Disclaimer: I don't own RvB.
Episode 45: Much Ado about A.I.
Kai was tense. There were very few things that made Dex react the way he had. And of the things that did... none of them were anything close to 'good.' Reaching a decision, she tore through the base, gathering up the rest of the crew. It actually took less effort than Kai had thought to get the other Blues to not only head over to Red Base but also give a positively seething Red a lift.
"Hey, you ever notice how the Reds are the ones with all the drama?" Tucker asked as they tore through the canyon toward Red Base.
"Alien baby, Alpha A.I., Beta A.I., Wyoming, Washington, bomb bot, Dex's little sister, storming Freelancer Command... I think we've got our own fair share of drama, Tucker," Church drawled, giving the swordsman what would have been a glare. Tucker sighed.
"Withdrawn," he admitted.
"If you two are done," Kai growled, pulling off a passable impersonation of her brother, "we have a situation that had Dex storming out snarling like an enraged wolf on our hands." That got the boys to stop fighting... for the moment. She was under no illusions that they weren't going to start back up again within the hour, but those blessed few moments of peace? She was going to treasure them by thunder!
"So... any idea who, or what, we're up against?" Tucker asked, a little wary of Kai's answer.
"No. Not a clue," Kai replied with a sigh. Church hummed, then hissed. "You got something Church?" Kai asked, torn between wanting to know what was going on and to believe that ignorance was truly bliss
"Yeah, two somethings," the A.I. growled. Kai groaned. That sounded about as good as Dex's snarls.
"Well don't leave us in suspense!" Tucker shouted, nerves singing under his skin and tension mounting. 'It's Sandtrap all over again,' he moaned in the privacy of his mind.
"Theta and Delta," Church ground out. Ice flooded Kai's veins, and judging from their postures, Tucker's and Red's as well.
"The Away Team?" she asked, hoping against hope that they didn't have to fight them.
"That's what I'm getting," Church said grimly. Kai sighed.
"This... is gonna be rough," she moaned.
"Red Base ho!" Red called. Kai saw the figure standing in front of the ramp, as well as the rifle pointed at it, and gunned the Warthog's engines. They slammed into the figure, the Warthog bouncing slightly.
"Ha! How's my bumper taste?!" Kai shouted. A hand suddenly popped up in her view. "Oh skits!" she shouted and proceeded to show that, yes, she was a Grif after all, thank you very much.
/*/
Dex whistled as he saw his baby sister fling Oregon off the nose of the Warthog into a pile of energy cores. "That's my girl," he remarked quietly, just before Red blew up the cores with a well-placed shotgun blast. "And that's Red," he said, quiet pride replaced with fond exasperation. Kai pulled up behind the Red Base and Red hopped down. "She'll be back," Dex warned.
"And we'll be ready for her!" Red countered, chambering another round in his shotgun.
"Don't forget the rest of the Phantoms are with her if Theta and Delta are anything to go by," Church warned, disembarking from the Warthog himself.
"Sadly, Church is right. It's no longer Red vs Blue... it's Us against Them," Dex said.
"It's Red verses Red, and Blue verses Blue. It's I against I, and Me against You. Violets are Blue, Roses are Red, Living like this, we were already dead~," Gary sang, strangely upbeat music playing in the background.
"Hey... wasn't that what played to wake us up in the morning back at Blood Gulch?" Rick asked.
"Churches, they've got a twisted sense of humor," Dex said with a shrug.
"Still, it fits eerily well in this situation," Kai remarked.
"And I like it. It's catchy," Church said.
"Case in point," Maroon quipped drily.
"Do not make me shoot you," the A.I. growled, pointing his gun in their general area. Both Reds scoffed.
"Oh no, Church is threatening us with a gun, whatever shall we do?" Dex drawled.
"I hate you all, so much," the A.I. growled but put his gun away.
"Guys, we still have a base to fortify against freaking Freelancers! Freelancers that had Maroon on the ropes and gunned down our best sniper!" Kai said pointedly. Sadly, her brother couldn't argue with that and instead set to stationing them where they could make the best use of their own brands of crazy. He knew better than to try to actually give them orders. It had taken a while, but the Red Agents had come to recognize that the teams were just too unconventional for order and logic to help. And that... was just what Dex was counting on.
"The Freelancers have always had the best equipment, the best training, and above all... the best discipline," the orange-clad soldier said over the radio as his team ran last minute checks. "While the Reds have gotten better lately, we're all quite used to the cast-offs, the cut rate, and an out and out lack of any kind of military mind guiding our actions. We are, in affect, a squad of brawlers. Granted, we're brawlers with military grade arms and armor, but the fact remains... we aren't really soldiers. Not in the traditional sense. And that is what is going to bring Freelancer to its knees!"
