{{{{I was not expecting any response at all. Thx for the reviews! More reviews make the story better so write generously. I'll get to some obvious holes in the plot soon.}}}
They both froze as they heard a choked noise come from the doorway. Neither wanted to move to alert the person who made noise that they were aware and uncomfortable or give the impression they were doing something elicit. Speaking without moving a muscle, Chakotay, who had his back to where the noise came from, murmured "Who is it?"
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Chapter 2
Looking surreptitiously around Chakotay without moving, she saw Tom Paris standing dumbfounded in the doorway. Just behind him stood B'Elanna holding the baby, and the Doctor. "It was Tom, I think," she murmured. "But B'Elanna and the Doctor are right behind him."
He gave a slight nod in acknowledgment. Barely perceptible to anyone but her, held in his arms. "Okay then. No suggestions..." He said almost tentatively.
"No lies," she finished for him in a low voice.
When they had started to acknowledge to each other that living in a state of suspension when it came to their relationship, or potential relationship, was impossible, the two had had many, many debates about how to approach things. Should they be completely public? Completely in secret? Have specific rules about when they could show affection? What level of affection? How would the crew react of each of these? What was sustainable? Chakotay was almost driven out of his mind by her logical approach to it all. The only thing that kept him sane was the joy of knowing she felt the same way about him as he did about her. He understood her concerns about the crew, and her own weaknesses in leading, perceived and real, while in love. He knew convincing her to go for a fully public relationship was and uphill battle , for a variety of reasons.
They had come up with a system, a plan. They would be discreet. They would be only professionals with a platonic friendship whenever they were on duty, around the ship, in the corridors, during any crew activities. But behind closed doors, in her quarters or his, they could be themselves, whoever they wanted to be as individuals and as a couple. There would be no joint shore leave, no surreptitious away missions, no shuttle rendezvous. But alone with the doors sealed, the universe was open to them. They continued their playful banter in public for the sake of the crew, had a routine public dinner meeting once a week, occasionally joined the crew together or separately for holodeck festivities. But in all that they did, they never acted as if they were in love. It was difficult, the most difficult, but it was the best thing for the ship, which had to remain paramount. The also agreed though, that while they would never offer anything to suggest to the crew that they were more than simply officers to one another, neither would they lie about it if asked directly. They knew there were rumors, but also they knew they were ONLY rumors. No one had proof and NO ONE was crazy enough to ask point blank. At least so they had thought.
Kathryn grimaced softly to herself. When they had discussed the loosening of their "No suggestions, no lies" agreement upon their arrival to the Alpha Quadrant, getting caught kissing in Sickbay wasn't what she imagined.
They stood unmoving for another heartbeat or two before she garnered a breath and picked up her head. Glancing at the group staring at the from the doorway, she raised an eyebrow at them. Just then they were interrupted by Tuvok on the Comm. "Tuvok to Janeway. There is an incoming transmission from StarFleet Headquarters. Admirals Brock and Hayes are very anxious to speak with you."
She gave a half-smile to herself. "Yes, I imagine they are. Patch it through to Sickbay. I'll take it in the Doctors office." She glanced at the Doctor, "If I may?"
"Yes, of course," he replied, stepping out of the doorframe so she could enter. The others stepped forward so the door could close behind them.
The Doctor, smiling rather snidely at the confrontation he knew was about to happen, moved back to the Biobed where he had treated the Captain. B'Elanna looked at her old friend and raised an eyebrow, shifting the baby to her shoulder. "Didn't waste anytime, did you, Old Man?" she said.
Slightly confused, Chakotay didn't really understand, until he realized that she thought this was a new development. She really HADN'T known anything was going on between himself and Kathryn. He tried to suppress a sheepish grin but failed.
"Oh come on, B'e," Tom interjected, almost rolling his eyes. "That was CLEARLY not the first time he has kissed her like that." The blond pilot narrowed his eyes slightly. "How long, exactly, HAVE you been kissing without telling?"
"Huhhh," B'Elanna huffed, realizing that her perceptive husband was right. She glared at Chakotay.
