The Huddle and Pre-Meet Pep Talk:

Edward Cullen: ….Basically, what I'm saying is, if we lose, I will haunt you forever and tear apart your carcasses.

Damien Hale: Is that really what you call inspiring, Edward?

Edward Cullen: Well, it worked for the fascists.

Jasper Swan: Yeah, I think Edward's on to something.

Edward Cullen: Shut it. (pauses) And I mean that in the most uplifting way possible.

Jasper Swan: I just meant—

Edward Cullen: Fucking hell, Swan! Silence. Or do you want me to pants you? So you can show off that tiny dick my sister loves so much?

Jasper Swan: (speechless)

Kevin Handelsberg, the elder Timely Twin: I have stuff that can help you with shutting your mouth, Jasper. Don't look at me like that. It's legal in South America.

Jasper Swan: (speechless)

Jack Handelsburg: I'm pretty sure it'll help with the tiny cock situation too.

Edward Cullen: (shakes head, frustrated) Alright then, everyone. Traditional cheer on three. One! Two! Three!

Everyone chants: Go, Crocs, go! Steal the show! Go, Crocs, go!

Jack and Kevin: Go, cocks, go! Time to blow! Go, cocks, go!

BPOV

I lay on a bench outside Damen Hall as I considered all the ways I'd gone wrong when dealing with Edward's sexuality. I had pushed him away once as he tried to kiss me, and he looked pretty upset about it then. But I was driving!

Who knows? Maybe those little things have caused a lasting change in the man I want to—or once wanted to—marry.

Bite me, World.

Near tears, I finally trudged up the stairs in Damen Hall, and reached the final landing just as my cell phone rang.

It was Edward. How did he get Bella's number?

Shit.

I ignored the call and entered my living room to see Edward plopped on the couch with his cell glued to his ear, presumably leaving "me" a message. He nodded his head at me in greeting.

"Isabella," said Edward, his voice stretching the name like candy into the phone. "I miss you, sugar tits. I didn't get a real chance for a home run yet, so I'm looking forward to seeing you again."

I stopped behind the couch and turned to stare at the back of Edward's head in shock.

"I want to bruise your skin with my mouth. I want to suck you, Isabella—everywhere. Do you want that, too? Do you crave my tongue, my hands, my cock? Do you want to roleplay? I'll be the naughty cop who takes you from behind. And when I say behind, I mea—"

"EDWARD CULLEN!"

"One second, sugar tits." Edward put a hand over the phone. "I'll be with you soon, Jasper. Patience." He continued his call, saying, "Sorry, that was your brother. Call me soon about our next date. And wear that slutty top I like so much. The one that shows your nipples when they get hard. Bye, baby. Be sure to dream of me fucking you 'til you scream."

He flipped his phone shut with practiced flair and faced me again. "Sorry, did you want to say something?"

My mouth gaped open, and I didn't know how to act. Confusion and fury warred with each other somewhere in my brain, leaving Broca's Area frozen, and therefore me, speechless.

He cocked his head slightly. "Well, before you say anything, would you mind explaining the presence of those?"

Edward pointed to the table behind the couch, where a number of tampons lay strewn across the surface. I didn't remember leaving them there. I stared back at him, his eyes hard, before I squeaked a reply, "Alice."

He nodded his head. "Yeah, normally that excuse would work, but she hasn't been here in weeks. She's avoiding me. Oh, don't look at me like that. I notice when my sister doesn't want to so much as glance at me."

The pounding in my head intensified. "Well, I bought them for Alice and haven't had the chance to give them to her yet. I got curious and opened the box."

"Curious?"

"Uh huh."

"How so?" he asked, a smirk tugging a corner of his mouth.

"I dunno . . . They just look so . . . so . . . fluffy."

"Fluffy?"

"Yeah, like pillows."

"So you want to build a tampon pillow."

"Maybe. Anything's possible," I said, lifting my chin in defiance.

Edward stood up and smiled. "I'll help then. With your tampon pillow."