"Isn't that what Marley's been telling us all this time?" Maroon asked. Orange chuckled.
"Yes... all the while trying to pound some kind of sense into us!" he answered with savage glee.
"What are you getting at?" Tucker asked.
"He means that while Marley knows our unconventional methods are enough to take her and her former agency down, she is, and always has been, a soldier. She can't unbox herself," Red said, understanding blooming in his voice.
"Exactly!" Orange cheered, pointing dramatically to his former CO, who was staring at him in stunned silence. "I'm so glad you've decided to at least hear what I'm saying," Dex said with a happy little sigh.
"Wow. Easily appeased much?" Kai asked.
"Cut the cheek Sista! Ten years of selective deafness trumps three!" Orange snapped, causing his sister to jerk back with a faint gulp. The rest of the Blues whistled... except for Caboose. He didn't understand the burn. Poor Caboose.
"Still, we need a negotiator. Someone who can get Oregon to tell us just what the heck is going on and why she's gone all psycho-bitch on us," Red said. "Negotiation was never my strong suit," he declared.
"Mine either," Orange admitted to himself. "GENTLEMEN! It has come to my attention that we are in need of a negotiator!" he bellowed to the rest of the base.
"I'm the official field negotiator for Blue Team," Kai offered. Dex growled.
"I'm not risking you like that, Kai. I trusted Marley, and she turned around and went back to being Agent Oregon. There's no telling what they'll do to you," he declared.
"Hey, what about Doc?" Maroon offered. Orange froze, Red froze, Tucker froze, Church tilted his head, Kai chuckled.
"Doc?" Dex asked darkly.
"Doc~," Kai purred.
"That nut?" Red asked.
"Well, most of us don't like him all that much, he was able to withstand O'Malley being in his head, and he's trained in psychology. Plus, he's purple," Maroon offered.
"Hum... not an integral part of our team, mental strength, has some understanding of how a sane mind should work, a neutral party... Sure. You got his number?" Church finally decided. Maroon sighed.
"No, I don't," he said.
"Oh well, guess we'll have to think of someone else," Dex said, far too cheerful.
"Churches? Either of you know how to contact Frank DeFreaunse?" Maroon asked, looking between Orange and Church.
"I'm pretty sure you said it wrong, but I suppose I could find him, given a few moments," Church said.
"Calling now," Gary droned.
"Show off," Church groused, crossing his arms. Kai laughed and threw an arm around his mechanical shoulders.
"Aw~! Come on~! You're proud of him, admit it~!" she sang teasingly. The A.I. inhabited robot turned what somehow managed to be a dour look on her.
"And you know this how?" he drawled.
"Uh, look who I have for a big brother," Kai pointed out, voice flat.
"Ah," Church said blandly before pointing at her, "point to you." Kai giggled and Church sighed before turning to the flat, dull green holo. "Well done Gary, I'm proud of your skills," he said, actually managing to put sincere emotion into it. Gary flickered before vanishing.
"Huh," Orange mused, turning to Church, "congratulations, I do believe Gary's embarrassed." Had he been able, Church would have blinked.
"Huh. Odd, I didn't think a complement would have that great an effect on him," he said thoughtfully.
"Oh, sorry Doc, I was talking to Church... Right. This is Sargent Dexter Grif Outpost 17b requesting assistance with... well. A Code Freelancer," Orange said. Everyone went still, waiting for confirmation of Doc's answer. "Wonderful~!" Orange purred, sending shivers down the others spines. "Oh, nothing, just a Code Freelancer and high-stress negotiations that, if they fail, will land us in a massive firefight."
"Twenty bucks says Doc's regretting saying yes," Red said, his smirk audible in his voice.
"Sucker's... bet," Burgundy wheezed.
"Oh, skits," Doc's voice said... from Orange's helmet.
"Called it," Burgundy huffed, sounding like he was just barely holding back laughter. Orange shook his head.
"You shouldn't be putting stress on the wound, Burgundy," he said, "it may have been a through and through, but you've still got a hole clean through you that had to be stitched up."
"I'm... fine..." the sniper said, trying to wave it off. Orange growled and stalked over.
"Medic override GC-2-44-1817," he hissed, Burgundy's armor lock re-engaging and freezing him in place. "Right. While he's resting and we're waiting... I'm gonna fix dinner. Card table is down the hall on the right, but don't touch the first closet. That one is Red's and trust me, you don't want to know what's in there," he said, striding off toward the kitchen.
"How will Eagle eat?" Kai asked.
"I'll unlock his armor long enough for him to drink some soup, then it's back under," Orange declared. So, with a shrug, the others pulled out the table and cards and had the first Red and Blue Game Night. Burgundy's moans were ignored as his armor's advanced health suite worked to heal him. It was just another Friday Night in Valhalla.
