Disclaimer: I don't own RvB. Or anything else referenced.
Claimer: I do own Marley. Please don't steal her.
Episode 48: Oh Skits, It's Her!
Marley groaned as the boys argued over where the BGC might have gone and how they'd follow them. "My life," she moaned, shaking her head as her companions came to blows. "My life."
"Indeed," Delta remarked, deciding to jump to the calmer member of the team.
"Is this really how you view the human race?"
"I will admit, this is the most childish I have seen my host behave."
"GUYS! Come on! Can we at least call 479er?" Flowdie finally yelled, fed up with them.
"Excellent idea!" Marley declared and called the pilot.
/*/
The BGC backed up slowly, leaving Epsilon alone with the dark figure in the cryo-chamber. "You think he'll be okay?" Rick asked as the sound of destruction rang in the short hallway.
"Who knows," Dex shrugged, eying the door and wondering if it would hold up against her when she was in a bad mood.
"Just hold still. No, don't go-" Epsilon's voice said, just before something shattered.
"I sense things are not going well," Phyllis remarked.
"Yes, please just keep the door shut, thank you that's fine," Caboose rambled, sounding rather close to being afraid. The Reds shared looks while Tucker turned to his teammate in surprise. Caboose understood the danger they were currently in?
"I am sorry, but if the Director requests the door to be opened, I am required to comply," Phyllis said. If Eagle didn't know better, he'd say the A.I. was smug.
"Just keep the door shut!" Caboose barked, startling the rest of the BGC. Since when did Caboose bark at people? Specifically 'Sheila?'
"Dude, who are you and what have you done with Caboose?" Dex asked, joining Tucker in staring at the Blue in shock. Rick was more preoccupied with Red and Kai who were placing bets. Doc was trying to stop them while Eagle was holding the money.
"Stop! Don't move, don't move, don't-" Epsilon yelped behind the door. Eagle gave it a Look.
"He does know that's not going to happen, right?" he asked, incredulously, as the sounds of yet more destruction came from the door.
"Hrhhh."
"I do not think he cares," Caboose remarked.
"Stop!" Epsilon yelped. Red shook his head.
"She's not going to listen," Rick stated.
"No. No, she's not," Tucker agreed.
"Should we really be standing this close to the door?" Kai asked.
"You make an excellent point, sister," Dex said, slowly backing up.
"Uh, I wouldn't pick that up, it looks expensive..." Epsilon cajoled. She didn't give a flying cue ball and broke whatever the 'expensive thing' was. Likely by throwing it at Epsilon.
"Should we be worried?" Rick asked.
"What was your first clue?" Dex countered, bringing his gun up. While still backing away slowly.
"Guys? Who is that?!" Doc asked.
"In here?" Caboose asked, the picture of innocence. "Oh. No-one is in here. Um, well this probably isn't even a door, either. It's, probably," he continued, floundering, before the door itself shuddered with a bang, as though something large and heavy had been thrown at it was significant force. Dex mentally stopped wondering if the door would hold against her and began wondering just when it would fail.
"What the heck was that?" Red asked, joining Dex in backing away.
"Oh, that was probably something important getting smashed against the door," Caboose answered.
"Yeah... guys? I say we cut our losses and get out of here," Dex said, halting to wait for his comrades. Another bang and the door bent outwards from the force.
"I don't hear Epsilon," Eagle mentioned, joining Dex and pointing his rifle at the door. A loud 'gong' sounded as part of the lock was pushed out of the door.
"I'm just going to walk over this way, now, excuse me. Yes, thank you. Pardon me, coming through," Caboose said, self-preservation instincts kicking in, as he slowly began to walk away from the door, ignoring the rest of the BGC. And Doc. The door continued to be abused.
"Guys... we should probably, you know, move!" Dex barked over the intensifying noise, beginning a mental count.
"I'm gone," Eagle said, running for the shipping containers. Somehow, he managed to get on top of one and trained his rifle on the short tunnel leading to the robot chamber. No way was he stay in the line of fire!
