Love Struck Delusion

Chapter 4 – Through The Dark Of Night

Raptor's POV.

I sat alone. With nothing but a single beer to my name, and an empty heart to my soul.

Back before all this, I was a special forces commander under the strict authority of commander Shadow Robotnik himself. I went on missions. Missions to help the country. To help him. I did so much twelve years ago, and now all of my efforts and his are coming to a dying end.

Taking a small gulp of my sadness down with some alcohol, I lowered my gaze to the table to clutch my fist is anger.

If Shadow were still alive things would be different. They wouldn't be this fucked. All the men I served with that died for our freedom are forced to stay dead under G.U.N regulations!

My frustrations had accidentally crushed the beer can that rested in between my grip, and as I show my teeth slightly in rage, I managed to remember some of the people I lost.

There was this one guy. His name was Frost. A hedgehog, with dark gray quills and light red eyes that made the sun itself blink when he stared at it. Guy was a friend of mine since I joined the service back when I was eighteen. Hell of a soldier. Hell of a friend.

But even these memories made me mad; cause Frost died to the hands of my own fucking brother. Carter Volz. He hated Shadow and my team. He shot Frost in the back, and sent him off a cliff, to just impale on some fucking boulders below.

If you care at all about my brother by hearing this, just know that he is dead. I killed him when he tried to kill Shadow in bed. Point blank to the head. Probably one of the greatest things I ever did in life. My brother was a scumbag. He killed people. Women. Children. He raped little girls, and boys. That man deserved to die. I regret nothing from it. Even the drinks I had afterward to kill the mood I was in.

The bar was empty. No one but the bartender. Waiting silently to see if I would order another drink.

As time passed and night came again, I switched my mind over to the opposite of death.

Marx. He may still be alive somewhere, but like it or not that guy saved everyone's ass more then once. Marx was the lead doctor back in Pakistan. I don't know if he still is or if he's even there now, but one thing was sure in my mind. Without him I wouldn't be alive today.

Gently falling back into my seat, I took another sip of beer and remembered the good times before shit hit the fan the day before Reacher was killed.

It was Shadow's birthday and we went out on the town to celebrate. To be honest, now that I think back, there should have been more than eight of us celebrating such an event. But to be fair, I was so hammered that night I barely remember anything at all. I just remember us shooting some bottles and going to a few clubs. Everything else is a blank. Or at least it was before I was woken up with bad news coming from Afghanistan.

Sadness overwhelmed me now.

Letting my beer go to wipe my face off of tears, I recalled exactly what had happened.

I was sleeping, and Hannon barged in screaming for me to get my shirt on. I was confused of course, but nothing prepared me for what came next when he told me shadow's best friend Ghost had been killed; and Shadow himself was wounded.

All that came next was waves of anger from me and Hannon. We wanted to know what had happened. To only be told that they fought and Ghost was the one to off himself.

Shadow lied that day. He told everyone Ghost attacked him and killed himself in the process, when the truth came out during the celebration of the peace signing just before the war ended. Shadow pulled me aside and admitted what actually had happened that night.

Shadow by then was a broken man. He went through two wars in such a short time, and he still brought himself forward to admit what had really happened to Ghost.

I remember sitting there in shock and disgust at him, when he told me he had been the one to kill him.

I remember him crying and begging me to kill him for Ghost's sake, but I couldn't do it. Shadow was losing something by then, and it was his mind I will admit, but he was in no position to die for it.

What he had told me was the best part. Why he did it.

Shadow said he was to kill Ghost so he could bring back his wife Amy Rose, and his son Shadow jr. The man was crazy. But I still couldn't bring myself around to kill him. You know why?

Cause I went through the same thing at a point in my left.

