Chapter 9: Decisions

"He ought to stay here, and do the best he could. But…history was full of the bones of good men who'd followed bad orders in the hope that they could soften the blow. Oh, yes, there were worse things they could do, but most of them began right where they started following bad orders." – Terry Pratchett

Sirius let out a heavy sigh as he stabbed angrily at a piece of bacon with his fork. The mindless chatter filling the great hall seeming to grow increasingly annoying with every reluctant bite of his breakfast.

It had been three weeks since his argument with Ava. Three weeks since she had spoken to him. Three weeks since she had even cared to cast a glance in his direction. He had never thought he'd miss her company, but he couldn't help himself from yearning for her usual teasing. It seemed like he had grown to enjoy her company over the past few months.

DADA just wasn't the same without being able to mock her good-naturedly.

He glanced again at the Slytherin table, scanning the benches for her familiar figure. It had become somewhat of a routine ritual. He took a deep breath as his eyes landed on her face, his lips threatening to lift upwards into a smile as her head moved in his direction.

Shit. She was just turning to Rosier.

Sirius jumped as a fist hit his arm forcefully, quirking an eyebrow in surprise at James. "Problem?"

James's hazel eyes narrowed in suspicion as he scrutinised Sirius's shifty expression. His gaze flickered over to the Slytherin table before landing back on his friend. "You tell me. You've been edgy all week."

Sirius forced a scoff as he leant across to reach the eggs, a welcome distraction from James's scrupulous gaze. "I'm just tired." He defended, attempting to feign disinterest as James pursued hs interrogation.

"Not too tired from glancing over at the Slytherin table are you mate?"

Sirius scowled in response, swatting James's hand angrily as he went to steal a piece of bacon off his plate. "Leave it out would you!"

Fortunately, the arrival of Lily Evans provided James with a convenient distraction. Sirius silently thanked the Gryffindor prefect for her timely intervention as she began to lecture James on tormenting first years.

Before he could breathe a sigh of relief, he heard Remus clear his throat. Glancing up at his friend, he saw a soft smile creeping onto his face as he inclined his head towards the Slytherins.

"She's on patrol tonight."

Sirius frowned at his words, feeling a little embarrassed that he was evidently that transparent. In truth, he didn't even know why he cared about his spat with Ava. After all, she was a Slytherin and dating that insufferable prick…but every time he tried to focus on anything, even pranks, he saw her disappointed expression and the hurt in her eyes.

"I just see the side that calls people mudbloods."

It seemed like he just couldn't get her out of his head.

"Perfect duty is so much more exciting when I'm paired with you."

Ava hummed softly in acknowledgement, barely paying attention as Evan's lips traced her neck. Her mind had been elsewhere for the past few weeks, too distracted by her recent run-in with a certain Gryffindor.

Not even Evan's heated impromptu snogging sessions seemed able to break the haze…much to his annoyance.

More than anything, she found herself confused. Evan had been nothing but charming since the night of the victory party. His words had been softly spoken, his effortless confidence attractive and his manners impeccable. He hadn't given her any reason to doubt him.

But Sirius had.

"I'm not the one making nice with death eaters."

She knew deep down that the irritable Gryffindor's words were the truth. Before they had gotten together she had been suspicious about the crowd Evan chose to socialise with. Distasteful was a polite way of putting it.

Mulciber and Wilkes alone were creepy and unnerving to be around. And, they hadn't been too polite to her in the Three Broomsticks. Nor had a nice word to say about her friends.

"His kind shouldn't mix with people like us."

Evan had spoken those words freely, even proudly. Yet here she was with him pressed up against her in an abandoned corridor. Was Sirius right? Was she like them after all?

Evan sighed heavily, abandoning his efforts to blaze a trail of kisses along her neck. Clearly he was getting increasingly frustrated with her lack of interest in his affections. "Why do you have to overthink everything all of the time Ava?" He groaned, slamming his fist a little too forcefully against the stone wall.

She merely frowned in response, a prickle of annoyance rising at his disdainful tone. "That's not always a bad thing Evan." She replied coldly.

A moment of tense silence fell between them before Evan moved to push her against the wall.

"Why can't we just be together in the moment?" He asked quietly, his blue eyes scanning hers intently before pressing a hungry kiss against her lips. His hands crept slowly up her legs, grazing the hem of her skirt.

Ava felt herself almost caving under the heat of his affections.

"We're special. The future can be anything we want it to be."

But his words suddenly made her freeze. They sounded familiar. The type of language that had been plastered across the shady newspapers his friends had begun to wave around the common room each evening. Keeping ourselves clean. Blood purity and the future.

She knew he wasn't talking about their relationship any more.

"Let me go Evan." She murmured, attempting to push against his chest as his hands continued to creep up her body. "Evan, no. Please-"

But her pleas were ignored as he pressed an insistent kiss against her neck.