"Umm," he hedged, knowing he had to answer the question. "Some time now," he replied.
"Some time now?" B'Elanna asked. "What kind of answer is that? Weeks? Months?"
Chakotay glanced at the office where he could see Kathryn, if not arguing, then speaking vehemently, with two Admirals over the computer. None of them looked pleased. He was hoping he wasn't going to have to tell all the details by himself, not quite trusting himself to share the information Kathryn wanted him to share first.
"And who else knows?" Tom demanded with a grin. He was pleased as punch about this development. He wanted nothing more than to see his friends and fellow officers happy, basking as he was in the glow of new parenthood. This was a welcome development as far as he was concerned. Oh man, did he wish Harry was here.
"The Captain and I...well...We decided we would answer truthfully to anyone who asked. And so," but before he could answer, Kathryn came from the office to stand at his side.
"And so we told anyone who asked the truth. What was it? Four people?" She looked at Chakotay.
"Five, plus the Doctor," he replied.
"Five?" she asked quickly. She furrowed her brow at him wondering why their counts differed.
"Ayala," he clarified. "He asked me a few months ago, almost as a joke. He almost fell off the mountain we were climbing when I told him the truth. He asked me to not tell you he knew. He didn't want to change your perception of him."
Kathryn pursed her lips in acknowledgement, as if that was what she had been afraid of.
"So," B'Elanna said almost bitterly, "Ayala, the Doctor. Who else?"
"Tuvok," Kathryn answered. The others nodded. It made sense that the Captains oldest friend and Chief Tactical Officer knew. "Seven. Naomi Wildman."
"Naomi?" B'Elanna asked, shocked again. "A child? A CHILD knew about this, but me, your oldest friend, didn't?"
A light went on in Chakotay's mind. His old friend wasn't mad because he was sleeping with their Captain, she had her feelings hurt because he hadn't told her. He blinked hard in regret. He knew their decision would end up with people being hurt, he just hoped he could mitigate the pain.
"And Kes," the Captain finished.
"Kes?" The couple said together in surprise. "Since before Kes left?" Tom went on. "But that was years ago. YEARS. How long exactly has this been going on?"
Chakotay looked at Kathryn. Was she ready to tell the crew they'd been sharing a bed for the majority of their journey?
Just then the Doctor stood in the doorway of his office, alerted Janeway that there was another Admiral demanding her attention. She rolled her eyes and went to him, leaving Chakotay to face Tom and B'Elanna alone again.
B'Elanna was studying him carefully. He could almost see the wheels spinning in her head as she calculated this new reality. He hoped she would forgive him for keeping such a monumental thing from her. He would have to sit down and talk everything through with her at some point soon. He reached up and pulled on his ear as she studied him. Tom was prattling on. "Seriously though, since before Kes left? So that makes it a few years at least? Was is before the Borg? No. Hmm. After the Kazon surely."
Suddenly B'Elanna interrupted him. "The luau. The first time we had a party in the Luau Holodeck program?" Chakotay looked at her in surprise. He hadn't expected that. He was trying to think of something that might have happened that day to trigger the memory.
"What about it?" he asked. He couldn't think of anything, but the timing was very, very good.
"That was the last time I saw you drink in public. Alcohol, not synthehol. I'm sure of it. At some point during our 7 years out there you stopped drinking. You'd have a drink with me, or at dinner, but never at a party." She shot him a devilish grin and he all of a sudden knew where she was going with this. A slight flush climbed up the back of his neck. He sent a wry look back at her. "You couldn't keep your hands to yourself, could you? You got too friendly off duty and she put a stop to it. You were always far too familiar with the ladies after a drink or two, Old Man."
Coming up behind them and obviously hearing what was said, Kathryn burst out laughing with a giant guffaw. "See Chakotay, I told you that you were too handsy, though apparently it's not just me that inspires that," she finished with a smirk.
"I wasn't being affectionate with anyone except you, which, I believe, was the nature of your objection," he shot back.