"Scatter!" Rick yelped, running for the control booth. Red just moved further back while Dex retreated behind cover as the door continued to bend and flex before it was blasted off it's hinges and flew into the main storage area.
"Door's open," Dex quipped. 'Forty-five seconds. Man, she's a beast,' he added mentally.
"Now's not the time for your sarcasm, Dex!" Rick barked, still a short run from the control booth. Kai, Tucker, and Doc were standing around like idiots, unsure of how to prepare themselves for what they were about to face. Out of the fog came a menacing figure in black armor. She pounded her fist into her hand, craning her neck as though trying to crack it.
"Okay. So who's first?" Agent Texas asked.
/*/
"Alarm, security breech, level Alpha. All personnel report for duty. This is not a drill," Phyllis droned.
"What do you know! There's a level of breaching security named after you, Alpha!" Dex couldn't help but tell Church with a smirk.
"Not now!" the robot yelled, running as fast as he could to hide. By this point, Rick had managed to join Caboose in the control room.
"Sheila, we have to help them," Caboose said. Rick nodded, even though he knew the blue was talking to the A.I.
"Phyllis, is there anything we can do to help stop Agent Texas?" he asked, eyes already scanning the board and looking for anything that might be useful.
"Stop Agent Texas? Oh no, absolutely not. We should never interfere with an ongoing battlefield simulation test. Our job is to observe and document," Phyllis answered. Rick frowned at the board.
"Well that's insensitive," he muttered while Caboose chose to voice his displeasure a bit more... dramatically.
"But she'll kill them!"
"Oh, that would be wonderful! What a successful test," Phyllis said cheerily, clearly deciding that Caboose's comment was worth responding to in spite of Alpha's order to ignore him. Meanwhile, back on the floor; Red, Dex, and Church were running for a more defensible position.
"We need to keep moving men. Come on, double-time. Heck, I'd settle for single-time!" Red barked. Dex paused for a moment, leaning against a partition to check his ammo.
"Maybe we should just pick a spot and fight. I've got this funny feeling that if we don't, she'll start picking us off one by..." he began only for a black gauntlet to punch through the wall next to him. "One," Dex remarked in resignation as he felt the hand tighten around his neck just before his head connected with the wall.
This was taken as the signal to begin the battle.
On one side, Agent Texas. On the other? Everyone else in the building.
Minus Phyllis. She just observed and documented, as was her directive.
Tex 'kicked' things off by kicking the wall she'd slammed Dex into across the hall and into another container before rushing Red. He tried to shoot her, but she dodged his shotgun blast and gave him a hard uppercut to the gut. "OW!" he huffed, not having the breath for anything else. Incidentally, Tex hit him so hard, he stumbled into Church. Not giving them a moment to think, Tex rammed into the two of them with enough force to bowl over two partitions and send them flying through a pyramid of metal barrels(Rick decided not to think about whether or not those barrels were full or not). Dex, having made it to his feet, ran out of the mess and shook his head.
"Epps should have listened to Al and not have woken up the she-devil," he muttered before running off to find something that might actually slow her down long enough for him to talk to her. Tex wasn't completely unreasonable after all. Meanwhile, said Freelancer was stalking Red and Church, no-where near through pummeling them. "Hey, Rick!" Dex yelled once he could see the command booth.
"Yeah?" the maroon soldier asked, not bothering to look up from the controls he was frantically scanning with his eyes.
"Where are the rocket launchers?" Dex called, not offended in the slightest. Maroon had always worked best with computers and rarely looked away from them on the job. Not even to shoot the idiots who got too close. Orange had always been impressed with that.
"How does he know there are boomsticks?" Caboose asked. Rick shook his head and deftly manipulated the controls to dump a load of rocket launchers in front of Dex.
"Thank you~!" Dex sang, picking one up and running back toward Red and Church.
"You're welcome!" Rick sang back, complete with a jaunty little wave. Dex chuckled and kept running, eventually crossing paths with Tucker.
"Hey!" the cyan soldier said, surprised to run into the red.
"Hey yourself, Tucker," Dex said, already scanning the area for Tex. "Say, you know how to use that?" Dex asked when he didn't see her, nodding toward Tucker's sword.
