"Happiness consists not of having, but of being; not of possessing, but of enjoying. It is a warm glow of the heart at peace with itself. A martyr at the stake may have happiness that a king on his throne might envy. Man is the creator of his own happiness. It is the aroma of life, lived in harmony with high ideals. For what a man has he may be dependent upon others; what he is rests with him alone." Richard O. McKay
"I wondered what it could be, what... what my true happiness could even look like. I never found an answer because the one thing I want is something I know I can't have," Castiel's grave voice echoed from the television screen. Arthur stilled when he felt Merlin's grip on his arm becoming tighter.
He raised an eyebrow and glanced at the warlock sitting besides him, but Merlin's eyes were still fixed on the screen, and he was chewing his bottom lip anxiously. The former king smiled at the sight. Then, the television - such a funny name for a box that could emit lights and sounds, Arthur thought; modern technologies still confused him - caught his attention again.
"...but I think I know now happiness isn't in the having. It's in just being. "
"Oh my god, they're doing it, they're doing it," chanted the warlock softly.
"...doing what?"
Merlin shushed him, and yet, the raven haired man unconsciously pressed his body closer to Arthur. The blonde snorted, rolling his eyes fondly.
.
It was one of their regular television nights. Merlin was adamant to bring Arthur up to date with the current technologies and pop culture references, so that meant there were nights when they were simply content laying on the couch and watching the television.
Five months ago, Arthur found himself standing on the lakeshore feeling like he'd just woken up from a long sleep after what happened in Camlann. Merlin was there, in his ridiculous old man disguise, so Arthur's first reaction after seeing his magical manservant was to laugh at him. He'd expected Merlin to scowl and tease back, but the warlock just gaped at him in shock, changed back into his young form with a flash of golden eyes, and then - to Arthur's shock and confusion - Merlin just burst into tears.
.
It was so much later that Arthur learned a millennium and half had passed, and Merlin had been waiting for him for that long. It was a whole different world: Camelot was nothing but a legend now, everyone and everything they knew had passed. Only Merlin was left. Merlin, who suffered through the passings of every single person he loved, who was there when Camelot eventually fell - and for all his powers, he still could not fight the course of history - and was only holding on to a sliver of hope that Arthur would come back, that Arthur would need him when he came back, and thus he endured.
.
The former king still couldn't fathom what Merlin had done, the depth of pure loyalty Merlin had gifted him - because who would be idiotic enough to wait for thousands of years alone - certainly only Merlin. So they had tentatively fallen back to the banter and fond teasing they had before - and in Arthur's part, it was because he was desperate for some form of normalcy and familiarity.
It wasn't easy reconciling just before your death that your best friend was an all-powerful warlock who had protected you and the kingdom in secret for years... and now, this - a fast forward to an age so drastically different than Camelot. And that he was actually resurrected and given a second chance in life.
Merlin had of course complied dutifully, if not a bit dejectedly. They had been cooped up inside Merlin's flat, waiting for any possible calamity which could be the reason why Arthur rose again; but mostly, it was them trying to adjust to their new reality. Merlin, who was sometimes still having trouble believing Arthur's presence; and Arthur, who was still reconciling this Merlin with the Merlin he remembered and, dare he said it, loved.
So yes, television nights pseudo-bonding worked out for them, albeit tentatively.
.
To be perfectly honest, Arthur sort of found the brunette's determination to make him, the former king of Camelot, watch his silly television shows to be equally ridiculous and endearing. Merlin had been fifteen seasons deep - why do modern people categorise shows into seasons as if they are a harvest, he'd wondered - into this show called Supernatural, and apparently, that meant a mind-boggling fifteen years of investment. A short amount of time for Merlin certainly, but to Arthur, they were more than the amount of years he'd been king.
The action on the TV intensified and the man besides Arthur started muttering anxiously.
"No, no, no, no..."
"You know, ever since we met and ever since I pulled you out of Hell, knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam. I cared about Jack. I cared about the whole world because of you."
The Castiel character on the screen got increasingly teary-eyed as he earnestly said the words to the hunter. Arthur, inadvertently, found himself also transfixed at the screen, tensing in anticipation, because something...something big was about to happen and he could feel it.
He might have been humouring Merlin when his warlock made him watch this show, but that didn't mean he could not see that something yet undefined had been developing between Dean and Cas.
Something undefined...
Much like him and Merlin. No longer king and manservant, bound by destiny but it was ultimately their choices that brought them here, reunited despite death and the long torturous 1500 years of waiting.
"You changed me, Dean."
"Why does this sound like a goodbye?"
"Because it is. I love you."
.
Merlin gasped, clutching Arthur's arm like a lifeline.
