"So," Hamegg asked from the passenger's seat. "Which kid of yours is this?"
They had been out on the road for about 45 minutes, with 11 AM rapidly approaching. Lamp was proud of the good time he was making, so much so that his eyes remained locked on the road ahead. He dug into his blazer pocket, grabbed his wallet, and tossed it to Hamegg's lap.
Hamegg picked it up and held it to his face, theatrically batting his eyes. "For me? Aw, how generous, ol' buddy!"
"No, smartass, open it. Look at my photos."
Hamegg did as ordered, snapping the leather wallet open. An accordion of plastic photos streamed out with a butterfly-like flapping sound. Hamegg tutted, furrowing his brow as he studied the photos. Six kids, at least two of his ex-wives, and a new girlfriend.
"God, you must spend a ton at Christmas," he said.
"Second photo from the top," Lamp continued. "My second oldest, Milda. She's having an all-weekend sweet sixteen."
"Aw, cute," Hamegg cooed genuinely.
"I've been on the phone with her yesterday, but you know I'd rather be there. I'm coming by with a pair of Pablo Riviera shoes for her. I wired her mother enough money to buy her a convertible, so she should h-"
Hamegg whistled, stunned. He exclaimed, "Hundred-dollar heels and a stinkin' car! And you couldn't foot my bill at the burger joint yesterday?!"
"Well, call me up when you have your sweet thirty-nine, Egg, and I'll buy you a burger."
"That's not the point!"
Lamp was suddenly distracted, staring out at the hood of the car. Both men fell into a tense silence. The heady smell of burning plastic started to seep in through the air vents.
"Stop the car," Hamegg started to sputter. "Stop the damn car!"
Lamp frantically shouted, "We can't! We've got five hours to go!"
"Stop the car already, Ace! This is a problem!"
Lamp messily pulled over to the side of the road and yanked out the keys. The aerocar came to rest on the ground with a less than gentle thud, and Hamegg scrambled out of the car in a tangle of limbs. With jittery hands, he flung open the hood and peered in. A thin stream of opaque grey smoke trailed out of the centre of the aerocar's workings. Hamegg immediately identified the damage and hissed like a stabbed man, clapping a hand to his face.
Lamp could hear the agonized sound, and yelled out, "What's wrong?!"
"The carburetor is pooched," Hamegg wailed. "The digital regulator must've overheated!"
The words sunk slowly and painfully into Lamp's head, and his face twisted in frustration. He howled a stream of profanities and slammed a fist into the centre of the wheel, sending a squealing horn honk out into the empty highway.
Almost empty. Lamp snapped to attention and shuffled out of the car, searching for Hamegg. The gangly man lay on the gravel-dusted roadside, dazed from the blast of sound.
"S-Sorry, buddy," Lamp sputtered quietly.
Hamegg struggled a grin. He replied, "Va bene."
Lamp pulled Hamegg off the ground and dusted off his plaid suit. They stood together at the side of the highway, swamped in a mutual feeling of nervousness, at the side of the empty, dusty Highway 173.
"You think, uh..." Hamegg looked around, grinning nervously. "...Maybe one of those robot maintenance crews might come by, maybe?"
"We can't just stand around and wait for one." Lamp pulled out a cigarette, biting into it bitterly. "We're just outside Fujimi Village. There's nothing there but abandoned buildings and a podunk gas station."
Hamegg lifted a hand and suddenly froze. His eyes widened more than Lamp had ever seen before, and Hamegg breathed in, jittery with joy as he frantically snapped his fingers.
He began to yelp, "Oh! Oh! Oh! Lamp! Lamp!"
"...You're not having a breakdown, are you?"
"No! No!" Hamegg grabbed Lamp's shoulders, shaking him. "Skunk's new hideout is out here!"
Pieces clicked together in the beefier man's head. He pulled the cigarette from his mouth and breathed, "Really?"
"Y-Yeah! He and I still write each other," Hamegg squealed, stepping back. "And he's hiding out here! The man owns gobs of cars! We can still make it to Belvidere!"
Lamp felt his joy overflow and he shouted, "Ham! I could kiss you!"
"What's stoppin' you?!" Hamegg grabbed Lamp's collar and yanked him into a loud, high-pressure kiss. He sprung back, skipping back to the car. "I'll give Skunk a call!"
Hamegg and Lamp had met Skunk Kusai in their youth, in business college, of all places. The three were vastly different – a meek ball of nerves, a wealthy military brat, and a former high school delinquent – but the three clicked together so well that even the boys were surprised. They had gotten along so well, in fact, that they'd managed to pay for their programs through fantastic early heists.
In the end, Lamp graduated as a B student, eager to turn his degree into a gateway to some bureaucratic crime. Hamegg had just barely made it out of the program alive, between the crushing exam stress and being bored with his assignments. However, Skunk had coasted effortlessly through college and almost disappeared from the boys' lives a year after. Lamp and Hamegg had only been given a promise from Skunk that he'd "finally get the mob together."
My God, Lamp thought years later. He really did it.
He and Hamegg were being escorted up the road in a cherry red aerohauler truck. Lamp's car was secured in the back, being picked at by a few of Skunk's handier men. Meanwhile, the duo sat in the van front, shoved in with their belongings and the van driver. He was silent and hulking, his hair long and shabby, smirking absentmindedly as he chewed on the end of a toothpick.