"Sure I do! What's to know about 'swish swish stab?' It's a sword, not a fighter jet," Tucker answered, tone conveying the thought that Dex was a total idiot. The orange armored soldier did his best to transmit his blank look through his helmet.
"Right. Just come help me," he said, running past the cyan soldier.
/*/
Back at ground zero with Red and Church, Church ducked under a barrel which sailed right into Red's head. The impact threw off the Agent's aim, making the burst go wide as Tex vaulted an overturned barrel. She landed in a roll and, dodging Church's poorly aimed bullets, grabbed the two by the neck and smashing their heads together. Red got socked just above the belt before Church got hit just under the armpit. Tex then used the force of a pivot side-kick to Red's chin, a rather impressive strike, to line herself up to lay into Church. First, she knocked the ineffective gun out of his hands then elbowed his torso before she went for the head. Several strikes later, Tex decided she didn't like seeing him standing and delivered a heavy blow to the top of his helmet. A knee to his chest lifted Church off the floor, allowing Tex to grab his throat and slam him into the ground. Once he was there, she prepared to hit below the belt. Church managed to wiggle so she hit the relatively softer target of his stomach area before her fist was brought down, but that seemed to aggravate Tex even more because she kicked him across the way, knocking a teleporter frame down onto him. He barely registered Tex beating up Red as he sailed past. Suffice to say, Red was down when Church stopped bouncing. "Sometimes, I hate my life," Church moaned as he recognized the boots headed his way. He heard a grenade fly overhead and then an annoying, familiar, voice shouting out and grabbing Tex's attention.
"Remember me?" Tucker asked, lighting his sword.
"Tucker you idiot!" Church muttered, though he was glad of the distraction. Taking full advantage of it, Church scuttled away in the hopes of finding a good sniper's nest. Or, you know, hiding place. Tex squared off against Tucker while Dex lined up a shot with the rocket launcher he'd gotten from Rick via crate drop. Just as things were looking good, a whole crate dropped between Tucker and Tex.
"CABOOSE YOU FUDGING IDIOT MUDBRAINED BLUETARD!" Rick's enraged bellow echoed through the storage area. Everyone; and I mean everyone, paused at the sound.
"Ho man, Rick's pissed!" Dex whispered into the comms.
"NO, I WILL NOT FORGIVE YOU FOR ORANGE JUICE!" Rick bellowed. Red looked toward Church, who had stopped moving as soon as the crate dropped.
"Does he really try to bribe people with orange juice?" he asked. Church nodded solemnly.
"It's as sacred to him as chocolate is to a woman," he said. Kai whistled, having heard over the comms.
"Caboose~! You messed up my plan with Dex~!" Tucker complained. Dex sighed, but took the shot anyway. Tex dodged of course, being the badass Freelancer that she was. Grabbing a teleporter, Tex threw it at the Red Agent. Taking a semi-wild shot, Dex only made things worse for himself by shooting into the teleporter. The rocket then flew out of the other teleporter, impacted below his feet, and threw him into the teleporter Tex had thrown which then sent him flying directly into a throat grab by Tex. After grabbing the orange-armored soldier, Tex threw him into Tucker's face, knocking them both down.
"HEY! No-body beats up my brother!" Kai yelled, firing a burst at the only other female in the facility. Tex dodged that too and threw a barrel at the younger woman, forcing her back into hiding.
/*/
"Can we use turrets on her or some explodey firey thing?" Caboose asked.
"Oh no, that would be outside..." Phyllis began, only to be cut off by Rick slamming Caboose's head into the control board.
"Just shut up and let me handle this," he huffed as the Blue stumbled back. "Now, watch and learn from a master." Unfortunately, there wasn't a whole lot to work with. "Darn you, Epsilon! You just had to wake her up, didn't you?" the Red grumbled, eyes darting around frantically as his mind worked furiously to find a way to use the facility itself against Tex. As it was a storage facility, there wasn't much and the security system didn't have guns in their current position. "And where is Eagle?!"
"She's moving too fast, I can't get a bead on her," the sniper replied.
