HEYYY GUYS! I'm back from my extremely long hiatus, and I am SO SORRY FOR THAT. I've been reading the comments I got and it seriously made me so happy to see how many people encouraged me to continue writing.
I'm just gonna take this moment to thank all the people who stuck to this story for all these years. You guys are so sweet and you make me so happy :)
Before I continue I want to make some things clear right now: when I published this story, I was really young and ignorant. I wrote it with some parts of the characters personalities in mind, so I get why many people say that the abuse was inaccurate. Valentine to me was a psychopathic/sociopathic figure, and I wanted to portray that part of him through my story. Honestly, I should've been more clear about it...but when it comes to the other parts of the story (i.e. depression, bullying, etc.), I based it off of the way I felt when I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression.
Over the past three years or so, I have matured greatly. I'm healing, and I want to tell other people out there like me that when you feel alone, there's absolutely nothing that can change your mind unless you try discovering the reasons behind your mental state. Coming from someone who was heavily medicated and isolated from everything at some point, I just want to let you all know that your hurt is yours alone. Your pain, sadness, and anger is what makes you who you are today, because they are all responses to events in your life.
I feel like a sage at this point LOL but to wrap it up, I want you to know that if you feel alone, I am living proof of someone who recovered from that. Everything you go through is recoverable believe it or not, because the only thing stopping you from achieving happiness at that point is yourself.
Show yourself compassion and be kind to your mental health. The stigma in the mental health community is atrocious, but when you overcome that and focus on what's right in front of you, I guarantee that your journey to self-discovery will be easier.
I'm totally rambling, but I just wanted to get it off my chest :) Anywho, this story needs to wrap up, so let's just get right into it!
Senior year went by in a blur, and for the most part, everything was relatively normal. Clary was able to spend more time with her mother and Jon, which made them ecstatic - it felt like they could move on as a family after the events that had happened in the past years.
However, things weren't that easy. At the Institute, Clary went to therapy daily, and in her sessions, it was extremely difficult for her to do one thing: letting go. The intense emotions that dwelled inside of her were so violent at some point that it almost took over her psyche, but now that she was able to live with them, Clary had the time to understand why she felt the way she did.
It was exhausting to be afraid of the consequences of letting people into her life. The constant doubt she felt was worrying, and Clary knew that if she didn't make a decision, she wouldn't be able to move on with her life.
During Christmas, she made a decision. No matter how she looked at it, she needed to sit down and talk to the Lightwoods and Simon. The idea occurred to her days after the first day of school, but Clary's anxiety made it difficult to trust that she could handle what they would talk about.
In the end, she called Oliver and talked to him about her idea. He was nothing but supportive, and her best friend's encouragement along with her family's led her to sit down with the people who hurt her the most.
It was a long, long conversation. Isabelle was so emotional throughout the whole thing that it was hard for her to talk, and the others didn't fare any better. The guilt had been plaguing them, and Clary knew that this wasn't going to be an easy thing to do. Over a period of a week, the five teens sat down and had honest heart-to-heart talks about the things that had been done to the redhead, who was surprisingly calm throughout the whole ordeal.
At the end, they forged a bond that was unlike any other. They were all vulnerable, and with every part of their life displayed openly, it was no secret that lots of tears were spilt. Clary felt like a massive weight had been lifted off of her chest: she had gotten exposure, voiced her honest opinions, and asked why she had been treated the way she was.
This was by no means easy, but it was the necessary thing to do. Thinking back to what her ex-bullies had said to her on the first day of school, Clary felt that giving them a chance to be her friend was dangerous, and it would continue to be so. There was no guarantee that this was all one, big facade, but she decided to take a leap of faith.
It was worth it.
Senior year was finally over, and when it was time to graduate, Clary was able to build a foundation for a good friendship with Isabelle, Alec, Jace, and Simon. Magnus had decided to take a page out of her book and talk to Alec again, which resulted in them...sort of dating. Simon and Isabelle were slowly easing themselves back into a relationship with each other, but they took it one step at a time.
Which then left Jace and Clary. It was remarkable how the beautiful blonde was finally able to admit to the things he said in the hospital and explain the trauma he had suffered. Throughout it all, Clary was absolutely mortified at what her father had done, and the shared experience of being hurt brought them closer together.
Jace had been very upfront with her with his intentions, and he declared that he cared for her deeply. When he found out they were both going to community college together, he couldn't have been happier. Secretly, Clary was glad that she got more time with Jace, because after everything that had happened, she connected with him more than anyone else.
Luke and Raphael were the same as always: protective and supportive of the girl who changed their world. Jocelyn and Luke had made amends, and they two had started progressing to a point where they could start a relationship. As for Raphael, he decided that it was time for him to move on from his auto shop and take the risk of becoming an entrepreneur.
Change was slow, but it was happening.
"Jace, what the hell are you doing?"
Clary was frowning at the boy in front of her, who had showed up to her doorstep drenched from the downpour outside. It was now their junior year of college, and after much consideration, they bought an apartment near the campus and became roommates. To Jace, it was a dream come true, but for Clary, it was a huge step forward in their friendship.
Jace looked at the girl in front of him and felt the world stop; her beauty captivated him so much so that it took his breath away every time he saw her. He shrugged his shoulders sheepishly and smiled at her warmly.
"Clare, I missed you. Yeah, I know spring break was just a couple weeks and we were talking the whole time but...it's not the same as seeing you in person." Jace shook his head like a wet dog and kicked his shoes off before entering the apartment and wrapping her in a hug.
"Jace! You're getting me wet you idiot!" Clary's protests were cut off short as the blonde simply closed the door behind him and carried her inside. She squealed in surprise, and though she hated to admit it, her heart was beating faster at the contact between them.