"Get off me!" Ava pushed with all her strength and used the wall as leverage as she put as much distance as possible between the two of them. Her heart was pounding sickeningly as she took deep breaths, the panic still rushing through her veins. "I can't do this."

"Oh come off it Ava! What's wrong?" Evan asked, attempting to reason with her as he took a step closer.

Ava shook her head and immediately backed away from him. "Benjy's muggleborn." She whispered, glancing up at Evan to witness his reaction. There was a dangerous glint in his eye as he let out a mocking laugh.

"Don't you understand? I'm trying to help you." He told her, a smug smile creeping onto his face at her confusion. "I'm trying to save you. This path that you're going down Ava, it won't lead to anything good."

Ava raised an eyebrow, tensing up as she realised exactly what he meant. The silent implication behind his words sent a chill down her spine.

"Why throw everything away?"

Fury rose in her chest. She couldn't hold it in. "What path?" She exclaimed, curling her first as she leaned closer to him. "Being friends with people who are different to me isn't a path." She snapped angrily.

Evan only chuckled quietly as he folded his arms across his chest. "You have everything going for you Ava. You can do anything you want." She flinched as he took a step forward. "Why would you choose to make life harder for yourself?"

"You're wrong." She replied firmly, unable to say much more. It felt as if the air had been stolen from her lungs. Evan was a true believer after all.

He shrugged, flashing her a confident smirk. "When it happens, people who obey will be rewarded. We'll rule."

Ava was horrified at his menacing tone, the harshness etched into his expression. She's knew there was no going back. "You're right. We are different… and I choose this path."

"I told you I don't need your help to find the bloody kitchens."

"Yeah, well maybe me and James's felt like a midnight snack too!"

Sirius rolled his eyes at Peter's immaturity, trying to hide his obvious annoyance. Having his friends tag along hadn't been part of his plan, he had tried to shake them off, but sadly to no avail. He just wanted to speak to Ava by herself…without unwelcome company.

"Besides, this is important research for the map /mate." James told him, clapping him on the shoulder and flashing him a cheeky grin. "We've almost got this part of the castle completed."

Sirius bit back a groan as Peter nudged him in the back, the invisibility cloak starting to rise up to reveal their feet. "Peter, if you insist on coming you're going to have to be more careful." He hissed impatiently. "The cloak's not big enough for us all anymore."

James chuckled softly. "Calm down Sirius. What's got you all uptight tonight anyway?" He asked, curiosity creeping into his voice as he carefully surveyed him. "I thought this was just a visit to the kitchens?"

Sirius forced out a bark of laughter. "It is. I just wish you two could be a bit more discreet. I don't fancy getting another detention."

Before James could interrogate him further, a sniffle from the next corridor caused the group to immediately halt. Sirius froze, pressing a finger to his lips as he dared to peak around the corner. His heart leapt as he noticed the familiar figure of Ava, but his spirits were almost immediately crushed by her tear stained cheeks.

Why did she always seem to be crying around him lately?

"It's A- Burke, the Slytherin prefect." Sirius told his friends, correcting himself before revealing they were on a first name basis. The last thing he needed was tormenting.

"So, let's just-"

"No. Come on Pete. We'll head back to the common room." James said, interrupting Peter as he tried to make his way past Sirius. His hazel eyes seemed to portray understanding before he nodded reluctantly at Sirius and led Peter away by the arm.

Sirius watched them retreat down the corridor and disappear entirely from view before he took a deep breath.

Here goes nothing.

"What the hell are you doing up Black?" Ava snapped, quickly wiping her cheeks in an effort to hide her tears. It was bad enough she had ended up sat alone in a freezing cold corridor. She simply wouldn't have Sirius Black mocking her for it too.

A small grin crept onto his face as he approached. "I fancied a midnight stroll." He told her, resting his hands in his pockets as he looked her up and down.

She hated how he always managed to exude such confidence. He was the last person she wanted to see.

An uncomfortable silence grew between them. Ava half hoped Sirius would relent to the awkwardness and leave her alone, but he refused to move. So instead, she determinedly evaded his gaze and focused on twisting her hands together anxiously. It was a while until she summoned up the bravery to speak.

"When did it all get so complicated?"

She hated how defeated she sounded. But it felt as if she didn't have anything left to give. The world wasn't going to get better any time soon and knowing that her schoolmates were right in the midst of the turmoil made it even worse.

Would it ever get better?

Sirius shifted uncomfortably, Ava's strange behaviour was deeply unsettling. He had been on the receiving end of many of her emotions, but he had only once seen her upset…and that had been because of him. So, he responded the only way he knew how…with sarcasm.

"I think it was about ten minutes into McGonagall's transfiguration class."

His joke appeared to land, her lips threatening to turn upwards into a small smile. So, he took it as a silent invitation to take a seat next to her. A comfortable silence fell between them before she spoke again.

"I can't- I can't stand back while these things happen." She murmured softly. "This war. It will make monsters of us all."