"Well, where are you?!"
"One of the hanging crates." Rick blinked and shared a look with Caboose.
"How...?"
"Please don't ask," Eagle moaned. Rick shrugged and went back to trying to find a way to use the system against the freelancer.
"Here's hoping I don't drop you," the tech muttered.
"Amen," Eagle intoned.
/*/
Meanwhile, Tucker, Dex, Red, and Church had regrouped. "What do we do?" Tucker groaned.
"I don't know, I've never hit a girl before in my life," Red answered.
"Ha! I know for a fact you've hit Marley," Dex countered.
"She doesn't count," Red insisted.
"I'll second that," Church muttered. Shaking off his disorientation, Dex noticed his rocket launcher had been ripped from his hands when he went for an unplanned flight and so cast about for the nearest weapon. What he found left much to be desired. "A cone?" Church asked, bewildered.
"Yeah, but look who's using it," Rick commented through the comms while simultaneously trying to work out a way to get them a weapons drop. Dex shouldn't have to resort to a traffic cone of all things!
"Point," Church acknowledged as Tex stalked closer before breaking out into a jog. She got inside Red's range and caught his arm before turning and punching Tucker, using the momentum to flip Red over and out of the way while ripping his shotgun out of his hands. Using that, she clubbed Tucker over the head before turning toward Church. Dodging a few wild bursts from his gun, she side kicked him through a teleporter which sent him flying above a shipping crate, yelling. Tex turned to Dex... who was suddenly hit in the back by a yelling Church. Dex, wielding only a traffic cone, was sent stumbling toward Tex. Her boot caught Dex between the legs with enough force to lift him off his feet before slamming him back onto the ground, boot firmly on his manhood and Red's shotgun pointed at his face. Knowing it was empty, because he kept a careful tally of the ammunition used by Red(usually in an effort not to annoy him too much while he still had shot left), Dex didn't move. As the shotgun clicked, alerting Tex to the lack of ammo and distracting her for a brief moment, Dex brought his cone up and hit her in the head. Naturally, it didn't do much, but it effected her sensors and gave him an opening to sweep her feet out from under her. Pinning the mad woman to the floor, Dex pulled out his knife and held it to her throat.
"Stop this, please," he almost ordered, leaning forward to put pressure on the blade. Tex didn't say anything, she just bucked him off and resumed beating the rest of the BGC. Dex flew into Church, knocking him back, while Red watched.
"You idiots, let me show you how it's done," he arrogantly declared, just before Tex punched him clean over to the two moaning soldiers.
"Well done, Red," Dex snarked, looking around for his knife. "Dang it, that's the third time this fight I've let my weapon out of my grip. Not cool," he growled while Red grumbled,
"Aw shut up," embarrassed that he'd let himself be distracted like that. He was better than this!
"Hey guys, look up there," Church muttered, drawing their attention, and a groggy Tucker's as well, to a large crate above Tex... and Tucker.
"Hey Rick, think you can help a Blue out?" Tucker asked, hoping his on-the-fly plan would work.
"Dropping in three," Rick answered. "Two." Tucker jumped slightly, rolling out from under the crate, just as Rick said, "One," and dropped the crate. Not noticing how Tex had managed to catch the crate, Tucker let out a small laugh.
"I can't believe that worked!" he exclaimed. Tex began to stand back up... crate in her hands. "Oh Fudge, it didn't work," Tucker corrected himself.
/*/
"I knew that would not work. Agent Tex is a bit of a badass," Phyllis quipped in the control booth. Rick shrugged at her.
"Worth a shot," he said, turning his attention back to the 'fight.'
"Glad that wasn't my crate," Eagle remarked.
"Hey, she's standing still. Can you get a bead on her now?"
"Crate's in the way."
"Fudge."
/*/
Tex heaved the dented crate at the four annoyances. Dex dashed to the right, Red ran headlong into the crate's path, trying to get ahead of it, while Church froze. Tucker stood his ground and lit his energy sword. "Don't worry guys, I got this," he said, taking a stance. As the crate came closer, he took a deep breath before bringing his sword up, around, and down with a mighty cry of, "Swish!" cutting the crate, which happened to be full of medpacs, in half. Dex was clipped by it, Red got hit in the head with a few falling medpacs, and Church ended up buried in them.
