He awoke to a strong scent, and a woman bending over him. As his eyes came into focus, he realized that it was Mistress Ivy, holding a strange-smelling herb under his nose. "He's awake," she announced, straightening up.
"How are you feeling, Mr. Crane?" asked Van Tetch, who studied him with a worried expression as Crane slowly sat up, looking around the parlor at Arkham Farm.
"I'm…fine, I think," stammered Crane. "I have a headache, probably from that stuff…"
"It's wormwood," interrupted Ivy. "It's a pain reliever. And I would suggest it's less responsible for your headache than the fact that you hit your head when you dropped suddenly to the floor."
"Yeah, way to faint like a woman there," said J, smiling at him.
"I've witnessed battles and I haven't fainted," said Ivy, glaring at him. "It's not a woman trait – it's a weak-willed trait."
"Yes, how weak of me to be shocked when a man is horribly murdered in front of my eyes," snapped Crane. "Not all of us have developed the apathy toward human suffering that you seem to have."
"Blackfire got what was coming to him," retorted Ivy. "Should have happened a long time ago. I'm not going to pretend to be upset about that."
"No indeed, it appears you aren't upset about anything," retorted Crane. "Particularly the deaths of men."
"The deaths of men who deserve it – no, I'm not," retorted Ivy.
"And did all the victims of the Headless Batman deserve it?" demanded Crane.
"If you're accusing me of something, you'd better just come out and say it," snapped Ivy.
"I have no proof to accuse you of anything," replied Crane. "But don't you think it's a little odd that the Deacon seemed to be deliberately targeted, particularly when he wasn't outside after dark like the Headless Batman's victims usually are? And particularly when he was just about to reveal something regarding the history of the Headless Batman that might explain who's controlling him."
"You think somebody is controlling him?" asked Ivy. She snorted. "And I thought you were meant to be smart."
"How else do you explain the fact that the Headless Batman appeared to have singled out the Deacon for death?" demanded Crane. "I mean, the obvious question is how a man without a head can figure out a way to kill someone inside a church he's not allowed to enter, but why would he go through all that trouble if he weren't specifically after shutting up the Deacon from saying something he shouldn't? He was going to tell me about some conspiracy…"
"Oh, and now we've got conspiracy theories," sighed Ivy, rolling her eyes. "It's amazing how idiotic smart people can be. You're supposed to be able to think critically, but you'll believe anything."
"Yes, living in a town with a headless murderer, I am inclined to believe anything!" shouted Crane. "And I have to believe there's a rational explanation for this!"
"I tried to talk him outta it," said J, shrugging. "Some things just aren't rational. You just gotta accept it – you'll be happier, and you'll live longer."
"Please lower your voices – my daughter is trying to sleep," said Van Tetch. "Which we should all be doing – it's late, and some of us have had a very difficult day. Things will seem better in the morning…"
"No, they won't!" snapped Crane. "My one lead on figuring out this mystery didn't work, and my other lead has just been murdered! And now Mistress Ivy is pretending she doesn't know anything about it…"
"Why would you think I know anything about it?" asked Ivy.
"Nygma implied something of the kind," retorted Crane. "That you'd cast a spell on the Headless Batman's body…"
"I'm not a witch, for the last time!" snapped Ivy. "And I have no idea what happened to the body – I was too busy trying to save the wounded after the battle to worry about the dead! But I did see Nygma poking around the corpses – that's something he never admits in his little pamphlets, how he used to wait until the fighting was over and then rob from the fallen. Maybe go ask him about the body, and if he took anything from the Headless Batman that would cause him to ride through the town searching for it, and kill everyone he encounters in the hope of retrieving it."
"What could he have taken that would be more precious than the man's head?" demanded Crane.
"You'd have to ask one of them," retorted Ivy. "And since the Batman can't tell you, I'd ask Nygma instead."
"He'd lie, though," said J. "A man as delusional as that probably doesn't even know what the truth is anymore."
Crane thought. "Well, we wouldn't necessarily have to ask him," he murmured.
"What are you suggesting?" asked Van Tetch.
"Nothing, I'll…just go home," said Crane, standing up.
"You can't possibly do that – it's still dark," said Van Tetch. "What if the Batman comes back for you? Even the bridge is no longer safe, or so J tells me."
"Yes, I would feel better with a little protection," said Crane, nodding. "Perhaps Mr. J could accompany me?"
"Actually, I feel like hitting the sack…" began J.
"It would be to your benefit to accompany me," said Crane, pointedly.
"And I just told you, I'm tired," replied J, equally pointedly.
"Ok, well, I'm going home," said Ivy, heading for the door. "I only came here in the first place because I thought the Headless Batman was done for tonight having got Blackfire, and for all we know, he could be. Anyway, he's never beheaded a woman, so I think my odds are pretty good. And I have to get back to take care of my plants – I can't leave them alone overnight."
"Maybe she's so confident of her safety because she's actually controlling the Headless Batman after all," said J, after she left.
"Maybe, but I think she was telling the truth about Nygma," said Crane. "We have to find out what he knows…tomorrow," he added, glancing at Van Tetch. "I'm going home now. J, please just see me to my horse."
"I don't know why you can't get your horse yourself," muttered J, as they left the farmhouse and headed for the stable.
"I was trying to hint at you in there – I'm not going home," retorted Crane. "I'm going to break in to Nygma's house while he's sleeping and search it. I thought you'd like to join me – breaking and entering seems like your idea of fun."
"Yeah, it is," agreed J, nodding. "Only I kinda got plans now."
"What possible plans could you have in the middle of the night?" demanded Crane.
"Mr. J!" hissed a voice, and they turned to see Harley waving at them from an upstairs window. "What are you doing outside? I thought you were sneaking up to join me!"
"Aw, I was, pumpkin," said J, smiling at her. "But something's come up. Daddy's gotta do some breaking and entering now – shouldn't take too long, and then I'll be back to take care of my girl."
"Can I come with you?" whispered Harley.
"Well, that's the general idea," replied J. "Come with me, and a few times before…"
"She means can she come with us on the breaking and entering!" interrupted Crane. "God man, get your filthy mind out of the gutter!"
"Oh no, I don't think that would be a good idea, pumpkin pie," said J.
"Why not?" asked Harley. "I can be quiet and discreet, as you well know. And it sounds exciting. I never get any excitement around here, except when you're around, of course."
"Pooh, it's too dangerous…" began J.
"Mr. Crane, please let me accompany you!" pleaded Harley.
"Well, it might not be a bad idea," conceded Crane. "She could be a lookout to make sure Nygma doesn't catch us. And if it's true that the Batman doesn't attack women, he might leave us alone if she accompanies us."
He didn't add that any time spent with Harley was time she wasn't spending alone with J – maybe Crane could win the competition for her hand yet the more time he spent with her.
J sighed. "Fine," he muttered. "All right, sweets, come to Daddy!" he said, holding open his arms under her window.
"Don't be silly – she can't jump…" began Crane, but he was cut off as Harley did just that, leaping out of the window and landing in J's arms.
"Somebody's got a problem with trust," commented J, as he turned to smile at Crane. "But it ain't Harley. Come on, toots, let's get saddled up! But don't get too excited just because we're in a barn together – we don't wanna embarrass Craney again!" he chuckled.
Crane rolled his eyes and followed them into the stable. Maybe bringing Harley along wasn't such a good idea after all.