"Arthur... they're canon. Oh my god, they made Destiel canon after twelve years and then...and then-"
"-then they bloody killed the angel man!" roared Arthur angrily, equally invested as the tearful warlock who was laying on the couch besides him. "How is that even fair? Dean didn't even say I love you back!"
"But Arthur," said Merlin, a smile on his face despite the tears starting to form around his eyes, "Cas said his truth. He died happy knowing Dean is safe and loved. It's a beautiful ending to his character."
"No, that can't be it, right? Tell me there's more," muttered the former king heatedly. "Surely, Cas deserves to hear it back after twelve years of waiting on Dean."
"Twelve years, one hundred years, one thousand and five hundred years.. surely that's hardly a difference when happiness is not in the having," quoted Merlin, eyes shining bright. His warlock was truly a sentimental fool. "...but in the being in love. I've waited 1500 years for you, Arthur. I'd know."
.
"Merlin, is this your way of saying you love me? Like Cas loved Dean?"
The warlock's eyes widened, huge blue eyes staring back at him with something akin to terror, much like when he confessed the secret about his magic all those years ago. Unlike Cas, Merlin most likely would not say the word outright, but unlike Dean, Arthur could see it in every action Merlin had taken, in every sacrifice, and...
If Cas could bear waiting on Dean for twelve years, what did it say about Merlin who had waited on Arthur for more than a thousand years?
"Prat," Merlin said with a tight smile. "As if you need one more person to be in love with you so you'll keep that big head of yours-"
"Mer-lin," Arthur interrupted with a slight roll of his eyes. His hand found its way to the smaller man's shoulder, keeping both of them in close proximity despite Merlin's flustered attempt to avert his eyes. "Dean should've said it back to Cas."
"No, I can understand," Merlin murmured in a low voice, now staring at Arthur intensely. "He didn't get the chance to say it back before Cas is gone."
Their faces seemed so close now. "Such a missed chance then, to be able to find love and have it taken away before you get the chance to have it, and then what?"
"Well," Merlin's voice was just a mere whisper, "And then you'll wait, because maybe-maybe the most wonderful thing about love is not just about having it. I've loved you for so long, Arthur- and...and," the raven smiled shyly, eyes brimming with affection, "that was enough for me."
"Merlin...," Arthur felt his breath hitch, and all of a sudden his chest felt tight with all the affections and carefully-buried feelings he'd had for the most loyal and the bravest man he'd ever met. "We've been given a second chance, haven't we? I'm not going to be the fool who'd miss another chance to say it to you."
"Arthur?"
"I love you too." Arthur swallowed seeing the stunned look on Merlin's face. " Do you.." he began hesitantly, "still find it in your heart to have me even after such a long wait?"
"You absolute clotpole," Merlin beamed beatifically. "Of course I do, Arthur. How could you think any differently?"
"Good, because I've been waiting to do this."
.
And with that, Arthur pulled his warlock into his arms and gently pressed his lips to Merlin's. Merlin made a sound of happiness before he too eagerly gave in to the kiss - his warm body melting perfectly into Arthur's, like they were two pieces of a puzzle, two sides of the same coins. All the pains of waiting and longing melted away at that moment - there was no kingdom or the world to be saved for now; those could wait later. Right now, Arthur finally had his warlock safe and sound in his arms. His heart was thundering but yet, it was at peace at the same time, content with being with the only person who challenged and completed him like none other.
Despite everything that had been thrown at them, they were reunited and together, even if it had taken 1500 and more years of wait. But such was the nature of love, wasn't it? It transcended the boundary of time and space, even beyond the human needs of possessing it. A love that could make an angel fall for a hunter; a love that could make a warlock fall for a king; a love that could save the world from the apocalypse; a love that could save a kingdom from a magic-hating tyranny; a love that was capable to make someone be selflessly content without having it, and make a man endure for thousands of years on a tiny, intangible hope.
.
Dean Winchester might have missed his chance with his angel.
Arthur Pendragon, however, will be damned if he let his warlock go.
.
end.
DESTIEL IS CANON AHHHHH! I used to be in SPN fandom before quitting, but I came back on the 5th of November to watch what was advertised to be Castiel's last episode *cries*. I never expected them to make Destiel canon after all these years oh my god. Twitter and tumblr sort of exploded that night, and it was truly one of the most surreal moments of my life.
Destiel just pulled a Merthur on us (but in reverse), didn't they? :')
I just needed to write this fic to vent and to draw the many parallels between Merthur and Destiel.
Please let me know what you think :D Have you been freaking out about canon destiel too? Is the Merthur too cheesy here? (I miss writing action sequences lmao.. pure romance is honestly not my forte)
PS: I am also currently working for the epilogue of Swords and Lionhearts, as well as the ending for Acceptance. I apologise for the delay :') I have a thesis defense upcoming so I'm multitasking that too hahaha.