"Ouch," was the general consensus of the group.
"Oh, fudge berries. Hey Tex, could you..." Tucker said, turning toward the rampaging Freelancer. Said rampaging Freelancer didn't give a cookie and prompted kicked him down and continued to stalk the poor, abused, members of the BGC. "Alright, that's it, come here!" Tucker snarled, prepared to go toe-to-toe with the female A.I.
/*/
"S~o glad it wasn't my crate."
"Shoot the darn Freelancer!"
"Ah. Right."
/*/
A sniper shot rang out, drawing Tex's attention and distracting Tucker. A large barrel was thrown toward the source of the shot, flying over a hanging crate. Dex barely made out the burgundy speck that leapt to another, lower, container. Seeing it roll a few paces before vanishing, the red nodded to himself, pleased that his sniper was relatively unharmed. "Oh thank goodness! I thought I was a goner!" Kai remarked, running out from behind her shelter, which had been all to save her from the flying half-container.
"WHAT?!" bellowed Dex, rushing out of his landing place, a bit of paint scratched off his helmet.
"Bu-rah! What happened?! I feel defeated! And yet, inexplicably rejuvenated!" Red bellowed, standing up from where the falling medpacs had knocked him down. Meanwhile, Tucker was trying to fight Tex with his sword.
"Swish!" Tucker cried, finally swinging his sword. Tex dodged backward, then hit him twice in quick succession, once to the head and once just below the armpit. Tucker stumbled from the hits but came back with a, "Swoosh!" Tex gave a repeat performance, throwing in a kick for good measure. Waving out of the way of Tucker's, "Stab!" Tex grabbed his arm and twisted it behind his back, loosening his grip on the handle. Kicking out his knee, Tex pushed him down into a kneeling position before kicking his head and wrenching the sword from his hand. Tucker was sent skidding across the floor and fell through a stray teleporter.
"Man, those things are everywhere!" Rick remarked.
"Yeah, Tucker hates those things," Caboose said, watching as Tucker came stumbling out of another teleporter right into Tex's grip. Tex, who had his still activated sword. Just as she was about to bring it down on the cyan soldier, who's trademark armor was covered in splotches of soot, it went out. Of course, being Tucker, the man just couldn't resist the joke that was served to him on a silver platter.
"What's the matter, Tex? Having trouble keeping it up? Don't worry, happens to everybody," he said. Red, Dex, and Church shared looks.
"Oh for the love of Pete," Kai sighed and fired at the Freelancer. Tex threw Tucker back through the teleporter and dove out of the way of Kai's bullets. Tucker flew out of the connected teleporter completely covered in soot.
/*/
"Seriously, how many of those things are there in this facility? And how many times is Tex gonna use 'em?" Rick commented.
"A lot."
"That was a rhetorical question, Caboose. I didn't really want an answer."
"If you didn't want an answer, why did you ask?"
"Good grief! No wonder the Blues are insane if this is what they have to put up with on a daily basis!"
"You are mean. I do not like you."
"You're annoying. I don't like you either. It would seem we are at an impasse."
"... What does impasse mean?"
"I wonder if I should just take my chances with Tex?"
"Caboose~! Stop making Rick contemplate suicide," Eagle said, tone oddly torn between scolding and monotone.
"... What does contemplate mean?" The two reds simultaneously decided to just ignore the brain damaged Blue. It saved on headaches.
/*/
If Red and Dex hadn't been as well trained as they were(meaning; if they hadn't actually taken the second required to recognize that Tucker always gets covered in soot when going through the teleporter and the lights on his armor were still blue), the two would have begun beating on him. As it was, Kai still jumped and fired while Church whimpered, looking around for where Tex might be.
Alpha A.I. the Blue might be, but Tex still scared him. His run in with Epsilon had transferred a few memories of Allison and... well... there was a reason Agent Tex was as badass as she was.
