Author's note: I had actually written this bit before season 5 started. I don't want to dwell on this part too long, since we've all read it in many different versions, discussed it and, most importantly, watched the genius scene on TGW itself. I decided to write one flashback about this, which is this chapter. After this, the story goes back to where we left off!
Summary: force ma·jeure noun \ˌfȯrs-mä-ˈzhər, -mə-\ 1: superior or irresistible force. 2: an event or effect that cannot be reasonably anticipated or controlled. Alicia & Will, 7 months after she left L/G: "We're starting our own firm." Will breathes heavily but doesn't say a word. His jaw tightens. He's not talking. That's the worst part. I want him to yell, or throw things at me.
Thanks: as always, to Jen, for reading each chapter with care and patience, correcting my comma's and telling me how to improve each and every single word.
Force Majeure
Chapter 12 – Breaking News
(Flashback to 207 days ago)
"You are the target he will pursue."
- Beast (Arrow)
Thursday, 4:24 PM
Their offices are approaching way too quickly. Cary's quick and confident pace tells me that there is no turning back now. We need to act now, the game is over.
My world is about to change. I've known that for weeks now. It's not like it's a surprise or that I haven't realized. I simply hadn't figured out how to prepare for this conversation. I thought about it, about what to say and how to say it and when to say it. But there was no right time for this. This is going to be destructive, no matter how I will approach it.
As we walk, I realize this will be the last time working here. The last time walking freely through these halls. The last time talking to Will.
Suddenly I want to end this walk. I'd give the world to just have one more moment with Will before I blow all this up. To just sit in his office for a little while, crack jokes with him, open a beer, and just have a careless conversation…
We're passed that.
We turn the corner, now we're in sight of both Will and Diane's offices. Cary is supposed to talk to Diane, and I'll go to Will.
We tossed a coin.
I lost.
Diane stands up from her desk as she sees the both of us approach. There's something in the way she stares at me that tells me she knows. I freeze in my steps.
"Come on," Cary hisses as he realize I stopped walking. "This is it."
I glance over to Will's office. He's calmly sitting behind his computer. He doesn't see what's taking place right in front of him.
"What's going on?" Diane asks with a cold voice.
"We need to talk," Cary answers and quickly heads in her office, closing the door behind him.
I'm left alone in the hallway. I feel lost, but then Will looks up to me, and our eyes meet. He gestures me to come in.
Oh, God.
I wish the world would just disappear right now.
Let something happen, let something happen.
Nothing happens.
Cary sat down in front of Diane's desk. Diane's watching me. Cary turns around in his chair, throwing me a look to get over myself and walk in. This is what you wanted, Alicia, I tell myself. Suck it up. There is no 'right' moment to do this. It's going to be ugly, and you know it.
Numb, I walk into Will's office.
He gets up from his laptop.
"Hi," he smiles.
His smile comforts me. I realize the irony of the situation. Me being calmed down by his smile while I know that what I'm about to tell him is going to make him rage with anger.
He looks over at Diane's office. "What's that about?"
I didn't expect a question that quickly.
"We need to talk," is all I say.
I didn't plan for him to see Cary. Stupid.
A deep frown appears on his face.
"About what?" He tilts his head as he notices the letter in my hand.
We both just stand there. I glance at the couch. Should we do this sitting down?
We should sit, I decide. I take in a deep breath and sit down on his couch. He sits down in his chair, not once losing track of me.
"About what?" He repeats, colder this time, as he glances over to Diane's office once more.
He stares back at me. He knows.
He just wants me to say it.
My hand is trembling and I hear my breathing increase. Should I introduce it? Should I start with an explanation? Should I say something about us first? That I never wanted to hurt him? That I can't take my thoughts off of him? I just don't know.
He turns in his chair to look back at Cary once more. So do I. Within seconds, I see Diane get up. Now she really knows.
"I'm resigning," I just blurt out, panicking. My voice sounds weaker than I hoped.
Will's eyes shoot straight back at me.
"What?"
I avert my gaze for a moment and put the letter on the coffee table that stands between us. I officially crossed the line right now. "So is Cary," I continue. "…So are six other fourth years."
I regain myself and stare straight into his eyes, eyes that have grown big, black, and distant.
"We're starting our own firm."
Will breathes heavily but doesn't say a word. He glances over to Diane's office once more. I see them exchange looks. Now they both know.
His jaw tightens.
He makes a fist and pensively taps it on the leather chair.
He's not talking.
That's the worst part. I want him to yell, or throw things at me. Am I supposed to get up and leave now?
I just sit there, nailed to the couch. My hands are clenched together in my lap. We've spent so much time on this couch. We drank beers, worked together, made out...
My heart is raging against my chest. I don't know what to do. I'm too scared to move, to look into Diane's office again, and to see what Cary's doing.
He ducks his head, averting his gaze from mine and then loosens his tie a bit. His lips still clenched together.
Next, he looks back up to me.
"Well played." His voice is hoarse.
Well played? I don't know what to say to that.
Immediately, I start to regret my decision. All of it. But there's no going back now. And I don't want to go back. I made the right decision. This is the hardest part.
"Will, I…" I start stuttering.
He shakes his head. "I don't need to hear it."
I bite my lip. I think of how to make this better. But it's not going to get any better.
I…" I start again, without having any clue of what I want to say. Nothing comes out. My mind is blank.
"Stop it."
I close my eyes at the sound of his voice and try to swallow away the lump that's forming in my throat.
I look up at the sound of a door slam open.
Diane bursts into Will's office. Cary is standing in the hallway.
"Out." Her voice is calm but her eyes rage with anger. "Right. Now."
My whole body feels heavy. I need to get up from this couch, but I can't get my body to move.
I look back at Cary who gestures me to get moving. It feels like an eternity, but I finally get myself up off the couch.
Will stays put. Diane stands there, in the doorpost, holding the door for me. I don't look at her as I pass her.
"Diane gave us ten minutes," Cary whispers as soon as I'm out.
"Ok," I nod. Tears form in my eyes at the thought of what just went down. I expected Will to yell in my face, to say that he hates me or any other action. I didn't expect him to simply sit there and listen.
I turn around one more time to look at what's going on between Will and Diane. I startle at the sight at Will. He got up and is now staring through the glass wall, straight into my eyes.
Our eye contact is immediate and painful.
I don't know how to turn around from this.
"It's nine minutes now Alicia," Cary mutters impatiently. "Don't push this."
I'm still staring at Will. Desperately trying to tell him how sorry I am. How it was never meant personal.
Suddenly, he bursts out of his office.
"You DON'T do that," he yells as he approaches me. "Listen to me very carefully." He's so close I can smell his all too familiar cologne.
"You don't do that. You don't look at me, you don't talk to me. You do NOTHING, but LEAVE. Understood?"
The tears that I've been blinking away now form in the corners of my eyes.
"Understood?"
I nod. It's all I can do. My whole body is trembling now. I've never seen him like this.
He opens his mouth again but swallows first in an attempt to get his breathing under control.
"Don't ever come back to me."
His voice is dark and cold.
"Because I won't be here waiting."
Thank you for reading! I'd love to hear what you thought about this!
(Preview for next chapter: Will made a decision about the blue plastic bag that leads him back to Alicia's apartment!)