Love Struck Delusion

Chapter 16 – They Will Be Commended.

Raptor's POV, Rebellion Ops Center, Later that night.

The celebration was small, quiet and easy. We managed to get our hands on much needed gear. A couple dozen rifles, a platoons worth of outfitting, and ammo beyond my count. Some other things were rations, and medical supplies, but according to Marx most of it was a lost cause due to their age. Ether way we now have what we need to really do some damage.

Sitting on the couch in peace; with Wreak and Archer and Marx at the tables drinking, I watched the news. I was hoping to see something about our little heist but it seems like General Monroe had stopped it from getting out before it was too late. It made no difference however. The public saw what went down. If not before, they now can see the rebellion isn't backing down. I hope others will join us soon. We will need the muscle.

"You okay Major? Come have a drink." Urged Wreak as Marx urged.

"Yeah, come over here and join us Raptor."

Ignoring them as best as I could, I just tried to think about getting the blood off my hands. Something inside me couldn't handle the fact of killing anymore. I felt...guilty maybe.

The three of my comrades took notice of my condition as I remained where I was.

Going on in silence, I was startled as my phone went off in my pocket.

Taking it out slowly, I rested my eyes on the id of my wife.

Very carefully did I answer.

"Hey."

"Hey." She replied. Her tone was lowered like mine, but we each had our reasons.

"I suppose this call is to tell me I'm an asshole right? And a bad father?" I suggested as she quickly replied.

"No."

"Then what? You have every reason to say it."

"But you had every reason to act the way you did. I can't be mad at you."

"Give me one good reason why. I left you in the center of our room and the kids in tears. It's not like it was called for."

Archer, Wreak and Marx were all listening in as she replied.

"But with what your trying to do I know you left because you don't want to put me or the kids in danger. I bet you're not even in the country."

"No I am." I stated as she then replied.

"Oh. I figured you were off to Afghanistan to see Mason. Maybe he would help you. So where are you then?"

Taking my time to think, I replied.

"I can't say. It's best you don't know."

Alicia went silent just as I did, and it took an awkward amount of time, but soon she tried to switch subjects.

"Well tomorrow is Christmas Eve. Can I expect a visit? Midnight really misses you."

Dragging my eyes to my friends, I caught them all staring as I calmly replied.

"I don't know yet. I'll try my best to be there. But don't stay up for me."

"Okay." She mumbled as her response as I then said.

"Listen I have to go. I'll talk to you later."

"I love you." She said as I hung up.

Dropping my cell to my lap, I heard from Wreak.

"Damn."

Feeling my emotion getting the better of me, the second I saw Archer getting up I jolted forward for the door.

My friends were left in utter loss for what to do as I proceeded off into the night.

Archer's POV.

Raptor was hurting. It was clear to all of us as his friends. Something wasn't right and we all knew it.

As he ran out the door in anger, I fell back down in my chair to rub my face.

"I knew this would be too much for him." I stated as Marx quietly asked.

"What would be?"

Keeping my head down, Wreak replied.

"He's got a wife and kids. He had to make a choice between them or the country he loves. It's fucked up in both ways. You stay with your family and watch as all you fought for gets taken away. Or you abandon them in hope that you'll make a difference."

Marx lowered his head as I added.

"He's always be a tough one. Even now he's still just trying to understand himself and his actions. God only knows what he's feeling."

"The guy is a great leader don't get me wrong Marx." Stated Wreak as he continued.

"But a man can only do so much before breaking down like that."

"He just needs to accept what he has chosen. He's doing this for his family. Not to hurt them but to protect them and provide them with a future. In a way he's doing the right thing. But he doesn't believe that in his heart. He thinks he's hurting them."

"You think Alicia feels that way?" Wondered Wreak as I shook my head.

"She knows he made the right call. But they both just need to find a way to work with it. Raptor doesn't want them to get hurt but she wants him to still be a part of their lives. It's a fucked up situation." I stated as I finished my drink.

Everyone then went silent as the night went on without our leader.

Raptor's POV.

The night had been my ally for so long, but as I kept going I found myself lost. I didn't know where to go or what to do now.

Sitting in my car along the street, I asked myself.

"What happened to me?"

Lowering my head onto the steering wheel, I honed in on the silence to hear back.

"You turned into a father. That's what happened."

I knew that voice.

Looking over to my passenger side, I rested my eyes on Shadow. He sat there with his head looking out the window and his body completely still.

In my head I knew I was only dreaming this. I did drink.

Going along with the dream, I then asked.

"What does that have to do with anything? I used to be able to do this."

"What? Killing?" He wondered with such grace as I looked back down at my steering wheel.

Without giving him an answer, Shadow soon said.

"You realized you had something to live for Raptor. Back then you had no reason. Killing was easy. But with everything you have now? Killing is like a weight. The more you kill the more gets added on to your soul."

"What do you mean?" I asked in confusion as he calmly replied.

"You're not a soldier anymore."

My mind went blank as the words came softly to my ears.

"With every action you take against that fact, you will be hurt Raptor. I should know. It's exactly what happened to me."

Still utterly lost, I replied.

"But you had the world in your hands. You had no reason to die like you did."

Getting a faint chuckle, he then stated to me.

"I had killed Ghost. I had lost two sons. A wife. So many good men and women and friends. I lost so much."

"Yet you always found a way to keep going." I stated as he nodded slowly.

"You have too when people look up to you for support. Same goes for you Raptor. You need to find a reason. And the best part is that this reason is already one you acknowledged."

"What are you talking about?" I asked him in loss as he smiled out the window.

"Just ask Alicia. I'm sure she knows."

Looking back up at him I replied.

"I'm asking you. What's my reason?"

Very slowly he turned to look me in the eyes.

"Your kids."

Widening my eyes, I blinked and in that amount of time Shadow was gone.

In utter loss for words and actions, I looked around my car to ask myself.

"What's going on with me?"

Was it a dream? Let me know what you think. I'll have more chapters up tomorrow.

mT Shadow.