"Unbelievable," Tom exclaimed again. "How could we have missed this. The Borg? The Equinox? How did the two of you not murder each other?" His voice suddenly dropped an octave. "Quarra?" he asked quietly.
A heavy silence fell over the group. "It wasn't easy," Chakotay replied bitterly, sharing a glance with the woman next to him.
They were interrupted with a Comm from Tuvok calling the Chakotay back to the bridge for additional logistics meetings from StarFleet. As he turned to go, he looked at B'Lanna who was still studying her old friend closely. "I owe you a drink, Torres. Tonight at 2100."
With a smirk, she tossed back "You owe me five drinks, Chakotay. See you then. Come prepared to tell me everything."
Somewhat awkwardly now, the three left stared at each other. Realizing that the onus was on her to smooth this over, Kathryn gave her friends and colleagues a small smile. "It was complicated, obviously. I hope you will forgive us keeping this from you, as a friend," she said, almost with a questioning end to the sentence, as though she wasn't sure of their response. "We had some messaging from StarFleet that they would be lenient toward the Maquis, but we couldn't take the chance. I didn't want any actions on my account to damage the chances of completely just treatment for the Maquis. Any hint of impropriety... plus the court of public opinion... It just wasn't with the risk." She met their eye for a moment, and then looked away. This was new territory for her, as a friend, which she hadn't been able to be for 7 years, and as a commanding officer.
"You are worried that your argument to exonerate the Maquis may be tainted by the knowledge that you are sleeping with your Maquis First Officer?" Tom Paris said with a raised eyebrow.
She pursed her lips and scowled at the blunt yet accurate statement. "Well, yes," she replied.
"They have signed off on everything, but there's always a chance the Brass could change their minds and..." Kathryn said.
"Yes, I agree," B'Lanna interrupted. "I wouldn't trust them for a minute either."
"So you understand then, when I say, as your Superior Officer, that all log entries and official communications should be kept purely professional. If it isn't relevant, do not mention it your logs. Am I clear?" she said crisply. She met each of their eyes to convey her seriousness.
"Yes, ma'am," they both replied.
"And understand me now as well. If you lie, even once, even a small lie, about anything regarding this relationship...If you lie because you think you are protecting myself or Commander Chakotay from the consequences of our actions, even once, I will have you on report so fast your pips will spin. Is that clear?" she asked pointedly.
"Yes, ma'am," they replied again.
"Now, barring any more unfortunate ensigns on board, I have a host of pissed off Admirals to talk to and you have a new baby that needs to be at home with her parent. As you were, lieutenants." She gave them a quick nod and exited the Sickbay.
Tom and B'Elanna looked at each other and grinned in disbelief. "Did that really just happen?" B'Elanna asked? The doctor wandered idly past them, collected more tools that had been used. "So...Doc...?" Tom started to day. The Doctor caught his eye and raised an eyebrow as if to say 'what are you looking at?'
"Oh come on, Doc. You know exactly..." he started.
"Patient confidentiality, Mr. Paris. You are well aware, my holographic lips are sealed...". The doctor smirked as he went about his business and ignored the officers further.
—————-
That night, at a few minutes before 2100, B'Elanna rang the chime outside Chakotay's quarters. She held a bottle of brandy in her hand, a brand she knew Chakotay enjoyed. Or at least used to, she thought, before he stopped drinking in public.
The doors opened and she stepped inside, just as Chakotay entered the room from the bedroom. "I was just heading to your place," he said.
She shook her head no. "I have a husband and a baby who cries like she's part Klingon. You have..." A thought suddenly struck her, and she glanced around the room looking for someone, or something, or a sign of something. She still couldn't believe they had been that good at keep a secret for that long.
"She has her own quarters, B'Elanna," Chakotay said with the sound of a laugh in his voice.
"I know...of course. I just...Damn it Chakotay! How could you?" she asked, still flabbergasted by what she'd learned. She wasn't upset, per se, just having a hard time coming to terms with the facts.