And that is how an impromptu session of arts and crafts began and soon spiraled out of control on the fourth floor of Damen Hall. Pasted to posters, sewn together like a string of lights, and dangling from the lamps, tampons ended up everywhere in our living room. Edward pranced around it all, using an opened tampon to clean the shades and smiling at me every now and then.

I watched on in horror, and I have to admit, some amusement.

"Cullen?"

Edward looked up from his position beneath a table, where he was wiping the underside with a pad that appeared out of nowhere three minutes ago. "Yeah?"

"I'm going to bed now."

"But what about the tampon bunny I suggested? We can soak it in cherry juice so it becomes the proper pink color."

I smiled, though it probably looked more like a grimace, and left without another word.

In my room, I began hurling clothes from out my dresser as I searched for my notepad with Jasper's long international phone number. Screw the unfair prices! I had to call my brother because desperate times called for desperate measures.

"Jasper? Jasper?" I whispered frantically from where I huddled against the corner of the wall atop my bed. "Pick up."

"Hello?" a faint voice finally answered.

"Jaz, I need you so much right now."

"Ew."

"Jaz!"

"I'm just taking a leaf out of your book. Sheesh. What's wrong, MiniMe?"

"What did you just call me?" I asked, glaring at a wall.

"Doesn't matter. What's wrong over there in the states?"

I sighed and banged my head against a wall. "Edward wants to make a tampon bunny."

"I see. And you find the act disagreeable?"

"Jasper!"

"So is this why Alice just leave me a message saying Edward has gone insane?"

"She did what?"

"Kidding. She said you think he's gone insane, but you shouldn't worry."

"Huh? Explain."

"That's all I know. Besides, what do you want me to say? I've always maintained that your plan to get a straight guy while being a straight guy is insane. Now you're surprised that you've driven the poor boy away?"

"Twin, what the hell are you trying to tell me?" My voice squeaked in the middle of my question.

"That you need to come clean if you want any real answers."

I laughed humorlessly, saying, "Now you've gone crazy, too."

"Just think about it, MiniMe."

Twenty minutes into team practice the next Friday afternoon, we were all instructed to dive into the pool from the board and immediately begin a warm up of twenty laps. Smirking at all of us, Emmett executed the perfect dive, his form a perfect line as it pierced the water. Damien dog whistled before following, his body rippling when his muscles bunched and released. My heart was still taken, but this was certainly a mouthwatering display.

I noticed Edward scowling at them before he leaped as well.

As soon as he was off, I took my position on the diving board and entered the water. But after a few moments, I felt something was wrong, and even beneath the water I could hear the screaming.

Stopping my breaststroke to tread water, I looked around for the sound of all the noise.

"Ow," I cried as something very hard slammed into me.

"Sorry," said Edward at my left. "Why the hell did you stop?"

I motioned towards Coach Drake at the door to the locker rooms. Edward's eyebrows scrunched as he took in the sight of our coach shouting profanities at a student.

"That's James," Edward groaned. "Not again. That fucker has to learn his place."

The student journalist?

I watched Edward pull himself on the pool ledge, water dripping in torrents from his body as he straightened up and headed for the source of all the drama. He held his head high, and the swagger of his hips in a swimsuit made me moan. Glancing around frantically, I thanked my stars that no one noticed. Heads were already popping out of the water as we all gave Drake and James our attention.

"…the last time!" Drake was saying. "Where does your editor get off sending you here? You're fucking sneaking around like a criminal instead of a being self-respecting reporter."

"Sir, I was not—" James shouted right back.

"Oh hell no, you are not allowed to address that me that way, boy. Get away from my pool, you overgrown pansy-ass child. And stay away. Far the fuck away. If Anderson hears of this—"

"Sir! Don't—"

"Oh, I will. If I see you again, you can be sure of it."

"James?" Edward asked calmly as he entered the escalating argument.

James visibly brightened before he replied, "Hello, Cullen. Done anything about my tipoff yet?"