Sirius gazed at her in concern. He rarely worried about anything. But the despair in her voice caused even him to fear. What had happened?

"You were right before…about Evan." She whispered; her voice so soft he had to strain his ears to hear her. "Benjy's a muggleborn." She glanced at him as if expecting a reaction. When she didn't find one, she stared back down at her entwined hands. "You should have seen his face when I even mentioned his name. How could I ever do that to my friend? Be with someone who hates their existence?"

Her voice broke and Sirius felt his heart sink as the tears began to swell in her eyes. It felt strange seeing her so vulnerable. Part of him wanted to escape. But the other wanted to comfort.

But, for once the cocky Sirius Black was lost for words.

It had always felt a long way off, the war and the darkness it brought. They were young and safe at Hogwarts to live a life largely untroubled by conflict…or so he had thought. Yet here was the evidence that their fellow classmates were ready to fight for disturbing ideals.

It was all becoming real.

For a moment, the realisation stunned him.

"I'm a terrible person."

Ava's quiet voice snapped him out of his thoughts, his head quickly turning to her in astonishment. "Ava, don't be-"

But she shook her head, swiftly interrupting his protests. "No! You were right before. I'm not any different to the rest of them." The tears began to fall slowly down her face and Sirius felt himself flinching at the sight.

He hadn't meant to hurt her like this. His anger had just gotten the better of him. Of course he hadn't meant it.

"Don't be stupid!" He exclaimed, silently cursing himself for how abrupt he sounded. "You wouldn't- you would never-" He floundered to find the right words to express what he thought about the unusual Slytherin prefect…how he felt. "You're decent Burke."

He wanted to hit himself for sounding so stupid, but Ava sniffed quietly and glanced up at him. Curiosity shone in her hazel eyes.

"Really?"

Sirius smirked. "Well, I wouldn't be within a mile radius of you if you weren't." He joked, immensely pleased with himself as she laughed softly in response.

It was nice to see her happy again.

A comfortable silence fell between them once more before she decided to speak again

"It doesn't matter if you do it yourself, does it?"

Sirius shot her a quizzical look, quirking an eyebrow in confusion. Ava gave him a small smile before she elaborated.

"By standing beside someone like that you're justifying their behaviour." She explained, folding her arms across her chest. "I won't make that mistake ever again."

And, for the second time in his life (and that night), Sirius Black found himself speechless.

Ava let out a soft sigh as she glanced up at him. "I guess I just thought I could…I don't know…help him? Change his mind?" She smiled sadly before picking at the sleeve of her cardigan.

"A hopeless case? Sounds like you." Sirius teased, desperate to see her smile again.

This time it was slightly forced as she looked at him. "I guess I'll be sleeping with one eye open in the Slytherin dormitories. I can't imagine they'll all take the news well."

Sirius's grey eyes instantly darkened, a flash of fury shooting through them as he observed her crestfallen appearance. It was usual for him to dislike any mention of his least favourite house. The house his parents had pleaded for him to be admitted to. But, this time he felt an inexplicable hatred towards it.

"That's horrible." He said simply, all his wit temporarily abandoning him as he watched Ava curl up against a nearby pillar. She looked so different to the girl he had met a few months ago.

Is this what happened when you grew up?

He reached out a hand at hesitantly patted her shoulder, silently cursing himself for how uncharacteristically awkward the gesture was for him.

"If it helps my entire family were in Slytherin and, trust me, it didn't do them any favours." He joked, desperate to brush past his mishap. "Besides my Uncle Alphard. He's okay. Once he suggested that my mum's side of the family had dealings with muggles and she nearly blew his head off."

Ava's responding laugh seemed to brighten the dark corridor.

Ava and Sirius spent a while chatting about the absurdities of their families – including her bitter old aunt who seemed to spend her life hating everything and everyone. In a way, it was nice to know he wasn't the only one with crazy relatives.

It was late by the time he realised they had spent the good part of two hours exchanging conversation. Almost as if she sensed his thoughts, Ava yawned loudly and gently rested her head against his shoulder.

"It's late." She murmured.

The warmth radiating from her body was oddly comforting as Sirius fought the instinct to pull her closer. Fortunately, Ava seemed oblivious to his internal battle as she let out a sigh of contentment.

"Sirius?"

He hummed in response, too preoccupied by her proximity to pay much attention.

"You do realise I could give you detention?" She told him, a smile creeping onto her face as she glanced up at him.

He grinned widely. "I know. But, it's a chance I'm willing to take."

Guess who lost their pen drive? And then found it down the side of the couch? Me! I'd been hoping to use lockdown as an opportunity to catch up with writing, but all my plans were lost on the bloody pen drive. Anyhow, I managed to track it down and finally here's chapter 8. I hope you enjoyed it! Let me know what you thought (and how you're keeping during these crazy times!) in the reviews.

PS. I've decided to use lockdown to rewatch all of Harry Potter – can't wait to get to the Order of the Phoenix. It's my favourite film! x