I lost my first wife and daughter to G.U.N. I tried to find ways of convincing myself it wasn't true. That they weren't really dead. I went through so much pain to try and bring them back into my life. I hurt people because of it, and in the end it was for nothing. I killed people that I shouldn't have. I stole things I had no point in stealing. I destroyed families and friends. I ruined lives and I still sit here today somehow, calling myself a man. That's what Shadow went through, but in the end it got too bad for him. I guess knowing that he murdered his best friends for nothing, and that they could still be alive today, was just too much for him to bare. I'm not surprised. I experienced the same feeling after I went through my phase and nearly killed myself. But if there is one thing I wish I could know it would be...why? Why wasn't I able to save him? Why couldn't I help him recover who he once was? Why did I let him die like that?

With a slow tear making its way along my right cheek, I wiped it clean and looked back out the window next to me at the midnight stars.

This is all my fault. If I was just a little faster...he would still be alive today. Maybe he would be struggling to hang on, but he would be alive.

Sometimes I feel like he's watching me. Wondering why I didn't help him. I can see everyone asking it if they only knew the truth like I did.

Letting my beer come back into the grips with my hands, I finished the last bit that was left and turned my whole body to the side till I was lying down in the booth.

My mind was empty of thoughts now. Seems drinking does that to me. The only good thing about it was that I forgot why I came here. And that was probably the reason. To clear my head and forget for a few hours.

My ribs still hurt, but it was nothing too bad as I laid here.

Gently reaching to my chest to get a feel, I shut my eyes to remember how bad I got it back in the war.

Getting nearly beat to death by Reacher's men. Getting my tongue cut out from my mouth. Nearly killing my friends because I was drugged. Hehe. What shitty times I had.

As I remained comfortable, the bartender who watched over the place quietly asked.

"Wana another one major?"

Gently getting up, I replied.

"Yeah. Thanks Ronny."

Ron knew me since I found this bar a few years back when I first settled in. He's a good man. Never did me wrong.

Slowly making my way to the bar itself, I took a seat across from him to say as he got my beer.

"Hey Ron?"

Gently coming around with my can in hand, he replied.

"What's up?"

"Can I ask you something?" I wondered as he nodded and replied.

"Anything. Just shoot."

Softly dragging the beer to my chest, I asked.

"What would you do if G.U.N reclaimed the east?"

Ron was use to this kind of talk by now from me. He knew my story. Just not the Shadow part.

Ron, who was in deep thought for the answer, gently placed his elbows on the table to reply.

"I can tell you this. I wouldn't be seeing many of you rebellion guys around here if that happened."

"Why not?" I wondered as he quickly replied.

"I wouldn't slip it by G.U.N to go on a manhunt. I'm pretty convinced with the way they think, they will wana tie up any loose ends. Can't have another rebellion coming into town to fight them out again."

I calmly nodded my head as he added.

"Plus I just plain don't trust them Raptor."

Taking a chug of beer from out of the can, I nodded and fell silent, as he went to clean some glasses.

Ron was an old timer though. Been a bartender all his life. Brought up by two bears he called mother and father back in the day. Taught him the trade. Ron was now about in his sixties. I think sixty two. I'm not sure. Big brown bear though. I saw him man handle a drunk a few months back for breaking his window. If you come to this bar, or any bar in fact. Don't fuck with the tender.

"So how's the kids major?" He asked as I instantly lowered my head.

"That's why I'm here! Thanks Ron." I said in sadness as I lowered my head to the tabletop.

Ron knew I was the type to drink to avoid my problems. But he always knew how to get me talking.

Quickly grabbing the beer from out of my hands he stated.

"You can't have this back till you tell me what's up."

I felt like a lost puppy when I'm drunk and he does this to me.

Carefully fixing myself at the table, I replied.

"My son."

"What about him?" Wondered Ron as he handed me back my beer.

Quickly retaking it, I replied before taking another sip.

"He hates me."

Ron shook his head as I took my sip.

"Comes with being a father. They hate you or they love. Can't have both. So why does this one hate you?"

Letting my eyes lock to his, I replied.

