You guys are so awesome. Thank you for the reviews. This story is fun to write and I am glad you are enjoying it. Here is my 3rd chapter. Three updates in 2 days is pretty good for me! I hope you like this chapter! I also hope that I captured the emotions okay, I tried really hard.

Not beta'd so mistakes are mine... I own nothing...R&R

Stop Being a Coward

Chapter 3

The next time Dimitri woke from his sleep was due to a gentle hand being rubbed across his face. He looked down to see Rose awake and staring up at him with a confused expression on her face.

"Are you really here?" she whispered, afraid that if she spoke too loudly that he would dissolve into the recesses of her mind.

Dimitri just shook his head and placed his hand over hers as he leaned against it. The other hand that was still wrapped around her waist pulled her closer to his chest and kissed her forehead. "Yes Roza, I am here."

"Why?" Rose's voice cracked and her eyes became watery again. The question was so simple yet so hard at the same time for Dimitri.

He hesitated for a moment before answering "Because I want to be and I need to be. I'm so sorry Rose."

His voice burned her ears. She felt as though it had been years since the last time she had heard it and she knew the many memories she played over and over in her head of him whispering to her had been a poor imitation of the real thing.

"I thought you didn't like me anymore, I thought you didn't want me. I can't live in a world where you don't care about me Dimitri. I don't remember what it was like to live without you." Silent tears streamed down her cheeks as Rose looked down towards their entwined bodies. Dimitri gently wiped them away with his fingers.

"Please don't cry anymore Roza. I can't bear to see you like this. I hate what I have done to you." Dimitri pulled her chin up so that she was staring into his eyes again.

"I don't understand. Do you still love me?" Her voice cracked as she asked him and he had never seen her look so child-like. Her eyes were full of pain and the fire that he usually saw in the background had been extinguished. This was not the strong independent Rose that he knew and loved. He had reduced her down to an imitation of the person he had known.

"Yes Roza, how could you believe that I could ever stop?"

"Then why did you say that your love had faded? I don't understand what I did. I don't understand what happened. I did everything I could to get you back and you just didn't want to see me and then when you did you said you didn't love me anymore and I just can't understand…." Rose was babbling and Dimitri silenced her with a brush of his lips on hers as he gently stroked her hair.

The barely there touch sent electrical waves through both of them and they were silent for a moment as they looked into each other eyes and remembered what it was like to kiss each other.

Dimitri's face contorted into a look of pain as he tried to gather his thoughts to answer her question. "I don't deserve you Rose. I was trying to do the right thing. You don't understand what it was like. My life before was so consumed with my love for you. You were everything to me. Then when I was changed…" he paused, looking for the right words. "When I was changed, I was still obsessed with you but in a different way. It's like I can feel it all the way to my soul. When I lost my soul it was still there except it had changed forms. It was like the demon inside of me couldn't feel love but kept the obsession. It changed from an all consuming love to a blinding hatred that left me scared. I still have that demon inside of me Rose. The demon that screams at me to kill you, that tells me that I can't be this close to you and not need you, not take you as my own. It yells at me to take you or kill you, those are the only options I have. It's a battle that I am still fighting; half of me screaming to make you mine forever while the other part of me hates you for doing that. I'm so scared that if I give in and try to make you mine that the demon will come out again and want to kill you." A tear streamed down his face as he tried desperately to make her understand.

"The pain is less, but it is still there. I look at you and I think about how much of a monster I am, about how easy it was to do those things to you. I don't know if I can forgive myself and you shouldn't forgive me either. What kind of person could do those things to someone that they love?"

"It's my fault Dimitri; I shouldn't have gone after you maybe. I didn't know that it would hurt you so much to come back." Rose pulled out of Dimitri's grip and scooted to sit up on the edge bed.

"No Rose, you couldn't have known. Please don't blame yourself for any of this. It's my fault, everything is my fault." Dimitri sat up and placed his hand on her shoulder.

