Love Struck Delusion
Chapter 23 – No One Else May Claim It's Reward.
Raptor's POV, Rebellion Ops Center.
Marx had gone outside for a while, leaving me with Wreak who continued to watch the TV; listening for the sound of war to come.
As we sat, I couldn't help but think of everything that was going on. Everything I was giving up to do this. I knew it would come one way or another but I couldn't imagine what I was putting my family and friends through for my dumb war.
"You okay man?" Asked Wreak who had taken notice of my lost face.
Keeping my eyes forward, I asked.
"Do you really want this Wreak?"
"What do you mean Raptor?" He wondered as I explained.
"This war? You're not in this just because I told you to be right?"
Placing his hand on my back he replied.
"Dude, you didn't make me do anything. This war I want for my own reasons. Everyone has their own. Mine are simply for the fact I can't stand waking up and getting bullied for things I almost died to get twelve years ago. I want G.U.N out of our land and out of our business. You didn't make me Raptor. I choose this. Why? What's wrong? Why do you care? Talk to me man."
Looking over to his direction, I slowly stated.
"I just don't want anyone to do this if their not serious. If they only join for me I wouldn't know how to handle anyone else dying."
"Raptor man I know this is going to sound harsh but you're being selfish."
"What?" I questioned as Wreak turned his body to face me.
"Here's how I see it. Everyone has a reason we all can agree on that. But not everyone will be able to push themselves to do this kind of thing with just that. You're the new leader of the rebellion. You might be that reason that this person chooses to act instead of watch any longer. If they die, like it or not, they died for you and the rebellion. You can't avoid that. It's just bound to happen at some point."
"So what do I do when it happens?" I asked as he shook his head.
"I don't know bro. I guess we'll just have to wait and see when it happens. Hopefully it never will, but if and when it does, I'll be here for you. Archer, Marx, this new chick we picked up. We'll all be here for you man. And not just because you're our leader. Because you're our friend."
Giving me a strong smile, I nodded slowly and looked back the other way towards the door. Wreak then lost his smile and asked.
"You'll be fine Raptor. I promise you that man."
"Yeah." I said with a loss for more words as he watched me suddenly get up from the couch to head for the door.
As I opened it, I ran straight into Marx who had lowered his cell phone.
"Where you going? You need to rest." He stated as he placed his hand on my shoulder to try and guide me back inside.
"Don't touch me!" I ordered him directly as he instantly pulled back. Wreak was caught off guard and slowly got on his feet as I stared Marx in the eyes.
"I'll be back later. Don't call me. That goes for all of you."
Pushing my way past the startled cat, I made haste for my car and onto the road.
It was going on ten o'clock. The sun was on it's way up and I needed to go out. Get some fresh air.
As I now drove through the city, I decided it was best to stop at Ron's. The second I entered I was looked at by more then a few bar patrons who knew me.
To my better care of cover, I still had Shadow's M1911 at my side in it's holster.
"Raptor!" Shouted Ron as he took notice to me standing by the door.
"Come in! Come in! What can I get you?" He asked in more charm then usual as I made my way towards the nearest booth.
"Just a beer." I replied as I took my seat.
Getting settled in my spot, I calmly pulled out Shadow's gun and placed it next to me on the table for all to see.
Keeping my eyes down as Ron got my drink, I took notice to who was watching me. I can't blame them. The gun? The blood on my shirt? Probably my smell and a hundred other reasons.
A couple foxes stared at me from a booth in the back and a few hedgehog and echidnas from the front. But who stared the hardest was a group of wolves by the front window to the shop. They talk among themselves as I was finally approached by Ron who gave me my beer.
Cracking it open, Ron took a seat across from me to ask.
"How you feeling? Can't say you looked too good when I last saw you."
Taking a chug of my drink I replied.
"I'm sore as hell. But I'll live. How about you?"
"Things have been picking up the last few hours since the "rebellion" showed up at my doorstep."
"What do you mean?" I asked as he got close.
"Wreak put out an open invitation before you guys left with Hunter. Told me to give any loyal patriots his number so they could join up with you guys. Is it true though man? Are you really doing this again? What happened to no more fighting? Alicia can't be okay with this."
