Disclaimer: I don't own Red vs Blue.
Episode 53: Training Begins
The next night, after everyone had calmed down; and the canyon gained a new cave; Marley laid out who was teaching what and when. "Okay, while I don't know how much time we have until the next Code Freelancer I've set up a schedule that allows each Phantom to teach what they're good at. Some subjects have more than one teacher and that's so that we can either trade off time slots and students or give better demonstrations. Steel and Hippie will be in charge of Physical Training as well as Close to Mid-Range Weaponry," she said.
"Wait a minute," Dex said as he leaned forward and rested his forearms on the table. "Who's Steel?"
"The former Agent Washington," Marley answered. "He will also be known as Dave." The Rookie Phantom groaned.
"Really?" he asked.
"Yep! To Mr. D and the rest of Freelancer you can be Wash or Washington but to us? You are and shall always be Dave. Unless we're running a mission, then you're Steel. Because of your armor, savvy?" Marley told him with far too much cheer for his liking.
"Just go with it, man. She gets down right terrifying when someone tries to deny her," Ed told him.
"Fine. Not like Dave is too far from my real name anyway," Dave allowed. Marley grinned and clapped her hands.
"Wonderful! Now, Lock will be handling your infiltration training. Due to your more... unorthodox... thought processes he'll just be giving you the basics such as stealth, hacking, and lock picking," she said. Ed grinned and rubbed his hands together like a mad scientist.
"Splendid!" he hummed. Rick chuckled.
"Something tells me I'm gonna enjoy those classes," he said with a wild grin.
"Clear will handle long range and A.I. use," Marley read off.
"Looks like you're going to get a chance to show off, Theta," Jack told the little purple hologram over his left shoulder.
"Yeah," the A.I. remarked, less than enthused. Jack frowned and moved away to give the little A.I. a pep talk.
"I'll be giving all of you medical training," Marley told them, looking up from her PADD to give them all the stink eye. "That means you too, Doc," she growled. Flowdie chuckled and clapped a hand on his shoulder.
"Nice knowin' ya, man," he said.
"Mep," Doc noised as he sunk lower in his chair.
"I don't remember Captain Flowers being so... mean," Tucker said to Al as Flowdie continued to laugh at the whimpering Doc.
"I dunno man," Al said, shaking his head. "I got a few memory flashes from Epps and what I saw of Agent Florida had him being coldly methodically when it came to his missions," he said. Tucker gave him an incredulous look.
"Seriously? Happy-go-lucky Flowers?" he asked. Al shrugged.
"That's what I got, don't take it out on me if it doesn't make sense," he said.
"Oi, Hippie! You'll be helping me teach them the way we think. The way our strategy and tactics work," Marley called to her partner. Flowdie stepped back from Doc with a slightly nicer sounding chuckle.
"Well that ought to be fun!" he said.
"Yeah... until they start teaching us their methods for dealing with our methods," Marley said. Dex and Eagle began to chuckle darkly.
"Payback," they hissed. Flowdie swallowed heavily and backed away from the two.
"Niner will be covering piloting courses for if you get stranded and need a way out. Dex, Kai, that'll mostly be you two," Marley said. Niner dropped the legs of her chair back down with a loud thump.
"Woah Woah Woah! You didn't mention anything about that to me! Who said I wanted to teach people how to do my job?!" she asked hotly. Marley sighed.
"Niner, I just told you. This is for when they get stranded and need to get away on their own. They don't need to be able to execute a dead drop from five thousand feet with no casualties or escape from three other ships firing heat seekers, they just need to be able to fly without crashing into the ground," she told the pilot. "Now, Dex has some natural talent so he might get to your level... and Kai may have a similar talent when it comes to transports." Niner frowned and looked toward the Grif siblings. Dex gave her a saucy grin and a cheeky wave while Kai bounced on her toes with a wild gleam in her eyes as her hair flew out behind her and her other assets bounced a counter rhythm.
"Well that's going to be fun," she drawled, already thinking of all the headaches those two were going to give her. Tucker gave a shuddering moan while Al went full drama king and face-tabled.