Somehow, no-one quite saw how, Tucker ended up holding Kai out of a teleporter... only for him to notice Tex standing by another teleporter. He was just in time with this revelation for her to figure out the two were a connected pair and punch Tucker where the sun don't shine. Naturally, this led to both Blues falling through the teleporter with a general sentiment of 'oh Master Chief, why?' that was made greater when Tucker fell right into Tex's grip. A picture perfect suplex and a roll later, Tex was on top of the currently-black armored soldier.
"Oh, right to the mount huh?" Tucker asked through the barrage of face punches Tex was laying on him. "Not even gonna buy me dinner?" the 'playa' continued. Red and Dex decided to tune the Blue out, Dex having reloaded his rocket launcher and starting to move into position. Still, it was an older model SPNKR and locking onto a target was hard when there were two such similar figures so close together.
"Come on, Tucker, buck her off!" Dex pleaded, trying to get a bead on Tex. For some reason, Doc walked up and attempted to talk to the rampaging Freelancer. "Doc~! Get out of the way!" the weapons expert growled at the medic. Doc didn't pay attention to the Red Agent but drew Tex's focus.
This was not a good thing.
Tucker got kicked into Doc's midriff, then Tex grabbed his ankle and drew him back in for a punch so strong... well. Red put it best. "Wow, she knocked the black right off you," the gruff Sargent remarked as the now-cyan-again soldier skidded to a stop beside Dex.
"That's racist," the much abused Blue moaned, struggling back to his feet. Dex had to give credit where credit was due. Anyone who could take a beating like that from an android like Tex and still get back up for more was either one tough dude or a masochist. Possibly both, but Tucker had never struck Dex as the masochistic type, so he was going for the 'one tough dude' option.
"You're all clear, Dex. Now shoot her!" Red bellowed.
"On it," Dex grunted, locking on and firing in a smooth, practiced motion.
Too bad Tex was just that much better than the BGC.
She saw the rocket coming and ran toward a teleporter, grabbing the top of the frame to swing herself through. The missile, being of the heat-seeking variety, followed her through. Unfortunately, Tex was now barreling toward the BGC with a missile on her heels. "Are your fudging kidding me? RUN!" Tucker yelled, perfectly summing up his comrades' thoughts before running into Dex as they tried to go in opposite directions. Red got smacked with the rocket launcher in Dex's hands while Church and Doc ran toward the slashed crate. Tapping her fist against her open palm, Tex proceeded to lay out the three disorientated soldiers with a single running punch. Their feet came up off the ground for a brief moment before cruel gravity decided to make it's presence known once more and slam them into the harsh, unforgiving concrete of the facility floor.
/*/
While Tucker, Dex, and Red were falling, Tex slid between Church's legs and past Doc. Luckily for the two of them, the rocket didn't hit them. Unluckily, it hit the medical supplies as Tex went through a teleporter that had fallen on its side and the whole thing went off like a Fourth of July fireworks display. Of course, none of them could run away fast enough and got launched into the air by the chain of explosions. Luckily, Kai wasn't caught in the blast otherwise Dex might well have killed himself trying to take down Tex in retaliation. As it was, she manipulated a concrete divider so that Church landed on it, one leg on either side. "Sometimes, I really hate my life," the A.I. remarked as he slid off of the dented construct. Tex just kept on walking... until a medpac got thrown at her head. "Hey Tex! How about you pick on someone your own size?" Epsilon asked, hefted a sniper rifle in his new robotic hands.
The BGC, minus Caboose, face palmed.
"He does realize that he's not going to do any better... right?" Eagle asked. Kai shook her head as Tex picked up the medpac that had hit her and stalked toward the mildly nervous A.I.
"Don't think he thought that far ahead, Tucker. Don't think he thought that far ahead," Red remarked as the Freelancer began to beat Epsilon in the head.
"Tex! Stop it! You are embarrassing me!" the A.I. protested.
"Dude," Eagle drawled, dropping from his perch and stalking forward with his rifle in hand, "there are too many responses to that one."
"You don't need any help with that?" Dex offered.