"It's my fault really. I haven't been paying him enough attention."

Ron understood now perfectly and replied.

"You gotta make time. Otherwise the kid will grow up to never wana be around ya."

"What do I do?" I asked him in loss, as he took a moment to think.

"Start with less of this." He urged by taking my beer again, but this time tossing it into the trashcan next to him.

I had my eyes down, but I knew he was right.

I quickly began to nod as he added.

"Drinking never helps. It may salt the wound, but it won't heal it."

"I just don't know how to appeal to him. He won't look at me. Won't listen to me. And earlier today he lashed out and called me a fucking moron and told me how much he disliked me as a father. Now how do you combat that?" I asked him in a slight bit of confusion as he began to laugh.

"Haha! You went through a war major. You've killed people. You've ahhhh...been nearly killed a few times if I recall yourself. But you can't figure out a little boy?" He questioned as I nodded.

"That I can't. And he's my own fucking son. He gets his attitude from me. You know that?" I asked him as he immediately nodded.

"I wouldn't doubt it for a second. If you don't mind me saying major, you are a stubborn piece of work yourself."

Letting a faint chuckle pass my lips with a hint of joy, I replied.

"I am, ain't I? God I asked for this when I decided to push for a kid."

"That you did." Agreed Ron as I looked to the door.

"Wana get heading home? I'm sure Alicia misses you." Stated Ron as I nodded and replied.

"Yeah. Hey?" I said in a soft tone to Ron as he looked back at me.

"Thanks."

Ron held a wide smile, and roughly patted my shoulder to reply.

"Not a problem. You're like a younger brother to me. I never wanted one, but hey."

His humor caught me. Maybe it's cause I'm slightly drunk, but whatever. The man sure knows how to make me smile and not feel like crap all the time.

Ron now watched as I made my way for the door and back out to my car.

I saw him wave me off goodbye as I pulled back out into the lonely street. I made sure I lived far away from the traffic. Maybe it's because I'm older now and shit like getting slowed down in a lane is annoying to me, but I made sure I was far enough where I could go where I wanted and not get pissed off on the drive over.

The night sky made the air cool, and after some time, I finally made it back home.

All the lights were out. I guess everyone was in bed. After all, it is nearing one in the morning, and Alicia knows by now not to wait up for me.

Quietly opening the front door, I made my way to the stairs just in time to see Ghost making his way from the bathroom back to his room.

I stopped as he went inside, and as he went to shut the door I whispered.

"Ghost?"

Gently peeking his way back out to see my eyes looking back at him, I said in a caring tone.

"I love you."

For a second I got silence, before he looked back at me to shut his door in my face.

Letting out a depressed gasp of warm air, I made my way to my room while regretting the fact I ever even attempted to say anything to him. It's like talking to a fucking wall. Except this wall likes to make me feel like a worthless father who should just go die in hell.

Upon opening my bedroom door, I looked towards the bed to find Alicia out of it and a note next to the bed.

Gently picking it up from off the nightstand, I brought it up into my view to read what it said to myself.

"Raptor. I couldn't stay up to wait for you again. The school exhausted me. We'll talk about it in the morning. Just find a spot to squeeze in if I happened to take up the whole bed again. Xoxo. Your wife. By the way, Archer called. He wanted to talk to you about what happened at the base in the morning. Give him my love when you see him, and tell him to come over for once and see the kids. It would be nice to have him for supper one night."

Letting the note crumple up into the trash, I got off my clothes and made my way into bed.

As I shut my eyes to the heavy darkness around me, I could be sure in the morning Archer gets back from me. I may be a drunken and hated father, but I'm still a soldier to the rebellion. I'm not going to let what General Monroe did to me go without action.

I will have another chapter up tomorrow. Please review as always and make sure to follow the series because if you've been a long time reader you should know by now my series are long. So best to stay updated when another chapter comes out.

mT Shadow