"Don't remind me~!" they both groaned. Niner blinked, watching the two blues' distress.
"The heck?" she muttered in befuddlement.
"Oh, Dex and Kai are the main drivers for the Blood Gulch Crew. Al and Tucker are just remembering that one time they stormed a Freelancer Command Station and pranked the whole place then Dex and Kai had to be the getaway drivers. Ah~! Good times, go~od times!" Marley said. Niner gaped at them while Dex busted out laughing.
"Oh yeah! Now that was fun! Hey hey! You remember when Eagle busted out the glitter rounds?!" he said.
"Oh oh! Or when Washington asked for rainbow glitter rounds?!" Rick contributed.
"HA! What about when Kai pulled that insane stunt with the rock?" Eagle asked.
"I... actually wasn't there for all that," Tucker said.
"Ah, you missed out!" Eagle declared.
"I was thinking about more recent antics. Like our fight against the Phantoms," Tucker continued.
"Okay, I'm sensing some serious stories here," Niner said with a grin as she rested her chin on her crossed arms.
"Oh, they haven't even scratched the surface., Niner," Marley told her. "Lopez will be teaching you the basics of mechanics... unless you ask him for more in-depth lessons. And then all of us will be teaching wordplay and mind-bending, okay?"
"You... you serious?" Dex asked, eying all the Phantoms warily. Marley's grin was all the confirmation he needed. "Well this ought to be interesting," he moaned.
"Let the training... begin! Blue team, you're with Steel and Hippie. Red Team, you're with Lock. Doc... you're mine~!" Marley said with sadistic glee. The Reds and Blues swiftly vacated the room with their trainers while Doc wilted under Marley's evil stare.
/*/
Tucker wasn't too sure about training with Steel and Hippie. Sure he'd known Hippie as Captain Flowers and Steel didn't seem too bad but... he'd heard a few stories and had dealt with the man during that whole 'civil war' thing. He was under no illusions that this was going to be easy. "Alright, I have no clue where you lot are in terms of training so... we're going to start with some sparring," Steel said. "Tucker, you're with me. Hippie, you have Caboose. Al... think you could spar with Kai and send the data to me afterward?" Al stared at the Phantom before turning to Kai... then looking toward where Lock was instructing Red Team.
"Swear you'll protect me from Dex if I accidentally hurt her?" he asked. Steel looked toward where the Red Agent was training against a computer and sighed.
"I'll do my best but I think you'd be better off getting Kai to talk to him," he said. Al shrugged.
"True enough, I guess," he said, "I'll do it." Kai, knowing in the back of her mind that Al was really a robot and that nothing she hit him with would really damage him all that much, swallowed nervously.
Yep, this was not going to be easy.
/*/
Dex knew computers weren't his strong suit but he knew he could pick locks back on Earth. The tricky part would be picking a computerized lock. "Dangit!" he snarled as he got locked out again. "How many times is it now?"
"Forty-two," Lock drawled. Dex snarled and shook his head like a mad dog.
"Crazy smart computer locks and their stupid hard encryption!" he growled. Rick chuckled from where he was working his way through his sixtieth firewall.
"This isn't too bad!" he said. Dex glared at him.
"You got set to the computer hacking, Rick. Not the holographic locks!"
"Bias," Eagle grunted as he got locked out as well.
"I agree! Lock is clearly biased toward you! Why else would he set you to working on something you're already good at?" Dex said. Red grumbled, still fiddling with an antique lock.
"Oh, would you all stop complaining and just work?" Lock asked wearily. Eagle and Dex shared a look before giving the Phantom a bland stare.
"We are working, idiot," they said as one, Rick chuckling in the background. Lock tilted his head with a confused sound.
"But..."
"HA! Finally!" Dex cheered, popping the lid on his test box. Lock blinked and Eagle crowed in victory, popping his own lid open.
"How?" the Phantom asked weakly.
"We're Red Team. Logic need not apply," Rick said, breaking his sixty-seventh firewall.