"No it's not Dimitri. Don't you see? I failed you. Had I just not hesitated or stake you correctly. Your number one lesson and I failed it. I might have brought you back but it was for selfish reasons. I did it for me and not for you. Lissa told me about the evil that she felt from you when she changed you back. How she had never felt anything like that. I felt that evil too Dimitri. It was horrible. If that evil is still inside of you then that is my fault. I could have stopped it. I should have stopped it." Rose stood up and swayed a little, not able to keep her balance due to her lack of strength.

Dimitri immediately stood beside her and steadied her. "Rose, why haven't you been eating?" Dimitri decided to address the problem of her food intake now that he remembered just how weak she was.

"Please don't start with that Dimitri. I can't hear it from you too." She stepped out of his grasp, upset that he would bring this into a conversation that they were having about his death.

"Lissa is just looking out for you." He tried again, "You know she only wants to help you." He took another step towards her.

The anger that Rose had given up on came back with a vengeance as she shoved Dimitri back. He was not expecting this and even though she was weak, she managed to push him about five feet away from her since she had caught him off guard. "Don't tell me who cares and who doesn't. Don't you think I know she cares? I can feel it remember? This damn bond is all I feel or at least all I use to feel. She's at least accepted my wishes and stayed out of my head recently. Maybe you should do the same. I will worry about myself. But then again of course you are worried about Lissa. She is probably the only reason you came."

The acid in her words burned him as he stood staring at the enraged woman in front of him. He wasn't sure what had happened. One minute she was weak and crying and the next she was angry and yelling at him. "Rose? I came here for you, why would you think I was here for her?" His voice was calm and soothing, trying to comfort her so she would calm down.

"Why would you be here for her? I don't know, maybe because she saved your life, you owe her everything, she is Princess Vasilisa Dragomir and you are sworn to protect her now. Lissa, Lissa, Lissa. My entire life has always been about Lissa! And I don't want to year you say another thing about her. I get the whole indebted to her deal I guess. She wielded the stake that brought back your soul and all but what about me Dimitri?"

Rose raised her voice as she stared the few feet across the room to where Dimitri stood. "What about what I did? I knew you wouldn't want to live as a Strigoi so I went to set your sole free. I am the one that left school and jeopardized my graduation. I am the one who left Lissa. I am the one who went through hell for you. I even thought I killed you and I honestly didn't know how to live in a world without you in it. Then when I found out you were still alive and there was a chance you could be brought back, I broke Victor out of prison for you. Lissa did what she did for me. I did what I did for you. So please do not dilute yourself into thinking that she is this goddess that took it upon herself to save you because she didn't. She did it for me!"

Dimitri could see the fire once again burning in her eyes as she stepped towards him. Her rant had reminded him of the time she had tried to go after Jesse when he had tortured Lissa. She was angry and it was all directed towards him this time. "Roza…"

"Don't Roza me! You sadistic jerk! You have no idea, no idea at all about what I went through. If you really loved me then how could you have not thought about what I went through?" Her voice once again cracked as she collapsed into the floor. The fire that had burned within her so briefly had once again vanished leaving this unknown Rose in its place.

Dimitri caught her just before her body hit the floor and pulled her to him. She was crying once again but this time she was yelling and violently shaking. He noticed too late that she had begun to dry heave once her screaming had quieted. He gently lifted her up and carried her towards the bathroom.

He sat her on the floor in front of the cold toilet the fortunately had the seat already up. He vaguely wondered if it was for reasons just like this and pulled the lose rubber band out of this hair. He tied her hair up with it so it wouldn't be in her way and walked towards the sink to grab a damp wash cloth. He then sat on the side of the bathtub and spoke quiet, comforting words in Russian to her as he rubbed her back with one hand and used the wash cloth to help try and wipe the mix of tears and yellow liquid off of her face with the other.

"Can you please just leave me alone?" Rose asked, still shaking as she leaned over the toilet, possibly sounding more broken than she had just minutes before.

"Rose…"

"Please? Just for now…" She cried into the crook of her arm as she fought against the waves of nausea that still shook her small frame.

"I will be outside the door if you need me." Dimitri kissed the top of her head and placed the cool wash cloth in her free hand. He then stood up and walked back into the bedroom, closing the door softly behind him.

So what'd ya think? Please review!