"She's so ugly. I want a different one Mama, one that's pretty."
"Petunia Violetta Evans! Leave your baby sister alone. You cannot exchange her or get rid of her in any way so you will just have to get used to her. I don't know why you have such a problem with her, but she is your sister and part of your family, so if you are determined not to love her at least be civil towards her until you do."
What the hell? Yeah that was pretty much my first thought in my second life. Of course, it took a while to realise that. And then some.
See, I didn't actually realise that I was dead for about a week. Probably because I literally felt nothing and just thought I blacked out and was having a weird dream. Then I remembered the car that hit me and realised that I was dead. Yeah, biggest tantrum they ever saw from me. Thank goodness they chalked it up to me being a baby. Oh hold up, I haven't even introduced my self yet have I?
Okay, rewind. My name is (was) Cathy Holt. I was training to be a surgeon, had a lovely boyfriend blah blah blah. Perfect life. If I'm going to be honest, it was fucking boring. Boring sex, boring uni course, boring kissing, boring pizza, boring family, boring boyfriend, boring life. The only interesting thing in my life was my books. Specifically fantasy books. Like Harry Potter. Yeah I know, typical cliche self-insert fanfic. I read my fair share of those. OC gets killed, is reborn as someone fabululously powerful and beautiful and related to a main character, changes the Wizarding World according to their whim, ends up with the person of their dreams. All I can say is, they forgot to mention how bloody boring being a baby is. And a toddler and a child. I'm a trainee surgeon, with under-graduate degrees in music, medieval history and english literature, I was a bloody genius. Almost. No matter my degree of intelligence, going from a mentally fulfilling, not really, uni course to lying in a cot for hours is not fun for anyone. Like, at all.
Anyway, back to the screwed up events from my clichè shitty fanfiction life. And my wonderful new older sister.
"But she's so ugly and doesn't do anything. It wouldn't be that hard just to get rid of her Mum." Yep, that's her. Whiny high-pitched voice, blue eyes, blond hair and a neck the size of a giraffe. I might be slightly biased against the six year old who is constantly advocating for my removal from the face of the earth.
"Petunia! Go to your room at once! You can return when you are no longer plotting for your sister's murder." That's my new mum. Cadmia Evans neè Verl. She's quite scary sometimes and fiercely protective of her children, even when it's against one of them. I heard my new dad say that she's like an elf from Tolkien, with her red hair and pale skin and how beautiful she is. I think she's more like an avenging angel, with how her hair is like blood and her skin like bone and her eyes like how I imagine the Killing Curse. I love her.
"Cadmia, calm down. Tunia's just jealous, she'll settle down soon enough." And there is the last member of my new family. My dad, Pluto Marius Evans. Mum says he's like a Numenorean (yeah my new parents are obsessed with Middle Earth) and I'm just wondering why Petunia looks so little like my parents. Well, my dad has blond hair like his dad, but he has silver eyes like his mum and a whole different air to his sulky oldest daughter. I'm biased towards the parents who love me and against the sister who loathes me, I'm a horrible person.
I don't know what I look like though, so that's a mystery to be solved in the next few days. Have I told you my new name? I don't think I have. Sorry, at least I have better manners than most babies. My new name is Ianthe (short for Iolanthe, because my mum's family has certain names that they are given) Venus (my dad's family loves planets and stuff, well from his mum's side that is) Evans. Eight months, one week, four days and seven hours old.