"Right," Lock said, taking a step back and giving his head a shake. "Rick, you've got that down well enough, take Eagle's box. Eagle, take Rick's place at the computer and I'll reset it for you." These orders were met with groans and reluctant shuffling before the Reds settled back to work, a few muffled curses making their way out when one or the other failed and had to start over from the beginning. Lock smirked under his helmet. "Ah~! The sound of misery. Love it~!"
"I hate you," the Reds growled out with varying heat.
Lock laughed at their misfortune.
/*/
Black felt her eye twitch and very nearly physically held herself back from slapping the idiot in front of her. "That's. Not. How. That. WORKS!" she snarled. Doc flinched back like he had some many times before she couldn't even find amusement in it anymore! It was driving her nuts! "Okay. Okay. Let's take it from the top," she said, rubbing her temples.
"I... I'm not..." Doc began haltingly, fearful of his trainer.
"I know you flunked out of med school," Black said flatly. "I know you went to Jamaica State. I know you failed your MCAT. I just don't care." Doc swallowed heavily as burning eyes turned to him. "What I care about... is my team. You, for better or for worse, are attached to my team. So! You either learn what you signed up for or you go back on your morals, your ethics, your code of conduct, whatever it is that keeps you from consciously harming another living being and learn how to shoot. Learn how to kill." Black took a deep breath and sat back. "At first, I didn't understand why someone would join the army as a contentious objector. I didn't like those people... because I considered them liabilities. Dex still does. Now... now I understand that there are kind people who just want to help, to find a peaceful resolution. There are kind people who can't stomach that kind of violence but can handle patching up those who can. I'm not too sure where you fall in those categories... but as you are you're the kind of 'contentious objector' that I can't stand because you are a liability. You can't even tell a hypodermic needle from an intravenous! You can't tell me what the difference is between penicillin and acetaminophen! If I asked you to name the major arteries in the human body..."
"What's an artery?" Doc couldn't help asking. Black threw up her hands in a wordless cry of frustration and rage.
"HOW DID YOU EVEN GET INTO THE UNIVERSITY TO BE KICKED OUT!? HOW DID YOU REGISTER FOR THE MCAT?! TRULY, IT BOGGLES THE MIND!" she ranted. Doc cowered and gave a small whimper. Seeing this, Black forcefully reigned herself back in. "Fine. We start from the basic of basics and work our way up. Every morning from now until Carolina gets here, you're working with me from sun up to two. I expect to see significant improvement, you hear?" she told him. Doc nodded fearfully and pulled a notebook from nowhere. Black huffed and turned her back so he wouldn't see the smirk on her face. 'Looks like he's learning something after all if he can manage that trick,' she thought as she started what she called her baby lessons.
/*/
Steel wasn't too surprised he wasn't having trouble with Tucker. What surprised him was that he was having more trouble than he'd expected. While by no means an expert or even a threat, the cyan soldier was forcing Steel to use more of his strength than he'd anticipated. "Getting tired?" he asked lightly while blocking a decent jab to the face and slipping out of the way of the other man's uppercut that was aimed for his gut.
"You?" Tucker shot back but Steel could hear the strain in his voice. Steel stole a look at his other students. Al and Kai were still trading blows but it looked like Al was on the defensive. Whether that was because Kai was that much better or because of the A.I's fear of her brother was up for debate. As for Caboose and Hippie...
"YOU HIT LIKE A FUDGING OX WITH ALL THE ACCURACY OF A FRIGHT TRAIN!"
… Yeah. Steel was leaving that can of worms alone as long as he could. "Alright, team! Let's call it for now!"
"OH THANK THE MC!" Hippie shouted, diving away from a wild punch and rolling to his feet. A blank gray visor suddenly filled Steel's vision, causing him the stumble back slightly. "Never pair me with him again, or what I did to South will look like child's play," Hippie hissed. Steel swallowed, remembering the one and only time Florida had pranked someone on the Mother of Invention.
That one prank ended the ship-wide prank war.
Take that how you will.
"Agreed," Steel didn't squeak. Hippie nodded and backed off with a slight bounce in his step. "Next time, it's Al vs Caboose and Hippie vs Kai!"