Edward's body language changed in the second before he delivered his response. He became menacing. "Your tipoff was nothing but a distraction tactic meant to throw us off our game. This team is going to nationals, and nothing you and your bloody newspaper can cook up will stop that."

James turned red. "You know very well that I—"

"Destroy dreams for fun? Yeah, I do. But your extracurricular activities don't interest me anymore, Smith. Leave."

I could see steam emerging from James's ears, and the sight made me feel oddly satisfied.

"Fine," he bit off. Turning to the pool at large, his voice rang out, "But remember that I'll be watching you. Every tryout. Every meet. Every shady thing you've done to get as far as you have this season. And when I have proof, I'm taking it to Carlisle Cullen." He turned back to Edward. "You know I'm right. Your own father will be the one to throw your ass out of school."

Storming out after his short, but in my opinion, chilling monologue, James left a heavy silence behind him.

But as the ice in the room melted, I asked Conan to my left while he treaded water, "What just happened?" Unfortunately, my voice trembled against my will.

Conan's honey-colored eyes gazed down at me kindly. He always treated me like I was breakable, and until now, I had found it annoying. Now, I needed reassurance.

Conan shook his head sadly. "James Smith is the reason we lost the national title last year. He told the judges about the water boy we had at the time who was taking steroids. The kid never even got in the pool to compete, but since he was technically a part of our team, we were disqualified. As you can see, we no longer have a water boy."

Ah. So Smith was a slimeball. And he had it in for all I cared about. My instincts were correct on that front.

"Wait, Conan, who's Anderson?"

"You haven't heard of the guy?" Conan's eyes widened. "But three years ago—"

"Oh, no, I remember now! Sorry, my head was spinning for a moment from all the excitement." Shit.

His eyes narrowed for a moment, but he let it go the way some people let go wondering how they lose their keys all the time. Even after they put them in their pockets.

"Okay, everyone," Drake called to us. "I need to talk to Edward, so you're all dismissed for the night. This is the only time I will cancel practice early. DO NOT GET USED TO IT."

Chattering away, we all got out of the pool and headed to get changed. As I passed by Edward, I could see his head slightly down. It was a slight change that was very unlike him. If I didn't know any better I would have thought he was dreading the talk with Coach. Perhaps Smith had something on Edward? But what could he have possibly done to deserve the glare Drake was sending his way? Then the glare turned on me, and I know I looked confused as hell when I walked past.

In the locker room, everyone was buzzing with predictions.

"Someone is taking steroids again."

"Nah, someone just doesn't have the required GPA to go to nationals this year. Ahem, Jack."

"I killed that sheep, and now it's back to bite me in the butt."

"You did what?"

"Huh? Nothing."

Emmett stepped out of the armpit long enough to offer, "Maybe this is about that stick up Drake's ass. It has to be against some rule to sexually please yourself during meets."

"Like that anal plug gracing your ass?" Damien shot at him, visibly upset about the whole situation, and well, everyone's always upset about Emmett's gassy ass anyway.

"Fuck you, Damien. My Rosie pleases me perfectly well, thanks."

I sat there, in the middle of it all and on top of a bench, trying to fight off the welling panic.

What if James dug deeper and found out about Edward being gay? Is there some rule about gay men playing on a men's team? I think our school requires that anyone on a gender-specific team be upfront about their sexuality. I think.

Shit. Was that why Drake was glaring at Edward? And that guilty look. Oh no.

My dreams were about to go down the drain all because Edward didn't want my pussy anymore. I destroyed this team! And my dreams to boot. Plus my love life on the side.

Well, Edward certainly didn't seem happy when he came back from meeting with Drake. He was stinking up the dorm room, to be honest.

I just stayed on my bed most of the time until he arrived. I remembered there was a party in the quad tonight. A bonfire that most people would probably attend, but I wanted to chill with Alice instead. So when Edward showed up, I told him I'd be leaving campus for the night to visit my parents.

In Alice's room, I changed into Bella and took a deep breath, trying to feel more like myself and less like a man stuck in a horrible situation.