/*/
Doc arrived in record time to a base prepared for war. Or, as prepared as the BGC could get. It was highly disorganized, loud, and chaotic, but Doc was noticed immediately, so he figured it was effective enough. "Doc, how wonderful of you to come," he heard Dex drawl. He turned and froze. That wasn't Dex.
"Agent Orange?" he asked. The Agent jerked slightly, then chuckled.
"Oh, right. The armor. Yeah, I'm Agent Orange. Project Red is real. Maroon's Rick, Red's Red, Burgundy's Eagle Eye, and we're in a fight against Black who's gone rouge for some reason. We called you to negotiate with Black and the other Phantoms because we're just not good at it and I don't want to risk Kai, even if she's officially the Blue Team's field negotiator. I have no clue what Church was thinking when he gave her that job," Dex rambled. Doc blinked, a little stunned.
"What?"
"We need you to negotiate because we suck at it and Dex is a brother bear," Eagle said, voice strained. Dex swung around and looked at the Agent, Doc was fairly sure he was glaring.
"You are supposed to be resting, Eagle," Dex growled. Eagle scoffed.
"My healing unit's one of the best, programmed by Black herself. I'd say I'm cleared for light duty," he said, resolute. Dex sighed while Rick chuckled.
"He's got a point, Dex," the maroon soldier said, looping an arm around his friend's shoulders.
"Don't push it," Dex growled.
"There is something wrong with you people," Doc breathed.
"Maybe, but we sure have more fun," Red remarked.
/*/
It took them another hour or so to get settled back down, though Doc would never look at glitter the same way again and Eagle was laid out from reopening his wounds. Of course, by that time, the Rouges had arrived. Thankfully, they were visible this time, but the Sims weren't taking any chances. Doc was pushed forward and looked at the five Rouges, quivering slightly. They were an intimidating group. "Um... Hi. I'm Doc," he said.
"We know who you are," the one in dark green armor and purple highlights growled.
"Um. Well. I... I've been called to act as an impartial party at the negotiations between..." the medic began.
"Ah ah ah~! No," Dex said, stepping forward, "I thought we agreed that you'd be arguing our side!" he said.
"Wait... did we?" Doc asked, looking back toward the orange-armored man. Oregon sighed heavily.
"Doc... just..." she trialed off, shaking her head. "I got nothing."
"I'm the third party here!" Doc finally shouted, glaring at Dex and startling the other occupants of the canyon with his forcefulness. "You told me, as soon as I arrived, and I quote, 'we called you to negotiate with Black and the other Phantoms because we're just not good at it.' In what way does that mean I'm arguing you're side?! SO! As the negotiator, I'm declaring myself neutral in this argument and you lot can all shut up, sit down, and let me do my fragging job already!" Oregon began to clap, long and slow. The others followed suit and before long, Doc was the bewildered recipient of a standing ovation.
"Nice speech Doc. So, where's the peace table?" York said.
"I'll take two representatives on my ship, which is neutral ground," Doc decided. "Chose your spokesperson."
"That'll be me," Oregon said, stepping forward.
"I'm going too," Florida demanded. Doc sighed.
"As long as you just watch, that'll do," he said. Dex and Red stepped up for the Sims and Doc lead the four toward his ship.
/*/
When they arrived on Doc's ship, they were surprised to be greeted by a green-purple hologram, similar to Theta's. "Uh, hello?" Doc said.
"I am Chi, Chi Church," the hologram said before appearing on Doc's shoulder. "And I have decided you would make a good host."
"Well, that's not creepy at all," Florida remarked quietly. Oregon remained silent.
"That one's been resisting all attempts to get it open, much like Epsilon. How much have you heard lil' fella," Red said, addressing the A.I.
"While in the care of Private Simmons, codename: Maroon, I have been aware of my surroundings and learned much of you and your team. Since the downfall of Project Freelancer, I have been searching for a new host. None of your men were suitable. This one, designation Doc, is."
"Precocious one aren't you," Oregon drawled, her stoic facade fractured.
"Oi, I didn't bring you here to snip at an A.I. that decided to attach itself to my armor for some odd reason," Doc said, pulling out a card table. "Now, Black, what do the Phantoms want?"
"That's not Black," Dex growled. "That's Agent Oregon of Project Freelancer."
"Fine. What do the Freelancers want, Agent Oregon?" Doc amended.
"We want Epsilon," Oregon told him. Doc nodded.
"Dex, what does your side want? Also, what are you called?"
"We want an explanation for attacking our base," Dex growled, staring (read: glaring) at Oregon.
"And your group name?" Doc prompted, pen poised over a notepad.
"Call us... the BGC," Red answered. Doc nodded, noting it down, while Dex shot Red a look.