"WHY DO YOU HATE ME?!" wailed Al, dramatically falling to his knees.
"You're an A.I. in a robot body. He can't hurt you," Steel reasoned.
"THIS IS BLUE TEAM! LOGIC NEED NOT APPLY!" Al yelled, hopping to his feet and shoving his orange visor into Steel's gray one. "Also, this is Caboose. Reason need not apply either," the Alpha A.I. added coldly. Steel sighed and wished he could actually rub his forehead to relieve his budding headache.
"Don't argue, please? My decision is final," he said. "Now, Tucker, I noticed that you're pretty good at dodging and you can throw a decent punch, but it's obvious to me that unarmed isn't your strong suit."
"He's pretty good with that energy sword he found in an abandoned base," Al added. "You should test him on that."
"Thank you," Steel said then turned to Hippie. "Anything to say about Caboose?"
"He'd give anyone trouble," Hippie stated. "Even though he has no accuracy or or style, the sheer strength and unpredictability of his hits make him dangerous."
"Good to know. Al, how about Kai?"
"Marley was training her for a while," Al said. "So, she doesn't suck. Her guard is okay and she's got decent accuracy but she's lacking some power." Steel nodded, deciding he'd ask Marley for a more in-depth report on Kai's fighting capabilities.
"Okay, so the biggest things seem to be strength, accuracy, and speed. We'll start with strength today. Al, you and Caboose can run speed drills with Hippie," Steel decided. He was the only one to hear Hippie moan.
/*/
Lock stared at the computer, too stunned to think. "You killed it." Oh. Looks like he could still think. Or was that the shock talking? Red laughed sheepishly.
"Oops?" Dex chuckled darkly as he popped open the analog lock for the seventieth time.
"I hope you've learned something from this, Lock," he said. "Red's terrible with anything more complex than a shotgun."
"I'm perfectly capable of running maintenance on the Warthog!" Red protested.
"Yeah, with Lopez helping!" Dex countered.
"Dex... Red can actually maintain a vehicle. Maintenance and upgrading are two different things," Rick said calmly.
"Fine. I'll amend my previous statement. Red's terrible with anything that requires coding," Dex allowed.
"Th-here ya go!" Rick cheered, popping his twentieth holographic lock. Lock sighed.
"Let's... call it a night, shall we?" he said as he got to work on the test computer. The Reds cheered and hurried over to where the Blues were being put through their paces. Lock could have sworn he saw popcorn and betting books. "Why did I agree to stay with these nutjobs?" he moaned.
"Because they're interesting?" Clear said, coming to stand beside his fellow sniper.
"Clear... ever wonder if we're the mad ones?"
"Lock, I know we're the mad ones," Clear said with a smirk.
/*/
Black let out a long, slow breath and walked away. She was done. She couldn't deal with this guy any longer. Maybe she should just write a book and give it to him. Or get Dex to teach him. Teaching was a good way to learn after all. Reinforcement and all that. "Uh... Agent Black, ma'am?" Doc called. Black didn't turn around. If she did, she was fairly sure she'd start ranting again. "I... I'm sorry." She bit her cheek. If he said... "I really am trying." That. Dangit! How could she turn him away after that? She sighed.
"Fine," she said then proceeded to keep walking.
"Ma'am?" Doc asked.
"I'm gonna write you a book. When you're done with the book, then we'll talk," Black said, finding a decent middle ground for herself. "In the meantime, learn how to use a knife."
"But..." he protested weakly, half reaching out to her as though he could convince her to let him stay untrained.
"And no backtalk!" Black snapped, knowing without looking what he was up to. It was a skill all Phantoms had to learn and one she was actually looking forward to teaching.
"... I'll talk to Rick," Doc muttered softly, turning on his heel and walking toward where the Reds were laughing at the Blues.
/?/
A/N: Okay, so it's really short and there's little to no zany antics. I'm sorry! It's just really hard for me to write training! Up next: "How do you guys know each other anyway?" "Well, it all started many moons ago..." "Ah great, there she goes with the dramatic voice again." "Shush! I'm telling the story!"