He walked over and took the bottle from her hands. "How could I?" he asked incredulously, looking at her with raised eyebrows. "It wasn't that hard. She's intelligent and strong and beautiful and...and...And she likes that I can cook," he said self-disparagingly. He knew that wasn't what she was asking but didn't want to show her he knew that he'd done her wrong by admitting to what she was asking.
She rolled her eyes at him. "Thats not what I mean. And you know it. How could you not tell anyone? How could you keep something like...like...THIS from us? From the people who are supposed to be family?"
He had the grace to look sheepish. "I know. I'm sorry. It wasn't all my choice. There were things she...just wasn't comfortable with and I had to accept."
"Like lying to your friends?" Her voice was hard.
"We didn't-" He was cut off.
"You didn't lie? Come on, Chakotay, we both know that's mincing words." B'elanna took a breath. She didn't want to fight. She wasn't here for that. "You weren't honest with us. And I can see why the Captain would feel that way. But you just went along with it? Like it wasn't a big deal?"
Chakotay lifted a hand and blew out the breath he was holding through his fist. "No, B'elanna, trust me when I say it was a HUGE deal. Did you think we just fell into bed together and tried to decide what to do after the fact? We had SO many arguments about this."
"I don't know what to think anymore," she replied honestly, looking him in the eye. "A week ago I was an Engineer on a starship in the Delta Quadrant, now I'm kilometers from Earth, without a job, with a BABY, and a best friend who I just found out has been keeping something incredible from me. You gotta give me a minute to adjust."
He nodded and handed her a glass of the brandy. "This might help?"
She nodded back a smiled, toasting him silently wkth her glass. She took a long drink and got lost in her thoughts. Chakotay took his own long slow drink. She eventually came back to herslef and looked him in the eye. "I can NOT believe you. When did you get to be such a good actor?" she asked with exasperation. "I always used to be able to tell when you were..." She paused and waved her hand around as she tried to think of the word and finally just went for it..."in love?"
He grinned at her and shrugged. "I guess the stakes were higher this time. Look, B'elanna," his tone turned more serious, "We didn't intend to keep this a secret. Its the opposite of what I wanted, for one, but Kathryn was...concerned."
She almost flinched when he called the Captain by her name but managed to stop herself.
"She was afraid," he clarified.
That brought B'elanna upshort. She paused with her drink halfway to her mouth. "Afraid?" She repeated in disbelief. "Captain Janeway? Afraid?" She guffawed in sarcastic disbelief. "That woman is not afraid of anything?"
"She'll be happy to hear the crew thinks so." His brow furrowed slightly. "Captain Janeway might not be, but I'm telling you that woman...Kathryn, spent most of the last 7 years worried and afraid that she wasn't enough and she wasn't going to add one more thing to the list. I didn't...don't... agree, but I can understand where she is coming from." Feeling the need to explain, or to defend himself, or to redeem himself for choosing the love of a woman over his good friends, he continued.
"She...she thought, at first, that the crew wouldn't approve, or that it would be logistically difficult to manage the needs of the crew without compromise. And then that the crew wouldn't trust her to get us home if she was happy."
"Wait! What? She thought we, the crew, wouldn't believe in her leadership because she found solace like the rest of us? But that's absurd! That's..."
He held his hands up in surrender. "You don't have to convince me."
"And you just...just...accepted it? Just did what she said? Even if she is the Captain, that's not like you."
He tilted his head in acknowledgement and moved to sit on the sofa in the living area. B'elanna followed and sat in the chair across from him. "I came around to the idea that any sort of relationship was going to have to be on terms that she was comfortable with, that allowed her to believe she was the best leader she could be."
B'elanna considered this. "Whatever it took to get her naked in your bed, huh? You were okay with deceiving the rest of us but as long as you got to kiss and make up with her, it was worth it?" she said with a jaded look.
His eyes flashed at her. "That's not fair, Torres."
She sighed. "I know. At least I HOPE, it wasn't like that but...". She sighed and shook her head. "I thought we were still friends." She made a slight face, as if she was mad at herself for trusting others. She should've known. "So tell me how it was then," she offered as an offering.