Love Struck Delusion
Chapter 5 – Through The Heat Of Summer.
Raptor's POV, The following morning.
My head had a bit of a twirl to it from last night. It kind of pisses me off that one beer does that to me now. Back in the day I had to have four or five before feeling anything in the morning, but now? Fuck where have I gone? I wondered to myself, as I managed to get out of bed with Alicia still asleep next to me.
Gently approaching my dresser. I got out my clothes for the day. No longer being part of the service meant I could now wear something other than dress uniform. So I pulled out a pair of jeans and a nice brown shirt. I don't really give a shit how I look to others, but still. Might as well not look like a total bum when I leave.
As I went to get on my shoes, I looked to my nightstand to see my phone going off in it's silent mode.
Upon finishing up, I reached over to take it from the table and up to my ear.
"Raptor." I stated as I always do to whoever was calling.
In a gentle tone I got back Archer's voice.
"Hey Rap. Is this a bad time?" He wondered as I got up from my bed.
"Nah. I just got dressed. Alicia said you called last night. What was that about?" I asked to be sure, as he softly replied.
"We need to talk about what you said."
Nodding my head as I kissed Alicia goodbye, I replied to him.
"Do you want to meet up? Maybe catch some breakfast?" I wondered as I made it out of the room and toward the stairs.
"Yeah, I can do that. How about the diner on fifth?" Wondered Archer as I grabbed my keys.
"I'm on my way now. I'll see you there."
"Save me a seat." Urged Archer as I hung up to get in my car.
Upon shutting the door, I looked to the road to be sure I could back up without trouble.
After a few careful seconds of exiting my driveway, I began the short drive to the dinner to find the place packed. Guess everyone wants the early bird special here.
As I made my way to the counter to see if there were any seats, I felt a hand nab me from the side.
Quickly making sure I wasn't being jumped, I smiled to find Archer next to me in uniform.
"Hey." He said softly as he hugged me tight.
"Watch the ribs." I urged him as I hugged back.
"How are they?" He asked next in concern as a felt the presence of a waiter next to us waiting for our attention.
"A little sore, but nothing too bad."
Giving me a nod, I looked back to the waiter to say.
"Table for two."
Giving me and Archer a thin smile, the waiter lead us back to our table that was evenly placed among many others that were crowded with people.
Carefully taking my seat across from my friend, I stated.
"Place is packed, huh?"
Giving me a quick grin, he replied.
"Place is always like this in the morning. But if you come in for lunch or dinner it's empty. Don't ask why. All I can guess is that the food is better in the morning then around dinner time."
Letting my body relax in the seat, I wondered to him.
"So how many more years do you have left?"
Letting himself think, the waiter came to us to order our drinks. We both got coffee, and as we now waited, Archer replied to my previous question.
"I'm done as of this year."
Widening my eyes as our coffee came, I replied.
"Shit that's right. You're my age, aren't you?"
Giving me a chuckle, Archer replied.
"Yes sir. That reminds me. When do you plan on coming back?"
Giving him my eyes that could only be seen as bad, Archer quickly restated the question.
"I mean, when do you plan on finishing your twenty? You left twelve years ago to come here, but decided to leave the rebellion around when?" He wondered as I quickly replied.
"Last year."
Giving me a nod, Archer questioned.
"Wouldn't it be worth it to come back for the two years you need and retire with the benefits?"
Nodding my head as the waiter came to take our orders, I replied.
"I have a family now Archer. And I promised myself I wouldn't go back to that life."
Archer fell silent as we placed our orders. I got eggs and bacon as he got pancakes.
As the waiter left to get them going, Archer calmly asked.
"Is it because of Shadow?"
Letting my eyes falter and rest on his, I calmly tried to reply.
"Yes it is. He entrusted me to carry out what he couldn't. That includes taking care of Midnight and making sure my family stays as far from the war as possible."
Giving me a confused look, he questioned in loss.
"Is that what he really wanted from you?"
Archer backed up from my voice now growing in anger.
"No one. Not you. Not Hannon. Not even Ghost knew what Shadow wanted. Only I found out, and that was the same night he killed himself over Amy's grave. Trust me, I know what he wanted. I read the fucking note he wrote for me the night he died."
Archer was quiet now. I don't think he wanted to push me any further on this topic.
Slowly he began to nod his head.
"Okay Raptor. Okay. I'm sorry."
Letting my anger subside and rest back in my chest, I looked away from the table as the waiter came with our food.
"Take it back." I ordered the waiter as him and Archer both looked at me in confusion.