He put her down in his bedroom and stepped back to look at the girl he loved closely. After all these years, her emerald eyes still shone a brilliant shade of green, and as his attention wandered to her lips, Jace was doing everything he could to hold himself back from kissing her.
Things had gotten very different between them recently. A couple weeks ago, they both celebrated the end of their midterms with a ton of booze. Two bottles of vodka and a couple beers later, they were plastered beyond what they thought was possible. One thing led to another, and they made out before passing out on the sofa cuddled against each other.
When Clary woke up that morning, she screamed so loudly that Jace toppled the couch over from shock. The sight was something she would pay to see again, and when Jace saw the position they were in, his blush rivaled Clary's vibrant hair. Though they had been more affectionate with each other as time went on, it never went far.
Jace was brought back to reality as Clary dragged him to his bed and forced him to sit on the floor. He watched her as she brought a towel out and sat on the edge of the bed, motioning for him to turn around so she could dry his hair. A comfortable silence descended over the two, and when Clary finished, she gently cupped his cheek so that he could look at her.
"I missed you too asshole, and look...there's something we need to talk about." Clary waited as the blonde got up to sit next to her on the bed, and she shifted to look at him in the eye. "I've been thinking about how we made out and honestly, I'd be lying if I said I didn't like it-"
Before she could finish, Jace cupped her face and brought her in for a soft kiss. In a daze, it took moments for Clary to respond, and she hesitantly wrung her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. When they pulled away, he looked at her so intently that she blushed bright red and hid herself in the crook of his neck, missing the outrageous smile that graced Jace's face.
Clary's heart was beating rapidly, and several thoughts crossed her mind as she held on to the man she had grown attached to. I care about Jace, but is dating him the right thing to do? What if he turns his back on me, or what if he just wants sex? After everything that happened...I just can't be intimate right now. Would he be patient with me?
She sighed internally, frustrated with her feelings as the anxiety built up in her. Clary gently removed herself from Jace's arms, and after so much time spent together, he knew something was up.
"Clare? What's wrong?" He was worried, but he knew not to push her. If there was one thing he knew about the redhead, it would be that she wouldn't voice her thoughts very openly, a bad habit that had formed due to her childhood.
"Jace," she said softly, "I care about you a lot, but...I'm scared. I know you were a womanizer in high school and I just can't afford to be broken again...if we're doing this I'm going to be serious about us because I want to believe that you are my person." Clary didn't break eye contact with Jace, but as she waited for a response, she became more nervous.
She jumped in surprise when Jace gently grabbed both of her hands and looked at her affectionately. "It might be to early to say this but...I love you Clary, I love you with every fiber of my being." He tucked a strand of hair behind her head, then looked at her with a look of determination. "You are my person, and I want to be yours. I don't care how long it takes because in the end, when you're by my side, it makes me happy."
Clary could do nothing but look at him in awe, and tears began welling up in her eyes. "Jace," she sniffled, "I want to learn to love you too, but I don't know how it feels like to love someone that way. I want to figure it out, but I need time to heal, so we have to take it really slowly. Is that ok?"
Jace leaned in closer to her, mesmerized by her emerald orbs. "My priority is you, and we can go as slow as you want. You call the shots, and if you ever feel uncomfortable or scared, I'll stop immediately." He was getting teary-eyed, but he didn't break eye contact. "The time I've spent with you changed me for the better Clary. I think before I say something, and I don't lash out like I used to. You helped me open up, you held me while I cried, and most importantly, you healed me. I would do anything to do that for you."
Clary whimpered, and a few tears escaped from her eyes before she threw her arms around Jace. He held her tightly, not wanting to let her go for a second in case he was dreaming. When she began to calm down, Clary wiped her eyes and cupped Jace's cheek hesitantly, causing the blonde to widen his eyes in anticipation.
"Jace," she whispered, "thank you." With that, she leaned in to kiss him, and as she pulled back, her heart felt lighter. Could this be...happiness? Is this what it felt like to feel safe?
They spent the rest of the day in each others arms, and Clary tested out what she was and wasn't comfortable with. She felt embarrassed at first, especially when she didn't know how to tell Jace that she wanted to sleep separately as they had been doing this whole time. However, he simply held her face in his hands with a gentleness she didn't think was possible and assured her that her feelings were valid.
It was getting late, and Clary was ready to sleep. She was leaning into Jace's side as they both watch a random romcom, and she yawned as her eyelids got droopier. After everything that had happened today, she felt hopeful - Clary really felt like this could work out.
Without a warning, Jace scooped her up in his arms bridal style and carried her to her room. Clary didn't have the energy to object, and she tiredly watched as he tucked her in. He kissed her forehead, and as he was about to leave, Clary held his hand back.
"Jace," she said innocently, "what are we now?" He couldn't help the stupid grin that took over his face, causing the redhead to scowl playfully.
"You're my girlfriend...that is, if you're ok with that?" Clary was beaming, and she nodded her head timidly as she snuggled into the sheets. Jace felt like he was on cloud 9, and before he left, he turned to look at the girl he loved. "Good night Clare, I love you."
She was already asleep, and Jace looked at her fondly before closing the door quietly. As he made his way to his own room and got ready to go to bed, he looked up at his ceiling with a smile on his face. "Mom, Dad," he whispered, "I finally found my person."
Let me know what you think! I've decided that this story is coming to an end, so there's probably going to be one or two chapters left to publish. However, if you want me to continue this, I'm open to suggestions! There's no real plot at this point considering how it was wrapped up a few chapters ago, but I would love to hear what you all have to say! If you think I should create a new plot, let me know what you think would make the story better!