes can flow through his mind." She shook her head fondly. "That boy is going to break my heart."

Like mine?

"Quiet, everyone," the teacher called. She spoke with a heavy, yet highborn English accent. We turned our heads to see her standing in the middle of our circle with a long pencil in one hand. She tapped it rhythmically against her palm, and images of Tanya's bobbing head flitted across my eyes once more. Ugh.

"Welcome, students. As you may know, my name is Dr. Willsworth."

Fuck, she had a Ph.D. How much did people get paid around here? Should I be calling her professor?

She continued, "I will collect your summer assignments at the end of class. I emailed you all the syllabus in the summer, and I expect you have read the first five chapters of Pride and Prejudice. We will begin a discussion shortly, but first, Mr. Cullen has requested a moment for an announcement."

I swallowed and shifted my gaze to see Edward's long frame unfolding itself from a chair and moving to stand beside Dr. Willsworth.

A slight smirk played across his pouty, red lips.

All the girls leaned in with rapt fascination, and the boys were barely any better with their expressions of worship.

Edward looked calmly back at his classmates. His posture was correct but almost lazy, and he held a tightly rolled sheet of paper in his right hand.

"Hello. I know we are all excited to begin the academic year, and as the new captain of the men's swim team—."

The room burst into unexpected applause, and Edward seemed flustered for a moment before he asked for quiet.

"Yes, thank you. Well, I simply wished to inform you that tryouts will be held tomorrow and the day after. Signing up beforehand is mandatory, and to that end, there are posters all around campus. You can even sign up during physical education today. I have a poster with me now, so if anyone would like to take a moment and register, I can pass this around the room."

My palms were sweaty, and my insides were shaking. This was it! Time to chase my own dreams.

Edward took his seat, and it seemed like every boy in the room was rushing to register. Clearly, this team inspired a great degree of respect. Finally, the poster was in my hands, and I felt like I was holding the key to the world, or to my world at least. A wave of energy pulsed through me, and I furiously wrote down my information. When I raised my head to pass the poster to Maria, I noticed Edward finally looking at me.

He was glaring. The look on his face was so full of hatred, I felt like daggers were piercing through my skin. His beautiful eyes had never been directed at me this way. They were so full of warmth in the past, but now that comforting warmth had heated to a roaring fire.

I lowered my head to ignore the blaze, but it's not like looking away from a fire will turn down its heat.

By the end of class, we had simply introduced ourselves shortly and discussed our opinions on the first few chapters of Pride and Prejudice. I barely spoke a word even when Edward criticized Lizzy's character, and when I stood in line to turn in my pre-assigned summer papers, I felt his presence burning hotter behind me.

I looked over my shoulder to see Edward staring. I swung my head back around and gulped. I placed my papers on the teacher's desk, and carefully walked away to leave the classroom. I felt like the animal in a hunt. One quick look back showed me a smirking Edward.

My feelings bruised even further.

The rest of the day was simple but exhausting. Classes took their toll but for a different reason than they did for others. While my classmates struggled with the coursework that had already begun to pile up, I was straining not to reveal myself or to burst into tears. Fucking Edward Cullen had no right to mean this much to me!

During lunch, the cafeteria was buzzing as people reacquainted themselves with each other. Mike sidled up next to me and tried to make small talk. He was nice enough, so we sat down to eat, but as soon as I felt a pair of small arms encircle neck, I knew this lunch was about to go to a horrifying yet comedic hell.

Alice kissed my cheek and ran her nose up and down my face. It's a testament to my self control that I didn't pull away. She straddled my lap, and I stole a glance across the table at Mike. He looked even more murderous than Edward in the morning. His fish taco was crushed, and the sour cream was dripping onto the floor.

I experimentally ran my hands up and down Alice's back and stifled a laugh.

But Mike noticed me looking at him, and he desperately struck up a conversation.

"So, Jasper, the Lakers are pretty awesome, huh?"

Alice moaned.

He persisted, "Um, I am starting a new debate team this year. Care to join?"

The demon pixy stuffed her hand in my pants, and I think she squeezed the gel pack. I grunted a fake response and pulled her closer while sliding my hands beneath her ass.

Mike started shaking. "Well—."

"Oh, Alice, harder."

And—

Yes, he was gone. Success!

But—

Edward Cullen was sitting in his place.

Fuck. He was raging.

"Hi, Alice," he cooed.

His expression had gone from heated to icy.

But it was so hot.

I grew wet, and I knew that was all sorts of wrong.

Alice struggled to scramble off my lap, and by the time she was seated next to me and glancing sheepishly at her brother, the temperature had dropped another twenty degrees.

I had no clue what he wanted to say. The tension was so thick I considered removing my jacket to cool off. Would Edward actually say something, or would he just continue to glare forever?

My bruised heart continued its punishing rhythm as it sped even faster.

He finally spoke, "So you two think it is even remotely proper to behave this way in a crowded cafeteria? You think this is proper for the principal's daughter?"

My head pounded, and I spoke without thinking. "Edward," I said sharply.

He stared at me, visibly surprised I had addressed him.

"You should be less concerned with us and more concerned with yourself. What we do is our business."

Edward stood and leaned over the table. "What did you just say to me, drama prince?"

I believe my next words truly rushed forth without any direction from my mind. "I said that a little cuddling is nothing compared to blowjobs in dark classrooms."

Alice gasped and slapped a hand to her mouth. Her little frame shook as she looked back and forth between Edward and me. The fear was plain in her features, but a bit of excitement was evident as well.

Edward just remained frozen. I half expected him to throw a punch, but he held the reign on his control better than I did on mine. Slowly, he straightened his back.

Just before leaving, he seemed to change his mind and turned around to whisper, "See you in the water, Swan."

Fuck, what had I done?