"She's not. But I don't care. This is for the better of our country."
"But man, your family...?" Cutting him off I shouted in anger.
"My family doesn't matter!"
My loud voice got everyone's ears as I tried my best to calm down.
"My family doesn't matter. What I'm doing is for them and I don't care if they approve. In the end this war will help my kids grow up to be happy. That's all I care about and I will gladly die for it. Commander Shadow Robotnik wasn't even a homebody. He came to this country. Fought in this country. Died in this country. He went through three wars. The war for Afghanistan. The war for Pakistan. And the war in his mind. He went through hell just so we could be happy and free. So many followed and so many died for twelve years of just that. And now that he's gone G.U.N is taking it all away. I won't let that just happen!" I stated with force as Ron and everyone looked and listened to me.
"So yeah, I'm going to war with G.U.N! I'm going to fight for everything Commander Shadow Robotnik died for! And I won't stop till WE are All free again!"
Silence was swoop across the room as I went to take another drink.
Just as it was about to hit my lips, I heard someone clapping from the counter.
Focusing my attention, I looked to see a small hedgehog clapping with his eyes locked on me. As his efforts continued, others began to join in. soon enough there was cheering and shouting. Ron smiled as I slowly raised my beer to the attention.
After a couple more shouts and claps, I was given more then that by a young voice from behind me.
"Excuse me sir!" His voice held strong as he got my attention.
Slowly turning my head, I noticed the wolves were standing up behind him.
"We've all been talking about this for a long time. Mostly just us pretending we would fight back against G.U.N. But now we're ready to do it for real sir. We want to join the rebellion."
In disbelief, I took another chug of my beer and set it down on the table. Taking Shadow's gun and getting on my feet, I approached the young leader and his friends.
My height was a little more then he expected and as I stood over him, I noticed he began to shake.
"Relax." I urged him as I placed my hand under his chin to get a look into his eyes.
Solid blue eyes and dark black fur.
"How old are you?"
"Twenty sir." He replied as I nodded.
"By the time I was your age kid I was in charge of Pakistan special forces and leading the Capital over there till Commander Robotnik took over. Why should I accept you in my ranks? What makes you think you aren't just getting all your friends here killed tomorrow?"
The question I thought would rattle him, but in a strong voice he replied in confidence.
"Because I know where I stand sir, and so do all my friends. We would gladly die for our country like any good citizen if it meant we could be free again. Even if it was only for another twelve years."
Surprised by his answer, I looked to his three friends.
"You would follow him? You would trust him with your lives?"
"Yes sir." They all replied as I looked back to the young kid before me.
"What's your name?"
"Char." He replied as I wondered.
"Got any training?"
"No sir."
"Any of you?" I asked to be sure as I looked up at his friends.
Each one shook their heads as I looked back to Char.
"Normally the people I take in I need to know can watch not only my back, but the rebellion as a whole. But for some reason kid, I like you."
Pointing to Ron, I ordered.
"When I leave you get Wreak's number from him. Consider Wreak your captain. He will be in charge of training all of you. He's by far one of the most capable soldiers alive today. You give him the utmost respect and I promise you'll go far in this war. Far enough to see the end. Do you understand me?" I asked the lot of them as they all replied.
"Yes sir."
"Anyone else who want's to join the war effort. You do the same thing. We need all of you to step up now more then ever. Iraq is on it's way to being ours again. But we can't do it alone. So don't just sit by, join the rebellion. Join me. And help me liberate this country once more."
Looking to Ron as he smiled, I ordered.
"Make sure everyone here who wants to join, joins. I'll be in touch."
"Not a problem Raptor. Good luck."
Nodding as I looked back down to the shaking wolf, I offered him my hand. Gripping it as best he could, I said.
"Don't make me regret this. I have a lot at stake. Not just my life."
"You won't sir." He replied as I released him to head for the door.
Making my way back to my car, I got in to think about what to do next. Wreak would be getting phone calls soon, and I hope he's prepared to do more then watch TV.
Slowly restarting my car, I figured I needed something more then anything else.
Hitting the road in speed, I proceeded to the location to get out and approach the door in a matter of minutes.
Stopping before it in utter confusion of why I was here, I slowly knocked.