"So, uh..." Lamp began. "What's your name, young man?"
"Ox," he said, not taking his eyes off the road.
"Do you, er, have a real name?"
"Sure do, and you're not gettin' it," Ox growled.
Lamp sunk nervously back into his seat.
They drove into the husk of a cement factory on the other edge of Fujimi Village. Lamp and Hamegg were escorted by a pair of henchmen into the building's main hall. It was a dusty, ugly old packaging room, with pool tables and new lights added to give it the faintest feeling of home. A familiar figure in a black suit stood by a card table up ahead, overlooking an ongoing pool game.
"Long time no see," Skunk called out, his back to the incoming group. "A busted carburetor, I hear."
He turned to face them with a drink in hand; it couldn't have been any later than 11:30 AM. Skunk was a tall, mysterious man, with naturally sickly-coloured skin and an equally natural smirk. He seemed tailored by nature to be the country's most sinister-looking mob boss, but for Hamegg and Lamp, he was always a sight for sore eyes.
"Skunk, you glorious bastard!" Lamp boomed, rushing forward to the card table. "You're a godsend!"
"Sure am. I can loan you boys a car..." Skunk began pouring another tumbler of whiskey. "...I've got another carburetor kicking around, but it's in a pile of crap somewhere. Who wants a drink?"
Hamegg slithered up to the table, accepting the tumbler. "I'll be commandeerin' this one. Lamp's driving, y'know."
Skunk nodded in approval. He turned to Lamp, asking, "You got a car preference?"
"Not really..." Lamp knew he sounded bashful. "You're already doing us such a favour here."
"Well, I'll send you out with this little white coupe I've got. Just fuelled it up and everything." Skunk sat down at the table, putting his feet up on its edge. "Should be tasteful enough to take to your kid's party, too."
Hamegg sighed. "A coupe sounds pretty cozy, too."
Skunk's eyes darted between the two, adding, "Heh, you got a honeymoon on the itinerary too?"
"Well, I wouldn't mi-" Hamegg managed, before Lamp's hand clamped over his mouth.
The mood in the room around had relaxed, with the sound of pool balls clacking against each other echoing pleasantly through the room. Hamegg seemed to inhale his drink, and then slammed it down on the tabletop with a victorious hoot. One man by the pool table applauded.
"Hey, whoa, take it easy, Ham," Skunk said, stern, but in a semi-drunk kind of way. "Don't get too wild. You've gotta go get that job."
Hamegg sunk sheepishly into his chair. "R-Right."
"But come back when you get it, and I'll take you for a real night on the town, you feel me?" Skunk smirked, not wanting to keep him down for long.
"Right! And we'll try out some old tricks, too!" Hamegg exclaimed with a wink, pointing his hand like a gun.
Lamp watched, feeling nostalgic and almost a little ashamed. He didn't like to admit where he'd gotten his first financial headstart, but he also couldn't deny how fun the old heists had been. The sound of a slow moving aerocar brought Lamp out from his thoughts, and he turned around. A coupe indeed, an off-white little two-door, was being driven into the main hall. It wasn't too flashy but it wasn't ugly either. Skunk knew Lamp's sense of style.
"There's your loaner, guys!" Skunk said as he refilled his drink. "We'll have the carburetor worked out by the time you get to town."
The three strolled over to the coupe. Ox pulled his bulky body out of the driver's seat, turning to toss Lamp the keys. Meanwhile, Hamegg whistled affectionately upon finally seeing the coupe up close.
"Niiice," he cooed. "We'll bring it back with a full tank of gas!"
"Just don't dent her or fool around in it, and we're even." Skunk clapped an approving hand on Hamegg's shoulder. "Now go get your asses to town."
"So tell me again about the wives..." Hamegg was looking through the photos in Lamp's wallet once more. "...I've known you for twenty years and even I can't keep track."
"You can't keep track of your own shoes," Lamp hissed, biting into his cigarette. They had two hours to go, and they'd together burned through two packs of cigarettes out of sheer nervousness. Cycling the air from outside had managed to help a tad in providing useable oxygen.
"Rude," Hamegg hissed back at his partner. "Just tell me the story. Maybe I can get a nap out of it."
Lamp flicked the end of yet another cigarette out the window, sighing, "Fine. So, Zephyra was my first wife. She was a tall, blonde Greek with a rack you could perform Shakespeare on. Married her right out of college. You were the best man, remember?"
"How could I forget?"
"Yeah! We had Eva and Milda. When they were young, Zephyra and I started fighting more often, and I didn't want the kids to be around that, so..."
"Ah." Hamegg had been joking about a nap, but he really was feeling his eyelids grow heavier. Lamp's voice could be particularly soothing to listen to when the bigger man was in a relaxed mood.
"So then you and I fooled around a bit, I went to work in America, and then I met Frances. You never met her, but everybody called her Fanny." Lamp thought about the woman for a second, pausing on a breath. "Bright red hair. She was an exotic dancer in Pacific Palisades. We had Greta, and Fanny's body was still a solid 10 after the baby. We had to split up because of wo-"
Hamegg made a snorting noise, one Lamp almost thought was a jeer at first, until he turned to see the smaller man had fallen asleep. He sighed in annoyance as he pulled the cigarette out of Hamegg's mouth and put it into his own.
"Moron..." Lamp grumbled. "...Could've burned down the damn car..."