"Excuse me sir?" Said the waiter in loss of position, as I said again.
"Take the food back. I don't want it anymore."
Archer calmly stepped in to say.
"Raptor, it's...?" No one was expecting the anger I threw at them as I yelled in Archer's mid sentence.
"I said I'm done!"
Archer and nearly everyone in the diner, watched from their seats, as I got up in anger and made my way for the door.
I heard Archer get up from his seat to shout.
"Raptor, come on! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!"
Ignoring him and his apology, I got back in my car and drove away from the diner.
My first instinct on what to do next was my indication that I was a drunk. Normally I would got to the bar, but I know that's not what I want right now. Nor to go home. Back to a wife who doesn't understand me and a son who hates me? No thank you world. I've been fucked up enough lately. No need to hurt me more when I'm down.
I had only one other option. One other thing that always made me feel better besides drinking.
Driving my way out of town and back to the desert, I found a spot where I could be alone among the sun and sand.
As I sat along a dune in my car, I recalled when the desert was a place of peace. But ever since G.U.N started to pop back up around these parts, it seems as if the peacefulness of the desert sands turned back into a place of quarantine. Patrols drove around the city limits. Watching for any activity like I was doing. I knew it wouldn't be long for them to check up on me. See what I was up to just sitting here. But until then, I'll try my best to relax and enjoy myself.
As I sat there. With my eyes shut tight. I thought about him. I thought about Shadow. All the things he said. All the things he had done. And as I thought and counted them all, I began to see my life wasn't at all equal. Shadow saved the world. I saved no one.
Shadow killed both G.U.N commanders and won the wars single handily.
I killed a few grunts in my time. Two of which were on my side.
Shadow had a wife. Two kids. They both died, but not by him.
I had a wife. And a daughter. My daughter's name was Abbey, and my wife was Julie. They both died because of me.
Shadow's wife Amy Rose? She died during child birth of Shadow's first kid. The kid, not soon after, was killed point blank to the head by Shadow's real brother Dark. You may be wondering a few things. Like how Shadow had another kid if Amy died? Or what happened to Dark? But there is no need to fear because I'll give you the simple answer.
Shadow killed Dark during the final battles of Afghanistan. Brother on brother. Such a tragedy. I can't tell you what went wrong between them. You would have to ask them. Too bad their both dead.
As for the second kid. Shadow got Dove, who was his best friend Ghost's wife, pregnant. And not soon after finding out she was carrying Shadow's kid, Ghost killed it on accident out of his rage. That's probably when Shadow began to lose it the most.
As for my daughter and wife? My wife was shot in the back of the head by a G.U.N officer during a raid of my house back in Pakistan. They wanted me dead so a rebellion wouldn't start after Afghanistan was claimed from them. I was supposed to be in command, but after losing my wife, I declined the seat as commander and gave it over to Shadow.
Yet, my wife's death didn't break me down into what I am today. My daughter's death did. When G.U.N came to my home and shot Julie. I lost everything and fought back. Killing the soldiers, but only after the officer was able to get a hold of my baby girl.
He threatened to kill her if I didn't give up. She was crying and begging for me to save her, but I took it too far. I was shell shocked at that point. I didn't know what I was doing.
I shot my baby three times. Killing her instantly with a bullet to the eye. I killed my daughter to protect the rebellion. To save a spot for Pakistan in the brighter future.
I never forgave myself for that. I could have saved her and I didn't. I gunned her down to kill that man. The man that took everything from me in a blink of an eye.
What kind of father am I? What's to say I won't do that again to Alicia and my current kids? Sometimes I do feel my son is right. I should go die. I shouldn't be alive now. Yet would anyone care if I wasn't? I don't think so. I can see them all now without me. My son happy. My wife with another man who can provide for her. I lied already to myself and Archer. I'm not working. I don't have a job. It's about time someone may come today and take the house. I wouldn't be surprised. I've been living off my dead friends' money. For twelve years I've made it last. But it's coming to an end. I have maybe two thousand dollars left to my name. That will last a month or two, but what then? Do I go find work? Do I go back to the rebellion and finish up my tour? Hell, there may not even be a rebellion by then. Then what? Me and my family are broke and out of pocket. What a good dad I am.
My anger was barely holding back.
I have a gun in the glove box. An M9 from my service, I used to kill kids a few years younger then I was back then. Sometimes I just wana grab it and BANG! End this shit. I'm thirty fucking seven, and I'm losing my mind again. Now I just wonder. When will I commit?
The world seemed to slow down as I contemplated the action.
Gently reaching over to the glove box, I undid the lock and watched as the gun appeared next to my papers.