"Knock! Knock! Knock!"
It took no more then a few seconds when the door began to open. Behind it stood Dr. Clamer. His eyes were surprised to see me. It was clear most of that shock was for my appearance alone.
"Raptor? What are you doing here?" He asked as I wondered.
"Can we start a session? I...want to talk."
Dr. Clamer nodded slowly as he continued to look me over.
"What happened to our last session? Something important must have come up if I wasn't even given a phone call Raptor."
My eyes carefully made contact with him, and in a bit of shyness I replied.
"It was of the utmost importance I swear doc. I had every intention of coming to the session. But things got complected. But I'm here now."
"That you are. Well there is no point in me keeping you here. Come on in. Have a seat." Urged Dr. Clamer as I proceeded through the door and by him.
Approaching the couch I was so use too, I gently took my seat and waited as Dr. Clamer pulled up his chair and pad from his nearby desk. After taking his seat across from me, he asked.
"So before we get started I want to ask you something. And I want you to know whatever is said in this office stays in this office. It's a strict code I'm bound too. Doctor patient confidentiality."
Nodding my head I wondered.
"What?"
"As you came to me just now, I can't help but notice the blood on your shirt and the gun behind your back. Care to explain?"
I didn't know what to say and Clamer knew it.
"It may sound silly to you Raptor but I take my job seriously. Whatever you did or whatever happened to you will not leave this office I promise you. This is the kind of point we meet when our intentions need to be trusted. You have to believe I'm trustworthy. Hell Raptor you came here on your own intentions. You must want to talk about this or something near close. So please trust me. I'm not meant to hinder you." Stated Dr. Clamer as I let out a long breath of hot air.
"You won't approve doc." I stated as he shook his head near immediately.
"Approving your actions isn't my job or my care Raptor. I'm here to listen and help you through them. Now please, explain."
Placing the cups of my hands under my chin, I said.
"After our last session I went to the airport."
"Why the airport?" Wondered Clamer as I explained.
"G.U.N was sending a diplomat to the capital to sign over Commander Shadow Robotnik's peace treaty. It would have given G.U.N all rights to our lives and I couldn't live to know that would happen if I didn't take action."
Nodding slowly, Clamer replied.
"I heard that diplomat never made it to the capital. Should I assume something or someone involved themselves with an act they so very much want to forget?"
Nodding I replied.
"I couldn't stop myself doc. Knowing that if I didn't do something and having the world reflect on that because of me; would have eaten away at me for the rest of my life. I can't just stand by and watch. It needed to be done. And I was the only one able to do it.
"How did you do it Raptor?" Asked Clamer as I pulled out the M1911 to place it on the table between us. Dr. Clamer looked it over to ask.
"Is that yours?"
Shaking my head I replied.
"It's Shadow's. He owned this weapon during the war. It was also the weapon that took his life."
"May I?" He wondered as he urged himself to reach for it.
"Go ahead doc." I replied as he picked it up.
Running his hands along the gun's frame, I watched in disgust for myself as he slowly pointed it at me. My eyes widened as he asked.
"You shot the diplomat alone?" He asked as I stared down it's barrel.
Calmly shaking my head I added.
"And three soldiers. All in the head. It was made quick doc. They didn't suffer."
Nodding as he continued to aim at me, Dr. Clamer then wondered.
"What makes you think they didn't suffer? Because you shot them in the head? Little be known Raptor that you didn't kill their soul. Like it or not, once dead we all suffer in some form. How did it feel pulling the trigger?"
"Necessary." I replied as his eyes looked to my chest.
Slowly lowering the gun, Dr. Clamer asked.
"How were you hurt?"
Looking to my wound I replied.
"I was shot."
"How?" Wondered Clamer as I shook my head slowly to reply.
"It wouldn't make sense doc. I need to tell you everything."
"Then go ahead Raptor." Urged Clamer as I watched him rest the gun on his lap.
"After the diplomat was dealt with. I proceeded to gather my closest friends. Wreak, who was once a soldier for the rebellion special ops. Archer who I've told you about already. And my friend Marx who is also a doctor. A great one in fact. He's the only reason I didn't die."
Giving me a confused look, Dr. Clamer questioned.