"You already did that?" Tucker suggested.
"She's the embarrassed one?" Kai put forth.
"You were born an embarrassment?" Red asked.
"Getting beat up with a medpac is the definition of 'pathetic irony,'" Rick stated, sounding thoroughly bored even though Dex was sure the tech was highly amused by the scene.
"Hmmm... I was thinking... 'you are so far past embarrassing, you're in a different zipcode,'" Eagle remarked, also sounding thoroughly bored with the situation. He wasn't fooling anyone. Except maybe Caboose and Kai...
"Oh, nice one!" Dex barked, not bothering with even attempting to hide his amusement. "Oh oh! How about, 'you've already embarrassed yourself so much, he won't even look at you!'?"
"Or maybe, 'should'a had a Reality Check?'" Rick offered over the Comms.
"I did try to tell you she was best left alone, in the past, where she belongs!" Church yelled. This caused Tex to pause, hit Epsilon one more time, then turn to look at the other cobalt soldier. "Oh, so now you notice the inconsistency! Honestly, boredom coupled with irritation is a scary combination with you, Tex," the A.I. snarked, crossing his arms and tapping his right foot slightly.
"What... why are there two of you?" Tex asked.
"Right. I think some introductions are in order," Church said. "I'm Private Alpha Church of Blue Team. This is my best friend, Private Lavernius Tucker, also of Blue Team," he explained motioning to the cyan soldier.
"You pack one heck of a punch, lady," Tucker said, saluting with his sword.
"The one in yellow is our field negotiator, Private Kaikana Grif."
"Hey! Nice to see you again, Tex!" the girl said, almost unduly perky.
"Why you made her the Field Negotiator, I won't even pretend to understand," Dex grumbled. "I happen to be Kai's older brother, Sargent Dexter Grif of Red Team. You may also know me as Senior Agent Orange of Project Red," he continued before grabbing her by the protruding shoulder plate and dragging her so close their helmets clinked together and the A.I. could clearly see his eyes glaring at her. "You hurt my sister and I swear to you, what I did today will look like the gag reel of a parody. Understood?" he growled. For once, Tex actually felt intimidated by the man.
"Stand down, Dex!" Red barked, Dex pulled another knife out of somewhere and hurled it at the older Sargent. Without looking. And nearly hit him. "Where did you get that!?"
"I may not be Rick, but I am still the weapons expert on this team, Red. I have my ways," Dex remarked, stepping back from the Freelancer A.I.
"ANYWAY!" Alpha said, trying to regain some semblance of control. "The idiot you've been beating up with a medpac is Epsilon, Washington's more than a little crazed A.I.," he further explained, pointing his own rifle at the somehow sheepish robot.
"Wait... you... you know...?" Tex said, caught off guard. Alpha nodded.
"I realize I'm an A.I. In fact, I know I fragmented. The process was difficult, to protect myself I shunted away almost all of my memories; incidentally creating Epsilon; which caused me to be neck deep in a little thing called denial. Once I got past that however... my fragmented nature... didn't do me any favors. Even after having partially rebuilt my personality by being... I think I was forcibly implanted into a soldier, absorbing some of their memories and personality while overwriting their control of their body. Which might explain my memories of Private Jimmy, but not why I seem to recall you ripping out his skull and beating him to death with it," he said, becoming pensive. Tex jerked.
"As badass as that sounds... it doesn't seem physically possible," she remarked.
"And that's exactly what Jimmy was screaming... as you beat him to death with his own skull," Alpha replied flatly. "Anyway," he continued, waving that line of thought away, "I was talking about how my fragmentation didn't help anything, despite partial reconstruction due to... circumstances and almost literally insane environments."
"*cough * Caboose! *cough *," Dex... coughed?
"Ah. And company," Alpha deadpanned. "So, I never really realized I was an A.I. until this crazy ex-Freelancer lady called Marley convinced me to try possessing her. Once inside her mind, she... dragged me deeper. I ended up in the part of her mind where the Aspects of Personality were given physical form. Abstract ideas and concepts could be interacted with, learned from." Alpha shook his head. "It's... pretty much impossible to explain what I experienced in Marley's Core, but the end result is... well, me. I became more than what the Director had made me. A.I. though I am, Marley taught me how to be human. Epsilon, however, is very much how I was before that... enlightening... trip through a Freelancer's mind."