Alice took pity on me. "Let's watch Pride and Prejudice. That always gets us into a good mood."

I agreed, and we spent the next two and a half hours watching the first half of the BBC miniseries that always made us smile.

But somewhere during all this, someone started knocking feverishly on the door.

Alice brandished her bat, and I stepped forward in my kick-ass pose. It was meant to instill fear and allow for the best roundkick in the western United States.

Alice stepped forward bravely and peered into the peephole. "I can't see anything," she whispered.

"Fuck, whoever it is has probably covered the hole."

Alice nodded and took a deep breath. "I have a feeling I should open the door."

"Alice, no, what the fuck?" There was only a thin door keeping me away from a potential villain, and I wanted to keep it that way.

"I'm pretty sure, Bells. Trust me." She turned the lock and swung open the door without another word.

"Alice."

It was Edward. I couldn't believe it. And apparently, neither could Alice.

Edward nodded at me in greeting, but his attention was clearly on his sister, who was cowering against the open door. He reached out a long hand to cup her face, and pulled her closer to his body. The difference in their height and build was extremely obvious this way. He towered over her slight figure, and she was shivering like a twig.

Edward considered her for a moment, his eyes a deeper green than I'd ever seen them. And in a move so fast I barely caught it, he swept Alice's feet off the floor and placed her into his arms. I knew I should leave, but my eyes were glued to the scene, and my feet were glued to the floor.

"I just listened to you message, Allie," Edward whispered so softly I could hardly make out his words. "What took you so long?"

Alice seemed to steel herself before she raised her eyes to his. "Bella brought me back to you."

Edward's eyes widened, something flared, and he asked, "What do you mean?"

"She showed me that I was hurting you by staying away instead of helping you. I thought—"

"Alice," he murmured sadly, tipping her face up and running a finger down her cheek to gather the seeping moisture.

"I missed you," she burst out before the sobs overwhelmed her.

They sat on the carpet by the fire; Alice lay curled up like a fragile china doll in Edward's arms. She barely stirred, and he kept his eyes closed, seemingly savoring the time with his twin.

I lay down on the couch until Alice fell soundly asleep, her soft snoring now audible. Edward finally lifted his face from the crook of her head and seemed to realize I was still there.

He tipped his head towards the bedroom, and I nodded. Together, we settled Alice beneath her covers and tiptoed out of her room. Edward followed me to the couches and took my arm.

I glanced back at him, surprised at the touch.

He inhaled deeply before saying, "I'm sure you have questions about how I've treated you lately."

Warily, I nodded.

"Isabella, it's been a very confusing time for me recently, and I want to apologize for taking out my frustrations on you. Right now, I really want to thank you for your role in guiding Alice back into my life."

I opened my mouth, but he cut me off.

"Wait. I'm sure Jasper was the one to tell you about our odd estrangement." At this, I blushed in embarrassment, and he continued, "but while I wouldn't have forgiven him for it before, now I think you both deserve more from me than I've been willing to give: an open mind."

"Edward, I'm not sure what you mean sometimes, but that night in your truck—"

"A mistake—"

"Yeah, a big one. You played with me like I was a toy you could just wind up and let go. I'm human, and you need to start treating me with respect."

To his credit, Edward really did look remorseful. His eyes seemed different.

I continued my mini-rant, saying, "And that disgusting phone message you left recently! What the hell were you thinking calling me 'sugar tits'? What am I? Boob-shaped cotton candy?"

Edward placed a finger on my lower lip. He stared at it almost in fascination. "I'm sorry. I did that deliberately because I was pissed off, and while I'd like to explain to you why, I think I need more time processing my own feelings. For now, can we negotiate a truce and return to the way things were before I acted like a jackass?"

I left him hanging for a few moments. Then I raised myself on my toes and pecked his cheek.

Edward smiled and crushed me against him. His lips molded against mine, and his hands lay splayed across the small of my back.

When his tongue began to dance in my mouth, the truth finally came to me.

There is no way this man is gay.