"He's the only reason? Raptor don't you think your mind played a role? One can't live on medicine alone. More then likely you were in the process of remembering. The process of not wanting to die because you have something more important to live for. What was it?"
Hesitating I replied.
"My kids."
"What about Alicia?"
"I don't know." I replied as he then asked.
"Why not?"
"Things have just gotten complicated doc like I said. She doesn't approve of what I'm doing, but I know it's for the best."
"And what is it your doing Raptor?"
Looking into his eyes, I replied.
"I'm leading the rebellion. I'm trying to take back the middle east."
Dr. Clamer stared at me understanding as I leaned back in the couch with a tear rolling down my right eye.
"I'm fighting the world again. And this time with less people, less power, less ability. I'm against everything. Even my own family. And the worst part is I don't feel bad killing again because of it. I don't even feel bad leaving my wife and my kids to pursue it. I just feel that if I somehow pull this off it will not only be a moral victory or a personal victory. It will be a new start for all of us. And that's all I want for my children. I fresh start so they can have a good life. Even if I'm gone at the end of it."
Dr. Clamer focused on my words to reply.
"That's deep. You must feel confident in this decision Raptor."
"I do feel confident."
"So what's wrong?"
"I just don't know how to cope with it all again."
"Raptor we have been through this before. You can't cope with war. You can only fight in it. This choice that you are making is of a high cost. But if you feel so strong about it you should be confident you're capable of doing it. These emotions can't hinder you or they will interfere with you. Do you want to fight in this war? Do you want to be the person who brings back freedom to the middle east?" Asked Clamer in all seriousness as I nodded.
"Yes. I do."
"Then you need to find that common ground with your own moral standards. You want this war, but you also want everything else. That can not be Raptor. You can do everything to be a part of the family you started. But we both know it's impossible. This war has to be your main concern. Your giving up your wife and your kids for the better of them. That should be enough to convince you your still being a good husband and father figure to them. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
His intentions to convince me were commendable. Plus I did understand.
"I just...it's a weird feeling knowing that."
"It's just a feeling your going to have live with Raptor. Unless you decide today it's best not to fight for what you want. But to be honest I would be very disappointed."
"Why?" I asked in confusion as he looked into my eyes.
"I want you to find a calling. I've known you for a while and from past sessions I believe you've been lost without a means to move forward. No matter how dangerous this war is your trying to fight; I can see you really want it. Even if your upset with yourself you at least understand and are happy with the outcome your trying to get. Maybe in time you'll even see that as a reason to keep going. Knowing that what your doing is not only good for your kids, but thousands of others."
"But I do see that doc." I stated as he looked at me sideways.
"No you don't. Your here because you don't know how to feel about your family and your place fighting. You wouldn't need to come see me if you already understood that your actions are helping thousands. Not just your kids. And personally Raptor your relationship with Alicia is for not me to say. If you want to keep her you need to find a way to talk to her. Not as an enemy but as a husband once more. Like you did when Shadow was still in your life. In a way, him being dead has also killed you. Are you convinced your still that same guy?"
Lowering my head I replied.
"No."
Gently handing me back Shadow's gun he replied.
"This is what we need to work on. We need to now focus on finding what made you happy. But first you need to stop fighting your own emotions. Come to terms Raptor. Your making the right call. You probably just need to hear it from Alicia."
Nodding my head I stated.
"I think your right doc. Maybe all I need to do is hear it from her. Maybe knowing she approves and will be there for me will settle this matter."
Smiling Dr. Clamer asked.
"Is there anything else on your mind Raptor?"
With my eyes still down to him in thought, I slowly looked up to see Shadow sitting in his seat.
With a lost expression I replied.
"No."
Giving me a wide smile, Shadow replied.
"Then do me a favor and come back and see me soon. I want to keep in touch with you. This war breaks a lot of men Raptor. Even someone like me."
Slowly he began to laugh. The voice hitting my ears was enough to make me begin to shake. As it grew louder I blinked and Dr. Clamer was there staring at me in confusion.
"Are you okay?"
With sweat running down my face I replied.
"I don't know."
Please leave a review and let me know what you think. Thanks Misty for keeping in touch. :)
mT Shadow.