"So... you're really the Alpha?" Tex asked. The 'eldest' Church nodded.
"Before Epsilon decided to come out of his storage unit, I was mostly referred to as 'Church.' Now that several of my Fragments are, for lack of a better term, Active I will answer to either 'Alpha' or 'Church.' But that's not the main issue right now. See, we were actually running from five ex-Freelancers who want to turn Epsilon over to the UNSC in return for... what was it, freedom? Amnesty? Pardons?"
"Ya know, it was kinda unclear," Doc said.
"Oh, you mean like Freelancer's goals?" Eagle asked. Dex snickered and fist bumped the sniper.
"Guys, can we please stay on topic?" Alpha whined. "I was kinda hoping to get Tex on our side for this."
"Hum... that would be helpful... in a way," Dex hummed, instantly serious once more. "Which is why I wasn't going full out against her from the beginning." That caught the Blues, including Kai, a little off guard. They'd had paintball matches against the man and had thought he'd shown them what he could do, but this threw those assumptions into serious question.
"Dex?" Kai asked, a hint of disbelief in her voice.
"If I didn't think she could be reasoned with, I would have used my knives a lot more. Not to mention, I wouldn't have hesitated when I had her pinned. Had I been serious, she'd be down at least a head right now," Dex revealed. Eagle nodded.
"If I'd still had paint loaded, she'd be glued to the floor with at least ten rounds right now. As it is, I only have lethal rounds loaded," he explained.
"So that's why you never actually shot her!" Rick shouted from his position in the Booth. "I had wondered."
"GUYS! CODE FREELANCER!" Alpha yelled, waving his hands in the air before he froze for a moment. "I cannot believe I just said that," he muttered, looking down and to the left. The Reds chuckle while Tex seemed to be a little lost and Epsilon was experiencing another BSoD moment.
"Right. How about we let Tex take Epsilon as a decoy and follow along later?" Dex asked.
"Works for me! Hey Tex, how about you take my idiot little brother to some remote base and beat the snot out of him there while trying to figure out where exactly you came from and why?" Alpha asked. Tex shrugged and dragged Epsilon out Like a Boss. "Right. That was easy."
"Um. Easy," Eagle drawled, already loping toward The Booth.
/*/
Marley lifted her head, eyes narrowing. "My plot sense is tingling," she suddenly piped up. Her teammates gave her incredulous looks.
"Seriously?" Flowdie asked.
"Yes. And so are my Workaround Senses. Ah~! For some reason, I feel both proud and irritated. Like something was resolved far too easily but still set things up so that certain events will play out like we need," Marley answered with a firm nod.
"Something tells me our little 'civil war' has fallen apart," the former Agent Florida muttered, eying his love.
"But... we're still going to be free of the UNSC... right? We're not going to remain fugitives... right?!" Wash asked, sounding uncharacteristically anxious.
"Yes, that is what I meant by events playing out like we need," Marley responded. While the men shared mildly confused looks, Marley grinned, content in the thought that soon she'd be back with her boys. 'With gifts,' she added, glancing to where she'd stashed the unfortunately executed Maine's Brute Shot. She'd already added orange details to it in preparation for its new owner.
/?/
A/N: LAZY ENDING! I'M SORRY!
Seriously though, I have no better idea on how to get them to the snowy place where the Wash&Meta vs Tex battle took place. Also, Maine was little better than a mad dog without a handler. His mind had been shattered by the A.I. and he was highly unstable. Plus, he would have died anyway. I just made it so he didn't have to drown. Horrible way to go in my mind, especially in ice water. BRRR! No thanks!
Let me know what you thought of the BGC vs Tex scene! Hope it was semi-believable and that Dex's explanation for why he didn't use his knives or the vast array of weapons laying around more was sufficient for why I stuck so close to the webisode. Until next time, Caio~!