With a tear rolling down my face, I took the cold weapon from out of the dark space and up to my head.
The rounds were loaded. Hallow points. One shot and it would turn my brain into a smoothie. Ending my life here and now. Making all the pain go away. It would just close the book. Put credits up now on this chapter to my worthless life. Cause that's all it would be. I would be free. Maybe not happy, but I would be free at last from the world I am forced to be in now.
Letting the gun's barrel rest sideways along my cheek, I began to pull the trigger.
My mind loved the tease of the safety holding the bullet back from my skull, and to be honest, so did I.
"Vrrrrr! Vrrrrr!"
Letting my eyes shut to the vibration of my phone. I gently reached in my pocket and brought it up to my ear after answering.
"Raptor? You there?" It was Archer.
I could only sigh as he went on.
"Listen man, I'm sorry I brought it up. I know it was a lot for you back then, and I didn't mean to upset you. I just wanted to know what you planned on doing? You know you can always come back, right?" He asked in concern as I let the gun rest in my lap.
"Yeah." I stated with a sigh, as he softly added.
"And I'm sorry about what happened at the base. You can clearly tell shit is going south real fast."
Nodding my head till it rested on the steering wheel, I calmly looked back out the window to see a G.U.N patrol coming this way on Humvee.
Slowly turning back on the car, I made my way back onto the road and back towards the city.
Archer remained on the line as I still held my gun along my lap.
"Can you please talk to me man?" He urged, as I calmly mustered up.
"Why?"
In a confused tone, he replied.
"Cause I haven't heard from you since last year, and I wana make sure you're not getting all boggled by the past."
"The past is all I got Archer." I stated as he went silent.
"My life was the rebellion. I made sure to spend every waking moment of my life helping Shadow win that war in Pakistan. I made sure he and my men lived. Including you!"
Archer remained silent as I cried to him now.
"Without me none of you would be alive today! This war would be over and G.U.N would still be in charge!"
Pulling over to the side of the road to keep myself from crashing, I yelled back at him.
"Yet I don't know where you get off letting what we fought for go back to them! You know it and I know it Archer! G.U.N is going to take back its planet and it starts with us! And if you can just sit there and let that continue to happen, then you might as well have been the one to kill the commander twelve years ago. Cause the rebellion is dying and it's dying without action. Goodbye Archer."
Tossing my phone in the backseat, I looked back to my gun and stared at the trigger.
I wanted too. I really wanted too.
Letting the barrel stare me down, I shut my eyes and threw it back in the glove box. Shutting the compartment tight till my urge went away.
Letting my tears cover the steering wheel, I looked back to the road to see the emptiness Iraq had compared to Pakistan. It made me feel alone at times. Like now.
I may have a family again to call my own, but in the end I'm not any better than the man who killed my wife and daughter. That man was me. I'm always alone. I've always been meant to die in this world that way. The question is...
...how long will it take before my life is claimed?
How long am I left to suffer like a dog?
Gently letting my spirit collapse under my mind. I continued to cry till I was out of tears to shed and energy to burn.
Calmly lifting my head back up to the sky, I looked for the time to see it was getting close to lunch. Alicia would be cooking for the kids soon.
Gently turning back on the car, I made my way back home to find Alicia's car gone and the kids absent from the house.
In time, I found a note on the fridge that informed me she had taken them out to eat with the neighbors.
Slowly making my way inside, I took out a beer and reclaimed my seat on the couch, to turn on the news.
"In latest news, the Guardian Units of Nations, or better known as G.U.N. Have released a press statement earlier this morning, stating that the treaty signed by the notorious rebellion commander Shadow Robotnik, is being voided this coming week. As of next Wednesday, President of G.U.N, Hecan Moore, will be sending over troops to the middle east. Specifically to Afghanistan, Pakistan, and Iraq. Claiming that as soon as the treaty has been removed and the troops have been sent, they will reclaim the military installations and govern once more over the citizens they've lost over twelve years ago, to the once great rebellion forces. Hecan Moore stated that without the leadership of Shadow Robotnik they have lost the knowledge of how to advance in life. And he plans to change that, as soon as they have regained control over the capital cities. This is Jenny Young. Signing off."
With the beer resting in my hand and my anger to a boil. I chucked it at the screen and watched from the couch as the can went through the glass. Sending sparks along the living room floor.
This was my life. Fucking ruined and burned to glass by Hecan Moore and G.U.N.
I will try to have more chapters up soon for everyone to read. Please review and let me know what you think is going to happen. I'm curious.
mT Shadow.