"Oregon, can you tell me why your team attacked the Red Base of the BGC?" Doc asked, looking intently at the green and purple Agent, steadfastly ignoring the two members of the BGC.
"We want Epsilon, and they have him," Oregon said. Orange glared at the woman in front of him.
"You had him. Why attack us for what you already had?" he told her coldly.
"There's more to this than you think!" Oregon countered.
"Then tell me!" Orange demanded, slamming his hands down and the table and pushing to his feet, looming ominously over the slight woman.
"You wouldn't understand!" Oregon declared, shoving herself in his face. The medic stood and tried to get the m to back away from each other.
"Oregon... I can't say that these guys understand a whole lot, but I'm pretty sure they understand more than you think. Why not give them a chance?" he offered, only to have his voice drowned out by Orange.
"TRY ME!" the 'Simulation Trooper' challenged. Oregon grit her teeth.
"Freedom comes with a price tag," she said softly, stepping back.
"Freedom at the expense of a friend is not freedom!" Orange yelled. Oregon faltered.
"You got him to open up?" she asked, breathless.
"No... but he is still a member of Red Team. And I, for one, shall not be turning him over for experimentation!" Orange declared firmly, falling back into his chair, arms crossed.
"Oregon, please, sit down and tell us why you want Epsilon so bad you'd try to steal him rather than ask nicely," Doc said, though there was an undercurrent of steel neither Agent had heard from the medic before. The woman complied with a sigh.
"Fine. I struck a deal. I don't deliver, things turn nasty," Oregon said. "I was a fool to think I could save them all," she muttered, leaning back in her seat.
"And how is stealing your own A.I. gonna help?" Dex asked. "Whatever's in that memory unit, it isn't coming out, Freelancer. We've tried just about everything."
"The deal was we turn over the Epsilon unit, we go free," Oregon said. "They didn't say anything about waking the A.I. up."
"And what's to say they aren't going to change the deal when the find out the unit isn't going to respond?" Dex challenged, leaning forward. "What are you going to do then? Run?"
"Then we turn over all the A.I. we have. Including Alpha," Oregon replied calmly.
"And that's bad why?" Red asked. Doc groaned,
"You guys~! This isn't..." but was ignored.
"Because the A.I. wouldn't be the only one's taken," Oregon said. Dex sighed.
"Yeah. That would make all this pointless, wouldn't it? But we can't hand over Epsilon."
"Why?" asked Doc. "Why can't you just let him go?"
"Memory is the key, and somethings are best left locked away," Chi chimed in. "Duh."
"Oh be quite Chi," Oregon said tiredly.
"Here's another flaw in the ultimatum. What if the A.I. have a means of escape?" Doc said. "This one apparently did," he said, pointing to Chi, who was calmly floating beside him.
"Yo," the A.I. said, giving the other two a peace sign.
"Actually, I didn't know Freelancer made a Chi fragment," Florida mused.
"Well they made an Omega fragment, didn't they?" Chi countered. "And it's pronounced 'kie,' by the way."
"He's got a point," Doc said, nodding. "But, back to the matter at hand..."
"I want Marley back, but I also don't want to condemn another intelligence to incarceration. As I said before, freedom at the expense of a friend isn't freedom at all. Success at the expense of a teammate was what destroyed Freelancer... I will not allow that to happen to my family," Orange growled. Oregon sighed.
"I can't go back, Dex," she said.
"Then I suppose we're at something of an impasse, aren't we? Can't go back, can't go forward," Orange sighed.
"You can't fight us Orange," Oregon said.
"Watch me, Freelancer," Dex declared, taking his gun and stalking outside. Doc slumped over his card table as Red, Oregon, and Florida followed and gunfire began to scorch the air outside his ship.
"There there, Doc. It'll be okay," Chi said, his hologram patting the medic's shoulder.
"You sound far too amused for that to be comforting," Doc muttered darkly. Chi chuckled.
"Well, I am the humor fragment," he said.
"The Alpha must have had one twisted sense of humor to produce you," Doc remarked. Chi just continued to laugh as Civil War was declared in Valhalla.
/?/
A/N: Alright, I apologize for the long wait but this whole Civil War set up is even more flimsy of a conflict than the Socovia Accords in Captain America: Civil War was. That being said, I'm gonna have to re-watch the whole Wash and Meta Arc to pin down their rabbit trail and work out how they're going to get Epsilon out of storage, get to the off-site storage facility, trigger the event with Tex, the other one with Tex and Wash that resulted in Wash joining Blue Team and Epsilon getting taken, and Carolina coming into the scene. From there I have a very rough idea but it's still shaky and more chapters aren't likely to come until sometime near 12/25/16 or 1/6/16. Not to mention life, family, and the holidays messing with my ability to write.